Finally,  a little bit of good news. Remember when TC (Town Crier) did an official hear ye, hear ye and announced Lav was acting Next Pres because Murdo Girl had suffered injuries which prevented her from carrying on her NP duties? Remember that? Well, it turns out that’s not how it works. Murdo Girl gets to use her 14 days of sick leave before she has to abdicate the Oblong Office. It didn’t really make sense anyway, because MG’s injuries were at the hands (or fists) of Lav and Queen E. If someone really wanted to push it, Queen E could be sent back across the pond for her violent acts, but MG would have to press charges. The acting Attorney General, cousin Blake, said it would be hard to prove malice or forethought, since the Queen struggles with present thought.

So, now that some of the dust has settled, the Inaugurcorination is on for Saturday night. Let the preparations begin!!

The Brick House Break Room

Pico: Talking to Yram …We have caterers coming here this afternoon. We get to have a taste testing of different appetizers. Every cafe in town is vying for the great honor of supplying snacks for the after party. yippy, skippy, it’s finally going to happen and I’m in charge of the whole thing from the crowning to the snake dance!

Yram: We still have a dark cloud hanging over our heads that could develop into a storm that will wipe out everything in its path. It appears to be moving quickly in our direction. There is no way we can alter its course due to the current high pressure conditions.

Pico: Been watching the weather channel again Yram? I assume you’re talking about Coffee Gate. Don’t worry, DM and A I have it under control. First of all, there were only 18 minutes, I mean bags missing from Sanderson’s Store, not 20. If it’s under 20, the law says there are no coffee grounds for impeachment.

YRAM: Huh? You mean there were peaches missing too? What next…Hot Chocolate? Bananas? Where will it all end? When is it all going to stop Pico?

Pico: Don’t be such a Debbie Downer Yram. Why don’t you make yourself useful and empty the garbage? And Yram..you do not have to shred the coffee cups and leftover food. You’ve ruined 2 shredders already.

Meanwhile, in the Presidential Suite, Murdo Girl is talking with DM and A I while Carol is finally taking a break from her background singing.

Murdo Girl: A I.. I need you to do some spying for me. I’m almost recovered from my rhyming affliction, but now I’ve developed a coffee addiction. The speech therapist makes me listen to Carol sing rhyming songs. If my words rhyme, she threatens to slap my face, which is what caused this in the first place. Please A I spy on the ST, and DM, please vet her more thoroughly.

 

DM: Sure thing Murdo Girl. I’m on my way to get The speech therapist and off to the Vet we go.

A I: Okay, I’ll come with you and spy on her. Glad to see your eyes are tracking right MG

Meanwhile Sherri the Photographic Drawer is now in the break room talking to Lav

Sherri: Lav, you’ve been acting really nervous lately, do you want to talk about it?

Lav: Sherri, if I tell you something, do you promise you won’t draw a photograph? I need you to keep this off the sketch pad.

Sherri: Lav, you’re my friend. I draw some pretty controversial photographs, but to draw and unflattering photo of a friend…that’s where I draw the line.

Lav: I’m not exactly sure what you just said. I’m going to trust you, but if I see you so  much as pick up a pencil, I will deny everything you draw. Do you get the picture?

Sherri: I think so.

Lav: I overheard TC talking to Jerry. TC was complaining because everyone says her cheese head stinks. They make fun of her and say TC doesn’t stand for Town Crier, it means Tainted Cheese. I feel kind of sorry for her. I was hiding behind a door and I had to hold my nose the whole time. Anyway, Jerry told her that he had so many beans now, she could go out and buy 2 new cheese heads if she wanted to.

 

Just then, who walks in the break room but Jerry.

Jerry: I couldn’t help but over- eavesdrop your conversation. I will have you know that Sanderson’s Store gave me 2 bean bags for helping them inventory their coffee beans. That’s why no one pressed charges against you Lav. They were missing 18 bean bags not 20. The other 2 were paid to me. I worked hard for those beans, but I did it for The Coyote Team.

Lav: Gee Jerry you make me feel bad. I didn’t steal the 18 bags they found in my shed. I grew them in my garden. I’ve been saving them for a rainy year. I guess I’ll contribute them to the team too.

