When I retired from what Mom called my “big job,” I found I had very few talents, and believe me I dug deep. I joined women’s groups whose projects I could only admire. They got nothing from me, but I was the beneficiary of some wonderful new friends. They liked me or maybe felt sorry for me. It doesn’t matter, because even though I wasn’t at all “crafty,” they never once asked me to leave. I was beginning to think Mrs. Theissen was right. I was the offspring of a Sanderson woman who never learned how to do anything useful. She of course meant sewing, knitting, crocheting, and these days that would include wood burning, card making, quilting, and all sorts of other crafts.

I was feeling kind of down about it all. Then one Sunday after Church, we went out to breakfast with our usual group of  friends. While Kip was paying, my eyes fell on a flyer that was taped to the front of the counter. It said, “Need a compassionate but firm, part-time caregiver for an elderly lady.” For some reason I wrote down the number. In the next few days, I only toyed with the idea of calling. After I thought about it for a while, I decided to call and see what it was all about.

I filled out the application, and passed the drug test and background check. I drove an hour to the agency’s office and watched videos all day about the HIPPA laws and all kinds of things. I was supposed to start the next day. When I left, the Human Resource lady said, “If you are not going to show up, please call us.” I asked her if people actually did that. She said after watching the videos which include how to help a person with some very personal tasks, some decide it isn’t for them and they just don’t show up.

Well, I did show up, and thus was the beginning of a 4 year relationship with a woman who taught me more about life than anyone I have ever known.

I don’t want to write a lot about Mrs. E. just now, but I want to tell you about why I called this story, “What Now.” One cool morning I was rushing around Mrs. E’s house. She operated from her wheelchair, and like I remember my Mom doing, she sometimes turned on the oven and left the oven door down to warm up the kitchen. Well, I usually move first and look where I’m going later. I was standing by the oven, then turned and tripped over the oven door. I didn’t even have time to put my hands out to catch myself. I fell flat on my face. Mrs. E watched the whole thing come down. After she realized we weren’t going to need an ambulance, she just shook her head at me. (Kip asked me if I had damaged her oven door.) I did hurt for a few days, and my nose was skinned up, but I never said a word about it to either of them.

After that incident, whenever she would hear a noise coming from another part of the house that I happened to be in, she would yell, “NOW WHAT!”

_________________________________________________________________

So now I’m sitting here with my second cup of coffee, and I’m trying to decide what I should write about today. It’s really more difficult than you might think. Some Murdo Girlers like to read about my childhood days in Murdo. Some like the current stories with Lav, Yram, and Barney. I don’t get a lot of feedback on my poetry, although I myself get a big kick out if it.

I read that if what you write doesn’t make you laugh, cry, or at least smile, others won’t react that way either.

All of the stories I have written about growing up in Murdo have been easy to write, because they were all true, or at least exactly like I remembered them. No one has ever challenged my recollections to the point of accusing me of telling a bold-faced lie. I’ve never really worried that would happen.

It’s pretty easy to write about Lav, Sherri, Carol the singer, Jerry, Barney, Treason, Thelma Lou and Louise, TC, DM, Pico, A I, and Murdo Girl. I also love writing about Yram’s piti-full-of-herself interviews with the teachers and other Murdo residents.

I can’t get a good feel about the current Murdo Matters storyline. I’ve tried to mix it up a little with true stories about my current life, ie. Keyless or Clueless. I get feedback from the blog site that tells me how many readers I have each day. Only about 5% make comments on the Website, Facebook, or Google. It is the ones I hear from that I listen too, and I appreciate your comments very much.

When you come right down to it, I do this because I love it, and I want to have a positive effect on your day. Writing always has a positive effect on me. So I guess it’s worth every bean I earn. If time were money, I would have a hole dug from here to China, but like any kid, I only have to do a few chores to earn my allowance. I get to work at TC’s a couple of days a week too. She hardly ever makes me cry.

The bottom line is, please comment. If you don’t feel comfortable telling me what you don’t like, just emphasize what you want to see more of. If you comment at the bottom of the blog, or hit like if you like, you can do it anonymously.

One more thing before I move on. If I write much more about my childhood, I’ll have to make it up, and I promised you I wouldn’t do that. (I have saved one or two.)

