Those 70ish Girls

I’m on my way to The Busy Nest. We’ve been really busy since Pearl started putting cornstarch in her Elixerfixer and calling it new and improved. All the women are buying it and losing weight. The cornstarch and hot water thickens in their stomach and makes them feel full. But no one, I mean no one knows the Elixerfixer formula, and they are buying that stuff like there’s no tomorrow.

“Hi Grace, hi Pearl, I’m here, are you?”

Grace: I’m here, but Pearl had to go on another Red Owl run. We’re down to only four bottles of Elixerfixer and just look at that line-up of women outside the door. There’s likely to be a real dust-up if Pearl doesn’t get back soon and formulate some more. I think I hear her coming in the back way.

Pearl: I’m back! I’ll get busy in the formulation room and you two can open the door and give those ladies a number.

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Well, our success was short lived. That very day, Mack’s Cafe had a roast beef and mashed potatoes with lots of gravy, special. That gravy hit all that cornstarch and hot water in the ladie’s stomachs and they all felt like they’d swallowed twenty pounds of concrete. They feared they’d been poisoned by the beef. The real dramatic ones were sure they were knocking on death’s door. Doc Brown was called to the scene and it wasn’t long before the Doc, followed by twelve sick women came marching over to The Busy Nest. We saw them coming and could tell they all had their knickers in a twist.

Pearl pinched her cheeks, put on her lipstick, straightened her shoulders and met them all at the door.

Pearl: Why Doc Brown, what an unexpected pleasure, and my goodness, you brought some ladies with you. Welcome to The Busy Nest.

Grace: Pearl, don’t you recognize these ladies? They were just in here to buy new bottles of Elixerfixer.

Doc Brown: So I’ve been told. It seems all of these ladies took their dose of your famous elixer shortly before eating Mack’s Cafe’s special, consisting of roast beef with mashed potatoes and lots of gravy.

Grace: Do they make their gravy with cornstarch?

Pearl: Grace, dear, would you mind going to get the mail?

Doc: I was looking at the very fine print on the back of the label and it just says it’s made with all natural ingredients. Would you mind telling me what they are?

Pearl: Certainly…I travel many miles to purchase the greatly sought after freshly distilled spring water it contains.

Grace: It’s the kind you put in your steam iron so it won’t clog up.

Pearl: Grace, the mail! I add a very carefully measured amount of extract from the endosperm of corn, li’mon juice from a small producer in Arizona, and mother’s apple cider vinegar. Believe me, it’s a very precise combination.

Grace: Can you believe we can get all that stuff in Pierre at The Red Owl Store?

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Well, Doc Brown happened to know that extract from the endosperm of corn was cornstarch and concluded, when followed with hot water, it would swell up in the stomach enough without adding a good amount of gravy to it.

Those ladies were bound up for a week and our new and improved Elixerfixer sat on the shelf and thickened.

I can’t wait to see what Pearl comes up with next. She’s a good idea person.