How upset do you think everyone would be if something totally unforeseen happened regarding the election? I’m not saying anything will happen, but it could you know. I read the Murdo Coyote’s take on the whole mess of an election, and it got me to thinking. After things calm down a bit, I’m not saying right this minute or anything, but later, maybe tomorrow, folks might put it all together and start talking. You know what happens when folks start talking.
Let’s start at the Jones County Jailhouse. Barney, Otis and..( I look around and see there is no and.) Guess what Deputy Barney Fife is doing? He’s pacing..stopping only to sniff or pull up on his pants. Well, mostly sniffing. He only tugs on his pants when he’s all impressed with himself..
Barney: I was there, and I still don’t know what happened. I got 299 delegate/votes/whatever…I needed 300 to tie with the likes of Murdo Girl. Now what does that tell you?
Otis: It tells me you lost Barney.
Barney: Otis…That is not what I’m gettin at..One delegate/voter/whatever didn’t delegate/vote/whatever!
It has been a long day with the foreclosure sale and all the other Courthouse steps stuff going on and Otis is kind of brain dead. I mean his brains are fried.
The jailhouse door opens, and in walks some of Murdo Girl’s peeps. Yes, none other than A I (MG’s Aggressive Informant), and Sherri (MG’s Photographic Drawer.) A I speaks first.
A I: Say Baaaaarney, Sherri and I decided we’d come over and see what’s going on at the Lone Wolf Campaign Headquarters. The Courthouse Presser broke up kind of early, so we just wanted to come on over here and see how you’re all doin after getting the bad news about you being a loser. Uh, we thought Sheriff Duke might be here.
Barney: I haven’t seen Sheriff Duke since he handed my 299 votes to Miss Brookes. Barney gets all bugged-eyed like he does. I don’t think you came all the way over here to exchange pleasantries. Do you wanna know what I think Miss A I? I think you spell trouble. I like your hat, but I don’t like the way you look at me.
A I: How can you tell I’m even looking at you? I don’t ever take my dark shades off. Isn’t that right Sherri?
Sherri: I just draw what I’m told to photograph. I don’t worry about eyes and colors an stuff. Am I supposed to draw something here A I? Last time I drew over here, I wasn’t exactly sure what those Good Time Girls were supposed to look like.
A I: WhatOh..
Barney: WhatOhWhat? When were you over here photographic drawing? I think I know what’s going on here..Do you think I don’t know what’s going on here? Well, I do! You two better explain yourselves or old Deputy Fife might just have to do some interrigatin. I’d like to know how you got your hands on a picture of some guy that looks like me standing with the Good Time Girls. I would remember that occasion don’t you think? I don’t remember nothing like it.
A I: Don’t talk anymore Sherri. You’re not paid to talk. You’re paid to draw.
Sherri: I don’t get paid A I, unless you count potato chips and pencils. That Jerry is a sorry bean counter if you ask me. He told me he doesn’t know beans about making beans, he’s just supposed to count beans.
Otis: You’re all wearing me out. I’m going into my cell to take a nap.
Barney: Hold it right there Otis. You were here the other day when Miss Sherri was here. I want you to tell me everything you saw, and don’t leave nothin out.
Otis: Well, I saw some people comin in and out?
Barney: What people?
Otis: Well, first one and then another.
A I: Now Otis, you didn’t see a thing. You were too busy looking out the window at the zoo animals weren’t ya?
Sometimes, when Otis stays over he sees Barney’s dog named Wolf and thinks he’s at the zoo. It has something to do with the bars on the window.
Barney: Say no more Otis. I’ll get to the bottom of this. As long as I’ve been the long arm of the law around here, I have never betrayed the public trust. I cannot let a crime go unsolved. I’m Barney the copper and big crime stopper.
(Now Barney is tugging on his pants because he thinks he’s all that!)
A I: I got nothing to say.
So, we have four people here and none of them are talking. Let’s go on over to The Coyote Campground Compound. I don’t know why, but let’s just do it.
Looks like we did the right thing. Murdo Girl is speaking to a small group of supporters. Actually, when you’re in a small town like Murdo, sometimes the supporters and the reporters are one in the same. Even though there’s only one person there, you could actually think of it as two. Anyway, Treason is there. She has looked at her watch 4 times in 5 minutes. Now she’s shaking it to see if it’s still running. Guess Murdo Girl’s comments are running a little over.
Murdo Girl: and in closing, I would just like to say, I’m down with the people. I’ve got fire in the belly. Read my lips. No new taxes. Ask not what Murdo can do for you. Ask what you can do for Murdo, and all that other original stuff. Now I’ve got to go find out what I’m supposed to do next. Will someone wake Lav up and brief her? She’s got to be ready to take over should anything happen to me.
The way I look at it… Barney just might be the victim of some dirty politics. On the other hand, the election is over so, too bad, so sad. There is one other little hanging chad…Who didn’t cast their vote? Should Barney demand a recount? Where did Sheriff Duke run off to?
I guess a Next Pres has gotta do, what a Next Pres has gotta do. Whatever that is..