Here is some feedback I have received from some of my friends.

“I would like to see more Lav stories. I paid $62 for my crown..(Although I really haven’t had buyer’s remorse.) I would like to sing songs in my stories, and be besties with Pico. I would like to ride horses more in my childhood stories, but MOST of all..I want that red convertible. And…A cute driver.”

Murdo Girl: Okay Lav..You are a good example of nepotism gone wrong. Get away from the bottles and eat some frosted flakes like a good Next VP cousin. BTW..does that rag you’re reading have anything in it about me?

The Children

“Come back when you grow up girl. You’re still living in a paper doll world.”

**************************

The people wearing sunglasses

I’m loving you girl, but your wide-eyed innocence is really messing up my mind

I’d rather you get your very first heartbreak somewhere else along the line.

**************************************************

This experiment isn’t working out the way I had hoped it would. Oh well, live and learn.. I try to remember to look people in their eyes. I might be the only one who really sees them today. 

 

 

The day started with Murdo Girl and Yram having coffee in the employee lounge of the Brick House.

Murdo Girl: I’ve been wondering Yram. Why didn’t you participate in the goal setting seminar? It was short, but there were great handouts. You have to admit, you could benefit from establishing some professional as well as personal goals. You lack specificity.
Yram: I heard you all worked a puzzle. I don’t like puzzles. The other day I saw Lav trying to put these little pieces together to make a tiger. She must have sat there 2 hours staring at the picture on the box and working on that thing. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it wasn’t a puzzle. It was a box of sugar frosted flakes with a picture of Tony the Tiger on it.

Murdo Girl: That kind of thing is hard to hear. It’s like that crown has changed her. She won’t even take it off when she lifts her fake weights.
Yram: If you want my opinion, that crown is the only flash of brilliance you’re ever going to get from that girl.
Murdo Girl: Let’s get back to you Yram. Do you have anymore interviews set up?
Yram: As a matter of fact Next Pres, I do. I think it will really give you some insight into the daily life of your constituents. I’m going to shadow one of Murdo’s most esteemed residents.
Murdo Girl: You know Yram when you talk like this, you almost seem like you have it together. I have often thought that you and I are a lot alike. We have the right attitude, but sometimes we shoot ourselves in the foot. Good luck on your report, and remember.. specificity.
****************************************************************
We next see Yram with Sherri, the Photographic Drawer, walking into Sanderson’s Store.
Yram: Excuse me miss, I’m looking for Mr. M.E. Sanderson.
A voice behind her says, “Say! You must be looking for me. I’m M.E.”
Yram: Nice to meet you Mr. Sanderson, I’m Yram Sicnarf, a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, TX. This is my Photographic Drawer, Sherri. Do you know why we’re here?
Mr Sanderson: Didn’t you mean to be here? You’re inside Sanderson’s Store, my son Jeff owns it. I could show you how to get somewhere else?
Yram: No Mr. Sanderson, we know where we are. Didn’t you get my message about spending a typical day with you? We want to shadow you.
Mr Sanderson: No Wyram, I don’t believe I did. I haven’t been to the Post Office yet. I’m headed there right now.
Yram: No, I didn’t mail it, I called..and
Jeff Sanderson is coming into the store. Hi Dad..wh..
M.E.: Interrupting. Say, Jeff, these young ladies are going fishing with me today. They want to be in my shadows. I guess they need a shady spot. We better get going. It looks like it’s going to be a hot one today. Say..where were you last evening when the sun was going down? I was headed home from that little dam East of here. The sun was shining in my face and I almost ran off the road. Did you know I painted the top of my car dark blue, so if I get caught in a snow storm someone will be able to see me? That was one of the best things I ever did. (side note..I’m not sure if this is true, but that’s what Lav said.)

