My brain is deader than a door nail today. Hmm, I thought door nail was one word, but spellcheck tells me no. I used to think spellcheck was two words, but spellcheck told me it’s one. Sometimes I get tired of spellcheck being so much smarter than I am. The only voice that makes me feel dumber than spellcheck is that of the GPS lady. If I decide to deviate 2 feet from the route Ms. GPS has me on, she gets very excited and says things like, “Make a U-turn in 400 feet!!!” At that point bells and whistles go off, and the screen starts going in circles and flashes, “Rerouting! Rerouting!” I know she’s thinking, “I gave you a route AND an alternate route, can’t you just pick one and stick to it??”
I don’t like my every move put into question. In the first place, it’s rather unsettling to have inanimate objects telling me what to do all the time. Kip and I find ourselves whispering if we’re contemplating an unexpected stop. Is it really worth it if it gives the poor woman a coronary? Do I really have to go that badly? (Shh)
Truth be told, I’m worried that I can’t live without GPS or spellcheck. It all sounds like an example of a sick and twisted relationship doesn’t it? (According to spellcheck, I have misspelled 4 words so far.)
I think that I am pretty even-tempered. I don’t get ruffled too easily. I have tried to be really good-natured about all the age related teasing. (Spellcheck tried to change natured to matured.) I have listened to all of the advice of well-meaning people who seem to think it’s time for me to change my ways. This all became more of an issue when I reached the age of 65 last week. (This is a rerun. I just turned 69 last week.)
I was standing behind a woman in line at the supermarket checkout yesterday. She was leafing through a health magazine. I guess she thought I needed some helpful suggestions because she said, “Do you know that regular exercise is the best thing you can do to promote longevity?” I said, “I’m over 65. Pushing 70 is exercise enough for me.” Then I added, “These Jelly donuts are for my 102 year old sister.”
I just spelled exercise incorrectly 3 times. I’m glad I finally paid attention. Spellcheck changed it to supersize, then to oversize. Sometimes it tells me, (not in so many words), “Hey, I got nothing for you.”
As far as GPS goes, I can be standing in Walmart and look at my phone to see what time it is, and there will be a message that says. “You are in the Walmart store in Gun Barrel City, Texas. Would you like to add a photo?” Why would I want a photo of myself standing in Walmart? What I would really like to know is why am I there? Please don’t tell me where I am unless you can tell me why.
The way I look at it, middle age is always 10 years older than whatever age I am. You are old if you add, “God willing” to every statement. One of these days I’m going to get brave and drive somewhere without the GPS lady. If I have a map, I know I’ll be able to figure it out, God willing.
For heaven’s sake, our ancestors lived without all the electronics hystrionics. (I spelled hystrionics wrong, but I like it better my way.) I carry so many devices and chargers everywhere I go, I look like I’m ready to climb a telephone pole. Do we even have telephone poles anymore?
I used to try to say growing up in Murdo did not prepare me for automation. Then someone provided me with a list of all the people who graduated from Murdo High School and went on to do things I can’t even pronounce. The list was 3 pages long.
Oh, hello teachers who taught me in High School..Oh, hi John (Thune). Did I ever tell you about the time I won the coveted Miss Betty Crocker Homemaker of Tomorrow Award?
You were awarded what?
I do have something exciting to tell you about. A few days ago I received a package from Billy’s wife Liz. I will tell you more about the contents another time, but one of the items was the William Francis Plumbing and heating pink porcelain, toilet stool ashtray someone gave Billy several years ago. I only know of three of them still in existence. One belongs to my cousin Greg Miller and one of my Murdo Girl readers has one. There used to be bathtubs too, but I don’t know of any that have surfaced.
Liz said in her note to me that she knew how sentimental I was about such things, and Billy agreed that I should have this tangible reminder of days gone by. She said she knew I would welcome this treasure back into my life and that I would appreciate it and give it a great place of honor. I’m trying out a few places. Don’t you think the commode bowl displays my crown perfectly? I think Dad would like the idea, but I will try out a few other places before I decide.
The degree of my success will be a moot point as soon as I get my water tower collection ready to show. Who doesn’t like viewing water towers? I’m sure “The Collection” will finally and forever put my name wherever they put the names of successful people.
Here is just a sampling of those submitted by Murdo Girl readers. If you highlight the photo you will see what I have named each of my beauties and who submitted the photo. I will include the locations as soon as I have them all alphabetized..With the help of spellcheck of course.