In the last Brick House story, the team had eaten every bit of the food Pico had ordered for the Inaugurcorination. It was discovered that neither Lav nor Jerry had purloined the coffee bean bags from Sanderson’s Store; and Murdo Girl appeared to be almost recovered from the unfortunate injuries she sustained due to a couple of misplaced blows to the head by Lav and the Queen. All that being said, we have at least one unresolved cliffhanger. During the vetting process, AI and DM discovered the true identity of Murdo Girl’s speech therapist. What we don’t know is what her sinister intent was, so Yram is going to do one of her crack up reporter interviews.
Yram: Man oh man, do you ever look rough? For the record, would you please state your full name, address and telephone number? I will also have to see your Driver’s license or photo drawn ID.
Person: My full name is Barnella Iris Fife. My new address is Murdo, SD. I do not currently have a phone, DL or photo drawn ID.
Yram: Hmm..I see. Wow..you are really hard to look at!! How have you been transported to and from the Brick House? If you have no phone, how have you been calling, texting, and playing games?
Person whom we now know is Barnella: I just live kitty corner from here. It’s where Superintendent Haugland lived. I believe Syd Iwan also lived there at one time. I love the neighborhood, and of course it has the added advantage of being so close to my work. I lost my cell phone, and I can’t live much longer without it. I’m planning to go after work today and get another one. That is, if I can catch a ride.
Yram: Hmm…I see.. If you’re going to try to catch a ride, you better put a scarf over your face… Who is your next of kin, Miss Barnella Iris Fife!?
Barnella starts to squirm in her chair. She is visibly shaken. She pulls a tissue out of her purse and starts to dab her eyes and blow her nose (sniff). Oh geez..another sniffer. I hope she doesn’t tug on her girdle like our current deputy tugs on his pants.
Barnella: I’m sorry.(sniff)..I’m Deputy Barney Fife’s sinister, spinster twin sister, only I’m not sinister anymore (sniff). My doctor told me to stay off caffeine, and it has really helped my sinisterness. It has changed my poor sad life.
YRAM: Okay sinster, I mean.. Okay sister..let’s cut to the chase. Are you a real speech therapist, and how did you happen to get this job at the Brick House? No disrespect, but it wasn’t because of your looks. Yeouzer!!
Barnella: Well, I don’t have any formal training, but I’ve seen My Fair Lady 5 times, and Sybil 4 times. I guess you could say, I have several hours up my sleeve. I applied for the job first and last. I was the only applicant who had any experience with Rhyming Rehab. Have you seen My Fair Lady? Great movie!
Yram: Yes..I’m familiar with , “The rain in Spain.” Well Barnella, Murdo Girl no longer needs a speech therapist. How well can you cook? With that mug, you really need to be behind the scenes and FYI..you might try a little more makeup. Shades of pink might help.
Barnella: Oh Miss Sicnarf, I’ve watched the Food Network ever since it came on. I like Paula Dean too and her cookware line is divine. If I could just be given a chance. You see, I have lived in the shadows of my bigshot brother all of my life. He even has a gun and a bullet. I voted for him for president, but only because he threatened to stop payment on the check he used to buy our parents a much-needed new Septic tank. I think he was just having a bit of buyer’s remorse.
Yram: I can feel your pain Barnella. That face doesn’t look too good on a boy, let alone a girl. The job is yours Barnella. Now, put that scarf over your face and I’ll see if Mr. Applefloor will take you to get your DL and a cell phone.
Do you believe Barney’s sinister spinster twin sister is no longer sinister? Yram hired her to cook. What’s up with that? Anyway, the Barnella dilemma is resolved. She’s going to be on board to help warm up the steaks provided by Murdo’s Restaurant by the River on the Nebraska side, but really close to Yankton, on the South Dakota side. We offered him full price if he would give us a 100% discount. Instead, he tripled the price and gave us a 50% discount on 100% of 25%. He said it real fast, but I think we made a pretty sweet deal. He said not to tell anyone, because he hardly ever makes that kind of deal. Even with his very best customers.
Murdo Girl: Okay TC we need you to grab a megaphone and tell this town the dance is tomorrow night. It’s been kind of busy around here, so we might just hold off on the coronation part where I officially become Next Pres. We can do that next week. Do you know if the Queen got all the crepe paper to decorate, and the tinfoil to spiff up my crown and make my dress?
Tinfoil? Crepe paper? I’m wearing the drapes from the Rose Garden Room.
Probably should put that broach a little higher Queen. It’s tinfoil right? A few rubies in the crown would add some color. Cute little kid. Is he from here?
Stay Tuned Murdo…It will be fun times in the old town!!