Those 70ish Girls

This is Ellie-Essie I’m on my way to the Busy Nest. I’m a little late because I stopped at Pearl’s to walk Pearl the dog.

We went to the Red Owl Store in Pierre last night to buy all of the ingredients for Pearl’s new and improved Elixerfixer, and then we unloaded it at the Busy Nest under cover of darkness. You might be wondering what the big deal is. Well, we only buy distilled water, apple cider vinegar and lemon juice, but the ingredients are a closely held secret, so we don’t want to buy them locally. Today, Pearl is going to add baking soda to it and call it new and improved.

Well, I’m not there yet, but I almost am.

**********************

Hi Grace, Hi Pearl…I’m here…are you?

Grace: I’m here. Pearl is in the back formulating the new and improved Elixerfixer. She’s having trouble finding the right combination now that she’s adding baking soda. I tried some a little earlier and now I can’t stop burping. I do feel pretty good, though.

EE: Oh no. I hope she gets it right. The last thing we need is that lady we call mint magnet to go around belching and blaming it on Elixerfixer.

Grace: Oh, that reminds me. I got a Dear Grace letter this morning that I need your help with. That lady racked with wrinkles wants to know if she’s supposed to drink the Elixerfixer or put it directly on her skin. Do you know if that’s in the fine print?

Pearl: (Coming out of the formulating room, otherwise known as the broom closet.) Tell her to do both. She’ll have to stock up. I’m in a quandary, anyway. When I add the baking soda to the vinegar and lemon juice, it blows the cork out of the bottle. Maybe I should have added cornstarch.

Grace: I don’t know Pearl. That’s what I use to thicken my gravy.

Pearl: Don’t you have to heat it up and stir it when you thicken the gravy?

Grace: Yes. I…

Pearl: Perfect! We’ll say my Elixerfixer has been reformulated and you’re guaranteed to lose weight if you follow the directions in the fine print. We’ll tell them to drink 6 ounces of Elixerfixer followed by one cup of very warm water. We’ll say it helps to walk in place for five minutes after they drink it. Don’t you see? It will thicken in their stomachs and fill them right up!Now…Essie, come with me. We’re going back to the Red Owl Store for cornstarch. Don’t worry about all that baking soda. We’ll donate it to the Methodist Church cooks. Grace, you are my inspiration.

Grace: Dear racked with wrinkles, Suffer no more. Put the new and improved Elixerfixer directly on your face. Wait five minutes, and rinse off with very warm water. It will plump up your wrinkles and they will vanish. (Make sure to rinse thoroughly so plumpy doesn’t turn to lumpy.)

Next: Who knows