Sherri: Wait!! Then who stole the beans from Sanderson’s Store?

Jerry: Who cares. Did you guys see all the food over there on the counter? It sure looks good. Let’s eat!

 

When there is food involved, word spreads fast. The whole team is soon gathered in the break room. Everyone is scarfing down the delicious food so beautifully displayed on the tables and counters of the Break Room. Good Grief..someone brought beautiful plastic flowers from the Rose Garden Room. They even managed to find a few sunflowers on the East Lawn of the Brick House. The mood is festive until Pico walks in and begins to cry.

 

If that’s not bad enough, A I and DM finally got back from the Vet with the speech therapist. They just walked into Murdo Girl’s Presidential Suite.

DM: Murdo Girl…meet Barnella…Barney Fife’s sinister spinster twin sister!

I mentioned in an earlier story that Mrs. E  loved strawberry cake. She also loved my chocolate chip cookies. There weren’t too many sweets she didn’t like. Many mornings I stopped on my way to her house and got a bag of those mini chocolate covered, yellow cake donuts. I liked them too.

My friend Pat told me about a recipe for mug cake that you cook in the microwave. It is a quick and easy way to make a single serving of virtually any kind of cake you want. I couldn’t wait to make one for Mrs. E. I was sure she would really get a kick out of it.

When I got to her house, I told her I was going to make her strawberry cake. Later, when she was ready for her snack, I made the cake in a cup. She looked slightly confused, but she ate the cake. A couple of hours later she said, ” Now…where is that strawberry cake you were going to make for me?” I tried to explain, but it fell on deaf ears. She was not interested in a little cup of cake. I can identify. If I can’t have a big piece of cake or pie, I would rather not have any.

I started my duties on November 3rd, and around the second week of December, I was feeling like we were doing okay. We had some difficult days, but we worked through them. Mrs. E’s daughter is one of the most caring and genuine people I have ever known, but sometimes her mother tried her patience. One day, I was doing something in the back of the house, and I could hear Mrs. E talking to her daughter about Christmas. She said, “I think we should give that girl something nice for Christmas, because she’s the only one we haven’t quarreled with.” I knew she was talking about me, because she always referred to me as “that girl.” She never called anyone by name except for immediate family. I don’t know if that was a part of her memory affected by the stroke, or just that she didn’t want to be bothered with remembering names. In 4 years, I never heard her say my name. I also knew that saying I was the only one she hadn’t quarreled with, was as good a compliment as I was ever going to get.

Mrs. E had a neighbor that would come and visit once in a while. She would bring a plant, or something she had made. She was also on the list of emergency contacts for the lifeline company. In one of her visits, the neighbor lady had mentioned how old she was. After she left, I told Mrs. E that I was surprised, because I thought she looked much younger. Mrs. E said, “Sometimes you just can’t tell. I’m 85 and I look a whole lot younger.” She thought for a minute before she added, “I look about 60.” She meant it too. Of course I said I totally agreed. My new younger sister.

One morning the phone rang. The person on the line asked to speak to Mrs. E. . I screened her calls, but the caller said they were with the lifeline company. They called every now and then and asked her to push the button on her pendant, just to make sure everything worked. This day, I could tell right away the call was not about a test. I could only hear Mrs. E’s side of the conversation, and I had never heard her sound so contrite. She was apologizing and saying she would never do it again. When she handed the phone back to me, she didn’t look me in the eye. I asked her what that was all about. She said she had gotten into trouble. She had awakened at 2:00 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. She wanted someone to come and help her get dressed and out of bed. Her daughter lived right across the street and normally Mrs. E would call her in this kind of situation. Instead, she pushed the lifeline button and when they called her, she gave them instructions not to call her daughter’s house. She told them to call her neighbor. Apparently, the neighbor wasn’t too happy to get the phone call. She knew Mrs. E was just trying to avoid getting a reprimand from her daughter. The company called Mrs. E’s daughter, who was not happy about her Mother’s sneaky plan. The lifeline company wanted to make sure Mrs, E was clear on what constituted an emergency.

Mrs E was capable of getting out of bed and into her wheelchair, by use of the pole, but we cautioned her not to. I think she realized it was better to be extra cautious and not tempt fate. That was a good thing.

