In the last Brick House story, the team had eaten every bit of the food Pico had ordered for the Inaugurcorination. It was discovered that neither Lav nor Jerry had purloined the coffee bean bags from Sanderson’s Store; and Murdo Girl appeared to be almost recovered from the unfortunate injuries she sustained due to a couple of misplaced blows to the head by Lav and the Queen. All that being said, we have at least one unresolved cliffhanger. During the vetting process, AI and DM discovered the true identity of Murdo Girl’s speech therapist. What we don’t know is what her sinister intent was, so Yram is going to do one of her crack up reporter interviews.

Yram: Man oh man, do you ever look rough?  For the record, would you please state your full name, address and telephone number? I will also have to see your Driver’s license or photo drawn ID.

Person: My full name is Barnella Iris Fife. My new address is Murdo, SD. I do not currently have a phone, DL or photo drawn ID.

Yram: Hmm..I see. Wow..you are really hard to look at!! How have you been transported to and from the Brick House? If you have no phone, how have you been calling, texting, and playing games?

Person whom we now know is Barnella: I just live kitty corner from here. It’s where Superintendent Haugland lived. I believe Syd Iwan also lived there at one time. I love the neighborhood, and of course it has the added advantage of being so close to my work. I lost my cell phone, and I can’t live much longer without it. I’m planning to go after work today and get another one. That is, if I can catch a ride.

Yram: Hmm…I see.. If you’re going to try to catch a ride, you better put a scarf over your face… Who is your next of kin, Miss Barnella Iris Fife!?

Barnella starts to squirm in her chair. She is visibly shaken. She pulls a tissue out of her purse and starts to dab her eyes and blow her nose (sniff). Oh geez..another sniffer. I hope she doesn’t tug on her girdle like our current deputy tugs on his pants.

Barnella: I’m sorry.(sniff)..I’m Deputy Barney Fife’s sinister, spinster twin sister, only I’m not sinister anymore (sniff). My doctor told me to stay off caffeine, and it has really helped my sinisterness. It has changed my poor sad life.

YRAM: Okay sinster, I mean.. Okay sister..let’s cut to the chase. Are you a real speech therapist, and how did you happen to get this job at the Brick House? No disrespect, but it wasn’t because of your looks. Yeouzer!!

Barnella: Well, I don’t have any formal training, but I’ve seen My Fair Lady 5 times, and Sybil 4 times. I guess you could say, I have several hours up my sleeve. I applied for the job first and last. I was the only applicant who had any experience with Rhyming Rehab. Have you seen My Fair Lady? Great movie!

Yram: Yes..I’m familiar with , “The rain in Spain.” Well Barnella, Murdo Girl no longer needs a speech therapist. How well can you cook? With that mug, you really need to be behind the scenes and FYI..you might try a little more makeup. Shades of pink might help.

Barnella: Oh Miss Sicnarf, I’ve watched the Food Network ever since it came on. I like Paula Dean too and her cookware line is divine. If I could just be given a chance. You see, I have lived in the shadows of my bigshot brother all of my life. He even has a gun and a bullet. I voted for him for president, but only because he threatened to stop payment on the check he used to buy our parents a much-needed new Septic tank. I think he was just having a bit of buyer’s remorse.

Yram: I can feel your pain Barnella. That face doesn’t look too good on a boy, let alone a girl. The job is yours Barnella. Now, put that scarf over your face and I’ll see if Mr. Applefloor will take you to get your DL and a cell phone.

Do you believe Barney’s sinister spinster twin sister is no longer sinister? Yram hired her to cook. What’s up with that? Anyway, the Barnella dilemma is resolved. She’s going to be on board to help warm up the steaks provided by Murdo’s Restaurant by the River on the Nebraska side, but really close to Yankton, on the South Dakota side. We offered him full price if he would give us a 100% discount. Instead, he tripled the price and gave us a 50% discount on 100% of 25%. He said it real fast, but I think we made a pretty sweet deal. He said not to tell anyone, because he hardly ever makes that kind of deal. Even with his very best customers.

Murdo Girl: Okay TC we need you to grab a megaphone and tell this town the dance is tomorrow night. It’s been kind of busy around here, so we might just hold off on the coronation part where I officially become Next Pres. We can do that next week. Do you know if the Queen got all the crepe paper to decorate, and the tinfoil to spiff up my crown and make my dress?

Tinfoil? Crepe paper? I’m wearing the drapes from the Rose Garden Room. 

Probably should put that broach a little higher Queen. It’s tinfoil right? A few rubies in the crown would add some color. Cute little kid. Is he from here?

Stay Tuned Murdo…It will be fun times in the old town!!