Jeff: Nice to meet you ladies. I’ll check on Mother when I go home at noon.
M.E. followed by Yram and Sherry head for the Post Office which is right next door, and they run into Slim Leitze, who is one of Grandpa’s fishing buddies.
M.E.: Say Slim, I’m taking these young ladies fishing. Why don’t you come with us. You can help me bait their hooks. Say, remember when we were out at the dam and we high centered the aluminum boat? I’m sure glad I had my wading boots. The boat grounded on a high spot and boy I was a muddy mess when I got home. It scared my granddaughter almost to death. If she sees my wading boots sitting on the porch, she runs to beat the band. HaHaHa…that was the day..let’s see, no it was last summer, that I took my grandsons Terry and Billy to that dam and we caught some big ones. Say Slim, this is Wyram and Sherri ?? Say Sherri do you just follow her around and draw her a picture?
Sherri: No Mr. Sanderson, I draw photographs. It all started when Wyram was going to interview Coach Applebee. She couldn’t afford a cameraman, so..
M.E.: Say, you girls wait here, while I go on in and get my mail. We don’t need to make a lunch. I packed a couple of peanut butter sandwiches and a thermos of milk yesterday. I didn’t wind up eating it, so we’ll have that today.
M.E. goes into the Post Office and Yram and Sherri wait, and wait, and wait. Several people go in the Post Office and come out of the Post Office, but no Mr. Sanderson. Slim leaves saying he’ll meet them at the dam. Yram was just about to go inside to see what happened when ME. finally comes out empty handed.
Yram: M.E. did you leave your mail inside?
M.E.: No..I didn’t have any mail. They must have lost that letter you sent me.
***********************************************************************
Later that same day. Wyram, I mean Yram and Sherri return to the big house. they are looking a little ragged and their faces are red. They are baked. Yram’s frizzy hair is even frizzier and Sherri’s pencils are all dull. They are very, very hungry. The first person they run into is A I.
A I: Where have you two been? I saw you leave early this morning. I’m getting kind of bored just working on my short-term and long-term goals. I did get Airforce .0001 washed though. I have a special attachment to that plane. Then I organized all my spy stuff. What are you guys gonna do now?
Yram: I’m so hungry I could eat a horse. I’m going to see what we’ve got in the Biology Room/kitchen. Then I’m going to write-up my report. Mr. Sanderson told us lots of stories. One he told us was about his grandson Billy. When he was little, M.E. took him fishing and Billy had to go to the bathroom. M.E. pointed him to a tree and told him to go over there. Well on the way back, Billy saw a snake and took off running. He left his fishing pole, so his Grandpa told him he had to go back after it. Billy was scared so M.E. walked behind him. Pretty soon he stuck his pole between Billy’s legs and went Ssssssssss like a snake. He said Billy must have jumped three feet in the air.
Do you think there’s specificity in that story?
Sherri: Do you want to see my pictures A I? Mr. Sanderson took us fishing too, but after he told us that story, we spent most of our time watching out for snakes. I’m not as hungry as Yram because I had a PB & J sandwich soaked in warm milk.

Fishing? I thought we were going pheasant hunting!

35 is Just a Number

If you ask me how old I am, I’ll say I don’t remember

I only stay one number from January through December

I remember the year that I was born because that will never change

I  recall my children’s dates of birth, but not their age. How strange

When our grandkids celebrate, they might feel somewhat slighted

I sometimes show up two days after, the date I was invited.

My car year changes with each new or different ride

If I said that I remembered, you’d know that I had lied

Our furry friends age rapidly. Take every year times seven

Time goes too fast for them and us. Glad there is a doggy heaven

The cat is the crafty one. We’re sure that she’ll survive us

Her age? I have no idea. Each year seems to be nonpluss.

I think for grins I’ll figure out how how long we have been wed

Or should I try to figure out how old I am instead

No I think I’ll calculate how many years of wedded bliss

Write the number inside a card and seal it with a kiss

2016  less 1981..good grief time flew by fast

35 years together, and they said it wouldn’t last

It takes a lot patience, understanding, faith, and love

And more than just a few prayers sent from here to up above

I’ve been sick.. and Kip is feeling kind of down.

So I told him just for today, he could wear my crown.

 

Even Charles was cute when he was little

It is a bright, and only slightly cool day in Murdo. There is just a hint of a breeze. A perfect day to be in the Rose Garden Room. So why is everybody gathered in the cold, dark, and musty Brick House Gym? (Where there is still the odor of foul smelling gym socks in the air.)

The team is seated in folding chairs with a TV tray in front of them. They are enjoying a Continental breakfast consisting of a choice of chocolate covered or powdered sugar Debbie’s donuts, Tang, and coffee. Murdo Girl is about to introduce today’s speaker.

