The Coyote County Convention and The Lone Wolf Convention are at long last behind us. The votes have all been counted and recorded. Yet with all that, the winner and candidate for Next Pres is still unknown. Murdo has 300 eligible delegate/ voters, who each have 2 votes. Murdo Girl has secured 300. If everyone voted instead of “sitting this one out,” and if the absenteeism votes all got to the Registrar’s office in time, the best that Barney can hope for, is a tie. (Barney’s convention got messy which is why his votes got in just under the wire.) No one has thought about what happens in the case of a tie, but it’s been made clear there can be only one candidate to emerge from this perfect storm. Only one will go on the ballot with The Donald and Hillary. So who is it going to be?

The Town Crier cried out an announcement this morning. The cry was to advise the good citizens of Murdo of a press conference to be held on the Courthouse steps at 2:00 p.m. (Give or take a little due to the foreclosure auction which starts at 1:00 o’clock.)

It’s now 2:00 p.m. and all those chomping at the bit to witness this historical event, appear to be here. It looks like quite a crowd.  Murdo Girl and her VP pick, Lav, are seated to the right of the podium. Maybe it’s just me but, should they be wearing their crowns? Barney will be announcing his VP pick, if he needs one; which he won’t if he doesn’t get 300 votes. He is sitting to the left of the podium next to an empty chair.

Here comes Our Miss Brookes, the Registrar, headed to the podium.

Our Miss Brookes: The Office of the Registrar, for the County of Jones, in the town of Murdo is prepared to announce the candidate who has the sufficient number of delegate/ votes to be our nominee for Next Pres. Hhhm (clears throat.) As has been widely reported, Murdo girl has received 300 votes. Now, may I please have the envelope with the results of The Lone Wolf delegate/vote. I said, May I please have the envelope with the results of the Lone Wolf delegate/vote!!!

Barney: jumps up:…Oh for crying out loud! who has the envelope?

At which point the Town Crier starts boohooing. 

Town Crier: Did someone say for crying out loud? Okay, I will…Why am I crying?

Suddenly!! The crowd parts, you can hear murmurs and mumbling among the mass of people in the Courthouse courtyard.

A familiar voice says: I do.

Everyone watches and claps as… who before their wondering eyes should appear?  Sheriff Duke, we think.

Sheriff Duke: Hold your horses Pilgrim lady Brookes. By the way are you related to Our Miss Brookes? I worked with her on a movie once. Never mind, we’ll talk later. The folks are getting mighty restless. He then hands the envelope with the results of the Lone Wolf delegate/voters tally to Registrar Brookes.

Our Miss Brookes: Ahem… Well, Hi Duke. How’s life been treatin ya? Does anyone have a letter opener? (Just kidding.) She Puts on her readers and ever so slowly opens the envelope, in which all of our futures may rest.

The final tally for Deputy Barney Fife, the candidate for the Lone Wolf party is…………….299. Yes Deputy Barney Fife received 299 votes. I hereby declare Murdo Girl with the Coyote party the winner! She will be smashing glass ceilings as the first ever Coyote candidate running for Next Pres. (Plus she’s a girl.)

Sheriff Duke: Wait just a minute little Pilgrim lady…You’re forgetting one thing.

(Just kidding??) We shall see what we shall see.

This is me..don’t even think about hurting me. I have friends in high places.

The year is 1961. Its the summer before the little Murdo Girl starts the fourth grade. Her brother Billy is working in California for the summer, but he will be back in the fall to begin his Senior year of high school.

The little Murdo Girl is straddled on a barrel that hangs between two trees on the lot between her Grandparent’s house and her Aunt and Uncle’s home where her cousin Mark lives. It’s early morning and while she’s waiting for the neighborhood kids to get there, she’s thinking about all the things they will do today. School just got out yesterday and this is the first day of summer vacation. Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a car pulling into her Grandpa’s driveway. The car doesn’t look like any car she’s seen before. It reminds her of her Uncle’s Jeep, but it’s a sparkly gray color and the tires are a lot different.

While she’s watching, a woman and a little girl get out of the Jeep- like car. The woman is walking toward the house. The little girl is walking toward Murdo Girl. It appears that the girls are about the same age.

MG is the first to speak: Hi…Did you and your Mom come to visit Grandpa and Grandma Sanderson?

