I have been bitten by the green-eyed monster…more than once. Maybe even more than two or three times. Jealousy sure can suck up a lot of energy.
You know how I have talked about wanting to be Connie like and copying other people’s hairstyles, clothes, and whatever else strikes my fancy? I don’t think that’s wrong. It’s more like a form of flattery unless you become a stalker or something. Well, I’ve stolen things, and I just have to tell about it. I can’t hide my obvious wrong doing anymore.
The first time, I was only five. What made my actions so bad is that I tried to make a deal first. When that didn’t work, I just stole what I wanted.
Lois Lillabridge was my friend. Actually, I was born because Mom’s friend Marse wanted to have another baby, and she talked Mom into having one too. When you think about it, I already owed Lois my life, but then…I stole her shoes.
She had ballerina flats with rhinestones. I had pink canvas shoes with white stitching on them. When Lois was moving to Gregory, I asked her if she would trade shoes with me and she said no. I tried hard to accept her answer. Eventually, I just took her shoes.
I was not without remorse. One day I saw the moving truck in front of her house. All their stuff was being loaded up, so I knew the move was happening soon. I thought I should do something, but giving the ballerina flats back to their rightful owner was not an option.
I took my pink shoes and laid them on the sidewalk in front of Lois’s house. Then I waited…nothing happened. No call from Lois’s Mom. No being hauled in by the scruff of my neck by Mom…just nothingness. So, when was I going to wear the stolen goods? Never of course. I never could bring myself to wear the lifted shoes.
You’d think I would have learned my lesson.
The next fit of jealously also had to do with material things. Some friends from California came to Murdo and stayed at our house for several weeks. They were in Murdo dealing with some extended family issues.
Anyway, they brought their only child Paula with them. They had to stay longer than expected, so Paula needed a few more clothes to wear. Her Mother went to Lee Beckwith’s store and bought the same outfit in five different colors.
I stared at those outfits and almost drooled over them. After seeing Paula’s clothes, I let it be known that I hated all of my clothes. It didn’t do any good. I didn’t live in a democracy. I had no voice in my house. Ask and you shall receive, was a pipe dream.
As I grew older, the objects of my envy changed. I was jealous of my friends and cousins who had brother’s and sisters to play with. They had built in playmates. I suffered through more than a few long Sunday afternoons. Most kids couldn’t play outside the home because Sunday was “family” day. I got to sit around doing nothing while my parents ate a huge Sunday dinner, then read the newspaper from end to end. Since my brother was in California, I had all the downsides of being an only child with none of the benefits. There was a sibling, which meant my parents were occasionally distracted by him and some of their resources had his name on them too.
I had learned not to express my discontent to Mom because she always said the same thing. “Everyone has their cross to bear or bare.” (I looked online and no one knows which spelling is correct.) It took years for me to understand what that meant. Now I think of that phrase almost daily. Everyone has problems. They say if you took a group of people, threw all of their problems in the middle and let them choose someone else’s woes, everyone would keep their own. I think there is truth to that.
I can honestly say, I haven’t been jealous of anyone or anything in years. I’ve been able to curb my thievery and everything. If people start missing things, they don’t always look at me funny anymore. I’ve been rehabilitated. I’m not always as grateful as I should be, but I am sincerely happy when good things happen to other people. I also feel true empathy when someone has a heavy cross to bear or bare. I am fortunate to have some great people in my life who have helped me tote my crosses around.
Yes, I’m a changed person. You do believe me right??
She’s not in this lineup..What’s a lineup?..Why are we in a line?
Be careful…She has several disguises