Yram woke up early Saturday morning and decided to walk uptown to get a cup of coffee before the book club met. She hasn’t read the book yet, but something tells her it most likely won’t be an issue. She notices the town is pretty quiet. In fact, it’s downright silent…almost eerie. “Where is everybody?” Yram wonders. She has walked almost a block when she wearily sits down on the court house steps. (The book club meets in the court house.) Suddenly, she hears a click, click, click, click (4 clicks). Upon further investigation she decides it’s coming from north of her in the direction of Main Street. Tentatively, Yram gets up and walks toward the clicking sound. Her heart is beating and her pulse is pounding. (Or is it the other way around?)
Before she can see where the clicking is coming from, she hears a loud roar. Well, not really a roar. It sounds more like a truck engine that’s choking on something.
As she walks toward the click and the choking, the subjects of the noise come into view. It’s Lav on a horse and behind her is KK driving a flatbed, and on the flatbed are Windy Lindy and Airy sitting in their broken down airplane.
“wouldn’t it be easier to walk than to sit in your broken down airplane that’s riding on a choking truck?”
Yram looks at Lav and says, “Why are you riding a horse, Lav and where are you going? The book Club meets in five or ten.”
“We’re going on a hay ride,” Lav says. “There won’t be anyone at the book club meeting, Yram. Every letter of the alphabet, even all of the Ha Ha’s are going on the hay ride.”
“You’ve heard of the Ya Ya sisterhood?…We’re the Ha Ha Sisterhood.”
“We’re all going to the funny farm,” says the Ha Ha Sisterhood.
“Willingly?” Yram asks.
“Flying on the ground is spooky, I think,” says Airy Heart. “I sure hope we get our airplane running again. I sure would hate it if I had to change my name. I like being Airy. My name used to be Bleeding Heart. I fainted all the time then.”
We live on the funny farm, but we’re moving. It’s just getting too crazy.
“I made a pineapple upside down cake,” says Patty Cake.
“Perfect,” says Yram. “We’ll all go to the nut house at the funny farm and ride around on hay while we eat upside down cake with the Ha Ha Sisterhood. Sounds like a blast!”
This is Yram Sicnarf. I was asked to report on our Funny Farm experience, so I have written a little piece for the paper. It seems some of the loco locals think the Funny Farm isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I would be willing to bet they are just repeating some insane things they have heard others say and haven’t even darkened the unhinged door of the Nut House. I promise to tell it like it is. After all, they don’t call me a crack up reporter for nothing.
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Lav rode her horse, named Loopy. Airy and Windy rode in their airplane which is temporarily grounded. They have it on the back of KK’s flatbed truck, which isn’t running with a full deck either. TC, AI, PG, PC and the Ha Ha Sisterhood, rode on the back of the hay wagon kindly provided by the Nut House. (I pulled it with my 1951 Willys Jeep.)
A day at the Funny Farm, By Yram Sicnarf
It was a barmy day as our group made it’s way to the only certifiable Funny Farm in the state. We figured as long as we were there, we might as well get certified.
Anyway, we made good time and arrived at the gates of the farm shortly before lunchtime. We were greeted at the door by a sweet young lady who said she was Daffy. We assumed Daffy would be the one to register us, but she had us sit in a waiting room and wait for the person who would admit us. That part was a little unpleasant. With the evergrowing Ha Ha sisterhood and all, we’re a pretty large group. One of the Ha Ha’s said she wished they could sit on the nice padded walls instead of the hard old benches. I tell you, those girls drive me bonkers sometimes.
Finally, a very nice looking man came in and said he was there to help us, but he wanted to get to know us first. This upset Lav just a little. She told the nice looking man who said his name was Bizarro, she was worried about getting Loopy. (We had to leave the horse tied up outside,)
Windy, who is an animal lover said she was touched. The nice man told her she was in the right place.
Airy asked when we would get to eat lunch. She said she was so hungry she could even eat Patty Cake’s fruitcake. He didn’t hear her right because he said she really shouldn’t say fruitcake in a Nut House.
The Ha Ha Sisterhood asked if they could have their picture taken. He said he needed a break, so we could go to the building with a sign out front that said, Unstable. We assumed that was where they kept the horses, so we headed that way. We were gratified when we walked in, to see it was full of people eating lunch. We sat down and waited for someone to take our order.
A nice lady came over and said she was Kooky and handed us all some crackers. Airy said she was hungry for something more substantial and Kooky said there were nut cases in the hall.
Nuts sounded pretty good so we left the Unstable and started wandering every hall we could find looking for the nut cases. A I said she was feeling a little weird, so we went outside and sat under a tree and ate Patty Cake’s upside down cake. We had a great afternoon. We were all entertained by the divine secrets of the Ha Ha Sisterhood, and a group of ladies came by and serenaded us with their rendition of Crazy Arms by Ray Price. They were so cute with their arms all tied up.
By this time it was getting time to head back to town, so we went to find Daffy to thank her for everything. We told her we thought the Farm and and The Nut House were better than we had heard, and the only suggestion we had was they should put their nut cases in a place where people could see them.
So off we went with Lav on Loopy, KK driving the flatbed with Windy and Airy on the back in their airplane, and me in the Jeep pulling the hay wagon with all of the Ha Ha Sisterhood, TC, AI, PG and a few squirrels that were hiding in the hay. They must not have been able to find the nuts either.
I will conclude by saying, it’s a great place to clear the cobwebs out of your head and meet people just like you and me. We will be going back soon. We forgot our certificates.
Update: PG called to see if they would mail our certificates. The FF said we weren’t certifiable. We weren’t committed enough.
Those 70ish Girls 