It’s the day of the Espressofest and there’s good news and a teenie weenie little bit of bad news. Even though the Murdoites weren’t that crazy about espresso, they did seem to enjoy the Folgers dark brew with a touch of nondairy powdered creamer and sugar…lots and lots of sugar, which brings me to the bad news. Many of the town’s older folks experienced heart palpitations that drove them to distraction. I mean the Brewster Buster Booth ran out of cots an hour into the festivities. The caffeine overload and low blood sugar attacks were like forces of evil infiltrating what should have been a fun time for all.

They had to air flight 2 people. Well, don’t catch me lying here. A I managed to put Air force minus one down on Haug Land and picked up the two attendees who were hyperventilating the most. She just circled the field a couple of times and set it back down. She didn’t have enough fuel to get to Pierre to the hospital and fly the Murdo Girl Banner around. The pressurised cockpit must have done the trick because the two de-planed and walked off under their own power.

Tell them to let go of the banner. It goes behind Air Force -1..Please do not let Lav fly the plane.

The coffee cake walk started out good. Some folks managed to “walk it off,” but it would have helped if the winners hadn’t let the victory go to their heads along with the sugar and the caffeine. Some of the Murdo ladies worked hard on those coffee cakes. The idea was to walk in a circle until the music stopped. If you landed on a square that said, “Cake,” You won a cake. I fail to see why anyone would want to cheat, but nevertheless, when the song, “Na Na Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye” stopped, someone anticipated and stopped one Na short. A cake throwing fight broke out, and that was the end of that.

Meanwhile, The Brick House team has bigger problems. Yram decided to do one of her crack up interviews. Thank you Jerry for saving the day. Here’s what happened.

Yram: Jerry..come here. I need your help. I want to snag an interview with the field’s namesake, Mr. Haugland. I’ve spent my life in therapy because he impugned me during basketball practice..

Jerry: I thought you spent your whole life in therapy because of Mr. Thune, Mrs. Peters, and the Coach. Wasn’t that Murdo Girl who was in therapy? I thought you were from Texas. What does impugned mean?

Yram: Don’t you ever read the dictionary Jerry? It means to cast doubt upon. He cast doubt upon my athletic prowess and everyone looked at me differently after that. I mean Murdo Girl must have felt that way. I identify with her a lot.

Jerry: Really? What does prowess mean Yram?

Yram: Oh for goodness sake Jerry. It means skill, expertise, mastery, aptitude, dexterity and stuff like that. Now come on, I see the object of our stealth (which means surreptitiousness, which means sneakiness), standing under the goal post that bares his name..Perfecto!!

Jerry: Perfecto! Finally a word I can understand. Who is that other guy standing next to him?

Yram: I don’t know, but I’m sure my leading questions will reveal his identity. (Yram yells and whistles.) “MR. HAUGLAND! WHEOWHIT!!” My name is Yram Sicnarf and I’m a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, TX. Our motto is “We Shoot Straight!” Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

Mr. Haugland: Never mind the questions, do you know who put this sign up on the goal post?

Yram: Assuming he is pleased with the recognition Murdo has given him by the Haugh Land Field Declaration Proclamation, Yram smiles and nods.

Mr. Haugland: I’m offended, very offended, and nobody likes to offend me, because they know I don’t take offensiveness well.. unless it’s coaching the offense during a girl’s basketball game. You might shoot straight Miss, although you look more like the air ball type to me.. You spelled my name wrong..There is an H in that sign. It doesn’t belong there. Are you sure you weren’t on my team? I just had a flashback..Yes you had a 1 on your uniform.

Yram: She’s not me. I mean I’m not me. I’m just someone I identify with.

Jerry: I had nothing to do with it Mr. Haugland. I’m not a girl and I don’t even like girl’s basketball. It’s lame, really lame!

Mr. Haugland: Well kid, at least you spelled my name correctly. Now if you will excuse me, I’m going over to crown the winner of the crown competition.

Yram: To the guy still standing there..Wow! He was brutal! I noticed you’ve been standing under this goal post for a few days now. Who are you and why are you here?

Man under the Goal Post: I’m a past Murdo football player. I’m here to tend my goal. I’m goaltending. Oh wait..that’s basketball. Darn..I’m going to watch the crown contest with Mr. Haug Land. See ya!

Jerry: That guy’s a dead ringer for DM.

Is there going to be fireworks?

Yram: Geez..Murdo Girl is going to be upset with a capital U..It will take all the money we made today to put up a new sign.

Jerry: I think that is stupendous with a capital S. I won’t have to count the money. I get tired of counting bean money, tax money, and Espressofest money. I miss the old days when I just had to walk around with a bank bag. I never did have any money in there, but everybody thought I was doing a great job.

Yram: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jerry. What does stupendous mean? I don’t remember reading about it in the dictionary. Never mind. I’ll come with you to the crown contest.

The whole Coyote team was at the crown contest. It was the absolute highlight of the Espressofest. The display of crowns was spectacular! Everyone was so excited when the judges handed the envelope to Murdo Girl. At last the winner would be announced.

They Hit

Murdo Girl: Smiles as she opens the envelope. Her smile turns into a frown. People gather closer and closer..What? It appears the envelope doesn’t contain the long awaited results..Murdo Girl hands it to Yram. What does it say, she asks?

Yram: It’s another restraining  order..I can’t go within 500 ft. of Mr. Haugland with just 1 capital H… or his sign.

Well that just took the wind out of everybody’s sales. The luster left. The excitement faded like the setting sun.

Murdo Girl: Let’s all take a little coffee break before we announce the Crown Contest winner. TC..will you please Town Cry and roundup a ride back to the Brick House for Yram? Hopefully you’ll be able to find someone who doesn’t have a restraining order against her.

