The Coyote and Lone Wolf Parade
The Parade Grand Marshall, (sniff) Deputy Sheriff, (sniff) and Lone Wolf candidate (sniff), Barney Fife
BARNEY FIFE CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS
Barney Fife’s Campaign Slogan
This is Barney Fife. I’m running for President of these United States in the 2016 election. I’ll be the one, and might I add, the only one, on the Lone Wolf Party Ballot.(Pulls his pants up and sniffs.)
I was having coffee and donuts at Fern’s Cafe, and I got wind of the Parade old Murdo girl is planning. The idea is to knock old Barney out of the running. She’s on the tired old Coyote ticket. Well I’ll have you know that a parade can’t happen in Murdo without the law involved, and I represent the law. I’m what keeps this town safe from riff raff. Yup,(sniff), me and my trusty partner (pats his holster), (sniffs again).
Now here’s what’s gonna happen. You can say you heard it right here from Deputy Barney Fife. I was plannin to nip the whole idea in the bud, but (pulls his pants up and sniffs), two can play Murdo Girl’s old game. This Lone Wolf has out foxed the Coyote. Yesiree, you got it. I’m talking about that Hillary pantsuit wearing Murdo Girl.
Poor Hillary, She can wave all she wants, but she can’t be in the parade
I searched through thousands of pictures, and this is the the only one I could find that resembles a photo of me in a Hillary pantsuit. One of the advantages of being Murdo Girl. I write the stories and I choose the pictures. (There are those that think it may come back to bite me if I make it to the reunion.) It’s not as old as it looks, It’s worn because I look at it a lot. Wait, Is that me?
(Barney sniffs and continues) I’m gonna let the parade plannin keep marching on, with one liiittle bitty change. Old Barney here is going to be the Grand Marshall . Yesiree, that’s right. I’ll also be the voice on the megaphone announcing everything in that parade from the engine to the caboose. Thelma Lou and her friend Louise are plannin to be on hand to help organize things. Thelma Lou is my girlfriend and she’s a good organizer. Yup (pulls up pants and sniffs), Thelma Lou and Louise will be hittin town tomorrow.
MURDO GIRL CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS
MURDO GIRL’S CAMPAIGN SLOGAN
I’m Murdo Girl and I can’t believe Deputy Barney Fife has hijacked our Parade plans. He’s bringing in Thelma Lou and Louise too, but even if you count his gun, that still only makes a team of 4. On the Coyote team, we’ve got Murdo Girl, the Queen, Yram Sicnarf, Lav Yekcel, Jerry Elrod, and we’ve also got “an Otis in the hole.“That’s right. When Barney locks up the Jones County Jail tonight, there’s going to be a little surprise for him. More on that later.
THE COYOTE TEAM
THE COYOTE PARADE ENTRANTS
The Coyote Bystanders
THE LOAN WOLF PARADE ENTRANTS
The Lone Wolf Bystanders
Will Barney Fife stop complaining and start campaigning? Will Otis make the Jones County Jail his permanent residence? Will Thelma Lou and Louise make the Jones County Jail their permanent residence? Will they even make it to Murdo, or will they get confused by all the Wall Drug signs?
How will Barney separate the riff raff from the riff raff? Will Murdo Girl keep her campaign promise to relocate Wall Drug to Murdo and offer” Free Ice Water?” Will the nickels start rolling into Murdo Girl’s Coffers, so Jerry will have something to count? Will Lav, come up with some effective campaign stunts? Then there’s the Queen…Hmm, Long Live the Queen!