The other little girl: Yes, my Mom just wanted to drop off a few things, but then we’re going swimming. What’s your name?

MG: My name is Mary, but people call me MG. What’s yours?

Other girl: My name is Yram. I don’t live here. I live in Texas. Mom used to live here and she thought it would be good for me if we came for a visit. Are you all by yourself here?

MG: Yeah, but I’m just waiting for all the kids to get here so we can play. I hope we play tag first.

Yram: Don’t you mean hashtag? You must tweet.

MG looking somewhat bewildered: No..We play tag. You know, one person is it. They hide their eyes and count backwards while everyone else runs and hides. When the time is up, the “it” kid looks for everyone else. When”it” finds another kid, and gets close enough to hit them, that kid is “it” and it starts over. It’s really fun!

I don’t hit I pat

I don’t hit I pat

They Hit

I pat…..I pat…..I sorta pat……She hits

MG: I’m going to walk across the street to Suzanne and Cynthia’s house. They probably slept late or they have to do some chores first.

Mark, Suanne, Stephanie

We hit…We pat the pony…We used to hit, but we don’t anymore

Yram: Why don’t you just text them? I don’t want to stay here alone, and I don’t want to go inside. Mom said they just have a black and white TV and no Internet.

MG: You talk kind of funny. Is that because you live in Texas? Grandpa Sanderson has lots of nets, so I’m sure he has an internet.  I don’t go near a textbook in the summer, and I only read books when it’s raining, or when it’s dark and I have to go inside. Rats, I forgot to bring my dress-up clothes.

Yram: RATS? DID YOU SEE A RAT? Why are you going to dress up?

MG: What? What’s wrong with you? You’re talking like you’re crazy. Are you plumb loco? I’ll see you later. MG starts to walk across the street.

Yram: Wait MG. I don’t want to stay here by myself, but if I’m going to stay outside, I have to put on sunscreen so I don’t get skin cancer. Do you know what time it is? I left my cell in the car and it’s locked. You shouldn’t call people crazy, that could hurt my ego and I’ll have to have therapy when I grow up.

MG: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m trying really hard to understand your Texas language, but you are really a nervous Gertie Yram. If I waited for you to do all that, I would never get to play today. Guess you don’t want to hear about the rubber guns. They only hurt if someone accidentally hits you in the face. Besides that, I thought you said you were going to the swimming dam. We’re all going tomorrow with Pink Sandy. Maybe you can come and bring your internet and catch some minnows. As far as a cell goes, you’d have to do something pretty bad to get thrown in a cell here, and if you did, you wouldn’t have to worry too much about what time it is. And another thing, I think you are trying to bluff me, because there is no such thing as a locked car door, and you can’t catch cancer from the sun so you don’t have to put a screen over yourself.

Yram: I think I will go inside and lay down, because I really hope I’m sleeping. Yes, that’s it! I’m asleep and there is no such place as Murdo, where kids run and hit each other and think it’s fun. They have Rats and stay outside without wearing sunscreen. They sit on a barrel hanging from the trees without any supervision. I was cursed at just because I said I was going to the pool. Yes… I’ll lay down and wait to wake up from this nightmare. Bye MG. If I ever see you again, don’t talk to me.

MG: Frankly Yram. I don’t give a hoot!

You should see the other guy

We don’t give a hoot either! Let’s get back to the possibly rigged election. Jerry has chickens to sell and I have eggs to pluck.

I am lock challenged. When I was growing up in Murdo, I didn’t have to lock anything. We didn’t lock our house. I don’t remember even having a key to the house. Jimmy from up the street used to come to our house and watch television whether we were home or not.

We didn’t lock the car, the Motel, and definitely not our suitcases. Why would someone lock a suitcase anyway? If someone wanted to steal something inside, why wouldn’t they just take the whole suitcase?

This freedom from having to lock things was hard to give up. Locking things became a real problem for me. My first experience of locking myself out was when I was staying with my brother and his wife in  California. They had a nice apartment on the ground floor not far from my summer job. The building was small, so the apartment had lots of windows, which turned out to be a good thing.

The first time I locked myself out, I walked around the building and found the window to the bathroom of the appartment I needed to break into. While trying to pry the screen off, it ripped just a little. That was too bad, but it did make the reach to the inside easy enough that I could sort of pry the window open.  Once I got in, I tried to get everything back together, and felt it was good enough that no one would see it. As it turned out, I got into the house through the bathroom window all summer, and as far as I know, they were never robbed.