I don’t know if you have ever been to an older person’s home and seen photographs taped up on the walls. Mrs. E had her wall of fame. She loved to get greeting cards, especially if they had pictures of animals on them. They were taped to the wall, along with the family photos. My Great Aunt Grace did the same thing. My Mother had my son’s Senior picture taped up on her wall, and had ribbon and other decorative things hanging around it. I always thought it looked like a shrine of sorts. I never said anything to Mom,  but I did kid Mason about it. He was her first grandchild, so I guess that’s why he was so honored.

I tried to copy a link to a short recording. It’s of my mom and I singing “In the Garden.”  We sang it together the last time I was with her. She loved that song. She even called me at work one day and sang it on my voice mail. I played it for my co-workers who thought it was the neatest thing for my Mom to do.

On the occasion of our duet, My brother Billy had taken Gus for a guy’s week-end in Los Vegas. He deserved a little time for fun. Gus was so very wonderful to our Mother.

Mom and I watched 5 hours of Public television that night. The music ranged from Big Band Sounds to Elvis Presley. If we even knew a few words to a song, we sang along.

That day was made even more special because cousin Valerie and her daughter Caitlin drove 7 hours, one way, to see us that day. We went to Marie Callenders for lunch and had a great time before they had to make the return trip home.

I hope you can open the recording. It looks like it copied twice, or not at all. I also want to wish everyone a safe and fun holiday week-end.

 

 Murdo Girl has been suffering from the repercussions  of her injuries which occurred due to a poor choice of words on her part. Her loyal team heard her say, “Please slap some sense into me.” The next in line for Next Pres and the Queen, took her literally and  socked it to her. That being said, we are all acutely aware of the lingering after effects of the unfortunate blow.

 

Let’s take a look at the current status of  Next Pres Murdo Girl. She and her team are all at The Brick House working through these challenging times.

 Let’s check out the break room.

Sherri the Photographic Drawer: I am on the verge of carpel tunnel vision. This place is wearing me out. I’m all for promoting Murdo Girl, but I’m not going to draw another photograph until I know MG has recovered from that one two punch. Has she stopped talking in rhymes?

Treason: Nope! I went to see her in the Next Presidential Suite right before my Brick House Briefing. I asked her if she wanted me to quote her on anything. Do you want to know what she said?

Sherri: No

Treason: She said… “I’m getting better every day. Your Next Pres is here to stay.”

Sherri: That’s it? That’s all she said? I missed the Brick House Briefing. How did it go?

Treason: We had it in the Rose Garden Room. I get a headache every time I go in there. It’s bad enough the whole room is full of plastic roses. I personally think they went too far with the fake grass and trees. They named the trees after Mrs. Bartlet. I guess they must be Bartlet Pear Trees. They even have a little putting green in there. I heard Coach Applebee wanted it to be named after him, but we just can’t get into a war of the named after stuff, you know. It would make the most sense to name it Palmer Putting Green. After Marv Palmer, not  Arnold. Anyway, It’s a little hard to keep people focused when they want you to be quiet while they putt.

It got a little dicey when a reporter from the  Murdo Coyote asked about Lav taking over the Next Pres duties.

Sherri: Ooo..I can’t even photographic picture that. Where is Lav anyway?

Hm..It appears to me those two haven’t heard about Lav’s shed full of bags of coffee beans. Where could they have come from? We’ve all been trying hard to watch where our beans are going. We were all under the impression that we were going to have to balance our bean budget. This old Brick House burns a lot of beans, then of course a bean just doesn’t go as far as it used to. Anyway, let’s hunt down A I and DM. They might have some answers. 

DM: A I, I don’t know how long we can continue to cover up Coffeegate. I’ve questioned Lav, but she keeps saying she has no idea how the beans got into her shed. Do you think somebody planted them there?

A I: Gee DM..I don’t know..Can coffee beans grow in a shed? Who would think to water them? Shh…here comes Jerry. Wow. He looks like he’s bean up all night. Hi Jerry. You look like you’ve bean up all night. Do you want some coffee?

