This is Murdo Girl, and I’m in Murdo. You have probably all heard there has been a crack up reporter in town throwing my good name around like an overly inflated basketball. She describes me as being stunningly talented. Although she is paraphrasing, she pretty much hits the mark.
Word has gotten to Murdo Girl, that Yram Sicnarf has (to use a popular political term), “misspoken”. Please try not to judge her too harshly. It’s pretty obvious that Miss Sicnarf worships the ground Murdo Girl walks on.
Speaking of walking on the ground, I feel I must settle the score with Coach Applebee. Yram messed up her interview with him, and I am here to clear the air ball. I have enlisted the assistance of Miss Sicnarf’s photographic drawing person. So shall we make this unselfish gesture at halftime?
Wait! The buzzer is about to signal the end of the first half of one of the most critical basketball games in the history of Harold Thune Auditorium. Mr. Thune has a son with a sign, and he also has this very auditorium named after him. Let’s see if we can catch up with Coach Applebee.
Murdo Girl: Coach Applebee!!
Murdo Girl (whistleing) WIOWHIT! Then with an outreached microphone, she rushes toward Coach Applebee…
Coach Applebee turns slowly to face Murdo Girl, and in the process, rams his head into the outreached microphone. He glares, and his face is a rather deep red. (Murdo Girl wonders if the photographic drawing person has that particular shade of red in her pallet.)
Murdo Girl: Hello Coach.. sorry about the goose egg..I have come to give you the points you need to win this game.
Coach Applebee: (His head has an indentation the size of a microphone.) Have you looked at the scoreboard Murdo Girl? The opposing team stinks. We’re ahead by 20 and the other team has a very shallow bench. Come to think of it, you must relate to the term, “shallow.”
Murdo Girl: Oh, but Coach, I am as deep as the wood on this floor. The admittedly gleaming surface, is trampled on nightly. People walk all over it whenever they find the need to stroll around in the Harold Thune Auditorium. Tell me coach, do you have to pay for the upkeep of this massive surface that bares/bears your name?
Coach Applebee: Nice try MG. I’m one step on my floor ahead of you. Do you remember the class of 1970? They taught me a valuable lesson. I told them they had to cut their bangs so the unsightly hair didn’t fall below their eyebrows. I don’t require that anymore. I let them mop the floor with it.
Murdo Girl: (Imagine a bubble over her head as she recalls an interview she had with a #basketball..#star..#1970 classmate.) # means hashtag
“Let me explain our haircuts. Coach Applebee told us when we pulled our hair down over our forehead, it better be shorter than our eyebrows. Being a rebel class, we all got together and reported to the locker room with hair that was definitely too long. Once in the locker room we pulled down each other’s hair and cut only the bangs with the athletic tape scissors. I am surprised anyone outside of basketball knew what was going on. And yes, it did look like we used a knife. You will be happy to know we were able to practice because our bangs passed the test. We did not care that we looked like dorks.”
Murdo Girl:(She whispers into the mic, which makes a screeching noise.) Look Coach, I have always thought you deserved to have the court you ruled over for so many years named after you. I know all about courts. I’m tight with the Queen you know.
I am the namesake of an entire town. I do what I can to take care of it, but let’s face it, 488 people can do a lot of damage. I’m in your court Coach. Now that we’ve tied that up, I need to visit Mr. Palmer up in the Marvin Palmer Crow’s nest. Man, all those burned out light bulbs have got to be the cause of more than a few sour notes. Light bulbs are expensive. Thanks for your time coach, You’re the best! Now go out there and shove that team right off their shallow bench.
FYI…I played for the girls basketball team named after our Coach and Superintendent, Maury Haugland. We were Haugland’s Heroes. More about that later!
WHERE IS MY GOOD MAN APPLEFLOOR..I’M HERE FOR DRIVER’S ED