I think, (at least I would like to think), I remembered to tell them about the broken screen when I moved out.

Fast forward several years. I’m a slow lock learner. I would go by myself to 3k and 10k races that were pretty close to home. You have to remember, it was much different before electric garage door openers and cell phones. There was a key for the car door and another for the ignition. One Saturday, I went to a race and did as I saw others do. I took the key to the car door off the key chain and tied it up in my shoelace. That way I could lock the rest of the keys in the car. It worked great. I got into the car easily enough and drove to the store. When I finished my shopping and came back to the car, I had the keys to the ignition, but the door key was laying on the front seat. Right, I couldn’t get into the car. I had to call a locksmith.

I had a job in sales, and while I was out calling on customers, I had to stop every few hours and return phone calls. It was still before cell phones, so I knew where every payphone was. This particular day I stopped at Tom Thumb. I had a run in my hose and had to buy new ones. The pay phone was right outside the lady’s room, so I took my folder and called my office to get my messages. I took the folder with the keys on top of it in with me to change. when I was ready, I leaned over to flush and WHOOSH! My house key, car key, my son’s apartment key, and I don’t remember what else went down to live with the sewer rats. I screamed and the woman in the next stall screamed too. There I was at Tom Thumb, and couldn’t do anything because I didn’t have a key. I used the payphone and finally got a hold of my son who had just moved into his own apartment. I prayed he still had a key to our house. He did. I heard him yell to his co-workers. “I have to go to Tom Thumb and get my Mom, she flushed all of her keys down the toilet.”

I got home, got my extra set of car keys and took the key we had stuck in the inside of the back door so I could get into the house later. I intended to get a copy made and put the key back, but I ran out of time. Later that evening my husband asked where the key to the back door was. When I explained, he said he had never heard of someone flushing their keys. I agreed that it was strange. After all, sometimes you have to flush 3 times to get a Kleenex to go down. I now just had one set of keys. I hadn’t made it to wherever I had to go to get another car key made. Those things cost about $40.00 back then, but so did the locksmith.

I started out with two sets of keys. A week or so later… It’s very early in the morning and I am at the airport. I pull up to a place outside the airport, where they park your car and you take a shuttle to the terminals. I pulled up, got in the trunk, and got my golf bag and suitcase out, then I got on the shuttle. I looked out the window and there was a guy motioning to me. It looked like he was saying he needed my keys. I drug my clubs and suitcase and got off the shuttle. After searching through my purse, I finally realized I must have locked my keys in the trunk. It’s 6:30 a.m. My car is right in the way of every other car trying to get in. I called my husband, who was still at home, but 45 minutes from where I was. He said something like,”I don’t know what you want me to do. You don’t have anymore keys.” I was distraught to say the least, and he wasn’t being very helpful. I told him I could get into the car, just not the trunk. He said to try opening up the glove compartment and push the button that opens up the trunk. In all fairness, it was a company car and not every car has that button. I got some looks as I got back on the shuttle that had been nice enough to wait for me.

Except for my brother’s apartment, all of the things I just told you about happened within a few weeks. I would like to say I have never had another problem with keys or locks, but I would be lying. It has helped to have a cell phone and an electric garage door opener. I can now make it through most days. Well, unless something totally unrelated happens.

It’s Saturday night and the last night of the Lone Wolf County Convention. We all know what that means…It’s time for Barney’s big speech. The Harold Thune Auditorium will soon be filled with delegates, or voters…whatever you want to call them. Barney needs 300 votes tonight to stay in the race for Next Pres. Murdo Girl has 300 of the 600 available. We’ll check in with Barney later, but right now let’s see what’s going on at the Murdo Girl Campground Compound.

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The Murdo Girl team is enjoying a free continental breakfast. Geez…What they lack in expertise, they make up for in numbers.

A I, Yram, Jerry, Carol, Sherri, Treason, Laura, Bart, Smart, and Braveheart. Aggressive Informant, Interviewer, Bean Counter, Singer, Photographic Drawer, Treason to the Murdo Coyote, Town Cryer, and the 3 bodyguards. The VP candidate, Lav is not present. She’s still suffering from Crownitis and has taken to her bed in the pop-up camper. The C and the CC of the CCC took a couple of days off to go see Mount Rushmore. They will be having a committee meeting when they return. All are accounted for except the Queen and Murdo Girl.

