The Town of Murdo, South Dakota is buzzing about the two local candidates for President. Rather than go with the establishment Democrat (Donkeys), and Republican (Elephants), they have both chosen to break away and makeup their own tickets. Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife is a candidate representing the American Lone Wolf party, and Murdo girl, is running on the American Coyote party ticket.
Now for the platforms. Truthfully, they are both still trying to find their message. Murdo girl has campaigned to increase the local tourist trade by relocating all the Wall Drug signs so they direct traffic to Murdo drug, whose name has been changed to Murdo Wall Drug. The establishment offers free ice water in the winter, and warmish water in the summer. They do provide free over-ripe lemons donated by Sanderson’s store year round. If they run out, they promised to offer the Wall Murdo Drug a good deal on the lemon juice that you squeeze out of the plastic lemon. The other idea Murdo Girl has pushed through with the aid of the Queen, is to change the name of the Murdo Water Towers, to Murdo Girl Tower. (Just one so far. They’re working on $ to paint the 2nd tower.) The objective is to take an arrow from The Donald’s quill, and see if she can duplicate the celebrity that The Donald has experienced with his Trump Tower. It’s all about name recognition right? All the issues Murdo Girl has found solutions for are currently in litigation, but isn’t everything these days?
On the Lone Wolf ticket, Barney Fife has been somewhat occupied fighting crime. He is working a big case currently that could put Murdo on a bigger political map. Apparently there is a gun thief in our midst. Unfortunately, they took Barney’s gun and hid it under Otis Campbell’s hat which was hanging beside the cell next to the keys. There is an ongoing investigation, which I guess means Deputy Fife can’t talk about it until the perp is in custody.
The other question that you might be asking yourself is..How are either of these candidates going to win over the whole Nation if neither one of them ever leaves Murdo? Well here’s your answer silly people…Don’t you know? There’s Murdo and then there’s Whatever. That’s it. That’s all this Nation needs to know. Now go make yourself a T-shirt that says that.
This is the State of Murdo as the story continues
The Murdo Coyote Newspaper offices
Janie to Tommy: Well, it looks like we hired that new reporter just in time? I sure hope she can get us some good copy on the Gun Ghost. That’s what everybody is calling the potential perp. Here she comes now.
Well look who just crawled out from under one of Lav’s rocks.
Yram Sicnarf: Morning bosses! I’m chomping at the bit to get out there and uncover some dirt from under all those rocks. I happen to have some first hand knowledge that missy prissy Murdo Girl was someway involved with the pilfering of pistol packing Barney Fife’s pistol. (Wow, say that 3 times real fast.) I happened to be present at a meeting at the Murdo Girl campaign Headquarters. That was before I got semi-canned. Anyway, I heard some very incriminating statements. Here boss, take a look. She passes her notepad to Janie. Murdo Girl interrupted Jerry as he was talking about selling a battery operated nose hair clipper to Otis and these were her exact words.
The following words are the exact words spoken by Murdo Girl
Murdo Girl: (Interrupting Jerry) Thanks for the report Jerry, but Otis did a good job for us yesterday, and we don’t want to take advantage. Thanks to Otis, Deputy Sheriff and Lone Wolf candidate for POTUS, is in for a liiitle bitty surprise. Geez Jerry, slow down on the potato chips.
Janie: Not exactly a blubbering confession Yram, but see what you can do with it. Oh, and kinda sweet talk that Photographic Drawer named Sherri. Teresa, the liaison, is letting her draw a few photographs for us. Also, some fool is still hauling those boxes of rocks over there in a little red wagon. See what that’s about.
Murdo Girl : Talking to A I (Aggressive Informant). You saw Barney’s gun?? Get out a here. What would Barney Fife’s gun be doing hanging on a nail underneath Otis’s hat? Who do you think hid it there? Wait just a minute. Otis is hanging out with Lav. She’s been off on some tangent hauling boxes of rocks. Says she’s going to write Murdo Girl on them and lay them all over town. I’m just letting her do it. It’s better than some of her ideas. Why do you suppose old Otis is following her around?
A I: Well, MG, when I saw him, he looked as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I gotta git.. Just wanted to do my aggressive informant duties and inform you. I tried to find out more, but poor Barney had been crying real bad, so I backed off. I’ll just keep my ear to the ground. That is if I can find any ground without a rock on it.
“Well I saw this thing coming out of the sky it had a one big horn and a one big eye. I was just a shakin with a misery..It looked like a purple people eater to me.”
Will someone please find out who the Gun Ghost is? I can’t stand this much longer?! Will the answer be in someone’s notebook marked classified? Will there be a pressing press conference? Will Otis remember anything? Will Lav ask the photographic drawer to paint MG on rocks and everything else she can find? Will A I and Yram duke it out over who informs and reports? Will the Queen quit fooling around and learn the official campaign song,” I did it My Way?”
All this and more…eventually.