Jerry: Don’t mention coffee. I’ve been over at Sanderson’s Store helping them inventory coffee beans. Their beans don’t add up. They’re missing 20 large bean bags. Where’s Lav? Have you guys seen her?

DM: Why are you looking for Lav? You know Lav, she hardly ever knows anything.

Jerry: I was just listening to the people over at the store. Having Lav as acting Next Pres is a real nail biter. I sure hope she lies low for a while.

There is no one more concerned about the state of things than Murdo Girl. That’s why she is now working with a speech therapist. She’s doing “rhyming rehab”. Let’s see how that’s going. Looks like the crossed eye is still a prominent feature on MG’s face. 

  

Therapist: Now Miss Murdo Girl, repeat after me…The rain in Spain falls Mainly on the Plain.

What? How is that supposed to help MG to stop rhyming. That therapist looks familiar…hmm

Where is acting Next Pres Lav going with a tumbleweed strapped to her car? And where did she get that car?

 

Look at the Queen!! She’s wearing the JCHS colors. “Oh here’s for Murdo Corgis.”

Here in lies the problem. Murdo Girl cannot carry on her responsibilities as Next Pres if she can’t talk right or see straight, or is that see right and talk straight? Either way, it speaks of disaster. If MG isn’t able, the next in line is Lav, who struggles on a good day. She is now under a cloud of suspicion because the coffee bean bags missing from Sanderson’s Store are in her shed. At the moment, the only people who know the location of the bean bags are DM and A I. Except…if Lav is the victim of a set-up, who is behind it all?

I have an idea…let’s put sunglasses on MG, tell everyone she has laryngitis and put a rush on the Inauguration. We’ll figure it all out after the dance.

1. I’m honored with the “Kvamme Keurig Coffee Pot.”  2. I’m in favor of “Bartlet Pear Trees,” 3. Skip me I’m from Laramie, 4. I like “Dutch Microwave Oven.”

 

 

 

 

I thought you might want an update on the goings on at the Brick House. I’m sorry to have to report that Murdo Girl is still less than conscious. One of her eyes can focus, but remember the eye that she’s had problems with in the past? The one that twitches when she gets really nervous. It’s still crossed, and it twitches. Complete bedrest has been prescribed.

We’ve also found out more about the events that led up to and came after the cold cock punch that took her out. Can you even believe the Queen and Lav were responsible? The thing that I sort of wonder about is, why did A I run over to Murdo Girl and say she was going to find out who hit her? I mean she was standing right there! She couldn’t have missed it…Could She??

You may have heard that DM and A I went over to investigate Lav’s shed while she was at her Zumba class. They found something all right…What they found, raised more questions. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. What do you think about this?

 

We shouldn’t jump to any premature conclusions, but why would Lav have a shed full of coffee beans? I guess that’s why she was so aggressive with the pitchfork. It makes one wonder if the Queen knows more than she’s saying too.

 

In case you’re wondering, I’m stalling…Where do I go first? Okay, you always learn the most in the break room right?

DM: Why are you acting so nervous A I? Didn’t we decide we were going to sit on our discovery until Murdo Girl gets back to normal?

A I: That was yesterday, this is today.

DM: Don’t you think I know that today is today for Pete’s sakes?

A I: I mean..I thought Murdo Girl would be back to herself today, but she clearly is not. Clearly she isn’t one bit clear. I am her spy. I think she is in danger. I must do something. I

DM: Do you know how many times you’ve said I? You need to get a grip A I, and start acting like a spy. I’m her Defense Monitor. I should have defended her, but I just couldn’t bring myself to deliver a knock out punch to Lav and the Queen. It just isn’t me.

A I: Shush..here comes Lav. Let me handle this. I spy.

DM: No let me handle this. I defend…and monitor

Lav comes into the break room and falls into a chair. She’s not looking very good. Her crown is askew again too.

DM: Hey lav. Where have you bean? I mean been?

Lav: Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my mocha. Where is my mocha? I need my mocha.

A I and DM exchange knowing looks. Lav is really distressed. She looks like she’s ready to cry. Here comes TC and Jerry.

