Those 70ish Girls

Help Helps \ by Valerie Halla

As I continue my role as my husband’s caregiver, I see and learn and appreciate a lot that I was never expecting. First off, after 7 months of constant caregiving, I’m hopeful. All this after being ticked off at first that my freedom and life were gone. Why am I angry? Because I’m working 24/7! Why can’t I get in the car and just drive to the beach? Because I cannot leave my husband alone. Will I ever have fun anymore? I need some fun! I forget what it’s like. Can I get up four times a night to help my partner and lose sleep and survive? Barely. Something has to change.

I have learned how to lift properly using the Gait belt, I have gotten equipment to help ease the situation, dealt with the many medications and organized them,given my mate baths with a handheld shower, gotten strong support with a health care company and approached the situation less strictly, because after awhile you just get through the day the best you can. You have stains on your sweatpants? Nobody will notice. We will wash them next week. Your nails need to be clipped? Let’s do that tomorrow. You throw caution to the wind and turn inward. You realize – I’m alone in this and I’m sorta functioning, but a little voice bounces back: I need help. How do I ask for help? Why can’t I do this? I need to try. Asking can’t hurt.

The brightest lightest crack of hope came when I went to lunch with two friends about one month ago and spilled my guts about how I felt guilty yet angry for having to care for my husband 24/7 which felt like forever/7! They were both telling me, urging me, pleading with me to get help. I shouldn’t feel guilty they told me. They even googled places to contact. They added up out of pocket costs and who to ask. They made it clear that I could get support.

Now I have been doing research myself and reaching out to agencies for caregiver assistance. I’m self educating myself about laws and regulations for help. I’m starting to feel some relief. I’m starting to research where to go and how to ask for support. A caregiver is coming next week to help four days a week. Hallelujah.

Some of my neighbors also have been asking how they can help and I used to just say, “I am fine,” but now I give them a date and time to specifically ask if they could come sit with husband while I go do errands or go with friends for coffee or lunch, People want to know how they can help. It helps to give them a chance to help. They actually want to help in a small way or even a large way. They’re all offering different kinds of help. I’m not shy nor stubborn about getting help any more. It’s pure sunshine coming into my previously dark life. Even our family has stepped up. I’m so glad people are so supportive, patient and kind. It makes me feel that I am not alone. Help is appreciated and needed. Just try it – go ahead.