Look for the crown contest winners in The Murdo Coyote Sunday Edition

The town of Murdo is buzzing about the upcoming Espressofest. Actually, they’re buzzed because of all the jitter juice they’ve been consuming. You see, the main attraction at the event will be the “Espresso Brew Off” at Haug Land. It’s our High School football field, and it’s named after our former Superintendent, Mr. Haugland. It’s pretty nice out there now. They  filled in the 3 ft. deep cracks in the ground, planted some grass, and put up a second goal post. It’s a good thing. Before, both teams had to run West and it caused a lot of confusion and strife. 

This is going to be the most fun ever, and that’s saying something for a Murdo Brick House event. We also needed a Brick House fundraiser. The tax money Lav and Treason earned at Sanderson’s Store is gone. Not only that, Lav and the gang got evicted from the rooms above the store. One of their poker games got busted while they were on Brick House arrest. They thought as long as they were in a house they were okay, but they were supposed to be at the Brick House. It’s a long story, but it seems another, more respectable family has moved in anyway, so there’s no going back.

One of the other main events will be the Crown Contest. Anyone can enter. You don’t even have to be royalty. The Queen has posted an “Order of Royalty” sign, which tells you just how royal you are, but that’s just FYI.

There are three judges including the Queen. They have been cautioned not to consider the value of the crown. We don’t want to know. The Brick House gets to keep all the crowns as part of their take..I mean donations. It’s all “not for profit,” because we don’t want to have any tax troubles, which could keep the money tied up for years. This was the advice of our new Lawyer Gentril. That’s an Attorney General who can’t pass the bar. Ours turns into the Buffalo every time he goes by, but at least we know where to find him.

Other events will be the coffee cake walk, and the bean eating contest. The latter was going to be followed by a chili cook off, but wiser heads prevailed. The amount of Beano and Tums we would have to buy to neutralize all the after effects, would put a big hole in the proceeds. If we didn’t provide the antacids, we fear there might be some big holes blown in “other things.” It’s one of those no win(d) situations.

Let’s head over to the Brick House to see how all the preparations are going.

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DM: This was such a good idea! Does anyone know who came up with it? I think this is going to top the parade, the Inaugracorination, and all the other parties we’ve had. Who’s stupendous idea was this anyway? That person, whoever it is, must be brilliant! And it’s going to be at Haug Land! That’s my favorite place in the whole world. I love hanging out there.

Pico: Yes DM we know. We don’t have a clue who’s brainstorm it was, but it sure will be fun, fun, fun for everyone! It’s good to get away from the daily grind every once in a while.

Murdo Girl: The important thing is that we remain calm and look out for the safety of our team and the town. If you see someone who has consumed too much caffeine, please take them to the Brewster Buster stand. We don’t need another kidnapping or jail time. Where’s A I? I need her to fly a banner over the football field.

Treason, are you keeping track of the contestants for the Espresso Brew Off?

Treason: Sure am Next Pres. We’ve got five booths so far. We ran in to a cuppula snags though. No one knew what espresso was. I had to call six of my sisters before I found one who could tell me. It’s coffee that is so strong you can stand a spoon up in it. You also need a special machine that brews the stuff and makes foam. I haven’t been able to find one. We might have to go to Rapid City or Pierre.

Murdo Girl: That’s too much trouble. Let’s just tell everybody to bring the strongest coffee they can. I think Folgers makes a pretty dark brew. Go check at Super Value, and see if they’ll donate some of that powdered cream too.

Pico: Carol and I are really organized Murdo Girl. We got Herman Bork’s Band, and we also talked his sister Cynthia into bringing her karaoke machine. She’s got thousands of songs. She’s going to bring her sister Suzanne and..Wait for it!.. The High School Chorus. Here’s the words to the song they’re gonna sing. It comes from a Frank Sinatra song, There’s an awful lot of Coffee in Brazil. We changed the words some.

There’s an awful lot of Coffee in Murdo Town

You date a girl and find out later
She smells just like a percolator
Her perfume was made in a Murdo coffee still
And dunking doesn’t take a lot of skill, skill, skill!

And when your ham and eggs need savor
Coffee ketchup gives ’em flavor
Coffee pickles way outsell the dill hands down 

We put coffee in the coffee in Murdo town, town, town.

No tea, no tomato juice
You’ll see no potato juice 

The planters by White River all say “No, no, no!”

Don’t ever gulp your coffee. Drink it slow.

You’ll add to the local color 
Serving coffee with a crueller 
And if you ever tire of grinding beans, beans, beans
Super Value has a bean changing machine.

FOR MORE BUZZ, read part 2, Too Many H’s🐷🐷🐷it’s a 3 snorter

Some of the crowns entered in the Crown Contest

“ROLL CALL”

This is Next Pres Murdo Girl.. of the Team Coyote Administration

We were dysfunctioning pretty well.. til everyone went on vacation

While we were all having fun.. dancing at the Inaugracorination

The Queen was abducted by some bad guys.. who took her to a hidden  location

The getaway car, a red convertible, was stolen from the  Auto Museum

The bad guys took TC too..she was blindfolded and couldn’t see ’em

The Town Crier wears a cheesehead.. it’s made of cheese, and it smells cheesy

The bad guys brought her back..when they started feeling really queasy

The Murdoites all went West.. to find the Queen and pitch their tents

Sherri got left behind… photodrawing the Mt. Rushmore Presidents

A I and Treason were out there flying.. Airforce Minus One

They never did look for the Queen. They were having too much fun.

Pico and Carol took the bus and enjoyed the open Highway

Pico told Carol to stuff it! No more singing, “I Did it My Way.”

 We said go to The Brick House.. DM didn’t understand

We found him playing football.. by himself at Haugh Land

Bean Counter Jerry, Lav and Yram.. all did what they do best

They got busted at the Buffalo Bar.. they’re under Big House arrest

That’s everybody but the Queen.. and of course The Murdo Girl

They had a plan to get some “me time,” and decided to give it a whirl

They ditched the Murdoites and the bad guys.. then found a hidden place to park

It was near the Nemo Cabin..where they went with the dog Habark

There’s one more thing that might be notable

The three came back in the convertible

No charges will be filed..though stealing is a sin

It seems the notoriety brought lots of tourists in

I’m glad that’s all over.. I’m sure you are too

The way I see it.. there’s only one thing left to do

We’ll have a celebration!! Yes! That would be the best!