Lav: TC I sure hope you’re not here to yell hear yea, hear yea. I don’t want to hear you, hear, you. I have to talk to Murdo Girl. She just has to be okay. I only socked her cause she told us too. I don’t want to be Next Pres no way, no way!

DM: Really Lav? You do realize the Next Pres makes big beans don’t you? Hey Jerry..how many beans does the Next Pres make?

Jerry: Well, in cold hard beans, several bushels. Taxes are usually baked in. Then it also depends on the denominations. For instance, lima beans are big, but they aren’t worth nearly as much as coffee beans.

Lav: Stands up. I’m not in this for the beans. I just wanted to do something beaningful with my life.

 

Let’s go take a peak into the Next Presidential suite where Murdo girl is resting. I haven’t seen it since it’s been remodeled. They took the Algebra II sign off the door. I hear voices. I wonder who is with her?  Hm..very interesting, looks like Carol is there. She’s seated in the background and she’s softly singing some kind of background music. Yram is there and so is Pico. 

Pico: How are you feeling Murdo Girl? You sure have a big crossed eye. Maybe you should put a package of frozen beans on it. I’ve heard that helps reduce the swelling.

Murdo Girl: I don’t think the beans will help, I thought I just heard NoNo Yelp.

I can’t even lift my head. Let alone get out of bed!

Pico and Yram exchange looks

Yram: NoNo is fine MG. That was just Carol singing in the background. Can we get you anything? Maybe a little bean soup?

Murdo Girl: We really shouldn’t cook the beans. Although I’m not sure what that means. Even cooked a little bit, beankeeping always throws a fit.

Pico: It‘s okay MG, you just rest. We’ll be back later when you’re feeling better. Treason is going to have a presser later. We just have to figure out what to tell the Murdoites. We don’t want rioting in the streets or some kind of lynch mob coming after Lav and the Queen now do we?

 

STRESSED BACKWARDS..HA HA…THEY’LL GET THEIR JUST DESSERTS

 

 

Talk about being deep in the weeds. Our new Administration has become overgrown and overblown. It looks like we’ve got a Cabinet full of termites with titles and names like,

(FEEL FREE TO SKIP NEXT 4 LINES IF YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO EVERYBODY IS.)

Murdo Girl (Next Pres), Lav (Next VP), Treason (Press Sec), TC (Town Cryer), A I (Aggressive Informant, now spy), Jerry (always and forever the Bean Counter), Sherri (Photographic Drawer), Carol (The Singer), Pico (Person In Charge of Brick House Functions), DM (Defense Monitor), NoNo (Short for Nobody Noname.. he is a canine), and of course we have the Queen.

I don’t think she likes me….NoNo

There is someone who just might have a problem with being shoved out of the cushy jobs? Yes, there is one that came aaaalll the way from Gun Barrel City Texas. One…who took it on the chin from practically aaalll of the MHS faculty. In her troubled mind, she thinks that she alone paved the way for Murdo Girl to ride into town in her broken down Jeep and CLEAN UP!!

Yram Sicnarf isn’t ready to suck it up and go home. I mean, it’s a 100 degrees in the shade right now in Texas. Not a good time to vacate loftier, cooler goals.

Who knows what this is going to look like?

*******************************************************

Yram: Mr. Francis, You probably don’t know me from Billy, but I’ve heard you’re a fair-minded Murdo man. Would you mind if I asked you a few off the cuff questions?

Big Bill: If you don’t mind if I smoke a cigar. Does off the cuff mean the same thing as off the record?

Yram: Yes.. I don’t live in Murdo, and because I come from Texas, some (although I’m not one of them), think I do things kind of backwards.

Big Bill: Well, Miss Sicnarf, do you think it might have something to do with the way you spell your name?

Yram: I can’t help it that my Father’s last name was Sicnarf! Every day, I look in the mirror and wonder.. what’s wrong with me. Do you think mine has been an easy life?

Big Bill:  What is your Mother’s name?

Yram: Her name is Atterol Nosrednas Sicnarf Nosfatsug.

Big Bill: Well Yram, I’m finished smoking my cigar, but I do have some words of wisdom for you.

Yram: I’m all ears and there’s lots of me.

Big Bill: Stay close to Yllib, and just maybe, your parents were looking in the mirror when they named you. Yes the mirror and a little dyslexia can make strange things appear.

