All of Murdo is still in shock! The first Lone Wolf County Convention ended last night. It was certainly a night like none other. I’ll try to sum up the events of the evening as briefly as I can.

Wait…There is More

Then Finally

 Barney got busted, Yram and Brad got busted, The balloons didn’t get busted

The next day Mr. Deryk, the Janitor was about ready to leave the Harold Thune Auditorim, when Treason caught up with him.

Treason: Excuse me Mr. Deryk, I’m Teresa, the liaison to the Murdo Coyote. People call me Treason. I thought the Lone Wolf County Convention was last night. Why are all the balloons still up in the rafters? You sure did get the place cleaned up in a hurry. I just stopped by looking for the Queen. Have you seen her today?

Mr. Deryk: Let me try to answer your questions Treason as briefly as I can. About an hour into the program, and before the voters/delegates/whatever even got to find out how the votes tallied up, this whole place spontaneously  combusted. Barney was accused of having several friends of the female persuasion.  Angelina Jolie came and dragged Brad Pitt off, but not before she let Miss Yram have it. Thelma Lou and Louise took off in their car and looked to be headed West, right behind Brad and Angelina. The Queen got here right about then. She looked real pretty in her orange outfit. Anyway, she and A I left to go over to Ferns to eat some cake. I’m not sure where Deputy Fife went. I think he went with Otis, probably over to the jail. Neither one of them looked so good.

Treason: Thanks a bunch Mr. Deryk, I guess I’ll check at Fern’s and the Jailhouse before I go on to the Coyote Office.

Treason runs into Jerry, the Bean Counter who is trying to sell hard boiled eggs labeled as Whole Boneless Skinless Chickens. He doesn’t seem to be drawing much of a crowd. Speaking of drawing, I wonder where Sherri the photographic drawer is?

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Meanwhile, over at the Murdo Girl Campground Compound, Murdo Girl is having her free continental breakfast with Lav who’s finally feeling better after a severe bout of crownitis. The Doctor told her to quit wearing her crown to bed and to get a fan for some ventilation in her pop up camper. Some of the Penticoff family stopped by to say hello and talked about what happened at Fern’s after the convention busted up. Sherri, the Photographic drawer is photographic drawing everybody.

Murdo Girl: Say Pat…I heard everybody was going over to Fern’s Cafe last night after the convention for some homemade chocolate cake. Tell me, did Barney get his 300 votes from the voters/delegates/whatever?

Pat: What rock did you sleep under last night Murdo Girl. It would take too much time to explain everything that happened. Just have Sherri show you the pictures. You’ll be able to figure out that the final vote count tally never did get announced. I’d be real surprised though if poor old Barney made it. Except….

Murdo Girl: Except what Pat? What do you mean except?

Pat: Except everybody voted at intermission, and there were quite a few absenteeism votes too. I wouldn’t count your 50 cent chickens until they’re all in the frying pan Murdo Girl.

Okay, okay…we’ll head over to the jailhouse and see what we can find out there.

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Well, Barney doesn’t look too worse for wear and Otis sure is cheerful..Wait..Otis? He’s standing outside..Then who is that in the cell?

Barney: Well, Otis, we will soon find out the fate of poor Barney Fife. Just because someone who can photographic draw really well, photographic- shopped my picture and made it look like I was with some ladies, when I was supposed to be dating Thelma Lou, I might get run out of this Murdo town.

Otis: Speaking of Thelma Lou, she and Louise already high tailed it out of town and Thelma Lou is the Chairwoman of the LWCC. Who do you reckon will be counting the votes Barney?

Just then, Barney turns and sees a man on the cot in Otis’s cell.

Barney: Who are you mister, and what are you doing in Otis’s, I mean the jailhouse cell?

The man in the cell: Well, I reckon it’s the law in this town that’s going to have to straighten this whole mess out.

All of a sudden the man in the cell jumps up and guess who it is?

Sheriff Duke: You see my saddle bag/bank bag I got right here? It’s got the results of the LWCC vote right inside.

This story will be continued in the very near future. Put all this information in a safe place in your rememberer, because I’m not going to summarize again. It’s just too much! Right Lav? It’s just too much!