We’ll have it in October, but we’ll call it Espressofest!

Murdo sure looks different without very many people in it.  It’s unbelievable that so many went to find so few. I’m thinking everybody just wanted to vacation in the hills. They all said, “Well if so and so is going, then I’m going.” The only people left behind are Barney, Barnella, Thelma Lou, and of course, Yram. She couldn’t go because of all the people who have restraining orders against her. Making sure she wasn’t closer than 500 ft. of them would have been a logistical nightmare. The Buffalo Bar is open, but that’s about it. I almost forgot. The bodyguards stayed behind to guard The Brick House. Let’s go on over there and see what’s happening. Looks like Bart, Smart, and Braveheart are making the rounds. Barnella and Yram are in the break room, and what??  Lav and Jerry are there too!

Lav: What are you doing here Barnella? I thought you’d be over at the Harold Thune Auditorium for the pancake supper. Isn’t it a Barney and Barnella birthday bash?

Barnella: They cancelled it when everybody left town. They gave us a $15.00 Starbucks gift certificate. Do you know what a Starbucks is?

Lav:  Sure do.. It’s French for “Beans on every Corner.” I’m not sure what a gift certificate is. It sounds complicated. Why wouldn’t they just give you 3..$5’s, or a $10 and a $5, or if you and Barney have to split it, they could give you each $7.50. That would be a whole lot simpler.

Jerry: Yup Lav, if anybody would know about simple, it would be you. Why didn’t you go with everyone to find the Queen and Sherri?

Lav: Because I’m the Designated Survivor. If Next Pres Murdo Girl gets mowed down by Falling Rock, I will be Next Next Pres. Why didn’t you go Jerry? Even a bean counter needs a break. I guess now that Super Value has a machine that counts beans and spits out quarters, you’re not really what you call “Essential Personnel” anymore are you? Hey! When the guys get done making the rounds, do you all want to play some poker?

Barnella: Not me..I’m broke. What I need is a job. Oh great..Here comes Yram. I wonder where she’s been? There aren’t too many places she can go anymore.

Yram walks in looking haggard, sad, and defeated.

Yram: Boy do I feel haggard, sad, and defeated. I have never been so bummed out. I wanted to go to the Nemo cabin so bad..I love that place. Now it’s just a hideout for Queen captors. What is becoming of this world anyway? I don’t know what to do. I can’t even go back to Gun Barrel City.

Jerry: Why can’t you go back to GBC, Yram?

Yram: Too many restraining orders. It would be a logistical nightmare. Hey, I’m hungry. Would one of you go over to the pancake supper and bring me back some pancake’s? I need some comfort food.

Lav: No can do Yram. They cancelled it because everyone left town. We’re all hungry. Hey! is there still some tax money left? We could grab a handful and go eat a steak at the Buffalo Bar. A steak and a baked potato.

Yram: And a salad! A steak, baked potato and a salad!

Lav: With Ranch Dressing! A steak, baked potato..

Jerry: Quit it! Just Quit it! I’ll go see if I can find some funds. Be right back! If Smart, Bart, and Braveheart get back, tell them to stick around. They can give us all a ride out there in the Jeep.

Later that night… The bummed out bunch return to The Brick House. They have a police escort.

Lav: What does it mean to be under house arrest anyway? Barney didn’t exactly explain it too well.

Jerry: Look at the bright side. At least we don’t have to wear ankle bracelets like Bart, Smart, and Braveheart.

Yram: I’m starting to feel really claustrophobic. I think I’m going to hyperventilate. Does anyone have a paper bag I can breathe into? My career is over. How can I be a crack up reporter if I can’t go anywhere?

Lav: Now Yram, don’t overreact. Maybe you can just call people and invite them over. I’m sure there’s still a few people out there who’ll still talk to you.

Yram: Sometimes I wish you weren’t one of them Lav. This is all Barnella’s fault.

Lav: Now Yram don’t blame her. Who knew the Buffalo Bar wouldn’t take a Starbucks gift certificate? It’s Jerry’s fault for not remembering where he put the tax money.

Barnella has been sullen and quiet through all of this. She’s feeling bad because her twin brother Barney is mad at her for stiffing her bill at the Buffalo. She looks out the window and sees a bus pull up. 

Barnella: Well, Pico, Sherri the Photographic Drawer, and a bunch of Murdoites are back. I don’t see Next Pres Murdo Girl or the Queen. TC, DM, and Carol aren’t with them either. Where’s A I? Where’s Treason??

Meanwhile back at the Nemo Cabin…

Murdo Girl: So do you want to play in the creek today, or cops and robbers in the Forrest?

The Queen: Look who’s coming up the road? Just in time for tea.

Murdo Girl: Oh no! Just what we don’t need. A Town Crier that cries all the time and Carol the singer. If I hear “I did it My Way” one more time, I’m going to hurt her!!

The whole town of Murdo is coming together in an effort to find the Queen. Her poor Royal Highness was abducted the night of the Inaugracorination Dance. The Town Crier was also taken, but they brought her back. We all think they got sick of hearing her cry all the time. The red convertible from the Pioneer Auto Museum is missing as well. We’re pretty sure, if we find the Queen, we’ll find the car. So far, there has been no word about the napper’s demands. 

We join the Murdoites as they prepare to embark on their search. Yram Sicnarf is recording this moment in history by interviewing people as they pack up to head West. There is a strong belief that the Queen is with her captors at the Nemo cabin. (Please don’t say anything. We don’t want to give the nappers a heads up.)

We apologize for the poor quality of the pictures. Sherri, the Photographic Drawer went missing the same day they dropped TC off. It sure will be nice if all three are in the same place.