Murdo Girl: Welcome team, and I use that term loosely. It appears there have been some snarky remarks flying around. I was very disappointed to hear this from my spy. Have you all forgotten what it means to be a Coyote?

Lav waves her hand.

Murdo Girl: Yes Lav, What is it?

 

Lav: Coyotes snarl. They howl at the moon too! I saw one when we were still at the Campground Compound. I don’t think anyone can really know for sure what it’s like to be a Coyote though.

Murdo Girl: Okay..Try to stay with me Lav. You are so easily distracted. Is that your gardening crown? I love it! Did you get that when you went crown shopping with Treason?

Murdo Girl Continues

All of you listen up!! Surely you have felt the self-loathing that comes with failure. It doesn’t feel very good does it? (slight pause for effect.) We have lost sight of our mission.We haven’t taken the steps that must be stepped in order to reach our stated goals. Well team Coyote, we’re playing with the big boys now. The time of moving mindlessly through our days is over…Yes, when you leave here today, you will leave with the knowledge and skills to reach all kinds of little bitty goals and then finally…The big kahuna goal. It is only after we have done the labor intensive work, can we reap the rewards of success. Then my fellow Coyotes, our mission will be accomplished.

Wait..I forgot without malice or forethought. That was supposed to be in there somewhere. 

Now.. before we get started, a couple of housekeeping items. You all know where the little girl’s and boy’s rooms are. We should be finished with our training by the time the noon whistle blows. I see you’re all dressed casually..Good!

 

Now if you will please help me welcome  Mr. McKernan who was one of my teachers back in the day. I guess you could say we sort of have him to thank for my Next Pres win.

Clap clap, and so on and so forth.

Mr. Mck: I’m pleased to be here, now let’s get this over with. I mean let’s get started. (He has the look of a man who is thinking,”whuoh..It’s all coming back to me.”)

On the TV trays in front of you, there are 8 puzzle pieces. I would like you to use all of the pieces and put them together in the shape of a Coyote. I will give you 3 minutes.

Mr. Mck walks around as the team members try to complete their task. Carol raises her hand and sings a question. (She sings everything she says.)

Carol: Singing..Oh, here’s my Murdo Coyote, I’m bound to win. She is holding up her paper.

Treason: I’m our  Liaison to the Murdo Coyote Newspaper, so I should know what a Coyote looks like, and I don’t care how you sing it Carol, that does not resemble a Coyote. Whatever it is, it looks dead.

Mr. McK: Times up!  Now let’s take a look. I can see that none of you made the kind of Coyote I wanted you to. The reason being… I didn’t tell you what kind of Coyote I wanted you to make. He picks up a picture of a sleeping Coyote. Now team..What have you learned from this exercise?

A I: Where on God’s green Earth did you see a sleeping Coyote? You don’t just walk by a sleeping Coyote and casually say, “Oh my, there’s a sleeping Coyote. Isn’t he cute? Ya gotta admit the spy makes sense.

Jerry: This is very interesting. Do Coyotes eat beans? My whole life is about beans. red beans, navy beans, jumping beans, pinto beans. I just want to make sure this applies to a Bean guy.

Mr McK: I SAID TIME IS UP, Time is up, time’s up…..

The Town Cryer: HEAR YEA, Hear yea, Hear ye…shsh..Mr. Mck, you can’t talk that loud, there is an echo in here that will make you hold your ears and run screaming to your momma.

Mr McK: The point is you couldn’t make the kind of Coyote I wanted, because I didn’t give you that information. You have to know what the end is supposed to look like, before you can begin. You have to write SMART goals. Specific , Measurable, Achievable, Reachable, and Timed…Can I go now?

Sherri the Photographic Drawer: Hey look Mr. McK, I drew mine and he looks like he’s sleeping. Do I win?

Before Murdo Girl has a chance to say anything, Mr. McK quickly packs up his stuff and heads for the door. He runs smack dab into the Defense Monitor, (DM for short), followed by the Person in Charge of Brick House Functions, ( Pico for short.)

DM: Hey Mr. McK: Do you feel harassed and defenseless? Are you spending more time being…..S T R E S S E D instead of enjoying your just D E S S E R T S? Have you spent your whole life being the victim instead of a hero? I don’t mean to assume anything, but I’m really knowledgeable in this sort of thing, and I recognize, “The Look of defeat.”

