Those 70ish Girls

When I found out my husband had melanoma metastatic brain cancer, it was at first not sinking in. No, the doctors and scans must be wrong. That cannot be true.

After more tests and a sobering visit to a Stanford neurosurgeon, complete with computer images showing the tumors, and detailed explanations, it did sink in, and the shock was felt and was overwhelming us and carrying us away on a tidal wave of emotions. Sometimes we’d be on the crest of the giant wave of feelings and other times we would come crashing down, covered in watery frothy clouds of despair. We’d be down a long time. Not drowning but barely keeping our heads above water.

Ken said one day to me that our lives would never be the same again and that’s true. Within about six months we went from Ken driving us everywhere to me driving. Over the months he had trouble walking which is the most difficult part of this change in our lifestyle. After treatments on the brain tumors and experiencing seizures, Ken is unable to do many things he could navigate just a few weeks ago.

We have been installing and learning about useful items to order or get through advice from a visiting physical therapist and occupational therapist since we signed up with a home health care company. We have gotten a wheelchair, special toilet that fits over regular one, a pole that works with tension so Ken can hold on and pull himself up, a shower tub bench, safety bars installed in a shower, a gait belt with handles to move him more easily, and a gel cushion for sitting comfortably in the wheelchair. There’s more, but it’s overwhelming to figure out how best to use all these items. It’s a lot for me to learn since I am the caregiver. I didn’t have to fill out an application, nor send in my resume or email my experience and qualifications for the job. I got it and I’m receiving on the job, hands on training. Ken is my best patient, my best partner and my only one. He can’t fire me and I can’t quit. This is part of being 70ish. I’m ready for the challenges even if I wasn’t ready a few months ago.

Neighbors, family and friends are helping by saying or texting things like: let us know if you need anything or we’re here for you any time of day or night or whatever you need don’t hesitate to ask/ if you need a walking buddy, groceries or food delivered, let us know. These people have been amazingly supportive. I’m definitely leaning on them for moral support as well as supplying trips to the grocery store, treatment centers and doctor’s appointments.

The Big C cannot be erased from our lives, but we can deal with it. I wouldn’t say we’re fighting cancer. We’re delaying it and sidestepping it. We’re learning how to live with it, as an older couple in their 70’s. Ready or not, here it comes.