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Hear Ye…Deputy Barney Fife received ??? votes in the LWC Election

It’s Saturday night and the last night of the Lone Wolf County Convention. We all know what that means…It’s time for Barney’s big speech. The Harold Thune Auditorium will soon be filled with delegates, or voters…whatever you want to call them. Barney needs 300 votes tonight to stay in the race for Next Pres. Murdo Girl has 300 of the 600 available. We’ll check in with Barney later, but right now let’s see what’s going on at the Murdo Girl Campground Compound.

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The Murdo Girl team is enjoying a free continental breakfast. Geez…What they lack in expertise, they make up for in numbers.

A I, Yram, Jerry, Carol, Sherri, Treason, Laura, Bart, Smart, and Braveheart. Aggressive Informant, Interviewer, Bean Counter, Singer, Photographic Drawer, Treason to the Murdo Coyote, Town Cryer, and the 3 bodyguards. The VP candidate, Lav is not present. She’s still suffering from Crownitis and has taken to her bed in the pop-up camper. The C and the CC of the CCC took a couple of days off to go see Mount Rushmore. They will be having a committee meeting when they return. All are accounted for except the Queen and Murdo Girl.

A l: I have information to inform, but I’m waiting until Murdo Girl gets here. Hey Bart, Smart, and Braveheart, why aren’t you with MG? Aren’t you her bodyguards?

Braveheart looks at, Bart, who looks at Smart.

Smart: She’s just over at the Pioneer Auto Museum trying to talk Mr. Geisler into letting her ride in that red Impala convertible for a while.  None of us are much on walking and MG doesn’t want us to ride with Thelma Lou and Louise anymore. She didn’t think it looked right for us to be in Barney’s parade.

Okay..we’ll get back to this nothingness later. Let’s go see what Mr. Excitement is up to.

Barney and his team are already at the auditorium, where in his nervousness, he’s mostly sniffing and pulling his pants up. Talk about high pockets…

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Welcome to the Lone Wolf 2016  County Convention

Thelma Lou: Some of you local yokels might not know me, but I’m Thelma Lou, and that redhead over there filing her nails is my friend Louise. We are the C and the CCC of the LWCC. Wow..that is one heck of a mouthful even for someone as articulated as me. Now I want to throw my 2 cents in about Barney before I let him come up here and tell ya all how he’s gonna get this country runnin right as rain again. Barney is a sweet guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly even if it was flying around his head and making him go cross-eyed, which I’ve seen happen a time or two.

Okay let’s get the little giant to come on up here. After the big balloon dropping finale is over, we want to invite you all over to Fern’s Cafe. Louise and I gotta go back to work and Pat Bechard made a delicious chocolate cake that she did not know would be served up to Barney Fife supporters. Me and Louise are the type that make things happen, if you know what I mean.

Barney: (sniff), I know I’m a little bit new to Murdo, (sniff), and that could be a good thing. Ya see, (pulls pants up), I might be just a little bit more “worldly” than Murdo Girl. I’ve been out in the big bad world, and I’ve seen a thing or two. You might be questioning my background and asking yourself what old Barney’s vision of the future is. I’ve got 5 words for ya. Nip It In The Bud! Nip -it-in-the-bud. Nip, Nip, Nip…

Someone stands up in the crowd. They must be going to heckle or something. All eyes turn to face the interrupter. Uh Oh…

A I: Okay Mr. Rogers, Captain Kangaroo, and Batman all rolled into one..I’ve been out aggressively doing my diligence. I want to ask all these delegates, or voters, or whatever you want to call them. Does this look like someone you want for Next Pres?

A I holds up a HUGE picture of what looks like Deputy Fife in a compromising situation.

Thelma Lou: What’s the matter Lover Boy? You have got guilty written all over your face

Louise: You wanna shoot Barnyard Barney? Or do want me to?

To add to the already troubling situation, Guess who walks in just in time to witness these atrocities?

Barney: WH, wh, what are you good citizens doing here?