Mr McK: NO!!., but you can sign me up for your defensive driving course, because I’m pretty sure I’m about to run over somebody.

Pico: Oh hi Mr. McK..finished already? Follow me to my office in the English Room. I’m in charge of functions, so I’ll be the one to pay you. I have some beans for you on my desk. Now, let’s put our hands together and clap for Mr. McK

Not knowing what else to do the team claps a little then just sits there. Because of the echo, you only really have to clap once or twice.

Murdo Girl: Well since it’s only 9:30, lets take a 30 minute break and come back here and shoot some baskets. You all worked hard this morning, and our bodies need some moving around too. We’ll have to clear out when the 3rd grade gets here to have their pictures taken.

One more thing before you go. Please write this down. I’m giving you The 2016 Coyote Administration Mission Statement.

The 2016 Coyote Administration Mission Statement

We the willing, led by the unknowing, will do the impossible for the ungrateful. We will improve our people skills, by hanging out with better people. We will lower our expectations when needed. Some days, the best thing about working here, will be that the chair swivels. Some days when you get here, you’ll have to tell yourself, in three hours, I’ll only have five hours left. The most important thing you need to remember, is when you’re feeling down,

Don’t forget the perks

 

from left..I’m Blake, MG’s cousin and acting Attorney General. Please tell me she didn’t read that Mission Statement. Can you believe Airforce .0001? The guy on the left is Lav’s Dad Al. We just call him La. 

 

 

 

Murdo Matters is a new organization in town. It’s very new so you probably haven’t heard about it yet. In fact, I just thought of it 30 seconds ago. I’m already writing about it and I have absolutely no idea what it is, so I guess we’ll all find out about it together. Whatever it turns out to be, I hope it’s good because I really like the sound of it. Murdo Matters.

MURDO MATTERS

Murdo Girl is in her second week of being Next Pres. Lav is VPNPE. Then there’s the Queen who has been hanging out with us in Murdo. I think she needed a break from her extremely needy family who thinks they should be treated like Royalty. I mean give me a break, $250 for a sweater for George? That could have gone a  long way toward paying the light bill at Kensington Palace. She told us she started out as a mechanic in WWII. She knows the value of an elbe. What? Ib.. Short for pound..got it!

Murdo does things differently than the rest of the world. That’s why Next Pres has decided to drop some of the long titles, unless it’s in your name like Queen Elizabeth. Treason is going to get with The Coyote and they will be publishing a list of the cabinetry . Eliteism will not be tolerated, however, the cabinet will have a “Top Shelf.”

We will show the world that Murdo Matters, and we will live in whatever decade we choose to. We might even mix it up a little. Our story has evolved. We keep the people and things of the past that bring up good nostalgic memories. We also incorporate things and people that are in today’s world. If I’ve confused you, I’m sure you’re not surprised.

Now that Murdo Girl is officially Next Pres, we need to decide where she should live and conduct her stuff. How about the old High School? It’s got everything we need but a kitchen, and a shower. It’s close to the auditorium and even has a gym. Until we get someone to put a shower in, she can  go to the truck stop. They have nice showers there, and you can even call ahead and reserve. It’s also just a short walk from the high school I mean The Brick House. We can put a hot plate in the chemistry room. Hopefully we can get the smell of formaldehyde out of there. I think there’s a little fridge in there too. We’ll just have to make sure all the frogs are out of it and put a box of baking soda inside.

I think it’s time to have our first Murdo Matters Meeting. It will be at The Brick House. (We can’t call it the White House because it’s brownish brick.) The date will be?? What do you think. The sooner the better right? At 9:00 a.m. sharp.

Murdo Girl is already there. She spent the night on a cot in the library. It’s right across the hall from the Chemistry lab, where the coffee pot is. Already back from a brisk shower at the truck stop, she’s ready to hit the ground running.

The meeting is being held in the gym because the Superintendents Office won’t hold all the people.

The transition staff is arriving

Jerry, Treason, Carol, The town Crier, A I, and Yram  are walking up the steps. Bart, Smart, and Braveheart, the bodyguards, are stationed outside. They’re just there in the unlikely event that a crowd gathers. That doesn’t sound like a very good reason, but we’ll figure out another way they can be useful later.