The Queen, The Quill, and The Car

Woman on the street: My name is Pearl. I like your hair. Is the recorder on? Say, would you mind telling me where you get your hair tinted? I need a tint real bad.

Yram: Sorry Pearl. The lady who does my hair made me promise I wouldn’t give out her name. I like my hair too. Frizzy, yellow hair is so easy to take care of. Crowns are really in style around here, but I prefer a headband with a feather hanging down.

We’re the sixth grade class. We’re taking a field trip to Nemo to find the Queen. We had a car wash to raise money. We can’t wait to go to McDonald’s. Murdo doesn’t have a McDonald’s.

Yram sees Barney, Thelma Lou and Barnella

Yram: Are you all going West to look for the Queen?

Barney: Nope (sniff). I’m staying in Murdo to fight crime. Since your No Nip It In The Bud Next Pres is going, I’ll be a good soldier and keep this town safe from distasteful people. Besides, Barnella and I are having a birthday. The Lions Club is putting on a pancake supper over at the Harold Thune Auditorium tonight. Guess you couldn’t go anyway crack up. I heard there was a restraining order against you. Yup..No can go to the Auditorium or within 500 ft. of the Coach.

Yram: Careful Barney.. One of these days you’ll bite that one bullet you’ve got so hard it’s gonna blow your little pin head off. By the way. Did you know sista there has been holding illegal poker games above Sanderson’s Store? She’s not as innocent as she doesn’t look!

A little further down the road, Yram sees all kinds of school people walking up the street, and guess who’s with them? Coach!

Mr. Thune: Boy ..she turned around and hightailed it didn’t she? Maybe I should get one of those restraining orders. Let’s tell her that Gun Barrel City called and they want their straight shooter back.

All of Them: Hahahohohahahoho!!

Everyone else in town is packing up to go West.

Nemo cabin here we come!

family members at the Nemo cabin site

at the cabin: The Terry Sanderson Family, Tet, Grandpa, Wayne Jeff, Irma Elna, Jerry..FL Melitha, sister, Pearl, wife of Sandy

**********************************************

Whoa!! Look at the search party!!

(The photos are not in order of importance..MG)

1) Methodist Church ladies, 2) Loretta, Ella, and Helen, 3) Church basements cooks, 4) Pat and Jenny. They’re all bringing food.

Mom, Ella and Helen

Treason, DM, Pico, Lav’s car, Lav..bottom Mrs. E, A I, Tammy, Karen, Kim

TC, Mason Jr. and Ethan, John Wayne, Bob, Don, 2nd row Karlyce (Kip’s sis), Mason, Mr. Deryk, Otis, Jerry

Uh Oh..The relatives! Are they coming? There won’t be enough room at the cabin! Maybe we can all stay at sweet cousin Sue’s house, and cousin Blake’s Martin Mason Hotel in Deadwood?

More family, friends, teachers, bodyguards? YIKES!

Aunt Elna Miller and Greg’s daughter Renee

More family and friends?. There’s Billy..Hi Billy!

Hundreds more have joined the effort to find the Queen. Most of them are planning a few side trips along the way to Nemo. They’re going to the Badlands, Custer State Park, Mt. Rushmore, and so on and so forth.

We wanted to wear our Inaugracorination gowns one more time

**********************************************

Yesterday was The Murdo Girl’s one year blog anniversary. It started out as a way to record an RV trip Kip and I took last fall. Additional daily blogs have included Bonnie Blue, Abby Ann, (both are doll stories), We Shall See what We Shall See, (an Easter story); followed by months of Murdo Girl stories about growing up in Murdo in the 60’s, Mrs. E. stories, misc. poems and current event stories, The Campaign, The Brick House stories, and The Connie stories.

Guess I’ve kept all the above, all of you, and myself pretty busy over the last year. So…I’m giving everyone a vacation. Without pay of course.

Three weeks from tomorrow, Kip and I are embarking on another RV adventure. I’ll write some short travel blogs and an occasional story along the way. I was reading over some of last years travelling tales, and they were pretty humorous at times.

For the next few weeks, I am going to blog Friday, Saturday, and Sunday each week. There will be a Connie story tomorrow. Fridays will be The Brick House stories, and Saturday and Sunday will be The Connie Story with a Mrs E or something else occasionally thrown in. I’ll do my best to make it interesting.

I can’t believe how much has happened since I posted that first Murdo Girl Story. The reunion was an unbelievable experience for cousin Val and me. I have made so many new friends (like Sherri). Some are Murdoites, (like the Penticoffs, Jerry,Teresa, and Carol), and some have never lived there. After 40 years, I have a renewed friendship with a classmate and his wife, (Eddie and Mari), and other’s around Murdo who have faithfully read it all! I have really enjoyed getting to know Judy Dykstra Brown, who is a master blogger. I have some special friends around here who are readers, and there are many readers I don’t know.There is a danger in listing just a few. I’ll think of someone really special later. You all know I look for your comments..no pressure Lindquist girls, Pat and Laura, aka TC.

Who could have imagined?

Things are a virtual mess around the Brick House these days. They now have phone service, but the electricity got shut off. There just aren’t enough beans in the pot. Not enough coins in the coffer. Not enough cookies in the cookie jar. Not enough taxes in the…Wait! Taxes!! That’s It! We need some taxes. It is with this thought in mind that Next Pres Murdo Girl begins to outline her plan to put The Brick House in the black. Yes..We need a plan to float this boat. We’ve got to balance the old beanery. We’ve got to fire this town up, and there is no time like the present. Now where are those candles? It’s starting to get dark in here.

Murdo Girl: Talking to herself as she goes in search of the candles..Are you kidding me? We don’t have any candles? It’s going to be as dark as coal outside in about 15 minutes. Now what do I do? I guess I’ll just take my pad and pen and go over to Fern’s and order a glass of water. They’ve got lights.