Coach: We’re just here to watch. We haven’t had this much excitement in Murdo since Murdo Girl won the title of Betty Crocker Homemaker of Tomorrow in 70. Unless you count the time her brother won the joke telling contest in 2011.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Billy Francis, Suzanne Brost, Ralph Thomas, Valerie Leckey Halla, Joe Thomas (participants in the joke telling contest of 2011

Will Barney get the 300 votes necessary to tie it up with Murdo Girl or will his campaign go by the way of the porcelain throne? If it is a tied up contest between Barney and Murdo Girl, will there be a surprise voter/delegate/whatever who is elibible to break the tie? Will Thelma Lou and Barney make-up or break-up? Will Lav recover soon or be a permanent sloth? Will Yram snag another good interview? Will Murdo Girl get another ride in the red Convertible?

Hey..there’s Brad Pitt..Didn’t he used to be friends with Thelma Lou and Louise? He’s with Yram..and Yram has the red convertible. (There’s gotta be some perks to writing all these stories.)

With the right music, you can either remember everything, or forget everything.

The most often played song throughout the world is a song everyone hates. At the risk of making it play on the tracks of your brain all night, I’ll tell you what it is. A Disney tune, It’s a Small World, has been played over 50 million times.

Two sad songs… You’ve lost that loving feeling (The Righteous Brothers), has been played 8 million times, and Yesterday, (The Beatles), 7 million.

Every movie you have ever watched, and advertisement you have ever seen, has a music sound track. We sing Happy Birthday, Christmas songs, Church hymns, and school songs. We dance to the rhythm of music. We’re inspired by patriotic songs, and babies are lulled to sleep with  a lullaby.

I don’t have teeth

We’ve got lots of babies

Music is a big part of all our lives, and it can take you back.

Here are some examples of the tunes I hum.

Good morning Mr. Zip, Zip, Zip, with your haircut just as short as mine…It’s a WWI song that my Dad’s Mother used to sing to him.  He sang it while bouncing me, perched on his shoulders, all around the house. He also sang Be kind to your web footed friends, for a duck could be somebody’s Mother.

All things bright and beautiful, and Jesus loves the little children, take me back to Ethel Thomas’s Sunday school class. She was perpetually cheerful and had a beautiful voice.

But ya know I love you, by Dolly Parton is one attached to a memory. A boyfriend in high school gave me the 45. The flip side was something like Homemade lies. I asked which side he wanted me to listen to, which for some reason, upset him…Its funny to me now, and a good memory.

I consider Hey Jude and I can’t get no satisfaction to be Vietnam era songs, because I heard them a lot during those years.

You’ve lost that loving feeling, The Righteous Brothers, Many a tear has to fall, by the Temptations, and anything by the Four Seasons rank right up there with songs I could listen to and never tire of.

My cousin Valerie and I will be transported back to Cynthia Edward’s kitchen whenever we hear, Oh, What a night. It’s a new memory of a really fun time.

Singing in the kitchen, by Bobby Bare, and Sneaky Snake , by Tom T. Hall were songs we listened to when the kids were all young. Heather especially related to music. I remember she played Johnny Horton’s The Battle of New Orleans over and over.

We laughed at another Bobby Bare song, (from the album Singing in the Kitchen), You can’t help but smile while listening and singing to this one.

Mason Jr. and Ethan…Craig and Olivia (she plays the flute now)

Songs that mean something to you shouldn’t be forgotten. We have created family memories with music.

Kip’s Mom would start New Years Day and play one album a day until she had listened to her whole collection.

I first heard Beyond the sunset at Mrs. Theissen’s funeral, when I was 9. I remembered it as a song of peaceful comfort. We requested that song be sung at our Dad’s funeral, many years later.

I love patriotic songs…If  you haven’t already heard Renee Miller sing The National Anthem, you’re in for an inspiring experience. If this doesn’t play, go to YouTube Renee Miller.

There are hundreds of songs from many different genres That take me back.

Memories good and bad are brought to mind by something. It might be a song, a scent, a letter, or a photograph. In the past several months, I have taken an extraordinary trip back in time. Murdo Girl started out to be stories about my experiences growing up in Murdo, South Dakota. It became so much more.