Where are the Queen and Lav? We kind of need the NVP, but we can clue her in later, since we always have to tell her everything twice anyway. The C  and the CC of the CCC aren’t here, but they will be discussed at the meeting. Since we no longer need a Chair and Co-Chair of the Coyote County Convention, they will be considered for other positions.

The assembly is happening in the downstair’s gym.

Murdo Girl: THANK YOU, THank you, Thank you. Woah..This gym has an echo, guess I won’t use the mic. Thank you for coming to The Brick House, the home of the people. Yes, The town of Murdo now has it’s very own Next Pres, and when the rest of the country sees how we run things, I’m sure all the other 49  states will fall into lock step with us.

In the interest of time, I will get right to today’s order of business.

1. We need a good lawyer. We’re going to advertise all the available positions in the Murdo Coyote so the townspeople can give us their input. In the meantime, my cousin Blake Haverberg, who has everyone in the family beat in the way of accomplishments, has agreed to help us out. He lives in Deadwood. I’d really like to have a local attorney.
2. We need a doctor, a PA, or a nurse on our Murdo Matters team.
3. A Press Secretary..I’m thinking Treason can fill that position
4. A spy..A I.. It goes without saying you have the credentials
5. A speech writer..No one comes to mind.
6. A publicist, Yram?
7. A PICOBHF..Person in charge of Brick House functions, like town dinners (C of the CC?)
8. A Queen..Queen E
9. Defense moniter..(The CC of the CCC?)
10. Someone to write up the minutes
11. Someone to sing the Murdo Matters song at the beginning of each meeting..Carol’s got it!
12. Someone to write the song that the whole town will sing..?

Other positions will be announced and discussed at our next State of the Town MM meeting.

Lets not overdo it on our first day. I am on fire Murdo! We’ve got it going on!! Give me an MM!!!

 

Will the minutes please note that the scribe of this story was having Internet problems and was unable to perform her magic in the way of photos and other things. Sometimes a Murdo Girl’s gotta do what a Murdo Girl’s gotta do.

 

 

 

I don’t remember the first time I realized not everybody loves me. Some might not even like me. It made sense to me that if I liked everyone, then they would have no reason not to like me right? It sounds simple and easy, but of course it isn’t.

Oh, there were the occassional spats all little kids have with their playmates. Those arguments over who gets a certain toy or who gets to go first. Fights with siblings don’t really count. Those power plays are a natural part of living within a family. Everyone has to carve out their own niches and establish their own boundaries.

Some people can’t handle praise. If we get 100 affirmations and one negative opinion, why is it that some of us concentrate on the one negative?

None of this applies to Yram Sicnarf.

 

When a crack up reporter completes an interview, the next step is to write it up for submission to the media or other powers that be. Yesterday, we witnessed Yram’s interview with Dean Lindquist and friends. This is how our crack up reporter remembers it. Were we all at the same events?

THE PARTY AND OTHER THINGS By YRAM SICNARF

Due to my tenacity and well known journalistic skills, I, Yram Sicnarf was asked to cover the Lindquist Birthday bash and other things. The goal was to interview as many Murdoites as possible.

The event was star studded. The garage was packed full of fans. (They were all on high. It was hot.) The red carpet was a virtual parade of well wishers. Everyone wanted to know who did my hair and make-up. The questions just kept coming and coming.

Anyway, the first person I saw was Mr. Thune. He was accompanied to the party by his two sons Bob and Rich. Apparently they had read my in-depth interview with their Father Harold. I tried to tell them there were so many people I needed to visit with, I really didn’t have a lot of time for an  exclusive with them.

Bob was pretty nice, but Rich started to ask me questions about the Murdo History Quiz. He seemed surprised that I didn’t know the answers to any of it. Murdo Girl’s brother Billy and I gathered all the information and prepared the quiz, but I hadn’t paid that much attention to the answers. I did what I always do when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I referred him to my Aggressive investigator, A I. I mean what’s the use of having an entourage if you’re not going to use them? Technically, they’re Murdo Girl’s people, but she lets me use them whenever I want to.

