Murdo Matters is a new organization in town. It’s very new so you probably haven’t heard about it yet. In fact, I just thought of it 30 seconds ago. I’m already writing about it and I have absolutely no idea what it is, so I guess we’ll all find out about it together. Whatever it turns out to be, I hope it’s good because I really like the sound of it. Murdo Matters.

MURDO MATTERS

Murdo Girl is in her second week of being Next Pres. Lav is VPNPE. Then there’s the Queen who has been hanging out with us in Murdo. I think she needed a break from her extremely needy family who thinks they should be treated like Royalty. I mean give me a break, $250 for a sweater for George? That could have gone a  long way toward paying the light bill at Kensington Palace. She told us she started out as a mechanic in WWII. She knows the value of an elbe. What? Ib.. Short for pound..got it!

Murdo does things differently than the rest of the world. That’s why Next Pres has decided to drop some of the long titles, unless it’s in your name like Queen Elizabeth. Treason is going to get with The Coyote and they will be publishing a list of the cabinetry . Eliteism will not be tolerated, however, the cabinet will have a “Top Shelf.”

We will show the world that Murdo Matters, and we will live in whatever decade we choose to. We might even mix it up a little. Our story has evolved. We keep the people and things of the past that bring up good nostalgic memories. We also incorporate things and people that are in today’s world. If I’ve confused you, I’m sure you’re not surprised.

Now that Murdo Girl is officially Next Pres, we need to decide where she should live and conduct her stuff. How about the old High School? It’s got everything we need but a kitchen, and a shower. It’s close to the auditorium and even has a gym. Until we get someone to put a shower in, she can  go to the truck stop. They have nice showers there, and you can even call ahead and reserve. It’s also just a short walk from the high school I mean The Brick House. We can put a hot plate in the chemistry room. Hopefully we can get the smell of formaldehyde out of there. I think there’s a little fridge in there too. We’ll just have to make sure all the frogs are out of it and put a box of baking soda inside.

I think it’s time to have our first Murdo Matters Meeting. It will be at The Brick House. (We can’t call it the White House because it’s brownish brick.) The date will be?? What do you think. The sooner the better right? At 9:00 a.m. sharp.

Murdo Girl is already there. She spent the night on a cot in the library. It’s right across the hall from the Chemistry lab, where the coffee pot is. Already back from a brisk shower at the truck stop, she’s ready to hit the ground running.

The meeting is being held in the gym because the Superintendents Office won’t hold all the people.

The transition staff is arriving

Jerry, Treason, Carol, The town Crier, A I, and Yram  are walking up the steps. Bart, Smart, and Braveheart, the bodyguards, are stationed outside. They’re just there in the unlikely event that a crowd gathers. That doesn’t sound like a very good reason, but we’ll figure out another way they can be useful later.

Where are the Queen and Lav? We kind of need the NVP, but we can clue her in later, since we always have to tell her everything twice anyway. The C  and the CC of the CCC aren’t here, but they will be discussed at the meeting. Since we no longer need a Chair and Co-Chair of the Coyote County Convention, they will be considered for other positions.

The assembly is happening in the downstair’s gym.

Murdo Girl: THANK YOU, THank you, Thank you. Woah..This gym has an echo, guess I won’t use the mic. Thank you for coming to The Brick House, the home of the people. Yes, The town of Murdo now has it’s very own Next Pres, and when the rest of the country sees how we run things, I’m sure all the other 49  states will fall into lock step with us.

In the interest of time, I will get right to today’s order of business.

1. We need a good lawyer. We’re going to advertise all the available positions in the Murdo Coyote so the townspeople can give us their input. In the meantime, my cousin Blake Haverberg, who has everyone in the family beat in the way of accomplishments, has agreed to help us out. He lives in Deadwood. I’d really like to have a local attorney.
2. We need a doctor, a PA, or a nurse on our Murdo Matters team.
3. A Press Secretary..I’m thinking Treason can fill that position
4. A spy..A I.. It goes without saying you have the credentials
5. A speech writer..No one comes to mind.
6. A publicist, Yram?
7. A PICOBHF..Person in charge of Brick House functions, like town dinners (C of the CC?)
8. A Queen..Queen E
9. Defense moniter..(The CC of the CCC?)
10. Someone to write up the minutes
11. Someone to sing the Murdo Matters song at the beginning of each meeting..Carol’s got it!
12. Someone to write the song that the whole town will sing..?

Other positions will be announced and discussed at our next State of the Town MM meeting.

Lets not overdo it on our first day. I am on fire Murdo! We’ve got it going on!! Give me an MM!!!

 

Will the minutes please note that the scribe of this story was having Internet problems and was unable to perform her magic in the way of photos and other things. Sometimes a Murdo Girl’s gotta do what a Murdo Girl’s gotta do.

 

 

 

I don’t remember the first time I realized not everybody loves me. Some might not even like me. It made sense to me that if I liked everyone, then they would have no reason not to like me right? It sounds simple and easy, but of course it isn’t.

Oh, there were the occassional spats all little kids have with their playmates. Those arguments over who gets a certain toy or who gets to go first. Fights with siblings don’t really count. Those power plays are a natural part of living within a family. Everyone has to carve out their own niches and establish their own boundaries.

