Those 70ish Girls

https://maryfrancismcninch.com/2022/04/17/murdo-girl-easter-is-a-joyful-time/

I have been fortunate while caring for my husband who has melanoma brain cancer, that neighbors have stopped in once in a while and stayed with him while I take a walk with the dog or go out with friends for lunch or do errands. It’s nice to take a break and just short ones can go a long way in renewing your energy. We have one friend who brings treats and snacks.

This friend brought over homemade chocolate brownies with chopped walnuts. We chatted a bit then suggested we go sit in the sun out on the patio out front where it was sunny and warm. I got Ken down the two steps on our front porch going backwards just like the kind young Occupational Therapist had trained me to do. We two sat in lawn chairs and my husband sat comfortably in the wheelchair with a baseball cap on just soaking up the delicious sunshine. What an idea to simply take our conversation outside. The move immediately lifted our spirits, helping not only the patient but helping the caregiver and visitor. Then I decided to bring the brownies outside. Not only were we in sunshine warmth but now we reveled in chocolatey heaven, munching on chewy delicious brownies. It did us all good.

STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES

The breaks you take don’t have to be long nor far away. The simplest ones feel like a long nap, rejuvenating every sore muscle and aching back. Our brownie backing phenom is an angel in disguise. While my husband and I get frustrated sitting at home waiting for the next meal when I give him his next round of pills, this good friend comes by with treats and stories to share while we sit in the bright spring sunshine. He has also brought a giant jar of biscotti, a plate of chocolate chip yum cookies, a frozen lasagne, and also shared books he finds helpful.

Another neighbor came over this week to say hi to us as we sat outside and walked casually over to the front porch.

“You haven’t gotten ramps made yet for the wheelchair. I can make them. I’ve got the supplies,” he said nonchalantly. He pulled out a tape measure and started measuring the doorway, then the first step down out the front door. The next step at the porch end he measure next as talked the whole time. He is known in the neighborhood as a real chatterbox and you don’t get much chance to cut in once he starts gabbing. We just let him go. As he left with measurements recorded on his phone, I mentioned we could maybe pay him or reimburse him for materials. Geez, was that a mistake. He wanted to help us out since we were having to go through cancer and tough times in our old age.

He brought one ramp the next day and the last one the following day complete with indoor/outdoor carpet lining both ramps. They were definitely homemade but did the trick. No more struggling to get my husband in his wheelchair out the front door and into the car for appointments. This neighbor definitely is a true helpful person. We had put off getting ramps and just struggled through for months. This kind man helped immensely with just a simple gesture and our life was easier in just a couple days time. We are so thankful for our neighbor.

When people have cancer, you know they are on a lot of meds plus they are dealing with maybe chemo or immunotherapy treatments. Prescriptions pile up. We have one entire shelf in our kitchen stocked with medication, vitamins and dare I say it? Yup, laxatives. Old folks get to be pretty familiar with the subject.

It can be embarrassing, emotional and moving, quite moving, when it comes to – dare I say – constipation, another difficult word. It’s an education in itself knowing which laxatives work. There are little pills in bright colors, liquids, gritty powders, white milky concoctions, one even combines the words MIRACLE AND LAX, and there are flavored candy ones, and don’t get me started on the difference between laxatives and here goes, stool softeners. I will admit you can get involved more than you intend with reading labels and finding which products work. And you might need time to determine if a laxative, pardon me, produces results. Don’t give up though, however frustrating the search can be. Constipation is uncomfortable to experience as well as discuss on any level, especially if you’re young.

There is also a tea you can drink to help get unstuck. It’s called Smooth Move and it is a laxative also. It’s a soothing, hot and relaxing drink. I think the word “laxative” comes down to another word: relax. It’s important to relax and let the relaxative work.

When I was younger, I would’ve fainted with embarrassment discussing constipation, laxatives and being regular. Those were dirty words which I avoided like other terms: bowel movement, diarrhea, colons and so on. Heaven forbid even thinking of those, Who needs those bad words in their fresh young mind?

Our 40 year old son recently helped grocery shop and accidentally bought a popular laxative for us (if laxatives can even be popular) since they weren’t what we wanted. He brought home by mistake suppositories not pills. We asked him to please return them. He kindly obliged. Taking the bottle of suppositories and the receipt back to the pharmacy counter, he explained to the young man behind the counter that he didn’t want this laxative type – suppositories. The pharmacy sales representative looked confused and said they WERE a laxative – why weren’t they satisfactory? So our son explained that they were suppositories and tried to crudely explain how they’re used but our son got cut off. The sales representative held up his hand halfway through the explanation and stopped the conversation.