A I: Well Mr. Thune, what specifically are you questioning about the questions written in the form of a question on the questionnaire quiz thing?

Rich: Who are you?

A I: I’m Murdo Girl’s Aggressive Informant. She has a lot of cronies on her team. I was an aggressive basketball player on a rival team when we were in High School. Even though I knocked her and some of the other Murdo Coyote players on their spanks, she hired me to dig up dirt on people. She must really like my work, because she is trying to find a spot for me in her cabinet. She’s Next Pres you know. You want a picture with me? You probably don’t know too many cronies of successful politicians do you?

Rich: I don’t know any cronies, but I do have a brother who is a United States Senator. I’ll pass on the photo-op.

A I: Well, okay, but if you change your mind, I’ll be hanging around the Photographic Drawer.

This is Yram again. I finally made my way to Mr. Lindquist and I asked him the following pertinent questions:

crickets

I don’t remember much about that, but I’m sure I asked him questions… didn’t I? Oh well, I do remember wondering why Sherri the photographic drawer was over in the corner apparently drawing a photograph of Carol wearing a blonde wig and singing “Happy birthday Mr. Lindquist.” I did love that sequined dress.

when Lav and I came to, I mean woke up the next morning, the car was moving, which was okay, because I realized it’s not good for a crack up reporter to stay in one place too long. You have to circulate. The Town Crier was driving and before we knew it we were back at the Motel. Perfect! We headed right over to the lobby for a delightfully free breakfast.

Later, during the parade, I pursued some “man on the street” interviews. I was on foot, because the red convertible was in the parade. Murdo Girl and Lav got to ride in it. Lav is going to wear that car out!

The first man on the street was a girl who asked me not to use her name. Any good reporter worth their salt will always honor a request like that. I’ll refer to her as Arenkay Idersnay. When we were in High school, her last name was Erdigfay. We just made small talk for a while. When I zeroed in on the burning questions, she told me she was there to watch the parade, so I promised her I’d catch up with her later.

By then, my feet were pounding and my head was starting  to swell. When I was walking back down the courthouse hill, I saw Coach Applebee driving up the hill. I tried to get his attention, but he appeared to be avoiding making eye contact with me. It’s nothing to me, but I was just going to tell him he was about to run right smack into a parade coming his way. Hey! Now that’s a bit of breaking news don’t you think? I decided I would write it up and have Sherri draw the photograph later.

The Murdo Coyote would like to make a correction to the copy concerning the parade accident. It should be crash up, meaning the fender bender, and crack up, referring to the reporter. You know how it is with those interlopers who try to sensationalize everything. There was plenty of room for Dean’s truck to get by the Driver’s Ed car, but Miss Sicnarf yelled “LOOK OUT!!” both drivers were distracted and didn’t know whether to stop or go, and they both gunned it. The only thing injured was the two men’s pride.

 I’m missing Murdo. I’ve been trying to think of someone else Yram could interview there. She’s been complaining because she thinks you all see her in a bad light because she kind of botched the interviews with Mr. Thune, Coach Applebee (twice), Mrs. Peters, and Mr. Palmer. Geez, that’s a lot of interviews to mess up. I think she should have one more chance to redeem herself, but as far as the bad light goes..take your gifts where you can get ’em Yram. Bad lights can be a good thing.

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None of us knew it at the time, but Yram was actually at the all school reunion. She was in one of her disguises, but we should have known it was her when she talked, because of her nasal voice. Crack up reporters should not have a nasal voice. I’ve got to hand it to her though, she’s got hudspa.

Who will she corner first? Looks like it’s  Dean Lindquist.

Yram: Hi Mr. Lindquist, my name is Yram Sicnarf and I’m a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, Texas. Mind if I ask you a few questions?

Dean: Do you mind? I was just getting ready to blow out the candles on my birthday cake.

Yram: Oh, sorry. Sure go ahead and blow them out. I think I’ll stand back a little. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many burning candles. Do you think I could have a glass of water or maybe some of that punch over there? I’m getting a little warm.

Dean: Were you invited to my party? I don’t remember the name Sicnarf. Who was your Dad? Did you ever work at Dean’s Philip 66 station? ( You would think I was talking to Lynn Brost Miles..If she doesn’t recognize you, she wants to know who your Dad is.)