Some people can’t handle praise. If we get 100 affirmations and one negative opinion, why is it that some of us concentrate on the one negative?

None of this applies to Yram Sicnarf.

 

When a crack up reporter completes an interview, the next step is to write it up for submission to the media or other powers that be. Yesterday, we witnessed Yram’s interview with Dean Lindquist and friends. This is how our crack up reporter remembers it. Were we all at the same events?

THE PARTY AND OTHER THINGS By YRAM SICNARF

Due to my tenacity and well known journalistic skills, I, Yram Sicnarf was asked to cover the Lindquist Birthday bash and other things. The goal was to interview as many Murdoites as possible.

The event was star studded. The garage was packed full of fans. (They were all on high. It was hot.) The red carpet was a virtual parade of well wishers. Everyone wanted to know who did my hair and make-up. The questions just kept coming and coming.

Anyway, the first person I saw was Mr. Thune. He was accompanied to the party by his two sons Bob and Rich. Apparently they had read my in-depth interview with their Father Harold. I tried to tell them there were so many people I needed to visit with, I really didn’t have a lot of time for an  exclusive with them.

Bob was pretty nice, but Rich started to ask me questions about the Murdo History Quiz. He seemed surprised that I didn’t know the answers to any of it. Murdo Girl’s brother Billy and I gathered all the information and prepared the quiz, but I hadn’t paid that much attention to the answers. I did what I always do when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I referred him to my Aggressive investigator, A I. I mean what’s the use of having an entourage if you’re not going to use them? Technically, they’re Murdo Girl’s people, but she lets me use them whenever I want to.

A I: Well Mr. Thune, what specifically are you questioning about the questions written in the form of a question on the questionnaire quiz thing?

Rich: Who are you?

A I: I’m Murdo Girl’s Aggressive Informant. She has a lot of cronies on her team. I was an aggressive basketball player on a rival team when we were in High School. Even though I knocked her and some of the other Murdo Coyote players on their spanks, she hired me to dig up dirt on people. She must really like my work, because she is trying to find a spot for me in her cabinet. She’s Next Pres you know. You want a picture with me? You probably don’t know too many cronies of successful politicians do you?

Rich: I don’t know any cronies, but I do have a brother who is a United States Senator. I’ll pass on the photo-op.

A I: Well, okay, but if you change your mind, I’ll be hanging around the Photographic Drawer.

This is Yram again. I finally made my way to Mr. Lindquist and I asked him the following pertinent questions:

crickets

I don’t remember much about that, but I’m sure I asked him questions… didn’t I? Oh well, I do remember wondering why Sherri the photographic drawer was over in the corner apparently drawing a photograph of Carol wearing a blonde wig and singing “Happy birthday Mr. Lindquist.” I did love that sequined dress.

when Lav and I came to, I mean woke up the next morning, the car was moving, which was okay, because I realized it’s not good for a crack up reporter to stay in one place too long. You have to circulate. The Town Crier was driving and before we knew it we were back at the Motel. Perfect! We headed right over to the lobby for a delightfully free breakfast.

Later, during the parade, I pursued some “man on the street” interviews. I was on foot, because the red convertible was in the parade. Murdo Girl and Lav got to ride in it. Lav is going to wear that car out!

The first man on the street was a girl who asked me not to use her name. Any good reporter worth their salt will always honor a request like that. I’ll refer to her as Arenkay Idersnay. When we were in High school, her last name was Erdigfay. We just made small talk for a while. When I zeroed in on the burning questions, she told me she was there to watch the parade, so I promised her I’d catch up with her later.

By then, my feet were pounding and my head was starting  to swell. When I was walking back down the courthouse hill, I saw Coach Applebee driving up the hill. I tried to get his attention, but he appeared to be avoiding making eye contact with me. It’s nothing to me, but I was just going to tell him he was about to run right smack into a parade coming his way. Hey! Now that’s a bit of breaking news don’t you think? I decided I would write it up and have Sherri draw the photograph later.

The Murdo Coyote would like to make a correction to the copy concerning the parade accident. It should be crash up, meaning the fender bender, and crack up, referring to the reporter. You know how it is with those interlopers who try to sensationalize everything. There was plenty of room for Dean’s truck to get by the Driver’s Ed car, but Miss Sicnarf yelled “LOOK OUT!!” both drivers were distracted and didn’t know whether to stop or go, and they both gunned it. The only thing injured was the two men’s pride.

 I’m missing Murdo. I’ve been trying to think of someone else Yram could interview there. She’s been complaining because she thinks you all see her in a bad light because she kind of botched the interviews with Mr. Thune, Coach Applebee (twice), Mrs. Peters, and Mr. Palmer. Geez, that’s a lot of interviews to mess up. I think she should have one more chance to redeem herself, but as far as the bad light goes..take your gifts where you can get ’em Yram. Bad lights can be a good thing.

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None of us knew it at the time, but Yram was actually at the all school reunion. She was in one of her disguises, but we should have known it was her when she talked, because of her nasal voice. Crack up reporters should not have a nasal voice. I’ve got to hand it to her though, she’s got hudspa.

Who will she corner first? Looks like it’s  Dean Lindquist.