As she’s about to go, in comes Jerry with a kerosene lantern, followed by TC and her big guy flashlight. Things are starting to look a little brighter in the Oblong Office. One thing nice about dim light is you can’t see all the dust balls. Unfortunately, you can still see all of the dim wits and the goof balls.

Jerry: TC and I have a plan Murdo Girl. I’ve got enough kerosene for this lantern to last a couple of days. TC’s big guy flashlight has a rechargeable battery, so we can use it at night; then we’ll run it over to the Lindquist’s house and let it charge during the day. How do you like that plan Next Pres?

Murdo Girl: I like it.

Jerry: I thought you would.

TC: Do I have to carry this thing all over all night Murdo Girl? I’m starting to get a backache, and I’ve been doing so many “Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Hear Ye, God save the Queen’s,” I’m starting to get a sore throat.

In comes A I and DM.

A I: Yo MG. DM and I have been doing some snooping around Murdo today, trying to find the whereabouts of the Queen. There have been all kinds of Queen sightings, but still no solid leads. Jim at the Texaco Station said an RV Carriage just like the Queen’s pulled in and filled up, but it turned out to be a bunch of hippies in a hippy wagon all decorated up for the days of 76.

DM: Yeah MG..after we followed up on five or six leads, we got real discouraged. It turns out the Murdoites see things that aren’t really there. They see Elvis, Michael Jackson, The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow…

Murdo Girl: DM..Don’t even joke about a pot of gold..I’m at the point I’d settle for just the empty pot and try to sell it. Jerry, do you know anything about taxes? Doesn’t the Government run on tax money? We’re the Government. Shouldn’t we be getting some kind of tax money?

Jerry: Sorry Next Pres. You see, Bean Counters just count. It’s somebody else’s job to accumulate the wealth. I’ve heard a little about taxes, but I just know enough to be dangerous.

Murdo Girl: Danger is lurking all around us Jerry. There’s got to be at least one person on this team who knows about taxes. Well, here comes Lav. I can see her out the window. She’s coming up the walk with a wheel barrow. It’s getting too dark for me to see what’s in it.

Lav parks the wheel barrow by the door and comes in.

Muqrdo Girl: Hi Next VP..what are you doing pushing that wheel barrow? I thought all your beans were harvested and spent.

Lav: I don’t have beans in my wheel barrow Next Pres. Those bags are full of tax money.

MG, DM, Jerry, A I and TC: All say..What? What? What? What? What?

Lav: Yup! Treason is coming with another barrel full of money sacks. I guess she fell behind a little. We decided to bring it over here, because we were running out of room for it over at Sanderson Castle.

MG: It’s not Sanderson Castle Lav. It’s the Next Pres VP headquarters. Now Pleeeeeze tell us where all that loot came from?

Lav: Well, we’ve been selling groceries, and dry goods, and lots and lots of penny candy. We even sold a Minneapolis Moline tractor. That made us lots of tax money. It’s dark in here. You all should come on over to Sanderson Castle. We’ve got lights. Pico and Carol are over there right now. Barnella is teaching them how to play poker. Yram’s there too but she’s still got an Applefloor migraine. She should just quit talking to that guy.

Murdo Girl: Quick team..everybody go grab a sack of money and get it in here before someone steals it. Jerry..You start counting. DM.. Go find Treason along the road and help with her wheel barrow. A I..Take a handful of taxes and go get us some hamburgers. Wait..the phone’s ringing.

Murdo Girl: Hello..Hello..Quit barking and say something!

TC: Who was it Murdo Girl? Do I need to town cry something?

Murdo Girl is doing everything in her power as Next Pres to find the Queen and TC (Town Crier). Lav got a good look at the person who posted the tinfoil note on The Brick House door, and Sherri has drawn a wanted poster. So far this guy does not resemble anyone known to anyone around Murdo. In fact, we’re not even sure it is a man. It could be a female. We don’t even know for sure that this guy is the actual perp. He might just be a lackey doing the dirty work. The truth is, the Reignistration is under water financially. In fact, Subway has even cut them off. No more free kiddie meals. The tinfoil note said they didn’t want money. Why haven’t they told us what their demands are? Just because the phones are disconnected doesn’t mean we’re out of touch.

Murdo Girl has once again called a cabinet meeting. It will be held in the downstairs gymnasium. Everyone’s just going to have to ignore the echo, because there isn’t room enough to seat everybody anywhere else.

Murdo Girl: Thank you all for being here this morning. I know we all share deep concern over the disappearance of The Queen and TC. Lav, you can put your hand down I know you are also concerned about the red convertible. I would like to ask everyone to please speak only when spoken to. It’s hard enough to hear down here without a bunch of people all talking at the same time. It really gets on my last nerve.

Has anyone seen Yram? Oh…I forgot I just told you not to talk. Raise your hand if you know where Yram is. Last time I saw her, she was headed to the golf course to talk to Coach Applebee. The Pres recognizes Lav.

Lav: I hope you recognize me NPMG..I got new highlights in my hair yesterday, but …

Murdo Girl: Please Lav, tell me what you know about Yram.

Lav: Yram got back to Sanderson’s NVP Castle just as I was leaving. She didn’t look so good. She said she knew it was gonna be bad even before she asked Coach Applebee about his dirty tarp.

Murdo Girl: Now Lav..how would she know that, if she hadn’t even talked to him yet?

Lav: Yram said she could see all of his teeth, and he wasn’t smiling. Kinda like you right now. I can see every one of your teeth, but you’re not smiling are ya MG?

Murdo Girl: No Lav, not even close…DM..How is the neighborhood watch going?

DM: Great MG!! We had a neighborhood crime watch party at the Roadside Park yesterday. We cooked hot dogs and played softball. We’re pretty sure no one left town. Who would want to miss out on all that fun?