 

Finally,  a little bit of good news. Remember when TC (Town Crier) did an official hear ye, hear ye and announced Lav was acting Next Pres because Murdo Girl had suffered injuries which prevented her from carrying on her NP duties? Remember that? Well, it turns out that’s not how it works. Murdo Girl gets to use her 14 days of sick leave before she has to abdicate the Oblong Office. It didn’t really make sense anyway, because MG’s injuries were at the hands (or fists) of Lav and Queen E. If someone really wanted to push it, Queen E could be sent back across the pond for her violent acts, but MG would have to press charges. The acting Attorney General, cousin Blake, said it would be hard to prove malice or forethought, since the Queen struggles with present thought.

So, now that some of the dust has settled, the Inaugurcorination is on for Saturday night. Let the preparations begin!!

The Brick House Break Room

Pico: Talking to Yram …We have caterers coming here this afternoon. We get to have a taste testing of different appetizers. Every cafe in town is vying for the great honor of supplying snacks for the after party. yippy, skippy, it’s finally going to happen and I’m in charge of the whole thing from the crowning to the snake dance!

Yram: We still have a dark cloud hanging over our heads that could develop into a storm that will wipe out everything in its path. It appears to be moving quickly in our direction. There is no way we can alter its course due to the current high pressure conditions.

Pico: Been watching the weather channel again Yram? I assume you’re talking about Coffee Gate. Don’t worry, DM and A I have it under control. First of all, there were only 18 minutes, I mean bags missing from Sanderson’s Store, not 20. If it’s under 20, the law says there are no coffee grounds for impeachment.

YRAM: Huh? You mean there were peaches missing too? What next…Hot Chocolate? Bananas? Where will it all end? When is it all going to stop Pico?

Pico: Don’t be such a Debbie Downer Yram. Why don’t you make yourself useful and empty the garbage? And Yram..you do not have to shred the coffee cups and leftover food. You’ve ruined 2 shredders already.

Meanwhile, in the Presidential Suite, Murdo Girl is talking with DM and A I while Carol is finally taking a break from her background singing.

Murdo Girl: A I.. I need you to do some spying for me. I’m almost recovered from my rhyming affliction, but now I’ve developed a coffee addiction. The speech therapist makes me listen to Carol sing rhyming songs. If my words rhyme, she threatens to slap my face, which is what caused this in the first place. Please A I spy on the ST, and DM, please vet her more thoroughly.

 

DM: Sure thing Murdo Girl. I’m on my way to get The speech therapist and off to the Vet we go.

A I: Okay, I’ll come with you and spy on her. Glad to see your eyes are tracking right MG

Meanwhile Sherri the Photographic Drawer is now in the break room talking to Lav

Sherri: Lav, you’ve been acting really nervous lately, do you want to talk about it?

Lav: Sherri, if I tell you something, do you promise you won’t draw a photograph? I need you to keep this off the sketch pad.

Sherri: Lav, you’re my friend. I draw some pretty controversial photographs, but to draw and unflattering photo of a friend…that’s where I draw the line.

Lav: I’m not exactly sure what you just said. I’m going to trust you, but if I see you so  much as pick up a pencil, I will deny everything you draw. Do you get the picture?

Sherri: I think so.

Lav: I overheard TC talking to Jerry. TC was complaining because everyone says her cheese head stinks. They make fun of her and say TC doesn’t stand for Town Crier, it means Tainted Cheese. I feel kind of sorry for her. I was hiding behind a door and I had to hold my nose the whole time. Anyway, Jerry told her that he had so many beans now, she could go out and buy 2 new cheese heads if she wanted to.

 

Just then, who walks in the break room but Jerry.

Jerry: I couldn’t help but over- eavesdrop your conversation. I will have you know that Sanderson’s Store gave me 2 bean bags for helping them inventory their coffee beans. That’s why no one pressed charges against you Lav. They were missing 18 bean bags not 20. The other 2 were paid to me. I worked hard for those beans, but I did it for The Coyote Team.

Lav: Gee Jerry you make me feel bad. I didn’t steal the 18 bags they found in my shed. I grew them in my garden. I’ve been saving them for a rainy year. I guess I’ll contribute them to the team too.

Sherri: Wait!! Then who stole the beans from Sanderson’s Store?

Jerry: Who cares. Did you guys see all the food over there on the counter? It sure looks good. Let’s eat!

 

When there is food involved, word spreads fast. The whole team is soon gathered in the break room. Everyone is scarfing down the delicious food so beautifully displayed on the tables and counters of the Break Room. Good Grief..someone brought beautiful plastic flowers from the Rose Garden Room. They even managed to find a few sunflowers on the East Lawn of the Brick House. The mood is festive until Pico walks in and begins to cry.

 

If that’s not bad enough, A I and DM finally got back from the Vet with the speech therapist. They just walked into Murdo Girl’s Presidential Suite.