A l: I have information to inform, but I’m waiting until Murdo Girl gets here. Hey Bart, Smart, and Braveheart, why aren’t you with MG? Aren’t you her bodyguards?

Braveheart looks at, Bart, who looks at Smart.

Smart: She’s just over at the Pioneer Auto Museum trying to talk Mr. Geisler into letting her ride in that red Impala convertible for a while.  None of us are much on walking and MG doesn’t want us to ride with Thelma Lou and Louise anymore. She didn’t think it looked right for us to be in Barney’s parade.

Okay..we’ll get back to this nothingness later. Let’s go see what Mr. Excitement is up to.

Barney and his team are already at the auditorium, where in his nervousness, he’s mostly sniffing and pulling his pants up. Talk about high pockets…

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Welcome to the Lone Wolf 2016  County Convention

Thelma Lou: Some of you local yokels might not know me, but I’m Thelma Lou, and that redhead over there filing her nails is my friend Louise. We are the C and the CCC of the LWCC. Wow..that is one heck of a mouthful even for someone as articulated as me. Now I want to throw my 2 cents in about Barney before I let him come up here and tell ya all how he’s gonna get this country runnin right as rain again. Barney is a sweet guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly even if it was flying around his head and making him go cross-eyed, which I’ve seen happen a time or two.

Okay let’s get the little giant to come on up here. After the big balloon dropping finale is over, we want to invite you all over to Fern’s Cafe. Louise and I gotta go back to work and Pat Bechard made a delicious chocolate cake that she did not know would be served up to Barney Fife supporters. Me and Louise are the type that make things happen, if you know what I mean.

Barney: (sniff), I know I’m a little bit new to Murdo, (sniff), and that could be a good thing. Ya see, (pulls pants up), I might be just a little bit more “worldly” than Murdo Girl. I’ve been out in the big bad world, and I’ve seen a thing or two. You might be questioning my background and asking yourself what old Barney’s vision of the future is. I’ve got 5 words for ya. Nip It In The Bud! Nip -it-in-the-bud. Nip, Nip, Nip…

Someone stands up in the crowd. They must be going to heckle or something. All eyes turn to face the interrupter. Uh Oh…

A I: Okay Mr. Rogers, Captain Kangaroo, and Batman all rolled into one..I’ve been out aggressively doing my diligence. I want to ask all these delegates, or voters, or whatever you want to call them. Does this look like someone you want for Next Pres?

A I holds up a HUGE picture of what looks like Deputy Fife in a compromising situation.

Thelma Lou: What’s the matter Lover Boy? You have got guilty written all over your face

Louise: You wanna shoot Barnyard Barney? Or do want me to?

To add to the already troubling situation, Guess who walks in just in time to witness these atrocities?

Barney: WH, wh, what are you good citizens doing here?

Coach: We’re just here to watch. We haven’t had this much excitement in Murdo since Murdo Girl won the title of Betty Crocker Homemaker of Tomorrow in 70. Unless you count the time her brother won the joke telling contest in 2011.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Billy Francis, Suzanne Brost, Ralph Thomas, Valerie Leckey Halla, Joe Thomas (participants in the joke telling contest of 2011

Will Barney get the 300 votes necessary to tie it up with Murdo Girl or will his campaign go by the way of the porcelain throne? If it is a tied up contest between Barney and Murdo Girl, will there be a surprise voter/delegate/whatever who is elibible to break the tie? Will Thelma Lou and Barney make-up or break-up? Will Lav recover soon or be a permanent sloth? Will Yram snag another good interview? Will Murdo Girl get another ride in the red Convertible?

Hey..there’s Brad Pitt..Didn’t he used to be friends with Thelma Lou and Louise? He’s with Yram..and Yram has the red convertible. (There’s gotta be some perks to writing all these stories.)

With the right music, you can either remember everything, or forget everything.

The most often played song throughout the world is a song everyone hates. At the risk of making it play on the tracks of your brain all night, I’ll tell you what it is. A Disney tune, It’s a Small World, has been played over 50 million times.