A I: has dutifully raised her hand and been called on. MG I went over to the jail like you said. Barnella went with me cause she wanted to talk to Barney anyway. They’ve got birthdays coming up and they’re on the same day cause they’re twins ya know. Barney talked a bunch into my watch. I didn’t really listen to what he said since I was recording it anyway. I figured I could listen to it later.

MG: Well? What did he say?

A I: Sorry MG. I forgot to put my spy watch on. He did a bunch of talking into my Timex.

Murdo Girl: Jerry..Yo Jerry..How could you be talking on the phone? I thought it was still disconnected.

Jerry: I had enough bean money to get it turned back on, but there is a little bit of bad news.

As Jerry is talking, the lights in the gym flicker and go out. Since the gym is in the basement of the Brick House, no one can see a thing.

Murdo Girl: Let me take a wild guess. You couldn’t pay the electric bill. Geez..I can’t even see my hand in front of my face.

Before Murdo Girl has a chance to say another word, she hears a commotion going on. Then she hears a scream. Then she hears someone say  “Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Long live the Queen.” Is that? Could it be? It sure sounds like TC crying

Murdo Girl: TC is that you? Stop crying and talk to me TC. Is the Queen with you?

TC: In a sobbing voice..Murdo Girl, it was just awful. They blindfolded  me. Then they drove to some undisclosed location. We were there forever. They said they tried to call, but the line was busy or something. I think I’m blind Murdo Girl. I can’t see, Oh no, I can’t see anything.

Murdo Girl: You’re not blind TC. The electricity got shut off. None of us can see.

TC: I have a flashlight! I’ll try to turn it on.

Everyone gasps as the flashlight comes on. It’s one of those big guys. It’s as powerful as a spotlight.

TC: I’m still blind!! Oh No!! I still can’t see!

Murdo Girl: It could be because you still have your blindfold on. Take the blindfold off TC. Can you see now TC? It’s obvious that she can see now. Good. Where is the Queen TC? Did they drop her off too?

TC: I don’t know. I couldn’t see anything.

Murdo Girl: Let me think, let me think, let me think…TC..give the flashlight to DM. Everyone line up single file behind DM and we’ll go up the stairs and outside. It will be just like a fire drill. Stand next to each other until I can count to make sure everyone is accounted for. Lav, bring NoNo.

Meanwhile, back at Sanderson’s VP Castle, Yram is lying down with a cold cloth on her head. The crack up interview with the Coach was the worst. Where did she go wrong? Was it that she yelled his name when he was in the middle of his back swing? Or could it have been that she drove around in his golf cart while she waited for him to finish the hole? She had been really quiet. Maybe it was because she ate his sandwich. Whatever he was mad about, he sure can hold a grudge. She even offered to scrub his tarp, but he said she couldn’t because he was getting a restraining order to keep her away from him and his tarp.

As Yram was contemplating all of the above, someone knocked on the door. Yram, not wanting to get up said, “Come on in. The door is open!”

Who is at the VP Castle door? Everyone but Yram and the Queen have been counted at the Brick House. Will TC be able to shine a light on anything? Or will everyone else hog her flashlight? Will Pico, Treason, Sherri, Carol, and Barnella be upset because they didn’t get to talk at the meeting even though they raised their hands?

Where is the Queen and the red convertible?!

GOD BLESS AMERICA

It’s Monday morning at The Brick House. A couple of days have passed since the dance, and there’s still no sign of the Queen.  A I and DM have been following up on the few leads that have trickled in, but they’re really no closer to finding her. Murdo Girl has been in the Oblong Office since the wee hours of the morning. She is very distraught over the Queen’s disappearance and has called in A l, the team Spy, Yram, the Crack- up Reporter, and DM, the Defense Manager. MG will be outlining her plan to solve this mystery.

Murdo Girl: We’ve got some serious problems and we need to get on top of the situation. Since Jerry didn’t have the beans to pay the phone bill on time, it’s been disconnected. I’ve been trying to get ahold of the Town Crier to do a “Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Hear Ye,” but I can’t find her either. Maybe I can get Carol to sing real loud.

On top of that, Coach Applebee is mad because we got his floor tarp dirty at the dance. Wasn’t the purpose of the tarp to protect his precious floor?  What were we supposed to do put a tarp on the tarp?

Anyway, here are your assignments.

Yram, I want you to go over to the golf course and find the Coach. I hear he spends most of his time there now. Do one of your little crack-up interviews and find out how mad he is. Try to smooth it over… Now.. What’s that look for Yram?

Yram: (In a winey voice.) Geez Murdo Girl, do I have to interview him again? Remember last time when his face accidentally hit my microphone? He was pretty upset, and made it clear that I should go back to Texas where they shoot straight.

Murdo Girl: Are you sure you didn’t misunderstand? What exactly did he say?

Yram: He said, “Let me make this clear. You should go back to Texas where they shoot straight!”

Murdo Girl: Go talk to him anyway. Hopefully he’s hitting his golf balls straight.

Now, A I..Even though you have branched out to include spying, you are also still an Aggressive Informant. In fact, I’ve been giving some thought to promoting you to three initials. How does AIS sound to you? But first, here is what I need you to do. Go over to the jailhouse and do some snooping around. We don’t know what we’re dealing with here. Is it a conspiracy, or just a Lone Wolf? Even though the election is over, the Lone Wolf opposition could still be harboring some resentments.

A I: I’m on it MG. I’ll get Ole Deputy Barney Fife to speak into my watch. If he knows anything about the Queen and TC, I’ll get it out of him. I’ll even use my Dick Tracy decoder ring to get the combination to Otis’s cell and sneak in there and see if he’s heard any scuttlebutt.

Murdo Girl: Do what you can A I, but you won’t need your decoder ring, the key is hanging on a nail right outside the cell remember?

Now, DM…You are the Defense Monitor. You are in charge of our Neighborhood Security. Get Bart, Smart, Braveheart, and  NoNo the dog. Make sure no one leaves this town until the Queen and TC are found. Ask Pico if she can talk Subway into giving you some more kiddie meals for lunch. We’re talking around the clock surveillance here.