DM: Murdo Girl…meet Barnella…Barney Fife’s sinister spinster twin sister!

I mentioned in an earlier story that Mrs. E  loved strawberry cake. She also loved my chocolate chip cookies. There weren’t too many sweets she didn’t like. Many mornings I stopped on my way to her house and got a bag of those mini chocolate covered, yellow cake donuts. I liked them too.

My friend Pat told me about a recipe for mug cake that you cook in the microwave. It is a quick and easy way to make a single serving of virtually any kind of cake you want. I couldn’t wait to make one for Mrs. E. I was sure she would really get a kick out of it.

When I got to her house, I told her I was going to make her strawberry cake. Later, when she was ready for her snack, I made the cake in a cup. She looked slightly confused, but she ate the cake. A couple of hours later she said, ” Now…where is that strawberry cake you were going to make for me?” I tried to explain, but it fell on deaf ears. She was not interested in a little cup of cake. I can identify. If I can’t have a big piece of cake or pie, I would rather not have any.

I started my duties on November 3rd, and around the second week of December, I was feeling like we were doing okay. We had some difficult days, but we worked through them. Mrs. E’s daughter is one of the most caring and genuine people I have ever known, but sometimes her mother tried her patience. One day, I was doing something in the back of the house, and I could hear Mrs. E talking to her daughter about Christmas. She said, “I think we should give that girl something nice for Christmas, because she’s the only one we haven’t quarreled with.” I knew she was talking about me, because she always referred to me as “that girl.” She never called anyone by name except for immediate family. I don’t know if that was a part of her memory affected by the stroke, or just that she didn’t want to be bothered with remembering names. In 4 years, I never heard her say my name. I also knew that saying I was the only one she hadn’t quarreled with, was as good a compliment as I was ever going to get.

Mrs. E had a neighbor that would come and visit once in a while. She would bring a plant, or something she had made. She was also on the list of emergency contacts for the lifeline company. In one of her visits, the neighbor lady had mentioned how old she was. After she left, I told Mrs. E that I was surprised, because I thought she looked much younger. Mrs. E said, “Sometimes you just can’t tell. I’m 85 and I look a whole lot younger.” She thought for a minute before she added, “I look about 60.” She meant it too. Of course I said I totally agreed. My new younger sister.

One morning the phone rang. The person on the line asked to speak to Mrs. E. . I screened her calls, but the caller said they were with the lifeline company. They called every now and then and asked her to push the button on her pendant, just to make sure everything worked. This day, I could tell right away the call was not about a test. I could only hear Mrs. E’s side of the conversation, and I had never heard her sound so contrite. She was apologizing and saying she would never do it again. When she handed the phone back to me, she didn’t look me in the eye. I asked her what that was all about. She said she had gotten into trouble. She had awakened at 2:00 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. She wanted someone to come and help her get dressed and out of bed. Her daughter lived right across the street and normally Mrs. E would call her in this kind of situation. Instead, she pushed the lifeline button and when they called her, she gave them instructions not to call her daughter’s house. She told them to call her neighbor. Apparently, the neighbor wasn’t too happy to get the phone call. She knew Mrs. E was just trying to avoid getting a reprimand from her daughter. The company called Mrs. E’s daughter, who was not happy about her Mother’s sneaky plan. The lifeline company wanted to make sure Mrs, E was clear on what constituted an emergency.

Mrs E was capable of getting out of bed and into her wheelchair, by use of the pole, but we cautioned her not to. I think she realized it was better to be extra cautious and not tempt fate. That was a good thing.

I don’t know if you have ever been to an older person’s home and seen photographs taped up on the walls. Mrs. E had her wall of fame. She loved to get greeting cards, especially if they had pictures of animals on them. They were taped to the wall, along with the family photos. My Great Aunt Grace did the same thing. My Mother had my son’s Senior picture taped up on her wall, and had ribbon and other decorative things hanging around it. I always thought it looked like a shrine of sorts. I never said anything to Mom,  but I did kid Mason about it. He was her first grandchild, so I guess that’s why he was so honored.

I tried to copy a link to a short recording. It’s of my mom and I singing “In the Garden.”  We sang it together the last time I was with her. She loved that song. She even called me at work one day and sang it on my voice mail. I played it for my co-workers who thought it was the neatest thing for my Mom to do.

On the occasion of our duet, My brother Billy had taken Gus for a guy’s week-end in Los Vegas. He deserved a little time for fun. Gus was so very wonderful to our Mother.

Mom and I watched 5 hours of Public television that night. The music ranged from Big Band Sounds to Elvis Presley. If we even knew a few words to a song, we sang along.

That day was made even more special because cousin Valerie and her daughter Caitlin drove 7 hours, one way, to see us that day. We went to Marie Callenders for lunch and had a great time before they had to make the return trip home.