Two sad songs… You’ve lost that loving feeling (The Righteous Brothers), has been played 8 million times, and Yesterday, (The Beatles), 7 million.

Every movie you have ever watched, and advertisement you have ever seen, has a music sound track. We sing Happy Birthday, Christmas songs, Church hymns, and school songs. We dance to the rhythm of music. We’re inspired by patriotic songs, and babies are lulled to sleep with  a lullaby.

I don’t have teeth

We’ve got lots of babies

Music is a big part of all our lives, and it can take you back.

Here are some examples of the tunes I hum.

Good morning Mr. Zip, Zip, Zip, with your haircut just as short as mine…It’s a WWI song that my Dad’s Mother used to sing to him.  He sang it while bouncing me, perched on his shoulders, all around the house. He also sang Be kind to your web footed friends, for a duck could be somebody’s Mother.

All things bright and beautiful, and Jesus loves the little children, take me back to Ethel Thomas’s Sunday school class. She was perpetually cheerful and had a beautiful voice.

But ya know I love you, by Dolly Parton is one attached to a memory. A boyfriend in high school gave me the 45. The flip side was something like Homemade lies. I asked which side he wanted me to listen to, which for some reason, upset him…Its funny to me now, and a good memory.

I consider Hey Jude and I can’t get no satisfaction to be Vietnam era songs, because I heard them a lot during those years.

You’ve lost that loving feeling, The Righteous Brothers, Many a tear has to fall, by the Temptations, and anything by the Four Seasons rank right up there with songs I could listen to and never tire of.

My cousin Valerie and I will be transported back to Cynthia Edward’s kitchen whenever we hear, Oh, What a night. It’s a new memory of a really fun time.

Singing in the kitchen, by Bobby Bare, and Sneaky Snake , by Tom T. Hall were songs we listened to when the kids were all young. Heather especially related to music. I remember she played Johnny Horton’s The Battle of New Orleans over and over.

We laughed at another Bobby Bare song, (from the album Singing in the Kitchen), You can’t help but smile while listening and singing to this one.

Mason Jr. and Ethan…Craig and Olivia (she plays the flute now)

Songs that mean something to you shouldn’t be forgotten. We have created family memories with music.

Kip’s Mom would start New Years Day and play one album a day until she had listened to her whole collection.

I first heard Beyond the sunset at Mrs. Theissen’s funeral, when I was 9. I remembered it as a song of peaceful comfort. We requested that song be sung at our Dad’s funeral, many years later.

I love patriotic songs…If  you haven’t already heard Renee Miller sing The National Anthem, you’re in for an inspiring experience. If this doesn’t play, go to YouTube Renee Miller.

There are hundreds of songs from many different genres That take me back.

Memories good and bad are brought to mind by something. It might be a song, a scent, a letter, or a photograph. In the past several months, I have taken an extraordinary trip back in time. Murdo Girl started out to be stories about my experiences growing up in Murdo, South Dakota. It became so much more.

For many years, I thought too much about the disappointments, and questioned every decision I had ever made. I sometimes think society works overtime to make us think we’re all screwed up and it has to be someone’s fault.  I thought about how I believed people had failed me and blamed my grownup self for whatever the problem of the day was. I wasn’t that way all of the time. It’s not in my nature to be unhappy.

Murdo Girl has changed how I look at my life then and now. I had a great life growing up in Murdo. I had no idea until I wrote about them, how many great memories I have. Those good experiences pushed away all of the bad. Those fun and special memories kept coming and coming, and I have loved reliving every single one of them. I am so gratified that my true stories about my real life have brought back good memories for many of you. We lived in the same town or one like it, we knew the same people or some like them.

Because I want to learn more about you and me, I tried to think of a way  we might be able to recapture what many of the good memories are tied to and perhaps learn a little more about what makes us who we are and how we can live in the here and now with the help of the there and then.

Before we get started, I want to assure you this will not be some deep dive into your psyche. It’s just for fun.

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Have you had your annual checkup?

Until last month, I hadn’t seen any of my annuals in 46 years. I lost them somewhere along the way, and apparently didn’t miss them much until I got to the high school years in my stories. Then, I got a call from Karen Lindquist who was helping locate people for the 2016 Murdo All School Reunion. We started talking about some of my old classmates and she gave me the phone number for Eddie Jackson. I called him, which is totally unlike me. I’m terrible about making those phone calls, but I did and it was really great to be able to talk with someone I had gone to school with all those years ago. I told Eddie about the blog and he started reading Murdo Girl. He realized that I had virtually no pictures of any of us during our high school years. (I was using a photo of Audrey Hepburn for my Connie like stories.)  He went through his annuals and started emailing me photos.