Yram: Uh, well I  kind of worked there. I mean I hung out there a lot. Does that count? I must have been accidentally overlooked when the invites were mailed out. You sure had some cuties working there. Whooee! Where is that cold punch? It is really warm in here.

Dean ignores Yram while he blows out his candles and everyone sings Happy Birthday. Someone must have given her some punch, because Yram seems happy as a crack up reporter,  from Texas can look.

Yram: Excuse me Mr. Dean, you asked about my Dad. Well, Mom never told him about me. About my being a crack up reporter, I mean. It’s really a sad story if you’d like to hear it. It all happened….

Dean: (Interrupting Yram’s story.) I really hate to be rude, but there are a lot of people here to wish me a happy birthday. A bunch of my guys who worked at the station are here and I’d like to spend some time with them.

Yram: Shuuurre you do. I’ll just come with you. I’ll be reeeaal quiet. You won’t even know I’m there (hicup). Who are those four cute guys over there?

Dean: Their names are Don Edwards and Eddie Jackson. There are only two of them Miss. Now, I’m going to go talk to them. You can come with me if you don’t say a word.

Yram shakes her head indicating she won’t talk.

Dean walks up to the guys and they all shake hands and start reminiscing about working at the station. Don and Eddie are really fond of Dean and are sharing lots of good memories. Well, it’s just so emotional, Yram starts to sniffle…but she doesn’t say a word.

Eddie: Who is that Dean? She looks a little familiar. I remember something about seeing her in a dim light. Or maybe I just remember her dimness.

 

Don: HaHa…That’s funny Eddie She looks vaguely familiar to me too. Her dimness, kind of like a dim her highness..Hahaha. Where’s your crown Your Dimness?

UhOh, I bet he lives to regret that remark!

Yram doesn’t speak because she’s a rule follower, but what’s this? She’s holding up a sign. It says, “I got gas at the station once. U2 R Cute..

Dean:  Her name is Yram Sicnarf. She says she’s a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, Texas. I told her not to talk. She was really getting on my nerves and her voice is so nasally.  Just don’t ask her about her Dad. It sounds like a long story.

Yram tugs on Dean’s sleeve and whispers something to him. 

Dean: She wants me to ask you boys if you’ll be at the dance later?

Eddie and Don decide to say yes, because they know she’s easy to ditch. They remember her now. She was someone they ditched once.

And it better never happen again..Oh, sorry, I just got caught up in the story

 

Yram moves on to find another fascinating person to interview. She needs to get away from Dean so she is allowed to talk. Maybe there will be someone seated close to the punch bowl.

Yram: Hi there..Have we met? My name is Yram Sicnarf and I’m a crack up, cracker jack reporter from Rifle Butt, TX..or is it Sling Shot? Let’s just say I live in a dangerous place.

Lady by the punch: I’ve been a risk taker all of my life. I’ve been known to slide down cellar doors. I got 20 slivers once. I put them in my scrap book.  FYI..that punch is packing a punch. Maybe you should have a cold beer instead.

Yram: Oh, no thank you, I don’t drink. Do they have food here? You know what I’m hungry for? Wedding cake… I usually have wedding cake when I have punch. Now why are we here?

Later that evening Dean is talking to his daughters, Karen, Kim and Tammy. After enjoying a wonderful evening of food and friendship, the guests have all departed.

Dean: Did you see that girl who was here earlier. Yram Sicnarf was her name. She was kind of strange. I didn’t see her leave.

Karen: She didn’t leave.

Dean: What?

Kim: She and some girl named Lav are out front. You know that convertible that Dave Geisler let us borrow for Murdo Girl to ride in the parade tomorrow? They are both sitting in it. They won’t leave. They both have crowns on.

Tammy is cleaning up as she listens to Dean and her sisters talking. Wow! That punch sure got drained. I filled it up three times. She sniffs the air…What is burning she wonders.

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Yram: Hey Lav..Don’t ya just love Murdo? Where else can you go and be treated like such royalty? I wish I had another piece of that wedding cake…and a little more punch.

Lav: Can I stay in this car all night Yram? I love this car. I like you to Yram. Even if you live in crack up, Texas.

 

Both Yram and Lav sit back and enjoy the beautiful night…and watch the M burn.