The other day a blog I wrote reminded me of this story. I had a hard time finding it, but I need a rerun tonight, so I’m going to use this one. I loved dresses until I was in second grade. I had to wear them of course, but no matter how pretty Kitty Reynolds made them, I just didn’t like wearing one…with one exception…my long red formal.

In another blog I wrote about the time I went to the cabin with Grandpa and Grandma Sanderson and Grandpa decided we should go to this big church in Rapid City. That was the first time he had done that when I was with them, and I hadn’t brought a dress, which didn’t bother Grandpa any. I wore blue and white striped bermuda shorts and held my legs together so everyone would think I was wearing a skirt. (I’m sure more people were wondering why I was walking with my knees together than would have noticed I had shorts on.)

Iowa relatives and Sanderson and Miller families at the cabin

The below story was told to me by me, so it must be true. It happened over 50 years ago.

I had to start wearing nylons. It seems that when you get to the 8th grade, you’re supposed to wear them when you dress up. We went to Winner for a music contest and that’s when some of the girls decided it was time to start wearing “hose.” I had to play a saxophone solo, and those darn nylons ruined it. Are there boys that read this? Oh well, I don’t care.

With the Haverberg and Sanderson cousins at Horse Creek

You have to wear a garter belt to hold your nylons up. It is a very weird contraption. It has long straps with a doohickey on the end that you put the top of your nylon over. Then, you have to pull another part over this button like thing. That’s what holds your nylons in place. There is a strap on the front and one on the back of each leg, so there are four altogether. The straps are attached to a garment that is held around your waist by elastic. I guess it’s sort of like a real short slip, only you still have to wear a slip too. The whole thing is called a garter belt. The nylons come separately.

Right in the middle of my solo, the doohickey on the back of one leg came loose, and the nylon slipped right off, which caused the front to sag.  I finally got an opportunity to glance down when the piano player who was accompanying me, had a little part that I didn’t play my saxophone to. I could see the nylon was a wrinkled mess just like my Grandma’s hose (nylons) always are because they don’t make them small enough for her. Grandma wears a girdle to keep her nylons up, but it doesn’t work. Besides, you still have to deal with the doohickeys attached to the girdle. (Some older ladies just roll them down over a rubber band. I wonder if that works better.) Well, at least the front doohickey on my garter belt never came all the way off, which was a blessing.

Anyway, for the very first time in my life, I didn’t get a Superior on my solo, because I was too distracted to remember all of it. I can’t even tell people about it, because it’s going to sound like an elaborate excuse, and they’ll think the real reason is, I didn’t practice my solo enough times to memorize it better.

I’ll add this.

I must have been pretty traumatized or I wouldn’t have remembered so many details all these years later. I also made the mistake of wearing a red jumper that was like a shift. It was one of those dresses that you have to keep tugging on when you sit down. It was a long day, and it didn’t help that Mom was not too pleased that she had to drive us and listen to me play badly.

You’ll be happy to know that after years of therapy, I finally came to terms with my past. I wish I could have known I would forget most of it anyway. I could have saved a lot of money.

I’m on my way to walk Pearl the dog. I really had an off day. I lost two rounds of tether ball and another girl, you don’t know, beat me in Jacks. I guess my head just wasn’t in the game. I had one of those days when I can’t concentrate. At least that’s what I’m going to tryout on Mom when she sees my science paper. She doesn’t think she expects too much from me, but she doesn’t account for off days at all. I heard that most of our Presidents were B students. Hardly any got straight A’s and they used words  like, cipher. I’m not going to try that sensible approach. Mom will just say, “They didn’t have running water or electricity. They had to do their homework by lantern or candlelight. I’d like to know what taking a bath more than once a week has to do with my grades.

I’m not at Pearl and Grace’s yet, but I almost am. I wonder if Pearl is still at the library. She’s already been there a whole four days.

“Hi, Pearl…I’m here, are you?”

I didn’t get an answer and Pearl the dog didn’t come when I called, so I figured they must be over at Grace’s rooms.

I was right. When I walked in, Grace and Pearl the dog were right there waiting for me.

“Hi, Grace…Is Pearl still at the library?”

“Yes, I suppose she is. Although, just between you and me, I don’t think she’ll be there for long.”

I could tell that Grace wanted to take back what she said…but it was too late.

“Why do you think she won’t make it at the library, Grace?”

“Well, I went to my women’s circle meeting today, and some of the ladies took me aside and said Pearl was trying to take over the place.”

“Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that those ladies had no use for her when she was trying to join their circle?”

I could tell Grace was getting flustered because she won’t look at you when she’s nervous. Stuff gets written all over her face.

“Well,” Grace said. “I guess that could be part of it, but there’s another thing that people are bothered about.”

“Like what, Grace?” I knew Grace was ready to spill everything. It was eating her up.

“She threw all the rules out the window and folks think a library should have rules. She doesn’t keep it quiet at all, and people don’t have to bring their books back on time. According to the circle ladies, the thing that has the whole town up in arms is she lets everyone bring food and drink in. Why that’s worse than food and drink at the show. That’s what they said, not me.” Grace had more…

“She did start a book club which tickles me. I don’t think Pearl has ever read a whole book in her life.”