Those photos made a big difference. They brought back more fun memories. I went to the reunion and had a blast. The best part was hearing other people’s stories. I spent time with Eddie and his wife Mari, Don Edwards, Karen Snider, my cousin and great friend Valerie, the Lindquist family, my favorite teachers and coaches, along with tons of other classmates friends, and family. It was totally a once in a lifetime, if ever in a lifetime experience.

Eddie and Mari Jackson, Their Senior pictures and now.

When I got home my brain just kept going with the flow, so I started collecting yearbooks from my friends and family. I looked at the pictures and that was fun, but then I started to read what was written inside the covers and on different pages. In many cases it was just the usual, but others carefully wrote their thoughts about their classmates; possibly knowing that someday, their friend would read what they had written and think about them once more. Once again, they would remember the experiences they had shared.

This cutie graduated in 1962. He went to a fairly large high school

Here’s what his classmates wrote:

1. Good luck in the future to a guy who really deserves it. (6 times)
2. Best of luck and remember all of the good times we had. (5 times)
3. Best of luck to a swell guy. (4 times)
4. Remember all the swell times we had.(4 times) they liked the word “swell” in 62.

After I waded through all of the above, I started getting somewhere.

1. Best of luck to a neat guy. I love your shirts.
2. Well, now you’re leaving and I’ll probably never see you again. I’m sorry I was always going steady, but you know how it is.
3. Rotza ruck to a fellow who is going places and will know where he is when he gets there.
4. I hope I didn’t take up too much room if you didn’t want me to.

I pressed further

1. You were the first friend I had in this school. Well, except for Ray, Tom, and I guess Rats (That was a guy’s nickname.)

I also saw a photo of a girl named Nancy Twitchell. Nancy was the Homecoming Queen in 62. She was in a lot of things and her picture was everywhere. I had heard her name somewhere before.

I know this guy who was voted Mr. Personality. He still wears nice shirts. I was interested to know how well thought of he was by his peers and High School teachers. He was described as being responsible, capable, and smart, and maybe just a little stubborn. (This is an accurate description even 54 years later.)

I guess you could say nobody is going to write something unflattering in someone’s annual. While that’s true, if the only thing you can think of that’s nice to say is “I like your shirts.” You are struggling to think of something nice.

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This yearbook belongs to a former Majorette. Many of her classmates signed their name to the pictures of themselves throughout the annual. I thought that was a good idea.

The descriptions of this high school Senior’s personality apply today, which tells me, she has remained true to herself. She is sweet, smart, self-assured, talented in many ways, and she has a beautiful smile. Throughout the pages of her annual, classmates described her as someone who is giving and cares about others, as well as being a quiet and efficient leader.

The words on this page echo my sentiments. The High School Yearbook, depicts a time in our lives like none other. It shows how we lived it, and how we will remember it many years later.

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I looked at several annuals when I was in Murdo. The comments were so much fun to read.

In one very popular Senior girl’s annual, this comment caught my eye. “I hope I can go to school as long as you have.” (The funny one.) In the same girl’s annual, “You are the best. Take everything you are with you. You are unforgettable.” (The very meaningful one.)

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Remember the fun? Remember the friendships? Remember transitioning from a child to a young adult?

We take what we’ve learned and what we’ve experienced and head out into the world. In many ways, we go from being a big fish in a small pond to becoming a small fish in big pond.

The unknowing accomplice

Billy Francis

Mary Francis McNinch

I got a little carried away with the pictures and just randomly chose these. I had to stop somewhere. I didn’t have time to go through and identify everyone, but if you’re curious about who someone is, drop me an email or make a comment and I will get back to you.

I dated a basketball player in High School was that you?  The Queen dated me in High School, I’m called Rats

It’s morning again, (yes I know… again), in Murdo, South Dakota. Barney is at the jailhouse pacing back and forth in front of the cell that Otis is occupying. (Yes I know.. again.) Tonight is the opening night of the Lone Wolf Convention, and Barney is nervous. He can’t think straight and he can’t sit still. A nervous Deputy Barney Fife is not a good thing.

