I don’t remember the first time I realized not everybody loves me. Some might not even like me. It made sense to me that if I liked everyone, then they would have no reason not to like me right? It sounds simple and easy, but of course it isn’t.
Oh, there were the occassional spats all little kids have with their playmates. Those arguments over who gets a certain toy or who gets to go first. Fights with siblings don’t really count. Those power plays are a natural part of living within a family. Everyone has to carve out their own niches and establish their own boundaries.
Some people can’t handle praise. If we get 100 affirmations and one negative opinion, why is it that some of us concentrate on the one negative?
None of this applies to Yram Sicnarf.
When a crack up reporter completes an interview, the next step is to write it up for submission to the media or other powers that be. Yesterday, we witnessed Yram’s interview with Dean Lindquist and friends. This is how our crack up reporter remembers it. Were we all at the same events?
THE PARTY AND OTHER THINGS By YRAM SICNARF
Due to my tenacity and well known journalistic skills, I, Yram Sicnarf was asked to cover the Lindquist Birthday bash and other things. The goal was to interview as many Murdoites as possible.
The event was star studded. The garage was packed full of fans. (They were all on high. It was hot.) The red carpet was a virtual parade of well wishers. Everyone wanted to know who did my hair and make-up. The questions just kept coming and coming.
Anyway, the first person I saw was Mr. Thune. He was accompanied to the party by his two sons Bob and Rich. Apparently they had read my in-depth interview with their Father Harold. I tried to tell them there were so many people I needed to visit with, I really didn’t have a lot of time for an exclusive with them.
Bob was pretty nice, but Rich started to ask me questions about the Murdo History Quiz. He seemed surprised that I didn’t know the answers to any of it. Murdo Girl’s brother Billy and I gathered all the information and prepared the quiz, but I hadn’t paid that much attention to the answers. I did what I always do when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I referred him to my Aggressive investigator, A I. I mean what’s the use of having an entourage if you’re not going to use them? Technically, they’re Murdo Girl’s people, but she lets me use them whenever I want to.
A I: Well Mr. Thune, what specifically are you questioning about the questions written in the form of a question on the questionnaire quiz thing?
Rich: Who are you?
A I: I’m Murdo Girl’s Aggressive Informant. She has a lot of cronies on her team. I was an aggressive basketball player on a rival team when we were in High School. Even though I knocked her and some of the other Murdo Coyote players on their spanks, she hired me to dig up dirt on people. She must really like my work, because she is trying to find a spot for me in her cabinet. She’s Next Pres you know. You want a picture with me? You probably don’t know too many cronies of successful politicians do you?
Rich: I don’t know any cronies, but I do have a brother who is a United States Senator. I’ll pass on the photo-op.
A I: Well, okay, but if you change your mind, I’ll be hanging around the Photographic Drawer.
This is Yram again. I finally made my way to Mr. Lindquist and I asked him the following pertinent questions:
I don’t remember much about that, but I’m sure I asked him questions… didn’t I? Oh well, I do remember wondering why Sherri the photographic drawer was over in the corner apparently drawing a photograph of Carol wearing a blonde wig and singing “Happy birthday Mr. Lindquist.” I did love that sequined dress.
when Lav and I came to, I mean woke up the next morning, the car was moving, which was okay, because I realized it’s not good for a crack up reporter to stay in one place too long. You have to circulate. The Town Crier was driving and before we knew it we were back at the Motel. Perfect! We headed right over to the lobby for a delightfully free breakfast.
Later, during the parade, I pursued some “man on the street” interviews. I was on foot, because the red convertible was in the parade. Murdo Girl and Lav got to ride in it. Lav is going to wear that car out!
The first man on the street was a girl who asked me not to use her name. Any good reporter worth their salt will always honor a request like that. I’ll refer to her as Arenkay Idersnay. When we were in High school, her last name was Erdigfay. We just made small talk for a while. When I zeroed in on the burning questions, she told me she was there to watch the parade, so I promised her I’d catch up with her later.
By then, my feet were pounding and my head was starting to swell. When I was walking back down the courthouse hill, I saw Coach Applebee driving up the hill. I tried to get his attention, but he appeared to be avoiding making eye contact with me. It’s nothing to me, but I was just going to tell him he was about to run right smack into a parade coming his way. Hey! Now that’s a bit of breaking news don’t you think? I decided I would write it up and have Sherri draw the photograph later.
The Murdo Coyote would like to make a correction to the copy concerning the parade accident. It should be crash up, meaning the fender bender, and crack up, referring to the reporter. You know how it is with those interlopers who try to sensationalize everything. There was plenty of room for Dean’s truck to get by the Driver’s Ed car, but Miss Sicnarf yelled “LOOK OUT!!” both drivers were distracted and didn’t know whether to stop or go, and they both gunned it. The only thing injured was the two men’s pride.