If you have ever been to the gym or physical therapy, some trainers have crazy names for certain exercises or stretches. For instance, I usually do a floor exercise called the Dead Bug. It’s hard to explain let alone carry out but the other day I was trying to do 15 reps of 3 sets and I hurt myself. As I lay there saying ouch and some other cool words a few times, thinking about a possible scenario if I had to see a doctor, this came to mind.

“Doctor, I was trying to do 15 reps of the Dead Bug on the floor and hurt myself,” I would say.

“You mean you were on the floor after going after it and stomping on a dead bug?” the doctor might reply.

“No, I was exercising doing the Dead Bug and I think maybe I pulled a muscle. It hurts.”

“So is this bug dead? Were you trying to kill this bug? Did it hurt you?”

“No, Doctor. I was just lying down on my back with my knees bent and my arms straight up and doing the Dead Bug,” I explained.

“Ohhh, the dead bug is a dance!” this doctor might counter. “Or is it a Yoga pose?”

I was done trying to explain, in my imaginary meeting with this ghost doctor. I next would tell him or her about other exercises I knew.

“Doctor, I’m 70ish and trying to regularly exercise and I do a series of things like Cat Cows, Donkey Kicks, Clam Shells and the Bird Dog,” I informed him, like I knew what I was talking about.

The doctor would firmly say, “Here’s a prescription for pain. Next time don’t come see me. See a veterinarian!”

You know when we hit the 70’s in age, there are many things we need to face and experience especially regarding our health, not just exercising.

I went to the eye doctor last week finally. I hadn’t been to get my eyes checked for four years. The pandemic had kept me away plus a large dose of procrastination plus fears of facing the truth about my failing, fuzzy, unclear vision. Was I ready to see what was on line four at Dr. Lester’s office? Was I ready to take all those tests of my peripheral vision, recognize dots that move around on a field of white, have lights flashed in my eyes and answer questions challenging which letters I could see?

“Here’s one, here’s two. Which is clearer- one – click – or two? Click. One or two? Can you read any of those?”

“They both look pretty similar,” I replied to the doctor. I had to look through these lenses with a contraption pushed up against my eyes and nose. It was kinda like wearing a Halloween mask without the fun. He continued to project lines of letters all of which didn’t spell one darn word.

“Okay, here’s three, and four. Which is sharper, not just darker, but clearer?” He kept asking me this as he projected the lines of letters over and over. “Three or four?” Was that one a capital B or an 8? I’m not even sure there were numbers mixed in and why did some lines look like secret codes spies would use? I got more and more confused. Couldn’t they just flash lines of song lyrics or something fun to read instead of random letters? Jokes would work for me. Who writes this stuff? Probably some retired first grade teacher who studied the alphabet in reverse then got vindictive and threw in some numbers here and there.

Obviously I wasn’t passing these tests which is understandable because I hadn’t studied. When we were almost finished, the eye doctor exclaimed as he shone a tiny light into my eye and told me to look past his ear. “Oh my! Yup. It’s a cataract cloudy and thick. No wonder you cannot see out of your right eye very well.”

He said the other eye wasn’t as bad but I would need to go have cataract surgery on both and then return in a couple months for new glasses. He went over certain other tests and explained the anatomy of the eye which I sure hope he doesn’t test me on because I was getting pretty tired by then and would fail that also or maybe pull off a D-.

I was like a happy kid walking or rather skipping out of there into freedom and a chance I wouldn’t have anymore tests for some time. The questions had been tough and the exams were long, but the point is: get tested and see your doctors. It is important. Don’t be like me and put it off. So keep exercising and get your eyes checked regularly. Thank goodness for great health, experienced doctors, veterinarians and yoga instructors. Down dog!

BUT WE DO NOT LIKE VETERINARIANS.

Met up with an old friend today who my husband and I have known for 37 years. We see him more often now since his wife passed away and he needs good friends supporting him in these tough times.

We talked for 3 and a half hours at a local coffee shop discussing our recent holiday trips. All of us had seen family and had been going new places. We shared all the things we had done lately. Then since we’re 70ish we brought up old stories and people from our past. When we’re 70ish, it’s comforting to talk to friends who are 70ish.

We both hugged our friend as we first walked into the local coffee shop, I lifted my head up and said, “I don’t want to get makeup on your jacket!”

Our friend said, as he often does, “it’s all right. Oh, I have a makeup story!” He has lots of great stories with a solid memory to back them up. He started to tell us about when he was a teenager growing up in New Mexico and was dating a twin. His friend and he went double dating to their high school prom with Vonna and Donna. The twins tried to switch places but the guys knew they were trying to trick them because the twins had slight differences in speech and one was nearsighted and kept asking, “Who is that coming toward us?”

The twin our friend dated also wore thick foundation and loads of makeup. Our friend had borrowed his father’s white dinner jacket for prom night and when he got home, it was all stained on the shoulder with makeup. His Dad didn’t say anything to our friend’s relief and took the dinner jacket to the dry cleaner. Then in another few days he took the same girl to her prom because she went to a different high school. He asked to borrow the jacket from his dad again and without a word, his dad handed him the white dinner jacket, clean and bright. Boy was he happy.

Our old friend can tell stories all day long. Just mention something like “makeup” and he’ll tell you a story. Or like one of us mentioned how our hearing is getting worse since we’re 70ish. Boom. He told a story about his wife a few years back making him go get a hearing test. The doctor said that he had lost a little hearing but overall passed the test and can hear well. Going home that day after his doctor visit, he shared this with his wife. She was so ticked off and angry. She said,”So if your hearing is fine, then you just must not be listening to me when I talk.” He said he tried to listen to her more closely after that.