I hope you can open the recording. It looks like it copied twice, or not at all. I also want to wish everyone a safe and fun holiday week-end.

 

 Murdo Girl has been suffering from the repercussions  of her injuries which occurred due to a poor choice of words on her part. Her loyal team heard her say, “Please slap some sense into me.” The next in line for Next Pres and the Queen, took her literally and  socked it to her. That being said, we are all acutely aware of the lingering after effects of the unfortunate blow.

 

Let’s take a look at the current status of  Next Pres Murdo Girl. She and her team are all at The Brick House working through these challenging times.

 Let’s check out the break room.

Sherri the Photographic Drawer: I am on the verge of carpel tunnel vision. This place is wearing me out. I’m all for promoting Murdo Girl, but I’m not going to draw another photograph until I know MG has recovered from that one two punch. Has she stopped talking in rhymes?

Treason: Nope! I went to see her in the Next Presidential Suite right before my Brick House Briefing. I asked her if she wanted me to quote her on anything. Do you want to know what she said?

Sherri: No

Treason: She said… “I’m getting better every day. Your Next Pres is here to stay.”

Sherri: That’s it? That’s all she said? I missed the Brick House Briefing. How did it go?

Treason: We had it in the Rose Garden Room. I get a headache every time I go in there. It’s bad enough the whole room is full of plastic roses. I personally think they went too far with the fake grass and trees. They named the trees after Mrs. Bartlet. I guess they must be Bartlet Pear Trees. They even have a little putting green in there. I heard Coach Applebee wanted it to be named after him, but we just can’t get into a war of the named after stuff, you know. It would make the most sense to name it Palmer Putting Green. After Marv Palmer, not  Arnold. Anyway, It’s a little hard to keep people focused when they want you to be quiet while they putt.

It got a little dicey when a reporter from the  Murdo Coyote asked about Lav taking over the Next Pres duties.

Sherri: Ooo..I can’t even photographic picture that. Where is Lav anyway?

Hm..It appears to me those two haven’t heard about Lav’s shed full of bags of coffee beans. Where could they have come from? We’ve all been trying hard to watch where our beans are going. We were all under the impression that we were going to have to balance our bean budget. This old Brick House burns a lot of beans, then of course a bean just doesn’t go as far as it used to. Anyway, let’s hunt down A I and DM. They might have some answers. 

DM: A I, I don’t know how long we can continue to cover up Coffeegate. I’ve questioned Lav, but she keeps saying she has no idea how the beans got into her shed. Do you think somebody planted them there?

A I: Gee DM..I don’t know..Can coffee beans grow in a shed? Who would think to water them? Shh…here comes Jerry. Wow. He looks like he’s bean up all night. Hi Jerry. You look like you’ve bean up all night. Do you want some coffee?

Jerry: Don’t mention coffee. I’ve been over at Sanderson’s Store helping them inventory coffee beans. Their beans don’t add up. They’re missing 20 large bean bags. Where’s Lav? Have you guys seen her?

DM: Why are you looking for Lav? You know Lav, she hardly ever knows anything.

Jerry: I was just listening to the people over at the store. Having Lav as acting Next Pres is a real nail biter. I sure hope she lies low for a while.

There is no one more concerned about the state of things than Murdo Girl. That’s why she is now working with a speech therapist. She’s doing “rhyming rehab”. Let’s see how that’s going. Looks like the crossed eye is still a prominent feature on MG’s face. 

  

Therapist: Now Miss Murdo Girl, repeat after me…The rain in Spain falls Mainly on the Plain.

What? How is that supposed to help MG to stop rhyming. That therapist looks familiar…hmm

Where is acting Next Pres Lav going with a tumbleweed strapped to her car? And where did she get that car?

 

Look at the Queen!! She’s wearing the JCHS colors. “Oh here’s for Murdo Corgis.”

Here in lies the problem. Murdo Girl cannot carry on her responsibilities as Next Pres if she can’t talk right or see straight, or is that see right and talk straight? Either way, it speaks of disaster. If MG isn’t able, the next in line is Lav, who struggles on a good day. She is now under a cloud of suspicion because the coffee bean bags missing from Sanderson’s Store are in her shed. At the moment, the only people who know the location of the bean bags are DM and A I. Except…if Lav is the victim of a set-up, who is behind it all?

I have an idea…let’s put sunglasses on MG, tell everyone she has laryngitis and put a rush on the Inauguration. We’ll figure it all out after the dance.

1. I’m honored with the “Kvamme Keurig Coffee Pot.”  2. I’m in favor of “Bartlet Pear Trees,” 3. Skip me I’m from Laramie, 4. I like “Dutch Microwave Oven.”