Yram: Okay Big Bill, but before we go our separate ways, I have some words of wisdom for you too. It’s something my Dad Llib always said..”Watch out for Gnillaf Skcor!” It has to do with two Indian Braves who raced through the Badlands to win the hand of Gnillaf Skcor. She was an Indian Princess who never did show up in the winner’s circle.

Big Bill: Winner’s circle? Did you say winner’s circle? I know the guy who wrote that story. I barely recognize it the way you tell it. Are you sure your brother didn’t tell you the story? It sounds like an add lib from Yllib. He likes horse races.

******************************************************************

Armed with a new resolve, Yram decides to go have a chat with Murdo Girl. It’s time to draw a line on the chalkboard. Time to talk about solutions to those important issues that hurt our hearts. Next Pres, Murdo Girl must not get mired in the quagmire. The future of Murdo, SD, USA is in her hands. This calls for an intervention.

In just a few, we find Yram and Murdo Girl together in the Oblong Office.

Yram: Murdo Girl let me ask you something. What have you done for Murdo since you took office? In the beginning you were on fire. You had Murdo Girl Towers, Murdo Wall Drug. I mean you had it goin on. It looks to me like since you won the election, you’ve become a drifter. You’ve added so much dead wood, if someone strikes a match, this “People’s House” will burn to the ground even if it is made of brick.

Just then Treason, the Press Secretary walks in.

Treason: I couldn’t help over- eavesdropping. I agree with Yram.

Next, Pico and DM come through the door

Pico: I agree with Yram and Treason

DM: I agree with Yram, Treason, Pico and DM..(wait that’s me.)

Now, here comes A I, Jerry, TC, Sherri, and Carol

Murdo Girl: Please..somebody bolt the door, before Lav and the Queen come in.(But it’s too late, they’re here too.) Do I have to listen to this for the rest of my dead driftwood days? Have I really lost my way? Have I lost sight of my goals? Have I become one of those I have fought to extricate Murdo from? Next thing you know, I’ll be over at the jail giving Otis sobriety tests.

Everybody stops to ponder that for a minute

Oh No…The Nose pinching test…I hate the nose pinching test!

Murdo Girl: Quick someone slap some sense into me.

Lav and the Queen both haul off and slug Next Pres Murdo Girl who immediately crosses her eyes and slumps to the floor. NoNo runs to her, but no amount of face licking wakes Murdo Girl up. NoNo turns and growls at his master’s evil peeps.

Lav straightens the crown on her head.

TC: unrolls her scroll. Hear yea, Hear yea, Hear yea…Lav Yekcel is now the Next Pres of Murdo, SD, USA. Long live Queen Next Pres.

A I: runs to Murdo Girl and kneels by her side and for a brief moment, Murdo Girl’s eyes uncross. Don’t worry MG, I’ll find out who did this to you. huh? Murdo Girl’s eyes cross again and she’s out cold.

What Next!! Will Murdo Girl Wake up in time for the Corinauguralation?

What is Lav guarding in her garden?

Mrs.E loved to tell everyone she had teeth. Then she would point to a little stand in her kitchen and  say, “They’re right over there.” In four years, I never saw them in her mouth. She also had glasses she never wore. I had been coming to her house for a year or so, and one day, I saw she was wearing her glasses. When I asked her why, she told me that she was going to get her eyes checked the next week, so she thought she should wear the glasses for a few days. She seemed to be able to see okay without them, so I asked her why she needed glasses. She said, “Because I see double.” I said “So all this time that you haven’t been wearing your glasses you’ve been seeing 2 of everything?” She said, “Yes, double.” I noticed she took them off before the day was over. She informed me that she was used to going without them, so she wasn’t going to wear them anymore. As far as I can remember, I don’t think she ever went back to the eye doctor.

She told me she didn’t like to put her false teeth in, because she always bit her tongue. The problem was not her chewing. She could eat almost anything. I just had to learn to understand “Mrs. E speak.” I hadn’t quite figured it all out when one day, she asked me to bake her a strawberry cake. It was her favorite. I made a layer cake, and had a difficult time getting the two cakes to come out of the pans.She didn’t have any nonstick spray, so I used oil and a little flour. Some of the cake still stuck to the pans.

