My name is Tammy and Murdo Girl used to babysit me and my sisters. I was going to get up here and tell you all about the time I forced someone to take me to the Chalet Motel because I needed to talk to Murdo Girl. Her Mom and Dad owned the motel and Murdo Girl was working there that night renting rooms. Anyway, I thought about telling you how I cried and begged for her to come and take care of us because, well, just because she’s a lot more fun than my aunt who was supposed to take care of us for a few days. I guess I shouldn’t tell you that Murdo Girl said no…(The convention delegates gasp.) She said she couldn’t come with me. Someone finally tore me out of her arms and drug me away. I was yelling, “Please Murdo Girl!”
I have been traumatized by that incident my whole life. Because she told me no, I have been afraid to ask people for favors. I had to be forcefully removed from Mrs. Iverson’s music class. I keep having the same nightmares about being sent away…
Two other girls have entered the Harold Thune Auditorium and are walking toward the platform poor little Tammy is standing on.
First Girl: Hold up Tammy.. My name is Karen and I’m Tammy’s sister. She was adopted.
Second Girl: I’m Kim, Karen and Tammy’s sister. Actually, Murdo Girl recently told Tammy she wasn’t adopted and ruined all our lives. Karen and I tried really hard to make Tammy think she was somebody else’s kid. We took her baby pictures out of all the albums. We left the ones of all of us wearing identical dresses. Well, Karen and I were. Tammy had to wear all of our dresses out; first mine then Karen’s. She never did catch up. In all the pictures, it looks like she has the same dress on for years.
Lav jumps up, points at her watch and yells: “Your minutes have expired! My turn now!”
Several conventioneers tried to calm things down, but it was too late. The moment had passed. It could never be recaptured. Murdo Girl had been portrayed by a precious little girl as a mean babysitter. Who’s idea was it anyway to have a kid talk at a convention? Tammy’s cute, but she’s no Ivanka Trump or Chelsea Clinton. Well, I’ll have to say Tammy is much cuter than Chelsea and I’m sure she’ll be more beautiful than Ivanka when she grows up. She’s pretty smart too.
Karen: Tammy is making way too much of this. She got back at Marilyn Iverson by going to her husband Bob’s birthday party dressed like Dolly Parton. It was pretty funny when her strategically placed “balloons”started leaking water while Tammy was singing 9 to 5.
Kim: Murdo Girl is really a nice person. The only bad thing she did that I know of is when she gave Don Edwards Ex-lax and told him it was a candy bar. He was working at our Dean’s Philip’s 66 Station at the time and we had to get someone to take over his shift. (He thought it was just gas.)
Kim: I like Murdo Girl too. She didn’t do anything when I broke my guitar. Even though I broke it over her friend’s head.
A I comes forward…everyone is thinking now what?
A I: I think we’ve all heard enough girls. I had a feeling something like this was going to happen, so I did some aggressive background checking. What I found out will discredit every bad word they have said about you Murdo Girl. A I turns to face the three convention crashers. They’re all… GRAVE DIGGERS! Tammy’s son is a MONSTER truck driver!!
Tammy Lindquist Van Dam, Kim Lindquist Deuter, Tammy’s son, Professional Monster Truck Driver, Cole Venard, Karen Lindquist, and another Aunt I don’t know.
C of the CCC:( Chairperson of the Coyote County Convention), Well, CC of CCC (Co-Chair). Now what do we do?
CC of CCC: I think we should drop the balloons, hope they don’t leak, and sing “Oh here’s for Murdo Girl.”
And so, the first night of the Coyote County Convention ends. What will tomorrow bring? Will Lav roll her minutes over, or use them to make her speech, “Who are the Coyotes?” Will the delegates turn against Murdo Girl? Will Sherri get the picture? Will the Town Cryer please stop Crying? Will Jerry get the queen to give up some dough? What will the Murdo Coyote Newspaper print?