It’s the day of the Espressofest and there’s good news and a teenie weenie little bit of bad news. Even though the Murdoites weren’t that crazy about espresso, they did seem to enjoy the Folgers dark brew with a touch of nondairy powdered creamer and sugar…lots and lots of sugar, which brings me to the bad news. Many of the town’s older folks experienced heart palpitations that drove them to distraction. I mean the Brewster Buster Booth ran out of cots an hour into the festivities. The caffeine overload and low blood sugar attacks were like forces of evil infiltrating what should have been a fun time for all.
They had to air flight 2 people. Well, don’t catch me lying here. A I managed to put Air force minus one down on Haug Land and picked up the two attendees who were hyperventilating the most. She just circled the field a couple of times and set it back down. She didn’t have enough fuel to get to Pierre to the hospital and fly the Murdo Girl Banner around. The pressurised cockpit must have done the trick because the two de-planed and walked off under their own power.
Tell them to let go of the banner. It goes behind Air Force -1..Please do not let Lav fly the plane.
The coffee cake walk started out good. Some folks managed to “walk it off,” but it would have helped if the winners hadn’t let the victory go to their heads along with the sugar and the caffeine. Some of the Murdo ladies worked hard on those coffee cakes. The idea was to walk in a circle until the music stopped. If you landed on a square that said, “Cake,” You won a cake. I fail to see why anyone would want to cheat, but nevertheless, when the song, “Na Na Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye” stopped, someone anticipated and stopped one Na short. A cake throwing fight broke out, and that was the end of that.
Meanwhile, The Brick House team has bigger problems. Yram decided to do one of her crack up interviews. Thank you Jerry for saving the day. Here’s what happened.
Yram: Jerry..come here. I need your help. I want to snag an interview with the field’s namesake, Mr. Haugland. I’ve spent my life in therapy because he impugned me during basketball practice..
Jerry: I thought you spent your whole life in therapy because of Mr. Thune, Mrs. Peters, and the Coach. Wasn’t that Murdo Girl who was in therapy? I thought you were from Texas. What does impugned mean?
Yram: Don’t you ever read the dictionary Jerry? It means to cast doubt upon. He cast doubt upon my athletic prowess and everyone looked at me differently after that. I mean Murdo Girl must have felt that way. I identify with her a lot.
Jerry: Really? What does prowess mean Yram?
Yram: Oh for goodness sake Jerry. It means skill, expertise, mastery, aptitude, dexterity and stuff like that. Now come on, I see the object of our stealth (which means surreptitiousness, which means sneakiness), standing under the goal post that bares his name..Perfecto!!
Jerry: Perfecto! Finally a word I can understand. Who is that other guy standing next to him?
Yram: I don’t know, but I’m sure my leading questions will reveal his identity. (Yram yells and whistles.) “MR. HAUGLAND! WHEOWHIT!!” My name is Yram Sicnarf and I’m a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, TX. Our motto is “We Shoot Straight!” Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
Mr. Haugland: Never mind the questions, do you know who put this sign up on the goal post?
Yram: Assuming he is pleased with the recognition Murdo has given him by the Haugh Land Field Declaration Proclamation, Yram smiles and nods.
Mr. Haugland: I’m offended, very offended, and nobody likes to offend me, because they know I don’t take offensiveness well.. unless it’s coaching the offense during a girl’s basketball game. You might shoot straight Miss, although you look more like the air ball type to me.. You spelled my name wrong..There is an H in that sign. It doesn’t belong there. Are you sure you weren’t on my team? I just had a flashback..Yes you had a 1 on your uniform.
Yram: She’s not me. I mean I’m not me. I’m just someone I identify with.
Jerry: I had nothing to do with it Mr. Haugland. I’m not a girl and I don’t even like girl’s basketball. It’s lame, really lame!
Mr. Haugland: Well kid, at least you spelled my name correctly. Now if you will excuse me, I’m going over to crown the winner of the crown competition.
Yram: To the guy still standing there..Wow! He was brutal! I noticed you’ve been standing under this goal post for a few days now. Who are you and why are you here?
Man under the Goal Post: I’m a past Murdo football player. I’m here to tend my goal. I’m goaltending. Oh wait..that’s basketball. Darn..I’m going to watch the crown contest with Mr. Haug Land. See ya!
Jerry: That guy’s a dead ringer for DM.
Is there going to be fireworks?
Yram: Geez..Murdo Girl is going to be upset with a capital U..It will take all the money we made today to put up a new sign.
Jerry: I think that is stupendous with a capital S. I won’t have to count the money. I get tired of counting bean money, tax money, and Espressofest money. I miss the old days when I just had to walk around with a bank bag. I never did have any money in there, but everybody thought I was doing a great job.
Yram: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jerry. What does stupendous mean? I don’t remember reading about it in the dictionary. Never mind. I’ll come with you to the crown contest.
The whole Coyote team was at the crown contest. It was the absolute highlight of the Espressofest. The display of crowns was spectacular! Everyone was so excited when the judges handed the envelope to Murdo Girl. At last the winner would be announced.
Murdo Girl: Smiles as she opens the envelope. Her smile turns into a frown. People gather closer and closer..What? It appears the envelope doesn’t contain the long awaited results..Murdo Girl hands it to Yram. What does it say, she asks?
Yram: It’s another restraining order..I can’t go within 500 ft. of Mr. Haugland with just 1 capital H… or his sign.
Well that just took the wind out of everybody’s sales. The luster left. The excitement faded like the setting sun.
Murdo Girl: Let’s all take a little coffee break before we announce the Crown Contest winner. TC..will you please Town Cry and roundup a ride back to the Brick House for Yram? Hopefully you’ll be able to find someone who doesn’t have a restraining order against her.
Look for the crown contest winners in The Murdo Coyote Sunday Edition