Yram: Hi Mr. Lindquist, my name is Yram Sicnarf and I’m a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, Texas. Mind if I ask you a few questions?

Dean: Do you mind? I was just getting ready to blow out the candles on my birthday cake.

Yram: Oh, sorry. Sure go ahead and blow them out. I think I’ll stand back a little. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many burning candles. Do you think I could have a glass of water or maybe some of that punch over there? I’m getting a little warm.

Dean: Were you invited to my party? I don’t remember the name Sicnarf. Who was your Dad? Did you ever work at Dean’s Philip 66 station? ( You would think I was talking to Lynn Brost Miles..If she doesn’t recognize you, she wants to know who your Dad is.)

Yram: Uh, well I  kind of worked there. I mean I hung out there a lot. Does that count? I must have been accidentally overlooked when the invites were mailed out. You sure had some cuties working there. Whooee! Where is that cold punch? It is really warm in here.

Dean ignores Yram while he blows out his candles and everyone sings Happy Birthday. Someone must have given her some punch, because Yram seems happy as a crack up reporter,  from Texas can look.

Yram: Excuse me Mr. Dean, you asked about my Dad. Well, Mom never told him about me. About my being a crack up reporter, I mean. It’s really a sad story if you’d like to hear it. It all happened….

Dean: (Interrupting Yram’s story.) I really hate to be rude, but there are a lot of people here to wish me a happy birthday. A bunch of my guys who worked at the station are here and I’d like to spend some time with them.

Yram: Shuuurre you do. I’ll just come with you. I’ll be reeeaal quiet. You won’t even know I’m there (hicup). Who are those four cute guys over there?

Dean: Their names are Don Edwards and Eddie Jackson. There are only two of them Miss. Now, I’m going to go talk to them. You can come with me if you don’t say a word.

Yram shakes her head indicating she won’t talk.

Dean walks up to the guys and they all shake hands and start reminiscing about working at the station. Don and Eddie are really fond of Dean and are sharing lots of good memories. Well, it’s just so emotional, Yram starts to sniffle…but she doesn’t say a word.

Eddie: Who is that Dean? She looks a little familiar. I remember something about seeing her in a dim light. Or maybe I just remember her dimness.

 

Don: HaHa…That’s funny Eddie She looks vaguely familiar to me too. Her dimness, kind of like a dim her highness..Hahaha. Where’s your crown Your Dimness?

UhOh, I bet he lives to regret that remark!

Yram doesn’t speak because she’s a rule follower, but what’s this? She’s holding up a sign. It says, “I got gas at the station once. U2 R Cute..

Dean:  Her name is Yram Sicnarf. She says she’s a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, Texas. I told her not to talk. She was really getting on my nerves and her voice is so nasally.  Just don’t ask her about her Dad. It sounds like a long story.

Yram tugs on Dean’s sleeve and whispers something to him. 

Dean: She wants me to ask you boys if you’ll be at the dance later?

Eddie and Don decide to say yes, because they know she’s easy to ditch. They remember her now. She was someone they ditched once.

And it better never happen again..Oh, sorry, I just got caught up in the story

 

Yram moves on to find another fascinating person to interview. She needs to get away from Dean so she is allowed to talk. Maybe there will be someone seated close to the punch bowl.

Yram: Hi there..Have we met? My name is Yram Sicnarf and I’m a crack up, cracker jack reporter from Rifle Butt, TX..or is it Sling Shot? Let’s just say I live in a dangerous place.

Lady by the punch: I’ve been a risk taker all of my life. I’ve been known to slide down cellar doors. I got 20 slivers once. I put them in my scrap book.  FYI..that punch is packing a punch. Maybe you should have a cold beer instead.

Yram: Oh, no thank you, I don’t drink. Do they have food here? You know what I’m hungry for? Wedding cake… I usually have wedding cake when I have punch. Now why are we here?

Later that evening Dean is talking to his daughters, Karen, Kim and Tammy. After enjoying a wonderful evening of food and friendship, the guests have all departed.

Dean: Did you see that girl who was here earlier. Yram Sicnarf was her name. She was kind of strange. I didn’t see her leave.

Karen: She didn’t leave.

Dean: What?

Kim: She and some girl named Lav are out front. You know that convertible that Dave Geisler let us borrow for Murdo Girl to ride in the parade tomorrow? They are both sitting in it. They won’t leave. They both have crowns on.

Tammy is cleaning up as she listens to Dean and her sisters talking. Wow! That punch sure got drained. I filled it up three times. She sniffs the air…What is burning she wonders.

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Yram: Hey Lav..Don’t ya just love Murdo? Where else can you go and be treated like such royalty? I wish I had another piece of that wedding cake…and a little more punch.

Lav: Can I stay in this car all night Yram? I love this car. I like you to Yram. Even if you live in crack up, Texas.

 

Both Yram and Lav sit back and enjoy the beautiful night…and watch the M burn.

 

Murdo is all a buzz. The town darling, Murdo Girl, is officially Next Pres, and Lav is NVP, (Next Vice Pres). You must be asking yourself, “Now what?!” Apparently, you are not the only one.

Yram Sicnarf, fresh from her trip to “Back to the Future,” is at the Campground Compound speaking with Murdo Girl.