“Uh, Oh, here she comes. You better run Pearl the dog outside, Ellie. I’ll try to calm Pearl down before you get back, dear.”

Pearl and I took our time. We walked all the way to Super Value south of sixteen. I had enough change on me to get a Bing, so I waited for another kid to come along and hold Pearl for me or go inside and buy my candy bar. While I was sitting there, the lady who gets paid to work at the library stopped when she saw me and headed my way. This day was really stacking up against me.

“Hello Ellie,” she said. “Is this Pearl’s dog? My goodness she’s very well-mannered. What is her name?”

“Pearl,” I said.

“No, I mean what is the dog’s name?”

“It’s Pearl too. Pearl the human forgets names, so she figured if she named her dog the same as her name, she wouldn’t forget it, and if she did, people should find another home for Pearl the dog.”

“Oh, my goodness,” She said. “That sounds just like Pearl. I sure am enjoying her at the library. She has brought a new energy to the place.”

“Wait,” I said. “Do you mean you like Pearl?”

“Oh, my yes…We hardly have anybody come into that stuffy place. One or two a day, at most, wander in there. I know a lot of kids say they’re at the library, but believe me, they are elsewhere. Besides…we plan to get everybody used to using the library, and then gradually incorporate some of the rules.”

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

I just hoped I could get back to Grace’s house before she told Pearl what those circle women said about her. “Or should I let the chips fall where they may?”

 

I’m on my way to Pearl the human’s house. It’s Saturday and it’s nice outside, so I’m going to take Pearl the dog on a longer walk. We might even go south of Highway 16 and see what the cousins are doing today.

“Hi, Pearl…I’m here are you?”

“Yes, I’m in the bedroom, but I’ll be right out. I’m trying on some of the things I ordered from Penney’s. I’m turning over a new leaf, Essie. You are going to see a new Pearl emerge and you, young lady, are going to help me do it.”

Pretty soon, Pearl came sashaying out of her room. Well… I could have looked at the J.C. Penney’s Catalog for a month and never picked that outfit as something Pearl would wear. She did have a pretty good explanation, though.

“Since I failed miserably at quitting the air cigarettes I’ve decided in order to stave off their harmful effects, I’m going to get buffed up. I plan to undertake a strenuous exercise regimen. See, I even have tennis shoes on. And these are the first pair of denim trousers I have ever owned. Give me a minute to change into my stretching outfit. It’s really important to do a series of stretches before working out.

“I’ll do this one today and another one tomorrow,” she said. “There…now give me a moment to change into my outside workout clothes and I’ll be ready to go. Do you think we’ll power walk or jog? I need to know what kind of jacket I should wear? Do you think it will rain, Essie?”

“I took some of my bracelets off. I don’t want to carry too much weight on my first day. The key is to increase weight lifting gradually, over time. I’ve decided I had better wear a heavier coat. I’ll be just a minute.”

By this time, Pearl the dog and I were both crossing our legs.

We almost got to the bottom the stairs and Pearl said, “Well, I’d say we did pretty well for the first day, wouldn’t you? I feel so good, too, don’t you, Essie? Just as in all things, it makes a huge difference when you have the right clothes. How many times a week do you think I should do this, Essie? I can already tell I’m going to need more outfits.”

I was just happy that Pearl the dog and I still had time to go south of Highway 16. Pearl said she was going to drink hot tea with lemon to replenish her body of necessary nutrients, and look at her exercise book.

Pearl said she’s going to do this one several times a day. It probably won’t help her wrinkles. I think it looks like someone smoking air cigarettes.

 

via Murdo Girl…Marching to the drum of a different beater

It’s now nearing the middle of November and the residents of Thanksgivington have not been able to solve their dilemma. What does a small town with no children, no business, and no money do?

They all got together several weeks ago and decided to have a Christmas Extravaganza. Each business was to team up with another business or organization and come up with an idea to enter in the parade competition. The entrant who best represents a perfect Christmas will win the first ever Thanksgivington Christmas Extravaganza Trophy.

With no money, and no customers, the townspeople can’t get excited about a Christmas Extraveganza. Maybe that’s why the little burg has never celebrated Christmas before.

The streets of Thanksgivington look very lonely. The Police Station, The Church, and the Train Station remain empty each night.

 

Tom’s Books, Sweet Sally’s Bakery, Betsy’s Hare-dos, and Happy’s Flower Shop are getting close to having to close their doors.

 

Meanwhile, in a neighboring town by the name of Christmas Village, they have a different kind of dilemma. They’re overcome with kids…all kinds of offspring call this burg home. The schools are overcrowded and the super market can’t keep food on the shelves. As the little darlings grow, everything in Christmas Village seems to get smaller. It’s November and Thanksgiving is just around the corner, but the village people don’t talk about it. They don’t even have a recent head count. You see, it’s not that each family has so many children. The village people have done a very generous thing. They have taken in homeless  bunnies  from all around. They shouldn’t take more to raise, but who can say no to a homeless child.