Barney: (Talking to himself)..What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

Otis: Barney! Please stop going back and forth in front of my cell. This jail used to be such a peaceful place. It was starting to feel like home. I didn’t even miss Mayberry that much anymore, but ever since you started running for President, you’ve gone crazy and you’re taking me with you. I can’t be crazy and snockered Barney, that’s just too much!

Barney: I’m worried Otis. People around Murdo just don’t act like they’re feeling the Baaaaarn anymore. The Lone Wolf Convention Party is tonight and it just doesn’t seem like things are going right.

Otis: Don’t you mean The Lone Wolf County Convention Barney?  It’s not a party at first is it Barney? Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for Thelma Lou and Louise to be the Chair and the Co-Chair. That’s the C of the LWCC and the CC of..

Barney: Oh for crying out loud Otis I know all that, I know every bit of it. It’s too much, it’s just too much Otis that’s all.

Otis: That’s what I said Barney. I already said that. Didn’t ya hear me Barney? I said it’s too much.

Just then the door swings open and guess who comes in? Is it Sheriff Duke? No..It’s Thelma Lou and Louise. 

Barney: Thelma Lou and Louise, for cryin out loud where have you been?

Thelma Lou: Oh, Barney, do you always have to talk in that whiny voice? I get tired of hearing you whine. Louise and I have been in town for a while and we’ve got everything handled. You can stop whining Barney. We even got your campaign slogan plastered on all the Wall Drug signs from here to Timbuktu. It’s kind of like the words Louise and I live by. It says: “Mess with Barney and I’ll wait for Karma to do its job, Mess with Murdo and Whateverland, and I become Karma.. Barney Fife for President.”

Barney: Karma is like a girl’s name. I want people to feel the Baaaaaarn! I’m Deputy Barney Fife, and I gotta have a manly type slogan.

Louise: You can forget that idea right now. Do ya hear me Barney? Thelma Lou and I aren’t going back and change all those signs. You can get that out of your head right now!

Later that night at the opening of the Lone Wolf County Convention at the Harold Thune Auditorium, someone is singing Barney’s campaign song. Let’s take a look. Poor Barney must be feeling like a little needle man in a haystack world… I had no idea Barney’s dog could sing.

“Oh, My Darin’ Barney Fife”

(Sung to the melody of “Oh, My Darlin’ Clementine”)
In a jailhouse, down in Murdo, fightin’ crime and risking life,
Dwelled a sheriff and his buddy, pistol-packing Barney Fife.

Oh, my darin’ oh, my darin’ oh, my darin’ Barney Fife,
He’s a deadly crime-stopper, what a copper, Barney Fife.

One day there came a-ridin’ two bad men to rob a bank.
But Fife was tricky, a dead-eye dickey. Now they’re locked up in the tank.

(Sheriff Duke added the following couplet.)

Oh, my Barney, oh, my Barney, had a jail and couldn’t lock it.
Had one bullet for his pistol, had to keep it in his pocket.

Next up was Otis campbell who gave quite a lucid endorsement of Barney.

Otis Campbell : Most of you don’t know me. I’ve been here in Murdo a few weeks now, but I’ve mostly been in jail. The jail here is really quiet, so I like it here and if Deputy Fife wins the election…I will follow him wherever he may go. There isn’t an ocean too deep, a mountain so high it can keep, keep me away, away from my destiny…oh, sorry folks, I didn’t know I could sing. Anyway you delegates, the best thing I like about Barney is he doesn’t make me take a sobriety test until I’m sober. He will make a great President. Mark my words.Oh, and I never have to share my cell. I have the cell with a view of the Murdo Zoo.

I think Otis did a pretty good job. After all, he didn’t have some cute little kid like Tammy Lindquist getting up there. She tried, unsuccessfully, to paint Murdo girl as a lousy person just because she was a lousy babysitter. 

Meanwhile, back at the Coyote Campground Compound

There are no happy campers at the Murdo Girl Campground Compound

Especially Murdo Girl and A I

Tomorrow: No news is good news. The campaign is taking a brief hiatus for the first of a two day series called “What Takes You Back?”

It’s early Monday morning at the Murdo Girl Campground Compound. The only sound is Lav’s Corgi named Coyote barking…and a few crickets.

