Those 70ish Girls

If you have ever been to the gym or physical therapy, some trainers have crazy names for certain exercises or stretches. For instance, I usually do a floor exercise called the Dead Bug. It’s hard to explain let alone carry out but the other day I was trying to do 15 reps of 3 sets and I hurt myself. As I lay there saying ouch and some other cool words a few times, thinking about a possible scenario if I had to see a doctor, this came to mind.

“Doctor, I was trying to do 15 reps of the Dead Bug on the floor and hurt myself,” I would say.

“You mean you were on the floor after going after it and stomping on a dead bug?” the doctor might reply.

“No, I was exercising doing the Dead Bug and I think maybe I pulled a muscle. It hurts.”

“So is this bug dead? Were you trying to kill this bug? Did it hurt you?”

“No, Doctor. I was just lying down on my back with my knees bent and my arms straight up and doing the Dead Bug,” I explained.

“Ohhh, the dead bug is a dance!” this doctor might counter. “Or is it a Yoga pose?”

I was done trying to explain, in my imaginary meeting with this ghost doctor. I next would tell him or her about other exercises I knew.

“Doctor, I’m 70ish and trying to regularly exercise and I do a series of things like Cat Cows, Donkey Kicks, Clam Shells and the Bird Dog,” I informed him, like I knew what I was talking about.

The doctor would firmly say, “Here’s a prescription for pain. Next time don’t come see me. See a veterinarian!”

You know when we hit the 70’s in age, there are many things we need to face and experience especially regarding our health, not just exercising.

I went to the eye doctor last week finally. I hadn’t been to get my eyes checked for four years. The pandemic had kept me away plus a large dose of procrastination plus fears of facing the truth about my failing, fuzzy, unclear vision. Was I ready to see what was on line four at Dr. Lester’s office? Was I ready to take all those tests of my peripheral vision, recognize dots that move around on a field of white, have lights flashed in my eyes and answer questions challenging which letters I could see?

“Here’s one, here’s two. Which is clearer- one – click – or two? Click. One or two? Can you read any of those?”

“They both look pretty similar,” I replied to the doctor. I had to look through these lenses with a contraption pushed up against my eyes and nose. It was kinda like wearing a Halloween mask without the fun. He continued to project lines of letters all of which didn’t spell one darn word.

“Okay, here’s three, and four. Which is sharper, not just darker, but clearer?” He kept asking me this as he projected the lines of letters over and over. “Three or four?” Was that one a capital B or an 8? I’m not even sure there were numbers mixed in and why did some lines look like secret codes spies would use? I got more and more confused. Couldn’t they just flash lines of song lyrics or something fun to read instead of random letters? Jokes would work for me. Who writes this stuff? Probably some retired first grade teacher who studied the alphabet in reverse then got vindictive and threw in some numbers here and there.

Obviously I wasn’t passing these tests which is understandable because I hadn’t studied. When we were almost finished, the eye doctor exclaimed as he shone a tiny light into my eye and told me to look past his ear. “Oh my! Yup. It’s a cataract cloudy and thick. No wonder you cannot see out of your right eye very well.”

He said the other eye wasn’t as bad but I would need to go have cataract surgery on both and then return in a couple months for new glasses. He went over certain other tests and explained the anatomy of the eye which I sure hope he doesn’t test me on because I was getting pretty tired by then and would fail that also or maybe pull off a D-.

I was like a happy kid walking or rather skipping out of there into freedom and a chance I wouldn’t have anymore tests for some time. The questions had been tough and the exams were long, but the point is: get tested and see your doctors. It is important. Don’t be like me and put it off. So keep exercising and get your eyes checked regularly. Thank goodness for great health, experienced doctors, veterinarians and yoga instructors. Down dog!

BUT WE DO NOT LIKE VETERINARIANS.