When you have someone dealing with cancer, you need to have the right equipment and resources. The professional physical therapists, occupational therapists and home health care nurses know what’s best. They are teaching me, the new healthcare giver, so much. It’s not easy teaching an old dog new tricks and being an old one who knows, it’s not easy teaching this old dog any tricks at all. But I’m trying to learn. The pros who come into our house to help are fantastic. They know how to help and support my husband as he deals with melanoma brain cancer and all that goes with it.

We have lived in our house since 1986 and added on plus remodeled but for my husband to get around we added a tension pole, a special arm release toilet that goes over the regular toilet and a shower tub bench. A useful tool in helping him move from wheelchair to couch or chair was the Gait belt. The PT is also using a side walker or hemi- walker to get my husband up and learning to walk around properly.

I’m in charge of the medications so these pill organizers have helped me stay on top of when he needs pills and what dose. I use one for nighttime meds and one for daytime medications.

I have to stress the importance of professional help. I was at a loss when my husband was diagnosed with cancer then had cyber knife treatments, started immunotherapy and later had seizures and couldn’t walk well. We were overwhelmed at what to do but a home healthcare company saved us! The physical therapist recommended equipment and aides then he came and installed it for us! The occupational therapist also helped with the best setup for our house and above all the safest setups. He gave suggestions and examples on how to get my husband stronger, more mobile and comfortable thereby increasing his self confidence at the same time.They both practiced exercises and movements for him to do to improve his overall strength. They were downright amazing.

The pole is a conversation piece when people come to visit and a few have even taken pictures. Some mention pole dancers but we’re just keeping it simple for now. Don’t think we should need to put up signs: NO POLE DANCING ALLOWED – at least not for now.

When my husband and I were called one day soon after his melanoma brain cancer diagnosis by the admitting department at Stanford, we jumped at the chance like two Jack rabbits on steroids, taking at least 4mg of steroids twice a day…with food. His primary care physician had referred him to a neurosurgeon at Stanford and we thought it would be months to get in but it took only a few weeks. We were beyond grateful. We were told to go to admitting at Stanford Palo Alto the next day.

We had previously attended an appointment with a neurosurgeon who accepted my husband after seeing brain scans also and he definitely expedited the process as well. In September we set out on a journey where Ken drove from his hospital bed on a bumpy road in a wheelchair trip for a biopsy under one arm which confirmed an unusual under the skin melanoma which metastasized to his brain. Many tumors were found in his brain He was often picked up from his bed by hospital staff to travel by wheelchair many times for CT scans and MRI tests. One time they took him to a specialist who made a mask for him. Not your normal Halloween mask. This mask would be fastened down on a table where it would hold his head still and would help with pinpointing radiation. This was called cyber knife treatment. We had never heard of cyber knife treatment. Was a true knife used? Was it really developed in cyberspace? Was it made popular by some sci fi movie? No and no. No. It sounded really awesome but no real knife was used and cyber is added to the term since it sounds cool. It was developed in the 1980’s and in 1991 used at Stanford. We were impressed. The best news was that no surgery would be needed on the 13 brain tumors…for now.

The treatment was used and after nine days in the hospital, with our wonderful kids and others visiting my husband, he was discharged and was going home. At that point he could walk and make sense in conversations. Things have changed since September. We have had our lives change. We’re still on the journey but our vehicles have shifted from fast moving sports cars at first to slow moving model T style vehicles slogging along with many flat tires along the medical roadways. We’re in a routine now and feeling more settled dealing with cancer, seizures and mobility issues. Our model T is parked out front. It’s gassed up but not going anywhere. We’re having setbacks and roadblocks. Will keep you posted.

When I found out my husband had melanoma metastatic brain cancer, it was at first not sinking in. No, the doctors and scans must be wrong. That cannot be true.

After more tests and a sobering visit to a Stanford neurosurgeon, complete with computer images showing the tumors, and detailed explanations, it did sink in, and the shock was felt and was overwhelming us and carrying us away on a tidal wave of emotions. Sometimes we’d be on the crest of the giant wave of feelings and other times we would come crashing down, covered in watery frothy clouds of despair. We’d be down a long time. Not drowning but barely keeping our heads above water.

Ken said one day to me that our lives would never be the same again and that’s true. Within about six months we went from Ken driving us everywhere to me driving. Over the months he had trouble walking which is the most difficult part of this change in our lifestyle. After treatments on the brain tumors and experiencing seizures, Ken is unable to do many things he could navigate just a few weeks ago.

We have been installing and learning about useful items to order or get through advice from a visiting physical therapist and occupational therapist since we signed up with a home health care company. We have gotten a wheelchair, special toilet that fits over regular one, a pole that works with tension so Ken can hold on and pull himself up, a shower tub bench, safety bars installed in a shower, a gait belt with handles to move him more easily, and a gel cushion for sitting comfortably in the wheelchair. There’s more, but it’s overwhelming to figure out how best to use all these items. It’s a lot for me to learn since I am the caregiver. I didn’t have to fill out an application, nor send in my resume or email my experience and qualifications for the job. I got it and I’m receiving on the job, hands on training. Ken is my best patient, my best partner and my only one. He can’t fire me and I can’t quit. This is part of being 70ish. I’m ready for the challenges even if I wasn’t ready a few months ago.

Neighbors, family and friends are helping by saying or texting things like: let us know if you need anything or we’re here for you any time of day or night or whatever you need don’t hesitate to ask/ if you need a walking buddy, groceries or food delivered, let us know. These people have been amazingly supportive. I’m definitely leaning on them for moral support as well as supplying trips to the grocery store, treatment centers and doctor’s appointments.

The Big C cannot be erased from our lives, but we can deal with it. I wouldn’t say we’re fighting cancer. We’re delaying it and sidestepping it. We’re learning how to live with it, as an older couple in their 70’s. Ready or not, here it comes.

We closed on our new little home in Van, and now we’re in the process of furnishing it. So far, we have a bed. Our sofa and chair are supposed to be delivered on Saturday. It’s been exactly one year since we moved into the RV full-time, and what a year it has been. We’ve spent time traveling and standing still. We much prefer the travel part, but who can afford to do that full-time?

I’ve ordered sheets, a bedspread, a blanket, a shower curtain, a mattress pad, towels, and a set of dishes. All that will be here in the next few days. We’ve picked out furniture for the 2nd bedroom, which will be used as a den, and a table and chair set. We’ll go buy those in the next couple of days. We still need end tables, which we haven’t found yet.

This is all very exciting and very expensive, but we’re thrilled and very grateful that everything so far has gone smoothly.

We have a driveway behind the fence that was built for RV parking. We’ll bring the motor home over the early part of next week when we’re ready to move into the house.

God is good, and like I said, we’re grateful. I can’t wait to write more fun and funny stories and poems as soon as I’m settled into the den. It won’t be the same as the cottage I had at the other house, but I have a feeling the creative juices will be more forthcoming. Like I’ve said a few times here, I’m full of gratitude.

Don’t you just love Val’s stories. They are so filled with humor and truths about being 70ish. Val is the best cousin and friend ever, and I couldn’t be more thrilled that Those 70ish girls has turned into such a fun joint venture.