Several days later we were making a grocery list and she said to write down Pam. Sometimes I ran by the store on the way to her house and picked up breakfast items she needed, but her daughter did most of the shopping. As it happened, we both bought Pam. The next day, her daughter stopped by on her way to work and as we were talking, Mrs. E wheeled over and was staring into the refrigerator. She said, “I wish somebody would get me some Pam.” Her daughter and I both said, “What do you mean? You’ve got 2 cans on the counter.”Mrs. E. looked at the cans and said, “Well, I don’t even know what that is.” We finally figured out she wanted Spam, and she wanted the kind with hot peppers in it. I wish I had a dollar for every fried Spam, egg, and cheese sandwich with mayo I made for her. She could eat spicy foods that would’ve made smoke come out my ears and I would have had to eat Tums for a week. She thought I was a weeny and told me hot stuff made ya strong!

She also loved cheeseburgers, and like me, she would rather have a good fast food cheeseburger and fries than what you make at home. She wanted everything on it plus jalapeño peppers. I only worked from 8-12 in the mornings, but that was fine. She ate them for breakfast. I had to go to Whataburger, because that was the only place that served them at 7:30 in the morning. Whataburger makes a good burger anyway.

One Friday morning I decided to surprise Mrs. E with a burger and fries. When I got to her house, it didn’t take me long to figure out, it was going to be one of her cantankerous days. When she heard me come in, she hollered from her bed, “Don’t you even talk to me about a bath today, because I’m not taking one! I might not even get dressed!” I hollered back. “Okay, Mrs. E, but if you change your mind, there’s a Whataburger and fries out here for you.”

Pretty soon, I could hear her mumbling around in there. I knew I had two things going for me. She wanted that cheeseburger, and she did not like to stay in bed. She also knew that I would give the burger to her even if she refused a bath. I coerced her sometimes, but I never bribed her. There’s a subtle difference. Finally, she yelled, “I guess I’ll get up!” I went in there and proceeded to help her get into her chair. She could do it on her own, but it was easier for her if I helped. I didn’t say anything about the bath. She begrudgingly said, “Well, I guess I’ll eat that cheeseburger before I take my bath.”

She was beyond stubborn, but she was nobody’s fool either. I will say this. She was a woman of her word. She sometimes regretted it something awful, but if she made a deal with you, she always kept her promise. As a negotiator, she usually had me beat six ways from Sunday, and she loved it.

She had good hearing, but if you weren’t around her a lot, she was hard to understand sometimes. This was especially the case on the phone. She occasionally asked me questions about my old man. That’s what she called anyone’s husband. One morning we were going through our routine, and I said, “If we’re going to sit out on the porch, we’d better hurry. It might rain.” Mrs. E said, “Oh yeah, that’s what your old man said.” I didn’t pay much attention, and pretty soon she said, “He’s got a real nice voice.” I said, “Who does?” She said, “Your old man. I called him when you were driving over here.” I had taped my number by her phone, and she had decided to give Kip a call. Every couple of weeks, she would call him and ask for me knowing full well I was driving to her house. If he was home, they would chat for a bit while she waited for me to get to her house. She always told me about their nice talk.

Mrs. E. Had one of those lifeline pendants, and she wasn’t afraid to use it. She liked to sit out on her front porch and watch the hummingbirds come to the feeder. I sat in a little folding lawn chair and she of course  was in her wheel chair. When we came in, I folded up my chair and stuck it behind the door. One day, I got to her house and she said, “I had to push my button last night.” (She wasn’t looking at me, so I knew whatever she was about to tell me wasn’t going to be good.) Apparently, she had been looking out her door and when she got turned around the door swung shut and the chair fell down. In the process of leaning over to set it back up against the wall, the chair somehow got caught in the wheel of her chair. She said she drug that lawn chair all over the house and it wouldn’t come off.

Mrs. E’s daughter and her husband lived just across the street, but they had gone to Church. Rather than wait just a few minutes for them to return, Mrs. E decided to push her button and get someone over there to get her unhooked. Her daughter told me when they got home, the paramedics, a firetruck, a neighbor and a grandson, were at her Mother’s house. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but she had just gotten in trouble the week before for pushing her button for a non emergency. I’ll save that story for later, because it’s a doozie.