For many years, I thought too much about the disappointments, and questioned every decision I had ever made. I sometimes think society works overtime to make us think we’re all screwed up and it has to be someone’s fault.  I thought about how I believed people had failed me and blamed my grownup self for whatever the problem of the day was. I wasn’t that way all of the time. It’s not in my nature to be unhappy.

Murdo Girl has changed how I look at my life then and now. I had a great life growing up in Murdo. I had no idea until I wrote about them, how many great memories I have. Those good experiences pushed away all of the bad. Those fun and special memories kept coming and coming, and I have loved reliving every single one of them. I am so gratified that my true stories about my real life have brought back good memories for many of you. We lived in the same town or one like it, we knew the same people or some like them.

Because I want to learn more about you and me, I tried to think of a way  we might be able to recapture what many of the good memories are tied to and perhaps learn a little more about what makes us who we are and how we can live in the here and now with the help of the there and then.

Before we get started, I want to assure you this will not be some deep dive into your psyche. It’s just for fun.

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Have you had your annual checkup?

Until last month, I hadn’t seen any of my annuals in 46 years. I lost them somewhere along the way, and apparently didn’t miss them much until I got to the high school years in my stories. Then, I got a call from Karen Lindquist who was helping locate people for the 2016 Murdo All School Reunion. We started talking about some of my old classmates and she gave me the phone number for Eddie Jackson. I called him, which is totally unlike me. I’m terrible about making those phone calls, but I did and it was really great to be able to talk with someone I had gone to school with all those years ago. I told Eddie about the blog and he started reading Murdo Girl. He realized that I had virtually no pictures of any of us during our high school years. (I was using a photo of Audrey Hepburn for my Connie like stories.)  He went through his annuals and started emailing me photos.

Those photos made a big difference. They brought back more fun memories. I went to the reunion and had a blast. The best part was hearing other people’s stories. I spent time with Eddie and his wife Mari, Don Edwards, Karen Snider, my cousin and great friend Valerie, the Lindquist family, my favorite teachers and coaches, along with tons of other classmates friends, and family. It was totally a once in a lifetime, if ever in a lifetime experience.

Eddie and Mari Jackson, Their Senior pictures and now.

When I got home my brain just kept going with the flow, so I started collecting yearbooks from my friends and family. I looked at the pictures and that was fun, but then I started to read what was written inside the covers and on different pages. In many cases it was just the usual, but others carefully wrote their thoughts about their classmates; possibly knowing that someday, their friend would read what they had written and think about them once more. Once again, they would remember the experiences they had shared.

This cutie graduated in 1962. He went to a fairly large high school

Here’s what his classmates wrote:

1. Good luck in the future to a guy who really deserves it. (6 times)
2. Best of luck and remember all of the good times we had. (5 times)
3. Best of luck to a swell guy. (4 times)
4. Remember all the swell times we had.(4 times) they liked the word “swell” in 62.

After I waded through all of the above, I started getting somewhere.

1. Best of luck to a neat guy. I love your shirts.
2. Well, now you’re leaving and I’ll probably never see you again. I’m sorry I was always going steady, but you know how it is.
3. Rotza ruck to a fellow who is going places and will know where he is when he gets there.
4. I hope I didn’t take up too much room if you didn’t want me to.

I pressed further

1. You were the first friend I had in this school. Well, except for Ray, Tom, and I guess Rats (That was a guy’s nickname.)

I also saw a photo of a girl named Nancy Twitchell. Nancy was the Homecoming Queen in 62. She was in a lot of things and her picture was everywhere. I had heard her name somewhere before.

I know this guy who was voted Mr. Personality. He still wears nice shirts. I was interested to know how well thought of he was by his peers and High School teachers. He was described as being responsible, capable, and smart, and maybe just a little stubborn. (This is an accurate description even 54 years later.)

I guess you could say nobody is going to write something unflattering in someone’s annual. While that’s true, if the only thing you can think of that’s nice to say is “I like your shirts.” You are struggling to think of something nice.