Yram: So Murdo Girl, now that you are officially Next Pres, are you planning to take some time off for a little staycation?

MG: What? I can’t do a State of the Nation Speech yet! Is this off the record Yram, or are you here in your crack up interviewer capacity?

Yram: Actually, (full disclosure), people are live streaming right now.

MG: Really? Are they catching anything?

Yram: As a crack up investigative reporter, I do a lot of social networking. The signal is always pretty strong here.

MG: Well, if they’re having to use a net, I’m glad it’s working. That means the big ones are getting hooked. By strong signal, are you referring to the noon whistle?

Yram: More like addicted Murdo Girl. Almost everyone has 3 or 4 devices. Someone needs to blow the whistle on all of the nefarious activity going on.

MG: It isn’t noon yet. The whistle doesn’t blow til noon. We all have vices Yram. It doesn’t mean everyone is having an affair. What do you mean us? Do you know something I don’t ?

Yram and Murdo Girl both look a little confused, but not nearly as confused as the person with the cockeyed crown coming toward them.

Lav: I just had the weirdest dream. I was a volleyball player in the Olympics and I couldn’t get the ball over the net. I felt like such a loser. I guess it’s cause we lost.

MG: We didn’t lose Lav.  I’m sorry you had such a bad dream, are you okay now?

Lav: Yup..In my dream, I talked to the sports psychologist. She told me to go home and take a Zumba class. I heard SCS (Sioux City Sue), is facilitating a” Zumba to the Oldies” class at the Harold Thune Auditorium. Or is it “Zumba for the Oldies?” Either way off I go..bye. Oh wait! I forgot my iPod so I can listen to my fav earworm.

MG: Ya know Yram, I think it’s time I called a meeting. I want to inform the team of their new cabinet positions. People need direction. Maybe with some direction, there won’t be so much confusion going on here.

Yram: Good idea MG. Like the Queen always says, around here confusion reigns. She does like that Bling though.

MG: Bling? Who is Bling? Is he trying to be nefarious with the Queen?

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Later that evening, most of NP Murdo Girl’s entourage is finally back at the Campground Compound. They’re all full from eating beans and franks, and a few leftover hard boiled chickens that Jerry couldn’t sell.

 

Murdo Girl decides to take her book and a flashlight and read by the campfire. A I, and the Town Crier are sitting there listening to Carol sing.

A I: What are you reading Murdo Girl?

MG: The dictionary. No matter how many times I read it, that crack up reporter Yram comes up with a word I don’t know. Do you think the encyclopedia would be more up to date?

A I: Is Yram threatening to unfriend you MG? She thinks she’s so smart with all her “mental floss.”

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And so ends another day at the Murdo Girl Campground Compound. Soon, NP Murdo Girl will be announcing her cabinet. Will “Other Murdoites” join the team? It should be interesting, but it might not be. Let’s hope it is.

Just remember….If you snooze you lose.

 

 

 

I have written in great detail about the Sanderson side of my family, so I thought I would tell you a little more about the Francis family. My Dad, Bill Francis, was the only son to come back to Murdo after the war. It seems that during WWII, most of the family, with the exception of my Uncle Chuck Francis, settled in California. Chuck lived with his family in New York.

I have written a poem of sorts about my Grandma Connie, (as I heard her called), but first I would like to tell you a cute story my Dad told me about his Mother.

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Dad (little Bill), had 2 brothers. John was was older, and Charles (Chuck), a little over 5 years younger. One day Grandma Connie was getting frustrated with Chuck, who was probably 2 at the time. little Bill heard her say, “I would sell this baby for 5 cents right now!” Hearing this, little Bill went to his piggy bank and took out a nickel. He presented his payment to his Mother and said he was buying baby Chuck. Grandma took his payment, and they shook hands on the deal. Together they packed up all of Chuck’s things and moved him to little Bill’s room.

Hardly any time had gone by when here came little Bill with the baby and all his things. He said he had changed his mind and wanted his nickel back. Grandma gave him his nickel and advised him to be very careful of a deal that sounds “too good to be true.”

In all the photos except when she was very young, Grandma Connie looks like a Grandma.  I don’t mean that she looked old, but you have to admit we Grandmothers now don’t wear house dresses and sturdy black shoes. She was a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution, and quite the feminist for those days. She even had the word “obey” taken out of the vows of her first marriage. She changed her name from Content to Constance as noted below each of the photos.

I was named after both Grandmothers. Mary after Mary Sanderson, and Constance after Grandma Connie. (Mom called me Mary Content if she was super upset with me.)

Constance Francis Bowers

She lived before me, her years were few, this woman that I never knew.

I didn’t know her, but knew of her, Constance was my Father’s Mother.

I’ve seen her pictures from way back then, and letters that she sometimes penned.

Her husband died and went to heaven. My Father William was only seven.

Son Charles was 2, John only 10. These boys were hers alone to tend.

She owned a hardware store in Murdo, and tried her best to make it go.

No time to grieve, she worked long hours. Then Constance Francis wed William Bowers.

William had lost his children’s Mother, and until Connie, had loved no other.

By all accounts they got along. There’s was a union described as strong.

Dad Bowers and Connie, six kids in tow, lived fifteen years above the Depot

Life was good, but there were fears, for these were the depression years.