DM: Consider it done MG..or should we call you Next Pres Murdo Girl, since we had the Inaugracorination and everything?

MG:  That’s Too Much!! It’s Just Too Much!! Unless it’s a formal occasion, continue to address me as Murdo Girl or MG. This is going to be a casual Presidency.

Now Team Coyote…Let’s conclude this meeting with a quick huddle up..All hands in the center of the circle.

Go Team Go!!!

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Just as the team leaves the Oblong Office, in walks NVP Lav, and she has something shiney in her hand.

Lav: Guess what MG! I was over at the RV Park visiting with some of my friends. I’ve been kinda missing the place since I became Next VP and got bumped uptown. I like my VP headquarters above Sanderson’s Store, but I just kinda miss hanging out at the park, and you know, the Pioneer Auto Museum is real close and that’s where the red convertible is..and

MG: Interrupting..Lav..I said Lav! What are you carrying? It looks like a bunch of tinfoil.

Lav: Remember where the Queen had her RV Carriage parked? She had that real neat spot with the 50 amp electrical hook-up…Anyway, her carriage is gone, and I found all this tinfoil lying around. I also found out the red convertible is missing from the museum, but that’s not all….

MG: What’s not all Lav?

Lav: Awhile ago, when I was coming up The Brick House walk, I saw someone tape this piece of tinfoil to the door. When he turned around, I got a real good look at him. He said, ” If you know what’s good for you, you’ll forget you saw me.” Then he took off running.

MG: Taking the tinfoil from Lav..There’s something written on here..It says, “I have the Queen and the red convertible! I know this place ain’t worth beans, I want something else. Wait for my call.”  He had some colorful pens. Lav, you’ve been back for over an hour. Why didn’t you come and show me this right away?

Lav: Well, you know how I try to do what’s good for me like eat oatmeal and do Zumba. I tried to forget I saw him, but I just couldn’t.

MG: QUICK! We have to find Sherri. You can describe this guy and she can do a photographic drawing. I have to find Jerry too and make sure he paid the phone bill in case this guy calls! I’ll get Treason to put the wanted photographic drawing in the Coyote!

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Meanwhile out at the Murdo Golf Course, Yram has tracked down Coach Applebee. Just in time too. It looks like he’s on the 18th hole getting ready to T off…

Yram: Coach Applefloor, I mean Applebee!! WHEOWHIT!!

Good News!! The Inaugracorination dance was by all accounts a huge success. Most of the recycled-able gowns made it til” lights out,” with a few minor glitches.

Sherri, the Photographic Drawer, had the dress made from several sheets of recycled paper. She had drawn photographs on almost every sheet when bad luck reared it’s ugly head. DM carrying a watering can, followed Pico around all night, because her dress was made from leaves, and had to be watered every 20 minutes. Pico didn’t wait for her leaves to stop dripping before dancing. Sherri slipped and fell, and while thankfully she was uninjured, the drawings got wet and ran all over. Those that could be salvaged will be in The Murdo Coyote’s Special Edition tomorrow. Which reminds me, I need to send Jerry over to renew our subscription.

Lav spent most of the night in the lady’s room trying to figure out how to remove the coffee cups and coffee stains without removing her dress. Treason looked all over for her, so she could pick up the used coffee cups, but she ended up using her garbage bag shawl plus one bag from her dress, to pick up all the other trash. If you saw Barnella’s dress, you know it was never meant to be. The rolls of toilet paper all came unrolled, and got drug through the plant dress drippings. It’s a good thing she had the shower curtain to wrap around her.

A I got there late, but her blue cellophane gown held up better than any of the others. She loved it, because if she looked at it through her spy glass, it looked like it was in 3 D. Yram hated her map dress. She actually seemed sort of offended that we thought she would need that many maps to find her way around Murdo. If she would have taken just a minute to look, she would have seen that it provided unending info, like the elevations, average temperatures, Lunar eclipses, closest bathrooms, and average rainfall. You can even find the location of the nearest motel. That’s a whole map right there!

Carol wore the decorated Christmas tree, but we won’t be recycling it in the Brick House this Christmas. She really got into singing, “You ain’t nothin but a hound dog,” on the Karaoke machine and all the balls and a few of the evergreen branches hit the floor. Like Humpty Dumpty, the balls shattered.

As the evening wore on, the tarp covering the Jerald Applebee floor had, water, wet toilet paper, broken Christmas balls, evergreen branches, and ruined photographic drawings strewn from one end to the other. The empty coffee cups and Subway kiddie boxes got cleaned up earlier or you wouldn’t have been able to even walk in there.

About 9:30ish, Murdo girl, who had filled all her red and white shopping bags with Subway leftovers and bottled Murdo Girl Tower water, waddled up to the mic on the karaoke machine and said, “We’re going to shut this thing down before someone gets hurt!” Don’t you just feel immense pride in having that kind of “take charge” girl for our Next Pres? After the shut down announcement she lip synced “Good night Irene.”

We did have a few  curious faculty members and other Murdo townspeople peek in the door, but they probably felt like they were under-dressed, because none of them actually came through the door. Besides, Bart, Smart, and Braveheart, got bored and started shooting spit wads at each other with the leftover Subway straws. I think they scared some dancers off.

Well, that’s pretty much everything in a nutshell. A real nutty nutshell, if you know what I mean.

Wait! I haven’t seen the Queen! Well so much for getting to bed early. I sure hope she doesn’t ruin the Rose Garden Room drapes, because they can’t be replaced for a while, and they cost a fortune to dry clean.

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Missing: Queen E.

Will anyone knowing the whereabouts of Queen E. please contact the Brick House at 669-Murdo? If no one answers leave a brief message at the tone with your name and number and we’ll get right back at ya. That reminds me, I need to send Jerry over to pay the phone bill. If the phone is disconnected, just tape a note to the door.