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This yearbook belongs to a former Majorette. Many of her classmates signed their name to the pictures of themselves throughout the annual. I thought that was a good idea.

The descriptions of this high school Senior’s personality apply today, which tells me, she has remained true to herself. She is sweet, smart, self-assured, talented in many ways, and she has a beautiful smile. Throughout the pages of her annual, classmates described her as someone who is giving and cares about others, as well as being a quiet and efficient leader.

The words on this page echo my sentiments. The High School Yearbook, depicts a time in our lives like none other. It shows how we lived it, and how we will remember it many years later.

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I looked at several annuals when I was in Murdo. The comments were so much fun to read.

In one very popular Senior girl’s annual, this comment caught my eye. “I hope I can go to school as long as you have.” (The funny one.) In the same girl’s annual, “You are the best. Take everything you are with you. You are unforgettable.” (The very meaningful one.)

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Remember the fun? Remember the friendships? Remember transitioning from a child to a young adult?

We take what we’ve learned and what we’ve experienced and head out into the world. In many ways, we go from being a big fish in a small pond to becoming a small fish in big pond.

The unknowing accomplice

Billy Francis

Mary Francis McNinch

I got a little carried away with the pictures and just randomly chose these. I had to stop somewhere. I didn’t have time to go through and identify everyone, but if you’re curious about who someone is, drop me an email or make a comment and I will get back to you.

I dated a basketball player in High School was that you?  The Queen dated me in High School, I’m called Rats

It’s morning again, (yes I know… again), in Murdo, South Dakota. Barney is at the jailhouse pacing back and forth in front of the cell that Otis is occupying. (Yes I know.. again.) Tonight is the opening night of the Lone Wolf Convention, and Barney is nervous. He can’t think straight and he can’t sit still. A nervous Deputy Barney Fife is not a good thing.

Barney: (Talking to himself)..What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

Otis: Barney! Please stop going back and forth in front of my cell. This jail used to be such a peaceful place. It was starting to feel like home. I didn’t even miss Mayberry that much anymore, but ever since you started running for President, you’ve gone crazy and you’re taking me with you. I can’t be crazy and snockered Barney, that’s just too much!

Barney: I’m worried Otis. People around Murdo just don’t act like they’re feeling the Baaaaarn anymore. The Lone Wolf Convention Party is tonight and it just doesn’t seem like things are going right.

Otis: Don’t you mean The Lone Wolf County Convention Barney?  It’s not a party at first is it Barney? Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for Thelma Lou and Louise to be the Chair and the Co-Chair. That’s the C of the LWCC and the CC of..

Barney: Oh for crying out loud Otis I know all that, I know every bit of it. It’s too much, it’s just too much Otis that’s all.

Otis: That’s what I said Barney. I already said that. Didn’t ya hear me Barney? I said it’s too much.

Just then the door swings open and guess who comes in? Is it Sheriff Duke? No..It’s Thelma Lou and Louise. 

Barney: Thelma Lou and Louise, for cryin out loud where have you been?

Thelma Lou: Oh, Barney, do you always have to talk in that whiny voice? I get tired of hearing you whine. Louise and I have been in town for a while and we’ve got everything handled. You can stop whining Barney. We even got your campaign slogan plastered on all the Wall Drug signs from here to Timbuktu. It’s kind of like the words Louise and I live by. It says: “Mess with Barney and I’ll wait for Karma to do its job, Mess with Murdo and Whateverland, and I become Karma.. Barney Fife for President.”

Barney: Karma is like a girl’s name. I want people to feel the Baaaaaarn! I’m Deputy Barney Fife, and I gotta have a manly type slogan.

Louise: You can forget that idea right now. Do ya hear me Barney? Thelma Lou and I aren’t going back and change all those signs. You can get that out of your head right now!

Later that night at the opening of the Lone Wolf County Convention at the Harold Thune Auditorium, someone is singing Barney’s campaign song. Let’s take a look. Poor Barney must be feeling like a little needle man in a haystack world… I had no idea Barney’s dog could sing.

