It’s getting close to the 4th of July in Murdo, SD, and the town is buzzing about the upcoming celebration. The two local candidates for President have called an unprecedented cease of the shenanigans in honor of the holiday. It’s probably a good idea, because they both managed to cause much disdain amongst the voters this past week. Here is what was reported in the Holiday addition of The Murdo Coyote.
From the Murdo Girl camp
Lav Yekcel, Publicity Stunt Coordinator, for the Murdo Girl Coyote campaign has issued the following statement:
The Murdo Girl Campaign really screwed up with that last publicity stunt. Parents and children throughout the 3 county area are, for lack of a better word, mad as hops! It seems some comments, and a few photos were leaked to the press. Well, in full disclosure I hand carried them to the Murdo Coyote office myself. Anyway, some took offence to the photos of the two children, crying and sticking out their tongues. The caption was. “Grandchildren against Barney.”
Let me tell you, the outpouring of public disgust, put a real stink on the whole town. Therefore, I have decided to try to get back on your good side and plead for mercy, primarily because I need my job. (See the little girl in the photo above.) Parents, please educate your precious imps that we were not talking about that purple Barney. We meant no harm to that moneymaking icon who has become the obsession of those that think a purple, singing, stuffed animal is the only thing that matters in their sadly, small lives.
We all had Barney Birthday Parties and all but one of us have small lives..we’re small
No, that is not the Barney we were referring to. We were talking about Deputy Sheriff, and Lone Wolf candidate for President, Barney Fife. We can’t say a nasty thing about him until the day after tomorrow, when the 4th of July festivities are over, at which time, you’ll get an earful.
We have all had Barney Birthday parties, some more than others
From The Barney Fife Camp
Four score and seven years ago, without meaning harm to anyone, a bunch of pirates dumped tea off a boat sailing to Valley Forge. George Washington was on that boat. George had but one little bullet. His men were tired and hungry, so George took off his boots and waded into the Missouri River. The very same river that separates Pierre and Ft. Pierre, SD. While he was wading, then swimming to shore, his gun went missing. He had the lone bullet, but no gun. He was going to shoot a Wolf with his Lone bullet, but instead, he fashioned a fishing pole out of some tree branches and caught some fish. You can give a man a fish and he’ll eat right then, but if you have a chance, teach him how to catch fish so he can last awhile until he finds his gun and a Wolf.
This is the much maligned Deputy Sheriff, and Lone Wolf candidate for President. Ya just got to feel for George Washington, who went on to be our first President, even though he lost his gun. This is also to educate you voters out there just how the Lone Wolf party came to be. It started with that proud, brave, man without a gun. (At which time, Barney requested that we describe him in the article as sniffing and blowing his nose. He is also in full uniform, almost.)
The New Photographic Drawer for the Murdo Girl Campaign agreed to provide us with the photographic drawing of Deputy Barney Fife holding the “Lone Bullet.” She also provided the Photographic drawing of another Barney shown above. Good Job Sherri!!
See you all at the Fireworks on Monday…Happy Presidents Day