We are very concerned about Her Highness. She was last seen at the Inaugracorination Dance wearing the red velvet drapes from the Rose Garden Room. She made an additional fashion statement by hanging the brocade draw ropes down the front. (Like Carol Burnett in Gone with the Wind.) Don’t let the large broach fool you. It’s fashioned out of tinfoil.

If you find the Queen and/or the Drapes, please return them, no questions asked. Don’t even think about a ransom because we have all our beans tied up in insoluble investments, and it would take a month of Sundays to get them out. Maybe even longer.

***************************************************

And so it begins…The Team Coyote Administration’s Reign.

This is a rerun of a Brick House favorite. MG is being crowned Next Pres and Lav is Vice Next Pres. They prefer crowns hence the combination inauguration and coronation. The Brick House is the old high school and Murdo’s answer to the White House. What a bunch of misfits.

It’s all hands on deck for team Coyote at the Harold Thune Auditorium. Murdo Girl will be Inaugracorinated as Next Pres tonight. As of yet, it is still unclear as to how much of the good old US of A will be under her rule? Oh well, no use getting bogged down in the details.

As we join our motley team, they are completing the finishing touches to the preparation of the Auditorium. Tonight is the culmination of months and months of hard work towards this remarkably magical moment. Murdo Girl will be under oath when she says, I do from this day forward. She will then be crowned as a symbol of her commitment to decorum. Next, Lav will be crowned as Next VP, which is mind-boggling in and of itself. I still don’t get how that happened..Murdo Girl will give her inaugracorination address. Then finally, we will Dance!!

Murdo Girl’s Address

As I look around at the amazing crepe paper decorations and the festive butcher paper taped to the bleachers, I…well.. there are no words. Sherri..I recognize your handiwork. It must have taken you the better part of an hour to draw all those photographs.

I would also like to give a shout-out to Pico for her commitment to providing safe food for the pre-inaugracorination, dinner. We had a little problem with tainted steaks, so Pico and DM snagged us some free Subway from over at the truck stop. I think those kiddie meals were pretty filling and I’m sure the little box of colors will be put to good use when we make our Christmas Cards.

TC has cried all day, and is an emotional wreck. She is overwhelmed by the response Jerry got for donations to buy her a new cheesehead. Of course it was hard to be within 30 feet of her old one. Jerry also found out Super Value has a bean counter machine. You just throw your beans in and it spits out quarters. Of course it does take a percentage out of the proceeds, but a quarter is a quarter. Even one quarter is a quarter more than we had before.

Jerry and Lav both took one for the team last week by making a contribution of all their hard earned beans. They realized that when you have a lot of beans, relatives start showing up and all of a sudden everyone is your friend. Unfortunately, some of the beans were rotten. That’s what happens when you hoard your beans and they don’t get circulated.

A I is going to be a little late tonight. She got a moonlighting job spying. I have no idea who she’s spying on, but she really needs to get her money’s worth out of all those spy gadgets she bought. I think people are kind of catching on to her methods. I mean, if someone is wearing a Dick Tracy decoder ring, plastic gloves, carries tape that says, “caution, crime scene,” and tells everyone to speak into her watch, it’s kind of a giveaway. I just don’t think most people are going to tell her much… but that’s just me.

Treason is preparing to be the disc jockey for the dance tonight. She loves music. Were you able to borrow a record player Treason? Good deal. We’ll get started here in just a few. I think Carol is going to help you with the karaoke machine.

Yram ran over to pick up Barnella, so they’ll both be here soon. We invited all the faculty, but we forgot to say RSVP so we don’t know how many are coming. We will have free water available from one of the Murdo Girl Towers, and Lav said she would check on the lemons at Sanderson’s Store.

As your new Next Pres, I will fight the good fight and keep my commitments. My promise to you is, “Ask me no questions, and I will tell you no lies.” I’m pretty sure I can keep that one. You can take it to the bank.

Oh, I almost forgot to give you my address. It’s: The Brick House, 555 Coyote Way, Murdo, SD 57559. Please drop us a line. We would love to hear about your Mom and them.

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The Recycled Inaugracorination Gowns everyone has been waiting to see.

Next VP will be wearing a beautiful gown made from shopping bags, she went for her favorite red and white. NVP Lav is wearing a designer gown made from recycled paper cups. She will be serving coffee at intermission.

Since her name is rather Christmas like, Carol chose a gown that will later be recycled as the Brick House Christmas tree. We tried to find a turkey dress for Thanksgiving, but no luck.Sherri our PD (Photographic Drawer),chose a gown made from recycled paper for obvious reasons. I can’t wait to see her photographic drawings of the dance. Love the shoes Sherri.

Blue Cellophane was A I’s choice..I’m sure she will find a good spy use for it later; like to cover a lifeless body. TC (Town Crier chose tinfoil, because if it gets hot at the dance and her cheese gets a little rancid, she can just pull off a piece of foil and wrap it up.

Treason liked the idea of a garbage bag dress. You know how she likes to clean up after everybody. This doesn’t show the extra garbage bag worn as a wrap. She will follow Lav around and pick up empty coffee cups without having to trash her dress. Barnella will be dressed in toilet paper. She sniffs all the time, so some 2 ply squares might come in handy. She’ll also have a shower curtain cape. We wanted her to be covered up as much as possible, because there’s really no hope of any kind of beauty to shine through.

Yram will be dressed in a road map frock. It will help her find the way to all her crack up reporter interviews. Pico will look lovely in her gown of plant leaves. She even found some tomato earrings. If anyone craves a salad later, I’m sure she’ll oblige. The only downside to the gown is that it has to be watered every 20 minutes. There’s a sign-up sheet in the men’s room.

And of course…The Queen is still wearing the Rose Garden Room drapes.

I just want to remind the ladies it is a BYOC  (Bring Your Own Crown) Event.

Bart, Smart, and Braveheart will be bouncing all riff raff out the door

SEE YOU AT THE DANCE