Yram has heard so much about this Loretta person that her nose for news has led her to track down this Loretta person.
Using her wily ways, Yram intends to snag an interview that is sure to be one that can stop the presses at the Murdo Coyote Newspaper and give Yram another feather in her cap. It’s been so long since she got the first one, she can’t even remember who she interviewed.
Since Loretta is known to frequent Mack’s Cafe, Yram decides to check there first and ask the first person she sees if she knows where Loretta is.
“You can sit anywhere you like,” the first person she sees says.
“Thanks, but I don’t want to sit. I was wondering if you could tell me where Loretta might be.”
“Have you tried her house? She spends a lot of time there.”
“Well, no…Great idea!”
“She has a motel and a house down by the highway. You can’t miss the motel, but the house is a little hard to find. It’s underground. Good luck…I gotta run.”
With that, the waitress goes back and sits at a table where she is enjoying a Bing and a Coke. Yram makes a mental note to make friends with this waitress. They have a lot in common.
With a lot of help and a little luck, Yram finally finds herself making her way down the steps of the basement house. She looks through the window in the door at the bottom of the steps and sees a lady sitting in a booth and talking on the telephone. She waves Yram in.
Yram can’t help but overeavesdrop the conversation.
“You need me to make cookies? Loretta asks. “Well let’s see I……” before finishing the sentence or saying goodbye, she hangs up the phone. Then she picks up the phone and a rather loud busy signal comes on for a couple of minutes.
“They’ll never believe that I hung up on them while I was the one talking,” she says.
“Don’t you want to call them back?” Yram asks.
“No. Why do you think I hung up? I don’t want to make cookies, but the PTA is hard to say no to. If they call back, the phone will ring busy. Too bad. Who are you? “
“My name is Yram Sicnarf. I’m a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, TX where they shoot straight. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.”
“You should have called first…but since you didn’t, come on into the living room. I have a few ladies over here playing bridge. That’s why I’m all dressed up.”
Yram and Loretta enter a smoke filled room. It’s hard to see the ladies through the haze, but apparently, they could see Yram because they all gasped. (Not for air. They were surprised.)
“She looks just like Mary,” the lady next to the nuts and mints says. “And Mary looks a lot like you. You and Yram look a lot alike. Is it time for cream “o” cheese “o” cherry pie yet?”
Loretta signals to Yram to come to the kitchen with her to cut the pie and make the coffee.
“You can call me Mom, Yram. You probably really are Mary and you’re still mad because I got rid of all your mementos.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mom. My name is Yram and…Uh Oh. I just have one question. What made you think I would never have an occasion to use my pom poms again?”
“Oh, I gave those to the coach’s daughter. You were her Connie like. I sold the saxophone, your cheerleader outfit, your Betty Crocker Homemaker of tomorrow pin and your Ray Charles album. Who has just one album?”
“One more question, Mom and then I would love a piece of that pie. Why didn’t you ever teach me how to play bridge?”
“Because you didn’t smoke and you would have eaten all of the cream “o” cheese “o” cherry pie. I did take you to the horse races, but it was more your brother’s thing.”
“Well it’s been nice meeting you Mom. Have I ever told you what a good mom you were when I was growing up? Are those Oreos on the counter?”
“They’re just in case I got roped into making cookies for the PTA meeting.”
I never could convince you that you can’t take Oreos to the PTA meeting. The cookies have to be homemade.”
“Now Mary…don’t you remember those last ones I made? I accidentally left a batch in the oven too long and when you came home, you could smell them burning. You knew they must be homemade. It was a good thing I had already made the two dozen for the PTA meeting.”
“Did you know Billy found the package from the store that the cookies came in? It was in the garbage.”
“He loved my cherry turnovers.”
Yram smiles. “That’s another story.”
“Goodbye Mom. I’ve got to go pick up cousin Lav. You know her as Valerie, your sister, Ella’s, daughter. She’s at the Pioneer Auto Museum. She’s been over there all day just sitting in that red convertible. Can I take her a piece of pie? That will get her mind off that car.”
Those 70ish Girls 