I’m Ellie/Essie and I live with Pearl and Grace who are two very old ladies. They might even be a hundred. Pearl has a dog named Pearl. She said she named her dog after herself because if she ever forgets her name, it will be time for them to go their separate ways.
We all live in some rooms above Sanderson’s Store and we all go to Pearl’s store every day and work. Pearl’s store has been several different things, but Grace has always written a column that appeals to the ladies in town. It used to be called Dear Grace, but a few of the ladies saw themselves in the revealing questions and became unglued so now she gives fashion and beauty tips for extremely mature ladies.
I’m walking Pearl the dog right now, but I have been summoned to an office meeting at the store. We moved from the building that used to be the Buffalo Bar to a place where a lady had a dress shop. The Buffalo building smelled like a pool hall and was interfering with the ambiance we were going for. Not only that… people started questioning what the secret ingredients were in Pearl’s ever popular Elixer Fixer.
I’m almost to Pearl’s store, but not quite…
Essie/Ellie: Hi Pearl, Hi Grace I’m here! Are you here?
Pearl: We’re in the conference room. Hurry Essie/Ellie We’ve got lots of decisions to make. I’ve come up with an idea that will give you goose bumps.
Grace: The conference room is that room where we keep the mops and brooms.
Pearl: For goodness sake child. Where is your mask? You must wear it at all times. Do you realize how vulnerable Grace and I are?
Grace: It’s especially dangerous if you’re morbid. I wouldn’t call myself morbid, would you Pearl?
Pearl: Well, you know what I always say. When life hands you lemons, you must make lemonade. I have an idea that will make us a fortune.
Essie/Ellie: That’s cool, Pearl. What is your latest brainstorm? Does it involve trips to Pierre for ingredients?
Pearl: No dear…there is a travel ban. We have to stay in town, wear masks and not get within six feet of each other, which brings me to my most recent flash of brilliance. These things just come to me, you know.
Grace: Are you talking about your idea for a Distance Donut?
Pearl: Yes! Picture this…a blowup donut that surrounds you and keeps you six feet from other people. You don’t even have to think about it. It will come in all sorts of patterns and colors and will have matching masks. Those are not included, but can be purchased separately.
Essie/Ellie: I have two questions, Pearl. How do you keep it from falling off or in the case of morbid people, how do you keep from getting stuck?
Pearl: The Distance Donut hole comes in small, medium and large. Suspenders are also included at no additional cost.
Essie/Ellie: How do you get through doors? Even though it only keeps you six feet from people, you’re talking about twelve feet across the Distance Donut.
Pearl: It’s self inflating. You can deflate it when you go through doors. I didn’t say the Distance Donut was going to be cheap but I’m telling you it will fly off the shelves. We’ll even have a jingle. “Distance Donuts can’t be beat. Wear them in the pool or on the Street.”
Grace: We were wondering if Tiny at the filling station could help us with the…what did you call it Pearl?
Pearl: The prototype. I was thinking since Tiny works with a lot of inner tubes, he could start there and just make it bigger and better. We could use tractor tire tubes in different sizes. We’ll figure out how to make the different designs as we go.
Let’s do this ladies…This is the most selfless thing we have ever done….and we’ll be rolling in donut dough!
THE END
Those 70ish Girls 