The small rooms above the railroad station, had no plumbing for the duration.

The heat was from two old coal stoves. They carried water to wash their clothes.

The years went by, the children grew, then they were faced with World War II.

Most of the six stayed way out West, after the war, they thought it best.

Charles the youngest, Connie’s pride, got a furlough when Dad Bowers died.

It was 1943, it seemed California was the place to be.

In 46, after the war, Connie sold Francis hardware store.

To California she made her way, where son Charles attended UCLA

She made a home for Charles and his friends, but far too soon her story ends

She made plans to visit Murdo, but got too sick and couldn’t go.

1948 was the year she died. Her son Charles was by her side.

She was only 59. I am her family and she was mine.

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Bill Francis, an Army Engineer, later chose a plumbing career.

He married Loretta  and settled down, they raised two children in their hometown.

John chose teaching as his career path; moved to Pasadena, and taught High School Math.

Bob, Bev , and Margarete, were the nicest people you could ever meet.

In California, they built their lives; Margarete with her husband, Bob and Bev with their wives.

Barbara and Charles, the youngest of all, lived in New York and raised Abby and Paul.

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All of us are God’s creations, and our families span the generations.

Remember family… where it all starts, and they’ll live forever in your hearts

The Francis family in New York for Uncle Chucks funeral…The part of the Depot at the Pioneer Auto Museum.

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Yesterday was Kip’s birthday. I asked him what he wanted for his birthday dinner, and he suggested Denny’s. I was beyond exhausted, but..it was his birthday. I had a tasty sirloin steak, red potatoes, Caesar salad, grilled squash, and a dinner roll. Kip had 2 pancakes and 2 eggs. The pancakes were huge and he couldn’t finish them, so instead of desert, I ate the last few bites.

She always eats her food, then tries to get everybody elses

I think my huge appetite is directly related to all the driving I’ve had to do. Kip’s back surgery was 7 weeks ago and I’ve had to drive him everywhere. We went to Athens to renew his driver’s license and to Dallas twice this week. I drove him to Dallas yesterday for his check-up with the surgeon.

The drive wasn’t as bad as some have been. I only had to yell at him twice. Once was when I was trying to pull out and cross 2 lanes of traffic. He said, ” You can go…right after this next car goes by.” Too late! Hang on to your back brace!  Thankfully, the other car had good brakes!” Try saying that in a different way,” I asked. “Like this. After this next car goes by, then.. you can go.

The other day, Kip sort of raised his voice at me. He said, “Look-out!” What does that mean to you? Does it mean to stop…or go? I did both. My car also has good brakes.

The Doctor finally lifted the “no driving” ban yesterday, but we had my car, so I went ahead and drove home anyway. I told Kip it would probably be a good idea for him to gradually get used to driving again. He said, “So what should  I do?  Go sit in the car for a while on the first day? Then the next day, maybe I can  back out to the end of the driveway.” That was the second time I yelled at him.

When we got home, Kip went into the house, got the keys to his pick-up truck, and drove it to the car wash. His truck has been sitting in the garage for 7 weeks. My car is filthy. Technically that would have been the 3rd time I yelled at him, but it doesn’t count. He was backing out of the driveway and couldn’t hear me.

Apparently Kip doesn’t remember our discussion from a few years ago. I said to him, “Have you ever noticed when couples get older, the little old woman drives the little old man around?” He nodded his head in agreement. “If you’re not nice to me,” I said. “You are not going  anywhere!”

I might sound mean, but I’m not. I have a gift that not many people possess. I can yell without raising my voice.  I’ve found the louder my voice, the less people hear me. The downside is, sometimes I have to say things more than once.

 

We took Driver’s Education together. We can drive a stick shift.

 

I taught them in Driver’s Ed..They purposely turned the corners really fast. I should have worn a seatbelt. That’s the real reason I can’t stand up. They should have named a road after me too. ” Applebee Drive.” I like that!

 

How upset do you think everyone would be if something totally unforeseen happened regarding the election? I’m not saying anything will happen, but it could you know. I read the Murdo Coyote’s take on the whole mess of an election, and it got me to thinking. After things calm down a bit, I’m not saying right this minute or anything, but later, maybe tomorrow, folks might put it all together and start talking. You know what happens when folks start talking.

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Tomorrow

Let’s start at the Jones County Jailhouse. Barney, Otis and..( I look around and see there is no and.) Guess what Deputy Barney Fife is doing?  He’s pacing..stopping only to sniff or pull up on his pants. Well, mostly sniffing. He only tugs on his pants when he’s all impressed with himself..

Barney: I was there, and I still don’t know what happened. I got 299 delegate/votes/whatever…I needed 300 to tie with the likes of Murdo Girl. Now what does that tell you?

Otis: It tells me you lost Barney.

Barney: Otis…That is not what I’m gettin at..One delegate/voter/whatever didn’t delegate/vote/whatever!

It has been a long day with the foreclosure sale and all the other Courthouse steps stuff going on and Otis is kind of brain dead. I mean his brains are fried. 

The jailhouse door opens, and in walks some of Murdo Girl’s peeps. Yes, none other than A I (MG’s Aggressive Informant), and Sherri (MG’s Photographic Drawer.) A I speaks first.