“Say no more, please,” the young man replied and proceeded to refund our son the money and take back the bottle of suppositories, no more explaining needed.

Here’s hoping you’re doing well in the regularity department and can be just a regular person in more ways than one.

I gotta go now and drink my prune juice. Hey! Don’t get me started again.

DRIED PRUNES WORK WELL ALSO.

THESE WEEKLY PILL BOXES HELP ORGANIZE MEDICATIONS AND HELP KEEP A CAREGIVER ON TOP OF MEDS FOR THE PATIENT. I LIKE THEM.

When you have someone dealing with cancer, you need to have the right equipment and resources. The professional physical therapists, occupational therapists and home health care nurses know what’s best. They are teaching me, the new healthcare giver, so much. It’s not easy teaching an old dog new tricks and being an old one who knows, it’s not easy teaching this old dog any tricks at all. But I’m trying to learn. The pros who come into our house to help are fantastic. They know how to help and support my husband as he deals with melanoma brain cancer and all that goes with it.

We have lived in our house since 1986 and added on plus remodeled but for my husband to get around we added a tension pole, a special arm release toilet that goes over the regular toilet and a shower tub bench. A useful tool in helping him move from wheelchair to couch or chair was the Gait belt. The PT is also using a side walker or hemi- walker to get my husband up and learning to walk around properly.

I HAD NEVER SEEN ONE OF THESE BEFORE. THEY ARE GREAT!

I’m in charge of the medications so these pill organizers have helped me stay on top of when he needs pills and what dose. I use one for nighttime meds and one for daytime medications.

ONE FOR NIGHTTIME AND ONE FOR DAYTIME. You only need to refill once a week. Easy!

THIS EQUIPMENT HELPS SO MUCH FOR CHAIR BOUND PATIENTS OR PATIENTS WITH WEAK LEGS. THE TENSION POLE GIVES STRONG SUPPORT WHEN PATIENTS NEED TO PULL THEMSELVES UP OR GET BACK IN THE WHEELCHAIR OR ONTO THE TOILET. Toilet arms are easily retracted on this one.

THE TUB TO SHOWER BENCH IS GREAT AS IS A HANDHELD SHOWER.

OOPS- HERE IS ONE! OUR SON RECENTLY INSTALLED THIS ONE. HANDHELD IS MUCH EASIER FOR THE PATIENT TO MANIPULATE. I NEED TO CLEAN IN HERE I SEE!

I have to stress the importance of professional help. I was at a loss when my husband was diagnosed with cancer then had cyber knife treatments, started immunotherapy and later had seizures and couldn’t walk well. We were overwhelmed at what to do but a home healthcare company saved us! The physical therapist recommended equipment and aides then he came and installed it for us! The occupational therapist also helped with the best setup for our house and above all the safest setups. He gave suggestions and examples on how to get my husband stronger, more mobile and comfortable thereby increasing his self confidence at the same time.They both practiced exercises and movements for him to do to improve his overall strength. They were downright amazing.

The pole is a conversation piece when people come to visit and a few have even taken pictures. Some mention pole dancers but we’re just keeping it simple for now. Don’t think we should need to put up signs: NO POLE DANCING ALLOWED – at least not for now.

When my husband and I were called one day soon after his melanoma brain cancer diagnosis by the admitting department at Stanford, we jumped at the chance like two Jack rabbits on steroids, taking at least 4mg of steroids twice a day…with food. His primary care physician had referred him to a neurosurgeon at Stanford and we thought it would be months to get in but it took only a few weeks. We were beyond grateful. We were told to go to admitting at Stanford Palo Alto the next day.

We had previously attended an appointment with a neurosurgeon who accepted my husband after seeing brain scans also and he definitely expedited the process as well. In September we set out on a journey where Ken drove from his hospital bed on a bumpy road in a wheelchair trip for a biopsy under one arm which confirmed an unusual under the skin melanoma which metastasized to his brain. Many tumors were found in his brain He was often picked up from his bed by hospital staff to travel by wheelchair many times for CT scans and MRI tests. One time they took him to a specialist who made a mask for him. Not your normal Halloween mask. This mask would be fastened down on a table where it would hold his head still and would help with pinpointing radiation. This was called cyber knife treatment. We had never heard of cyber knife treatment. Was a true knife used? Was it really developed in cyberspace? Was it made popular by some sci fi movie? No and no. No. It sounded really awesome but no real knife was used and cyber is added to the term since it sounds cool. It was developed in the 1980’s and in 1991 used at Stanford. We were impressed. The best news was that no surgery would be needed on the 13 brain tumors…for now.