Murdo Girl is sitting in an outside lounge chair reading the Murdo Coyote Newspaper.

The Murdo Coyote

The Murdo Coyote Newspaper would like to say that we strive to fairly and accurately report information pertaining to the Donkeys, the Elephants, the Coyotes, and the Lone Wolf Parties. Murdo has never seen the likes of parties such as the ones following the Coyote Convention where confusion reigned.

Although Murdo Girl seems to be a local favorite, the convention was like none have ever seen. In all fairness, the Donkey’s and the Elephant’s televised blow-outs were pretty lame. The Coyote slogan “Don’t write Murdo Girl off, Write her in”, was the theme of the convention. Tammy Lindquist took the stage first where she blasted Murdo Girl for being a lousy babysitter. Later, her two older sisters countered her accusations and the whole thing ended up to be one big love fest.

The C and the CC of the CCC (Coyote County Convention chair and co-chair), dropped all the balloons early. I’m talking two days early, which kind of messed up the flow of things. I guess that’s why they decided to skip Friday night and go straight to the Grand Finale. Lav made a so so speech. She was followed by Murdo Girl who announced Lav was her VP pick. No one could really tell us why they burned the M and had a snake dance, but the Queen did serve up some tasty burgers.

Well all’s well that ends well. They left the plastic on the Jerald Applebee floor, so there was no damage visible to the naked eye. The Coach hasn’t inspected it yet, and it ain’t over till the Coach stands up.

The Crowd, the Coach..This may not end well.  “A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.” Right Coach?

The before article was given the stamp of approval by Treason, from the Coyote Camp. The after article consists of an interview by Yram Sicnarf. (It was falsely reported that Yram was the interviewee. The Aggressive Informant was misinformed)

       Treason, Yram, and the Man on the Street

Yram: Hey there man on the street. I understand you were one of the delegates at the Coyote County Convention. Do you mind answering a few questions?

Man on the street: Well Howdy there Pilgram lady. Everyone in Murdo was a delegate. In fact, everyone in Murdo is a DD.

Yram: What exactly is a DD?

Man on the street: I reckon that would be a Double Delegate.

Yram: Well, Man on the Street, you have uncovered an interesting fact. Just who came up with an idea like that?

Man on the Street: Well, my gut tells me it was the law around here.

Yram: You mean Deputy Barney Fife?

Man on the Street: No mam, as you so rightly figured out, Barney is the Deputy. I’m Duke and I’m the Sheriff of these parts. I’m surprised that a bright yellow-haired young lady like you didn’t see the star on my hat. Ya see Pilgram Lady, there are 300 delegates in Murdo, if you don’t count the youngins. Each delegate gets 2 votes. Murdo Girl is sittin pretty with 300. Barney has to get the other 300 to stay in the race.

Yram: Wait a minute Duke…Do you mean if something happens, say a delegate gets sick or is gone on vacation, Barney could be out of the race?

Duke: Not exactly cause they can vote absenteeism. If they decide they don’t have the true grit and sit this one out, Barney could lose. You see Pilgrim Lady… There will be three parties in the November election..the Donkeys, the Elephants and either the Coyotes or the Lone Wolves.

Yram: I gotta run Sheriff Duke, but first, I’m curious about one thing. How come I’ve never seen you Sheriffing around Murdo?

Duke: I was making a cowboy movie in Arizona. I’ll be riding off into the sunset again right after The Lone Wolfe Convention. I’m a little scared to go off and leave this little town, but like I always say, Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. 

************************************************************************

Back at the Coyote Campground Compound, The Queen just pulled up in her recreational coach, and Jerry showed up after selling used pencils. Lav had the idea to write the campaign slogan on some used pencils she helped herself to when school let out. They’re supposed to say “Don’t write Murdo Girl Off, Write her in, but some of them are too short so they just say Don’t write her in, which is unfortunate.

The Queen: I wonder if they have 50 amp electrical hook-ups here……Jerry: I’m selling those pencils 1 for a dime and two for a quarter.

I’m A I and that’s Otis..We’re playing around with the idea of auditioning for the new John Wayne movie. It’s called West of the Divide. I think it has something to do with where the time changes just West of here. We already have good hats.

“Fear is just one of the many words I don’t know the meaning of.”
― John Wayne