A I: Say Baaaaarney, Sherri and I decided we’d come over and see what’s going on at the Lone Wolf Campaign Headquarters. The Courthouse Presser broke up kind of early, so we just wanted to come on over here and see how you’re all doin after getting the bad news about you being a loser. Uh, we thought Sheriff Duke might be here.

Barney: I haven’t seen Sheriff Duke since he handed my 299 votes to Miss Brookes. Barney gets all bugged-eyed like he does. I don’t think you came all the way over here to exchange pleasantries. Do you wanna know what I think Miss A I?  I think  you spell trouble. I like your hat, but I don’t like the way you look at me.

A I: How can you tell I’m even looking at you? I don’t ever take my dark shades off. Isn’t that right Sherri?

Sherri: I just draw what I’m told to photograph. I don’t worry about eyes and colors an stuff. Am I supposed to draw something here A I? Last time I drew over here, I wasn’t exactly sure what those Good Time Girls were supposed to look like.

A I: WhatOh..

Barney: WhatOhWhat? When were you over here photographic drawing? I think I know what’s going on here..Do you think I don’t know what’s going on here? Well, I do! You two better explain yourselves or old Deputy Fife might just have to do some interrigatin. I’d like to know how you got your hands on a picture of some guy that looks like me standing with the Good Time Girls. I would remember that occasion don’t you think? I don’t remember nothing like it.

A I: Don’t talk anymore Sherri. You’re not paid to talk. You’re paid to draw.

Sherri: I don’t get paid A I, unless you count potato chips and pencils. That Jerry is a sorry bean counter if you ask me. He told me he doesn’t know beans about making beans, he’s just supposed to count beans.

Otis: You’re all wearing me out. I’m going into my cell to take a nap.

Barney: Hold it right there Otis. You were here the other day when Miss Sherri was here. I want you to tell me everything you saw, and don’t leave nothin out.

Otis: Well, I saw some people comin in and out?

Barney: What people?

Otis: Well, first one and then another.

A I: Now Otis, you didn’t see a thing. You were too busy looking out the window at the zoo animals weren’t ya?

Sometimes, when Otis stays over he sees Barney’s dog named Wolf and thinks he’s at the zoo. It has something to do with the bars on the window.

Barney: Say no more Otis. I’ll get to the bottom of this. As long as I’ve been the long arm of the law around here, I have never betrayed the public trust. I cannot let a crime go unsolved. I’m Barney the copper and big crime stopper.

(Now Barney is tugging on his pants because he thinks he’s all that!)

A I: I got nothing to say.

So, we have four people here and none of them are talking. Let’s go on over to The Coyote Campground Compound. I don’t know why, but let’s just do it.

Looks like we did the right thing. Murdo Girl is speaking to a small group of supporters. Actually, when you’re in a small town like Murdo, sometimes the supporters and the reporters are one in the same. Even though there’s only one person there, you could actually think of it as two. Anyway, Treason is there. She has looked at her watch 4 times in 5 minutes. Now she’s shaking it to see if it’s still running. Guess Murdo Girl’s comments are running a little over. 

Murdo Girl: and in closing, I would just like to say, I’m down with the people. I’ve got fire in the belly. Read my lips. No new taxes. Ask not what Murdo can do for you. Ask what you can do for Murdo, and all that other original stuff. Now I’ve got to go find out what I’m supposed to do next. Will someone wake Lav up and brief her? She’s got to be ready to take over should anything happen to me.

*****************************************

The way I look at it… Barney just might be the victim of some dirty politics. On the other hand, the election is over so, too bad, so sad. There is one other little hanging chad…Who didn’t cast their vote? Should Barney demand a recount? Where did Sheriff Duke run off to?

I guess a Next Pres has gotta do, what a Next Pres has gotta do. Whatever that is.. 

The Coyote County Convention and The Lone Wolf Convention are at long last behind us. The votes have all been counted and recorded. Yet with all that, the winner and candidate for Next Pres is still unknown. Murdo has 300 eligible delegate/ voters, who each have 2 votes. Murdo Girl has secured 300. If everyone voted instead of “sitting this one out,” and if the absenteeism votes all got to the Registrar’s office in time, the best that Barney can hope for, is a tie. (Barney’s convention got messy which is why his votes got in just under the wire.) No one has thought about what happens in the case of a tie, but it’s been made clear there can be only one candidate to emerge from this perfect storm. Only one will go on the ballot with The Donald and Hillary. So who is it going to be?

The Town Crier cried out an announcement this morning. The cry was to advise the good citizens of Murdo of a press conference to be held on the Courthouse steps at 2:00 p.m. (Give or take a little due to the foreclosure auction which starts at 1:00 o’clock.)

It’s now 2:00 p.m. and all those chomping at the bit to witness this historical event, appear to be here. It looks like quite a crowd.  Murdo Girl and her VP pick, Lav, are seated to the right of the podium. Maybe it’s just me but, should they be wearing their crowns? Barney will be announcing his VP pick, if he needs one; which he won’t if he doesn’t get 300 votes. He is sitting to the left of the podium next to an empty chair.

Here comes Our Miss Brookes, the Registrar, headed to the podium.

