Those 70ish Girls

Yram Sicnarf is on her way back to Gun Barrel City. Her reasons are simple, but then Yram is simple. She hasn’t snagged any bigshot interviews in Murdo for months. That last one with Dean Lindquist pretty much nipped her budding career in the bud. I mean, it’s pretty impossible to get a good interview when you have to stay 500 feet from the interviewee. Well, at least there are no restraining orders against her around Gun Barrel…at least not yet!.

Though she doesn’t have an appointment, (it usually works out better that way), Yram follows the directions to the address she was given by some guy at the Church by the name of Jube. Yram wondered why he uttered these words as he handed her the folded slip of paper.

“Heed my words, crack-up reporter. Don’t park behind her.” Then he grabbed her arm and said, “And don’t park in front of her, or beside her, either. Maybe you should walk from here!”

Yram thought Jube was kidding around with her, but as she drove up Church Lady’s street, she noticed there were no cars, anywhere. The only sign anyone had even been on the street was a broken up statue of an Eagle and several for sale signs.

Yram, not being one to walk very far, parked in the driveway, right behind the Church Lady’s car. She got out of her vehicle, walked up to the front door, and rang the doorbell. Minutes later, a lovely lady with a big smile on her face, opened the door.

“Come on in,” she said. “I’ll make some coffee and cook a big breakfast! Are you related to Murdo Girl? Except for the yellow hair, you look a lot like her.”

“Everyone says that, but my teeth are whiter. My name is Yram and I’m a crack-up reporter. I’m from here, but I went to Murdo, SD to advance my career. I came back.”

Church Lady: What can I do for you, Ymam? I have to get to the church in a few minutes. I left too late the other day, and knocked that big eagle over. Oh well, there’s another one right beside it. One is enough, I’d say.

Yram: Please call me Yram. Ymam was my mother. Say, that bacon smells good! I can take it with me if you have to leave before I eat it. I’m parked behind you, so I’ll have to move my car.

Church Lady: That won’t be necessary Ywhatever, I’ll just take the ditch. Say…did that policeman who mistakenly said I was speeding to Church send you over here to investigate me? This can’t go in the paper. I don’t want to put the choir in a bad light. I have cinnamon rolls, too!

Yram: Well if you insist…Oh my, they look homemade. Listen, Church Lady, we’re going to have to talk about another interest of yours, so we don’t have to leave the choir in the dark. What else do you like to do besides speed?

Church Lady: Well, music is my life, but I’m also a belonger. If there’s a meeting somewhere, I’m in! I moved a lot closer to the Church, but I still speed to get there. Oh, and I judge things, like pies at the Texas State Fair, awards show performances, fashion shows. Wherever something is happening, I’m there! Now grab your food and let’s go. Your coming to the Church with me. I want you to meet our choir, and of course Lance…..and and and…. We all need a good preacher in our lives. Do you sing alto? Can you put a hat on that yellow hair? I’ll take you to a couple of places and we’ll find you something you’ll love.

Yram: What’s that noise? It sounds like a siren. Is that a policeman behind us? I don’t need anymore trouble.

The Church Lady screeches to stop and a policeman walks up to the car.

Yram: Please don’t tell me you have a restraining order!

Policeman: Heck no! I can see you have your seat belt on. Mrs. Church Lady, follow me. I’ll make sure everyone’s safe while you drive to Church.

Yram: I’ll be able to say hi to Jube and tell him I get it!

Church Lady: You’ll see all five of them.