It’s Tuesday morning at the Whiteboard House, which used to be the grade school. The self- help teachers are hard at work…or they will be as soon as they finish their milk and cookies. Right now they are gathering in the first grade room to discuss the class schedules. Almost everyone has come up with an idea for a help yourself self-help class. Some are better than others, but that’s okay. The best will rise to the top, and the worst will crater.
MG: It’s time for us to prepare for the day. Everyone please form a line behind the trash can. Line up boy, girl, boy, girl, and so on, and so forth. No pushing or shoving please. When you have thrown your little milk cartons away, please return to your little seats.
What is it Jerry?
Jerry: These desks are for first graders. I’m a big boy now.
MG: Young man, is that any way for a help yourself self-help teacher to talk? Every problem has a solution. Let me demonstrate… Most people don’t grow that much after the eighth grade. Maybe we could switch out the chairs. I won’t be able to self -help of course because my arthritis is bad today and the stairs hurt my knees. You’re in charge Jerry.
Jerry: Cool Beans!
Lav: Can Queen E. and I co-teach? It just makes sense since we’re both special.
MG: I’ll consider your request. Did you bring your syllabus?
Lav: No, but can’t we just use the silly Jeep?
A I: I sort of feel like DM and Pico are stepping on my toes. Pico is going to teach how to help yourself Private Investigate COdependents, and DM is teaching how to be your own Detective Man. In my last job, I was an Aggressive Informant. Heck, I don’t even know my real name anymore. I have way more sleuthing experience, plus I have a silly airplane.
Sherri: Maybe you should find yourself A I before you help yourself or others. I’m sure someone around here knows what your name is.
I’m teaching my students how to draw their own photographs. I think I’ll start out with stick men, and maybe a tree. Of course I’ll have the yellow sun in the upper right corner of the paper. I can build on that theme later with blue sky and billowy white clouds, and maybe put some apples in the tree.
MG: So what demographic are you targeting Sherri?
Sherri: Photographic drawing graphics will be in a more advanced class.
MG:.. TC..you’re no longer a Town Crier, you don’t have to wear the cheese-head and carry a scroll anymore. What are you going to teach people how to self -help themselves with?
TC: I’m going to teach people how to name their emotions so they can better self -help themselves to a healthier self awareness. This isn’t a scroll, it’s my syllabus. Do you want to see it?
MG: Of course…help yourself up to my desk and let me help myself to a look at it.
MG: I don’t know what to say TC…This just brings up all kinds of emotions for me. The one sticking his tongue out reminds me of something I have buried for years.
TC: Really MG? Is it buried around here anywhere? Do you want me to self-help yourself find it?
MG: No TC, it represents how I felt when my brother used to stick his tongue out at me. Of course I always told on him. That helped me some.
Pat: Hi everybody, my name is Pat and I’m new in town. I’ve always considered myself to be an emoji queen. I think I should teach the help yourself to – emoji class. I’m little too so I fit into this desk..See? I also know the pledge of allegiance by heart and I drive a silly Lincoln. How many students do we have signed up?
The tension is so thick, you can cut it yourself with a knife. People are looking sideways at this Pat person. It appears that everyone’s self wants to be a detective or an emoji queen.. That just won’t do…nope..guess we’ll have a help yourself to self-help contest…and we have to find some students… But, first things first..Everybody get your mats out…It’s nap time!!