What a character. I think God brought the two of us together, because he figured I had gained some knowledge and experience growing up with a Mom who in temperament, was Mrs. E ” like.” Just maybe, I could hold my own…well maybe some of the time anyway.

 

The Brick House

It’s early morning at the Brick House and Murdo Girl is already in the Oblong Office. She is discovering that being Next Pres is not all pomp and circumstance. It is hard work. To help lesson the workload, she has pulled Treason off her Liaison to the Murdo Coyote detail and made her Press Secretary. That alone should take a load off. In fact, everyone seems to be settling in to their new positions. Even so, Murdo Girl feels the weight of the Nation on her shoulders and it appears to be taking its toll.

Murdo Girl: WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE FIND OUT WHO’S AT THE DOOR!!!#@! DO I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS NEXT PRES STUFF AND ANSWER THE DOOR TOO?#!@? GEEZ!!  I long for the good old days, when I was just the Little Murdo Girl.

A I: I’VE GOT IT MG!

The knocking stopped and Murdo Girl is able to concentrate again on the task at hand, which is organizing her Calendar. Only two weeks until the Inauguration. (We don’t have to wait until January.) Besides that, the town needs another celebration before the snow flies.

This is just a few invited guests..It might have to be a byob (bring your own beans) Inaugural Dance, but we’ll have a ball!

Inaugural Sminaugural..Let’s Dance..Long Live Next Pres

Since Murdo Girl is so deep in thought, she doesn’t notice she has a visitor until she smells him. He does not smell good, but that isn’t the only problem. The unannounced visitor who has just walked in and made himself at home in the Oblong Office is a dog. Just look at that dirty face.

Murdo Girl: A I!!! Where did this smelly dog come from?

A I:  As she runs up the stairs.Well, MG, I just answered the door, and whoever was knocking on it, wasn’t there. This dog ran in before I could catch him, and this note was taped to the door.

A I  hands the folded sheet of paper to MG.

To: Next Pres Murdo Girl

From: Next Dog

Please let me live at the Brick House. I used to walk kids to school every day when this was MHS. I lived in the streets during the night. I don’t like the new school.

Pleasepleaseplease

Please don’t name me Barney. I did not vote for him.

Murdo girl: It is adapt a dog day. We will give him the best home we can, but first I want to make sure the team is all in. Owning a pet is a big responsibility and it’s going to take all of us to make sure he is treated right.

A I: What about the Queen’s Corgis and the dog named Coyote that Lav has?

Murdo Girl: Well, A I..Did you know the Queen got a new RV Carriage? She liked it so much at the Campground, she decided to stay. We’ll have her over a lot, but she’s got Papa John to help her out with the Corgis. We’ll figure out something with Coyote. Lav was supposed to stay above Sanderson’s Store, where the VP headquarters is, but I noticed she’s over here all the time.

Now A I, will you find Pico for me? We’ve got to get the ball rolling on the Inauguration and the dances.

***********************************************************************

Meanwhile in the employee lounge, Sherri the Photographic Drawer and Lav are deep into their own conversation.

Lav: You really do a good job drawing photographs Sherri. You can hardly tell you don’t even use a camera. How much do you think those people who work at the Badlands make?

Sherri: What people Lav?

Lav: The people they have go out and paint them at night. That’s why they look so different in the daytime you know.

Sherri: Uh..(changing the subject) Gee Lav those are some wild shoes! Don’t you think you’re just a little overdressed? Even if this is The Brick House, We’re usually a little more casual.

Lav: Oh for sure..I’m breaking them in so I can wear them to the Inaugural dances. Are we supposed to find a date or can we just go stag? There’s really only one guy that I kinda like.

Sherri: Well, since you’re the Next VP, you should probably have an escort. Who is the guy you kind of like?

Lav: The contractor that remodeled all of our room signs.

Uhoh…Where did Noname the next dog really come from? Methinks there might be something sinister going on. Better get on it A I. Jerry said you spent all the beans on Spy stuff.