Our Miss Brookes: The Office of the Registrar, for the County of Jones, in the town of Murdo is prepared to announce the candidate who has the sufficient number of delegate/ votes to be our nominee for Next Pres. Hhhm (clears throat.) As has been widely reported, Murdo girl has received 300 votes. Now, may I please have the envelope with the results of The Lone Wolf delegate/vote. I said, May I please have the envelope with the results of the Lone Wolf delegate/vote!!!

Barney: jumps up:…Oh for crying out loud! who has the envelope?

At which point the Town Crier starts boohooing. 

Town Crier: Did someone say for crying out loud? Okay, I will…Why am I crying?

Suddenly!! The crowd parts, you can hear murmurs and mumbling among the mass of people in the Courthouse courtyard.

A familiar voice says: I do.

Everyone watches and claps as… who before their wondering eyes should appear?  Sheriff Duke, we think.

Sheriff Duke: Hold your horses Pilgrim lady Brookes. By the way are you related to Our Miss Brookes? I worked with her on a movie once. Never mind, we’ll talk later. The folks are getting mighty restless. He then hands the envelope with the results of the Lone Wolf delegate/voters tally to Registrar Brookes.

Our Miss Brookes: Ahem… Well, Hi Duke. How’s life been treatin ya? Does anyone have a letter opener? (Just kidding.) She Puts on her readers and ever so slowly opens the envelope, in which all of our futures may rest.

The final tally for Deputy Barney Fife, the candidate for the Lone Wolf party is…………….299. Yes Deputy Barney Fife received 299 votes. I hereby declare Murdo Girl with the Coyote party the winner! She will be smashing glass ceilings as the first ever Coyote candidate running for Next Pres. (Plus she’s a girl.)

Sheriff Duke: Wait just a minute little Pilgrim lady…You’re forgetting one thing.

(Just kidding??) We shall see what we shall see.

This is me..don’t even think about hurting me. I have friends in high places.

 

 

 

The year is 1961. Its the summer before the little Murdo Girl starts the fourth grade. Her brother Billy is working in California for the summer, but he will be back in the fall to begin his Senior year of high school.

The little Murdo Girl is straddled on a barrel that hangs between two trees on the lot between her Grandparent’s house and her Aunt and Uncle’s home where her cousin Mark lives. It’s early morning and while she’s waiting for the neighborhood kids to get there, she’s thinking about all the things they will do today. School just got out yesterday and this is the first day of summer vacation. Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a car pulling into her Grandpa’s driveway. The car doesn’t look like any car she’s seen before. It reminds her of her Uncle’s Jeep, but it’s a sparkly gray color and the tires are a lot different.

While she’s watching, a woman and a little girl get out of the Jeep- like car. The woman is walking toward the house. The little girl is walking toward Murdo Girl. It appears that the girls are about the same age.

MG is the first to speak: Hi…Did you and your Mom come to visit Grandpa and Grandma Sanderson?

The other little girl: Yes, my Mom just wanted to drop off a few things, but then we’re going swimming. What’s your name?

MG: My name is Mary, but people call me MG. What’s yours?

Other girl: My name is Yram. I don’t live here. I live in Texas. Mom used to live here and she thought it would be good for me if we came for a visit. Are you all by yourself here?

MG: Yeah, but I’m just waiting for all the kids to get here so we can play. I hope we play tag first.

Yram: Don’t you mean hashtag? You must tweet.

MG looking somewhat bewildered: No..We play tag. You know, one person is it. They hide their eyes and count backwards while everyone else runs and hides. When the time is up, the “it” kid looks for everyone else. When”it” finds another kid, and gets close enough to hit them, that kid is “it” and it starts over. It’s really fun!

I pat…..I pat…..I sorta pat……She hits

MG: I’m going to walk across the street to Suzanne and Cynthia’s house. They probably slept late or they have to do some chores first.

We hit…We pat the pony…We used to hit, but we don’t anymore

Yram: Why don’t you just text them? I don’t want to stay here alone, and I don’t want to go inside. Mom said they just have a black and white TV and no Internet.

MG: You talk kind of funny. Is that because you live in Texas? Grandpa Sanderson has lots of nets, so I’m sure he has an internet.  I don’t go near a textbook in the summer, and I only read books when it’s raining, or when it’s dark and I have to go inside. Rats, I forgot to bring my dress-up clothes.

Yram: RATS? DID YOU SEE A RAT? Why are you going to dress up?

MG: What? What’s wrong with you? You’re talking like you’re crazy. Are you plumb loco? I’ll see you later. MG starts to walk across the street.

Yram: Wait MG. I don’t want to stay here by myself, but if I’m going to stay outside, I have to put on sunscreen so I don’t get skin cancer. Do you know what time it is? I left my cell in the car and it’s locked. You shouldn’t call people crazy, that could hurt my ego and I’ll have to have therapy when I grow up.

MG: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m trying really hard to understand your Texas language, but you are really a nervous Gertie Yram. If I waited for you to do all that, I would never get to play today. Guess you don’t want to hear about the rubber guns. They only hurt if someone accidentally hits you in the face. Besides that, I thought you said you were going to the swimming dam. We’re all going tomorrow with Pink Sandy. Maybe you can come and bring your internet and catch some minnows. As far as a cell goes, you’d have to do something pretty bad to get thrown in a cell here, and if you did, you wouldn’t have to worry too much about what time it is. And another thing, I think you are trying to bluff me, because there is no such thing as a locked car door, and you can’t catch cancer from the sun so you don’t have to put a screen over yourself.

