It’s Saturday night and the last night of the Lone Wolf County Convention. We all know what that means…It’s time for Barney’s big speech. The Harold Thune Auditorium will soon be filled with delegates, or voters…whatever you want to call them. Barney needs 300 votes tonight to stay in the race for Next Pres. Murdo Girl has 300 of the 600 available. We’ll check in with Barney later, but right now let’s see what’s going on at the Murdo Girl Campground Compound.
The Murdo Girl team is enjoying a free continental breakfast. Geez…What they lack in expertise, they make up for in numbers.
A I, Yram, Jerry, Carol, Sherri, Treason, Laura, Bart, Smart, and Braveheart. Aggressive Informant, Interviewer, Bean Counter, Singer, Photographic Drawer, Treason to the Murdo Coyote, Town Cryer, and the 3 bodyguards. The VP candidate, Lav is not present. She’s still suffering from Crownitis and has taken to her bed in the pop-up camper. The C and the CC of the CCC took a couple of days off to go see Mount Rushmore. They will be having a committee meeting when they return. All are accounted for except the Queen and Murdo Girl.
A l: I have information to inform, but I’m waiting until Murdo Girl gets here. Hey Bart, Smart, and Braveheart, why aren’t you with MG? Aren’t you her bodyguards?
Braveheart looks at, Bart, who looks at Smart.
Smart: She’s just over at the Pioneer Auto Museum trying to talk Mr. Geisler into letting her ride in that red Impala convertible for a while. None of us are much on walking and MG doesn’t want us to ride with Thelma Lou and Louise anymore. She didn’t think it looked right for us to be in Barney’s parade.
Okay..we’ll get back to this nothingness later. Let’s go see what Mr. Excitement is up to.
Barney and his team are already at the auditorium, where in his nervousness, he’s mostly sniffing and pulling his pants up. Talk about high pockets…
Welcome to the Lone Wolf 2016 County Convention
Thelma Lou: Some of you local yokels might not know me, but I’m Thelma Lou, and that redhead over there filing her nails is my friend Louise. We are the C and the CCC of the LWCC. Wow..that is one heck of a mouthful even for someone as articulated as me. Now I want to throw my 2 cents in about Barney before I let him come up here and tell ya all how he’s gonna get this country runnin right as rain again. Barney is a sweet guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly even if it was flying around his head and making him go cross-eyed, which I’ve seen happen a time or two.
Okay let’s get the little giant to come on up here. After the big balloon dropping finale is over, we want to invite you all over to Fern’s Cafe. Louise and I gotta go back to work and Pat Bechard made a delicious chocolate cake that she did not know would be served up to Barney Fife supporters. Me and Louise are the type that make things happen, if you know what I mean.
Barney: (sniff), I know I’m a little bit new to Murdo, (sniff), and that could be a good thing. Ya see, (pulls pants up), I might be just a little bit more “worldly” than Murdo Girl. I’ve been out in the big bad world, and I’ve seen a thing or two. You might be questioning my background and asking yourself what old Barney’s vision of the future is. I’ve got 5 words for ya. Nip It In The Bud! Nip -it-in-the-bud. Nip, Nip, Nip…
Someone stands up in the crowd. They must be going to heckle or something. All eyes turn to face the interrupter. Uh Oh…
A I: Okay Mr. Rogers, Captain Kangaroo, and Batman all rolled into one..I’ve been out aggressively doing my diligence. I want to ask all these delegates, or voters, or whatever you want to call them. Does this look like someone you want for Next Pres?
A I holds up a HUGE picture of what looks like Deputy Fife in a compromising situation.
Thelma Lou: What’s the matter Lover Boy? You have got guilty written all over your face
Louise: You wanna shoot Barnyard Barney? Or do want me to?
To add to the already troubling situation, Guess who walks in just in time to witness these atrocities?
Barney: WH, wh, what are you good citizens doing here?
Coach: We’re just here to watch. We haven’t had this much excitement in Murdo since Murdo Girl won the title of Betty Crocker Homemaker of Tomorrow in 70. Unless you count the time her brother won the joke telling contest in 2011.
Billy Francis, Suzanne Brost, Ralph Thomas, Valerie Leckey Halla, Joe Thomas (participants in the joke telling contest of 2011
Will Barney get the 300 votes necessary to tie it up with Murdo Girl or will his campaign go by the way of the porcelain throne? If it is a tied up contest between Barney and Murdo Girl, will there be a surprise voter/delegate/whatever who is elibible to break the tie? Will Thelma Lou and Barney make-up or break-up? Will Lav recover soon or be a permanent sloth? Will Yram snag another good interview? Will Murdo Girl get another ride in the red Convertible?
Hey..there’s Brad Pitt..Didn’t he used to be friends with Thelma Lou and Louise? He’s with Yram..and Yram has the red convertible. (There’s gotta be some perks to writing all these stories.)