Here comes the train with cars loaded with food and supplies. The merchants will be busy stocking the shelves and as with all the the local businesses, they will have record breaking sales. Because one business flourishes, it flows over to the others, but now there are too many village residents to keep up with all of their needs.

Charlie the engineer pulls into Christmas Village Station. He’s been thinking ever since the train pulled out of  Thanksgivington an hour ago. Charlie plans to talk to Mr. Fritz, the city manager. Charlie has an idea.

Mr. Fritz: Hi Charlie, What a nice surprise. You usually don’t take the time to come and say hello.

Charlie: Well, today Mr. Fritz, I have something to talk with you about. I just left Thanksgivington and they are in a real bad way over there. Did you know not one child lives there? It’s pretty sad. They get together for Thanksgiving because they are thankful for friends, family, health and the taxes are low (no school tax.) The average temperature is 70 degrees. Plus the church ladies put together a mean Thanksgiving dinner.

Well, the precious child you’re reading this to is about to nod off. (Unless you live in Thanksgivington.) I’ll give you the short ending. All of the Christmas village residents went to Thanksgivington for Thanksgiving and they divided up the  bunnies. Then all the Thanksgivington residents went to Christmas village for Christmas. They had a wonderful time with all the kids and lived happily ever after except Sally’s cat, but then, he’s never happy.

 Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. You are all right near the top of my list of people I’m grateful to have in my life. I’m even giving you a couple if days off. 

P.S. I don’t know who won the Christmas Extravaganza trophy…I didn’t go.

I’m on my way home, well not exactly home. I have to go check on Pearl and Grace and walk Pearl the dog first. I’m not there yet, but I almost am.

Grace got better.  Her son, Tim, said he knew she would if he threatened to take her to the hospital in Pierre. Doc Brown said she has to go on a diet now and lose at least ten pounds. The preacher’s wife told her about a weird kind of diet that makes the fat fall right off. I think I know why, too. The stuff she eats smells up the whole upstairs. If it seeps into the store below, they won’t like it. It takes your appetite right away.

*****************************

“I’m here Pearl…are you?”

“Yes I’m here. Pearl the dog has been very anxious to get out. She probably want’s to get away from all that cabbage Grace is cooking for her diet. We only have to smell it. Grace has to eat it. You know…she has inspired me. Her commitment to her health has me thinking of getting rid of my worst vice.”

“What’s that Pearl..gossiping?”

“I do not gossip, Essie. I only tell things to those who can keep a secret. I’ve decided to quit smoking. That is a huge step for me!”

“But Pearl, you only smoke air cigarettes. How is it going to help you to quit sucking and blowing plain old air?”

I thought that was a good question and I guess Pearl did too, because she had to think awhile before she answered me.’

“It’s all about self-discipline, Essie. I use my air cigarette smoking as a coping mechanism…a crutch, so to speak.”

Pearl barely got the words out of her mouth before she started blowing air. I didn’t say anything, but she could probably see my eyebrows go up.

“I’m going to start tomorrow. It’s unheard of to start breaking a bad habit in the middle of the day.”

Peal the dog and I went for a long walk. When we got back, she did not want to go back up the stairs to Pearl’s rooms. When I finally got her inside, I felt sorry for her. I wonder how long it will take Grace to lose ten pounds.

Three days later:

“Hi Pearl, I’m here…are you?”

“Of course I’m here where else would I be? Pearl the dog is lying by the back door. She’s been there all day. Are you late? It feels like you’re late!”

when I went into the living room and saw Pearl, I didn’t know what to think. She was still in her bathrobe and she was chewing a big wad of gum. She must have had two packs of empty gum wrappers in the ashtray next to her.

Before Pearl the dog and I could get out of there, Grace knocked on the door to Pearl’s kitchen. When Pearl yelled at her to come in, she did. I didn’t even have to ask what was in the pot she was carrying. By this time, I was very familiar with the odor of cabbage soup.

Grace looked at me, and said, “Will you please tell Pearl that I brought her some cabbage soup? I can’t eat another bite of it. Do you hear me? Not one more BITE!”

Pearl looked at me and said, “Would you please tell Grace that I’ll starve to death before I’ll take a bite of it. Do you hear me? Not one BITE!”

I think they must have waited all day for me to get there so they could yell at each other. I could feel a lot of pent-up feelings floating around in the air right along with the smell of cabbage soup.

“On second thought,” Pearl said. “Put that poison in the ice box. I’ve gained six pounds in three days.”

Grace put the soup in the refrigerator and then, fell into a chair.

“I’m so weak, I could hardly brush my dentures this morning,” Grace said as she reached for a stick of gum.

I could feel my ‘Power of Splendiferous’ come over me. “You are both mean and you look bad,” I said. “Pearl and I are going for a walk and when we get back, I want to see some serious air smoking going on, and Grace, go fix yourself a minced ham sandwich.”

“She’s right,” Pearl said. “Who wants to live forever anyway?”