“Oh, My Darin’ Barney Fife”

(Sung to the melody of “Oh, My Darlin’ Clementine”)
In a jailhouse, down in Murdo, fightin’ crime and risking life,
Dwelled a sheriff and his buddy, pistol-packing Barney Fife.

Oh, my darin’ oh, my darin’ oh, my darin’ Barney Fife,
He’s a deadly crime-stopper, what a copper, Barney Fife.

One day there came a-ridin’ two bad men to rob a bank.
But Fife was tricky, a dead-eye dickey. Now they’re locked up in the tank.

(Sheriff Duke added the following couplet.)

Oh, my Barney, oh, my Barney, had a jail and couldn’t lock it.
Had one bullet for his pistol, had to keep it in his pocket.

Next up was Otis campbell who gave quite a lucid endorsement of Barney.

Otis Campbell : Most of you don’t know me. I’ve been here in Murdo a few weeks now, but I’ve mostly been in jail. The jail here is really quiet, so I like it here and if Deputy Fife wins the election…I will follow him wherever he may go. There isn’t an ocean too deep, a mountain so high it can keep, keep me away, away from my destiny…oh, sorry folks, I didn’t know I could sing. Anyway you delegates, the best thing I like about Barney is he doesn’t make me take a sobriety test until I’m sober. He will make a great President. Mark my words.Oh, and I never have to share my cell. I have the cell with a view of the Murdo Zoo.

I think Otis did a pretty good job. After all, he didn’t have some cute little kid like Tammy Lindquist getting up there. She tried, unsuccessfully, to paint Murdo girl as a lousy person just because she was a lousy babysitter. 

Meanwhile, back at the Coyote Campground Compound

There are no happy campers at the Murdo Girl Campground Compound

Especially Murdo Girl and A I

Tomorrow: No news is good news. The campaign is taking a brief hiatus for the first of a two day series called “What Takes You Back?”

It’s early Monday morning at the Murdo Girl Campground Compound. The only sound is Lav’s Corgi named Coyote barking…and a few crickets.

Murdo Girl is sitting in an outside lounge chair reading the Murdo Coyote Newspaper.

The Murdo Coyote

The Murdo Coyote Newspaper would like to say that we strive to fairly and accurately report information pertaining to the Donkeys, the Elephants, the Coyotes, and the Lone Wolf Parties. Murdo has never seen the likes of parties such as the ones following the Coyote Convention where confusion reigned.

Although Murdo Girl seems to be a local favorite, the convention was like none have ever seen. In all fairness, the Donkey’s and the Elephant’s televised blow-outs were pretty lame. The Coyote slogan “Don’t write Murdo Girl off, Write her in”, was the theme of the convention. Tammy Lindquist took the stage first where she blasted Murdo Girl for being a lousy babysitter. Later, her two older sisters countered her accusations and the whole thing ended up to be one big love fest.

The C and the CC of the CCC (Coyote County Convention chair and co-chair), dropped all the balloons early. I’m talking two days early, which kind of messed up the flow of things. I guess that’s why they decided to skip Friday night and go straight to the Grand Finale. Lav made a so so speech. She was followed by Murdo Girl who announced Lav was her VP pick. No one could really tell us why they burned the M and had a snake dance, but the Queen did serve up some tasty burgers.

Well all’s well that ends well. They left the plastic on the Jerald Applebee floor, so there was no damage visible to the naked eye. The Coach hasn’t inspected it yet, and it ain’t over till the Coach stands up.

The Crowd, the Coach..This may not end well.  “A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.” Right Coach?

The before article was given the stamp of approval by Treason, from the Coyote Camp. The after article consists of an interview by Yram Sicnarf. (It was falsely reported that Yram was the interviewee. The Aggressive Informant was misinformed)

       Treason, Yram, and the Man on the Street

Yram: Hey there man on the street. I understand you were one of the delegates at the Coyote County Convention. Do you mind answering a few questions?

Man on the street: Well Howdy there Pilgram lady. Everyone in Murdo was a delegate. In fact, everyone in Murdo is a DD.

Yram: What exactly is a DD?

Man on the street: I reckon that would be a Double Delegate.

