I told my writer to use today to beef up my story a little. I’ve been a little worried about her level of concentration. I hate to embarrass her, but a dog’s gotta do what a dog’s gotta do.
Do you know what she’s up to right now? She’s making a grilled cheese sandwich and chips for lunch. She had two pieces of peanut butter toast for breakfast. It’s only 8:00 a.m. If she does like she’s been doing, she’ll have her afternoon snack about noon. She has made a chocolate cake, walnut bars and banana bread in the past few days. This morning she weighed herself and screamed. Now she’s looking for sweatpants.
Do you see why I’m worried about my story? Bessie is worried too. She couldn’t believe it when she read her script and it said she had a milk cow named Bessie, too. We’ve seen that movie before with Pearl the human and Pearl the dog.
We just want you to know that from now on, we’re going to have more input.
I’m really sorry that you all have to be socially distant. I hope you’ve stocked up on bones and your dog has a few frisbees or a ball. It would be good if between meals you threw them to him or her. It might help keep the screams down.
BTW, I’m pretty sure your dog is sick of the news. Try Lassie or Rin Tin Tin. I’m not crazy about Old Yeller. It doesn’t end well.
Well, keep a stiff upper lip, your back to the wind and keep your tail wagging. Pray for your fellow human and don’t cut your bangs or bark up the wrong tree.
Arf the actor turned…
Arf Diehm, Reporter at large
Hey Arf! Someone by the name of Venus wants to talk to you.