Yram: I think I will go inside and lay down, because I really hope I’m sleeping. Yes, that’s it! I’m asleep and there is no such place as Murdo, where kids run and hit each other and think it’s fun. They have Rats and stay outside without wearing sunscreen. They sit on a barrel hanging from the trees without any supervision. I was cursed at just because I said I was going to the pool. Yes… I’ll lay down and wait to wake up from this nightmare. Bye MG. If I ever see you again, don’t talk to me.

MG: Frankly Yram. I don’t give a hoot!

You should see the other guy

We don’t give a hoot either! Let’s get back to the possibly rigged election. Jerry has chickens to sell and I have eggs to pluck.

I am lock challenged. When I was growing up in Murdo, I didn’t have to lock anything. We didn’t lock our house. I don’t remember even having a key to the house. Jimmy from up the street used to come to our house and watch television whether we were home or not.

We didn’t lock the car, the Motel, and definitely not our suitcases. Why would someone lock a suitcase anyway? If someone wanted to steal something inside, why wouldn’t they just take the whole suitcase?

This freedom from having to lock things was hard to give up. Locking things became a real problem for me. My first experience of locking myself out was when I was staying with my brother and his wife in  California. They had a nice apartment on the ground floor not far from my summer job. The building was small, so the apartment had lots of windows, which turned out to be a good thing.

The first time I locked myself out, I walked around the building and found the window to the bathroom of the appartment I needed to break into. While trying to pry the screen off, it ripped just a little. That was too bad, but it did make the reach to the inside easy enough that I could sort of pry the window open.  Once I got in, I tried to get everything back together, and felt it was good enough that no one would see it. As it turned out, I got into the house through the bathroom window all summer, and as far as I know, they were never robbed.

I think, (at least I would like to think), I remembered to tell them about the broken screen when I moved out.

Fast forward several years. I’m a slow lock learner. I would go by myself to 3k and 10k races that were pretty close to home. You have to remember, it was much different before electric garage door openers and cell phones. There was a key for the car door and another for the ignition. One Saturday, I went to a race and did as I saw others do. I took the key to the car door off the key chain and tied it up in my shoelace. That way I could lock the rest of the keys in the car. It worked great. I got into the car easily enough and drove to the store. When I finished my shopping and came back to the car, I had the keys to the ignition, but the door key was laying on the front seat. Right, I couldn’t get into the car. I had to call a locksmith.

I had a job in sales, and while I was out calling on customers, I had to stop every few hours and return phone calls. It was still before cell phones, so I knew where every payphone was. This particular day I stopped at Tom Thumb. I had a run in my hose and had to buy new ones. The pay phone was right outside the lady’s room, so I took my folder and called my office to get my messages. I took the folder with the keys on top of it in with me to change. when I was ready, I leaned over to flush and WHOOSH! My house key, car key, my son’s apartment key, and I don’t remember what else went down to live with the sewer rats. I screamed and the woman in the next stall screamed too. There I was at Tom Thumb, and couldn’t do anything because I didn’t have a key. I used the payphone and finally got a hold of my son who had just moved into his own apartment. I prayed he still had a key to our house. He did. I heard him yell to his co-workers. “I have to go to Tom Thumb and get my Mom, she flushed all of her keys down the toilet.”

 

I got home, got my extra set of car keys and took the key we had stuck in the inside of the back door so I could get into the house later. I intended to get a copy made and put the key back, but I ran out of time. Later that evening my husband asked where the key to the back door was. When I explained, he said he had never heard of someone flushing their keys. I agreed that it was strange. After all, sometimes you have to flush 3 times to get a Kleenex to go down. I now just had one set of keys. I hadn’t made it to wherever I had to go to get another car key made. Those things cost about $40.00 back then, but so did the locksmith.

I started out with two sets of keys. A week or so later… It’s very early in the morning and I am at the airport. I pull up to a place outside the airport, where they park your car and you take a shuttle to the terminals. I pulled up, got in the trunk, and got my golf bag and suitcase out, then I got on the shuttle. I looked out the window and there was a guy motioning to me. It looked like he was saying he needed my keys. I drug my clubs and suitcase and got off the shuttle. After searching through my purse, I finally realized I must have locked my keys in the trunk. It’s 6:30 a.m. My car is right in the way of every other car trying to get in. I called my husband, who was still at home, but 45 minutes from where I was. He said something like,”I don’t know what you want me to do. You don’t have anymore keys.” I was distraught to say the least, and he wasn’t being very helpful. I told him I could get into the car, just not the trunk. He said to try opening up the glove compartment and push the button that opens up the trunk. In all fairness, it was a company car and not every car has that button. I got some looks as I got back on the shuttle that had been nice enough to wait for me.

Except for my brother’s apartment, all of the things I just told you about happened within a few weeks. I would like to say I have never had another problem with keys or locks, but I would be lying. It has helped to have a cell phone and an electric garage door opener. I can now make it through most days. Well, unless something totally unrelated happens.