Those 70ish Girls

I’m on my way to Pearl the human’s house. It’s Saturday and it’s nice outside, so I’m going to take Pearl the dog on a longer walk. We might even go south of Highway 16 and see what the cousins are doing today.

“Hi, Pearl…I’m here are you?”

“Yes, I’m in the bedroom, but I’ll be right out. I’m trying on some of the things I ordered from Penney’s. I’m turning over a new leaf, Essie. You are going to see a new Pearl emerge and you, young lady, are going to help me do it.”

Pretty soon, Pearl came sashaying out of her room. Well… I could have looked at the J.C. Penney’s Catalog for a month and never picked that outfit as something Pearl would wear. She did have a pretty good explanation, though.

“Since I failed miserably at quitting the air cigarettes I’ve decided in order to stave off their harmful effects, I’m going to get buffed up. I plan to undertake a strenuous exercise regimen. See, I even have tennis shoes on. And these are the first pair of denim trousers I have ever owned. Give me a minute to change into my stretching outfit. It’s really important to do a series of stretches before working out.

“I’ll do this one today and another one tomorrow,” she said. “There…now give me a moment to change into my outside workout clothes and I’ll be ready to go. Do you think we’ll power walk or jog? I need to know what kind of jacket I should wear? Do you think it will rain, Essie?”

“I took some of my bracelets off. I don’t want to carry too much weight on my first day. The key is to increase weight lifting gradually, over time. I’ve decided I had better wear a heavier coat. I’ll be just a minute.”

By this time, Pearl the dog and I were both crossing our legs.

We almost got to the bottom the stairs and Pearl said, “Well, I’d say we did pretty well for the first day, wouldn’t you? I feel so good, too, don’t you, Essie? Just as in all things, it makes a huge difference when you have the right clothes. How many times a week do you think I should do this, Essie? I can already tell I’m going to need more outfits.”

I was just happy that Pearl the dog and I still had time to go south of Highway 16. Pearl said she was going to drink hot tea with lemon to replenish her body of necessary nutrients, and look at her exercise book.

Pearl said she’s going to do this one several times a day. It probably won’t help her wrinkles. I think it looks like someone smoking air cigarettes.