Let me paraphrase what is happening today at the soon to be famous Cowboy Ranch. Everyone is twitterpated because today is the first day of rehearsal. Producer/writer Stephanie Spielberg finished writing the first scenes of the new movie and will be meeting with all the actors and crew to do a run through. The Cowboy plans to be there which is why everyone is a little nervous, and rightly so. He has the future of a great many people in his hands and nobody wants to mess up.
Hi…I’m the camera girl…my name is Kodak Kadoka. I was named after a camera and a town. I also do some freelance bull riding.
Producer Stephanie: I hope everyone is as excited as I am to start production on this fabulous movie. I’m sometimes amazed by my own talent. My sister, Sissy is going to give everyone a copy of the script, but don’t look at it until I say you can. Sissy, of course is the assistant of the director with a megaphone. Her full name is Sissy Spacek Spielberg, but we just call her Sissy. We’re identical twins, except for my unfortunate musical birthmark.
Anyway…Have you all been given a script? Okay, let me explain the setting. We are all at the mansion which has been turned into a veterinary clinic on the inside. We’ve taken the back half of the place and turned it into an old country clinic with a barn outback. Dr. Longhorn and Dr. Howliday are still pretty poor, because people in the country, who live on farms and ranches, don’t like to share the wealth. They aren’t at all like our benefactor, the rich Cowboy. Oh, hi Mr. Cowboy, I didn’t see you there…how nice. The first scene takes place in a barn, with a cow who is having trouble giving birth. Lav, since you are playing the big animal doctor, you are helping poor Bessie or whatever her name is push that baby out!
Lav: How am I going to pretend I’m helping Bessie push her baby out, and it says here I only have one word to say…”Push!”
Producer Stephanie: Oh my dear, you won’t be pretending. There is a cow giving birth in the barn right now, just waiting for you to help her out. Didn’t I tell you I was good? As soon as we’ve filmed the scene, I’ll fix you some chamomile tea. Oh dear…I think that’s the wrong cow…yes it’s this cow over here.
Lav: Push Bessie Push. I can’t look, is she pushing?
Director with a megaphone: Cut! You said too many words. Stick to your lines please… Take two!
Lav: I don’t look cute. I would rather play a cute person. It stinks real bad in here!
Producer Stephanie: We’re going to have to take a break. The men are here to deliver the outhouse. It smells even worse than the barn. Maybe we should just ditch the Bessie giving birth idea. Maybe a horse…Would you like to help a horse, dear?
At about that time, Lav/Doctor Longhorn starts to scream. Help!! The baby cow is coming!! I don’t know nothin about birthing no babies. (I think Stephanie stole that line from Gone with the Wind).
Director with a megaphone: Start rolling, this could be it!! This is sensational…where’s Dr. Longhorn?
Tattletale Cowboy: I hate to tell on her, but I think she passed out!
Producer Stephanie seems to be nonplussed…Does anything get to her? The only thing that gives her away is all the tea she’s consuming. She won’t be able to stay away from the stinky outhouse tonight.
Producer Stephanie: Slurp..slurp, Well then, let’s move onto the small animals. They’re inside the fake clinic. Come MG/Dr. Howliday, you will be working on a dog with a highly contagious disease.
The Casting Director: I have been interviewing dogs all morning. He is by far the sickest.
MG/ Dr. Howliday: Yikes!! Is that dog really sick? How about I save a sick bear? We can use Odrum. He’s a small bear.
Executive producer Stephanie: Tea and cake time.!!!..Come on Sissy. Let’s start baking and brewing.
This is hilarious…I said no to the sick dog part. Don’t tell the Tattler Cowboy where I am.
You okay ma’am?
We’re auditioning for the small animal parts tomorrow
Well, as the sun sets on another beautiful South Dakota evening, We can reflect on today. We thought it went quite well didn’t you?
South Dakota Sunset by Amber Diehm