The treatment was used and after nine days in the hospital, with our wonderful kids and others visiting my husband, he was discharged and was going home. At that point he could walk and make sense in conversations. Things have changed since September. We have had our lives change. We’re still on the journey but our vehicles have shifted from fast moving sports cars at first to slow moving model T style vehicles slogging along with many flat tires along the medical roadways. We’re in a routine now and feeling more settled dealing with cancer, seizures and mobility issues. Our model T is parked out front. It’s gassed up but not going anywhere. We’re having setbacks and roadblocks. Will keep you posted.

When I found out my husband had melanoma metastatic brain cancer, it was at first not sinking in. No, the doctors and scans must be wrong. That cannot be true.

After more tests and a sobering visit to a Stanford neurosurgeon, complete with computer images showing the tumors, and detailed explanations, it did sink in, and the shock was felt and was overwhelming us and carrying us away on a tidal wave of emotions. Sometimes we’d be on the crest of the giant wave of feelings and other times we would come crashing down, covered in watery frothy clouds of despair. We’d be down a long time. Not drowning but barely keeping our heads above water.

Ken said one day to me that our lives would never be the same again and that’s true. Within about six months we went from Ken driving us everywhere to me driving. Over the months he had trouble walking which is the most difficult part of this change in our lifestyle. After treatments on the brain tumors and experiencing seizures, Ken is unable to do many things he could navigate just a few weeks ago.

We have been installing and learning about useful items to order or get through advice from a visiting physical therapist and occupational therapist since we signed up with a home health care company. We have gotten a wheelchair, special toilet that fits over regular one, a pole that works with tension so Ken can hold on and pull himself up, a shower tub bench, safety bars installed in a shower, a gait belt with handles to move him more easily, and a gel cushion for sitting comfortably in the wheelchair. There’s more, but it’s overwhelming to figure out how best to use all these items. It’s a lot for me to learn since I am the caregiver. I didn’t have to fill out an application, nor send in my resume or email my experience and qualifications for the job. I got it and I’m receiving on the job, hands on training. Ken is my best patient, my best partner and my only one. He can’t fire me and I can’t quit. This is part of being 70ish. I’m ready for the challenges even if I wasn’t ready a few months ago.

Neighbors, family and friends are helping by saying or texting things like: let us know if you need anything or we’re here for you any time of day or night or whatever you need don’t hesitate to ask/ if you need a walking buddy, groceries or food delivered, let us know. These people have been amazingly supportive. I’m definitely leaning on them for moral support as well as supplying trips to the grocery store, treatment centers and doctor’s appointments.

The Big C cannot be erased from our lives, but we can deal with it. I wouldn’t say we’re fighting cancer. We’re delaying it and sidestepping it. We’re learning how to live with it, as an older couple in their 70’s. Ready or not, here it comes.

We closed on our new little home in Van, and now we’re in the process of furnishing it. So far, we have a bed. Our sofa and chair are supposed to be delivered on Saturday. It’s been exactly one year since we moved into the RV full-time, and what a year it has been. We’ve spent time traveling and standing still. We much prefer the travel part, but who can afford to do that full-time?

I’ve ordered sheets, a bedspread, a blanket, a shower curtain, a mattress pad, towels, and a set of dishes. All that will be here in the next few days. We’ve picked out furniture for the 2nd bedroom, which will be used as a den, and a table and chair set. We’ll go buy those in the next couple of days. We still need end tables, which we haven’t found yet.

This is all very exciting and very expensive, but we’re thrilled and very grateful that everything so far has gone smoothly.

We have a driveway behind the fence that was built for RV parking. We’ll bring the motor home over the early part of next week when we’re ready to move into the house.

God is good, and like I said, we’re grateful. I can’t wait to write more fun and funny stories and poems as soon as I’m settled into the den. It won’t be the same as the cottage I had at the other house, but I have a feeling the creative juices will be more forthcoming. Like I’ve said a few times here, I’m full of gratitude.

Don’t you just love Val’s stories. They are so filled with humor and truths about being 70ish. Val is the best cousin and friend ever, and I couldn’t be more thrilled that Those 70ish girls has turned into such a fun joint venture.