Yram: Well, Man on the Street, you have uncovered an interesting fact. Just who came up with an idea like that?

Man on the Street: Well, my gut tells me it was the law around here.

Yram: You mean Deputy Barney Fife?

Man on the Street: No mam, as you so rightly figured out, Barney is the Deputy. I’m Duke and I’m the Sheriff of these parts. I’m surprised that a bright yellow-haired young lady like you didn’t see the star on my hat. Ya see Pilgram Lady, there are 300 delegates in Murdo, if you don’t count the youngins. Each delegate gets 2 votes. Murdo Girl is sittin pretty with 300. Barney has to get the other 300 to stay in the race.

Yram: Wait a minute Duke…Do you mean if something happens, say a delegate gets sick or is gone on vacation, Barney could be out of the race?

Duke: Not exactly cause they can vote absenteeism. If they decide they don’t have the true grit and sit this one out, Barney could lose. You see Pilgrim Lady… There will be three parties in the November election..the Donkeys, the Elephants and either the Coyotes or the Lone Wolves.

Yram: I gotta run Sheriff Duke, but first, I’m curious about one thing. How come I’ve never seen you Sheriffing around Murdo?

Duke: I was making a cowboy movie in Arizona. I’ll be riding off into the sunset again right after The Lone Wolfe Convention. I’m a little scared to go off and leave this little town, but like I always say, Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. 

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Back at the Coyote Campground Compound, The Queen just pulled up in her recreational coach, and Jerry showed up after selling used pencils. Lav had the idea to write the campaign slogan on some used pencils she helped herself to when school let out. They’re supposed to say “Don’t write Murdo Girl Off, Write her in, but some of them are too short so they just say Don’t write her in, which is unfortunate.

The Queen: I wonder if they have 50 amp electrical hook-ups here……Jerry: I’m selling those pencils 1 for a dime and two for a quarter.

I’m A I and that’s Otis..We’re playing around with the idea of auditioning for the new John Wayne movie. It’s called West of the Divide. I think it has something to do with where the time changes just West of here. We already have good hats.

“Fear is just one of the many words I don’t know the meaning of.”
― John Wayne

Have you read the book? I bought it for Billy and he read it on the airplane. He laughed so much the other travelers kept asking him what he was reading. It appeals to those who grew up in the Elvis era.

How did you feel about being any particular age? 16 and 21 don’t count, and if you’re younger than 40 and reading this, it will apply to you someday. My Mother told me something I hadn’t remembered. She and I were driving somewhere, and when we came to the stop sign, she noticed a man in the car next to us was staring in our direction. She said at first she assumed he was admiring her, but then she realized he was looking at a beautiful young thing crossing the street. She wondered out loud how old she was when men stopped looking. She said I looked at her and said, “47.” I don’t remember the conversation, but I know Mom had a memory for things like that. I also know my Mom had “smarts.” She could outsmart almost anyone.

When I was 16, Dad kept saying, “Mary, you look like you’re 12.” After he made that observation several times I said, “Dad, tell me that when I’m 30. I don’t want to look like I’m 12 now.” When I was 30, a 20 something girl I worked with said I had beautiful skin for someone my age. She wanted to know what kind of “age correcting” creams I used. I had just graduated from Noxzema to Ponds.

My biggest wish now is to keep life in perspective every day. I loved my 40’s, although working and raising kids, made those years fly by. My 50’s were pretty good, and being almost retired has a lot of appeal. I’ve lived with this face and body for 64 years, so I’m used to it now, and I can’t wait until I qualify for Medicare. I’m also grateful for every day I enjoy good health.

I’ve never really been jealous of other people’s material things. I do wish I would have discovered my identity earlier in life. It would have been so much cheaper and easier. I wouldn’t have had to buy different clothing styles all the time, or in most cases unsuccessfully, tried to duplicate someone else’s hairstyle. Wait..that sounds like I was jealous doesn’t it? I admired what other people had. That sounds better. If I had found Mary’s style and stuck with it, my bookcase wouldn’t be lined with self-help books, and my closets wouldn’t have to house three or four different “looks.” It’s already full with a wardrobe of three or four different sizes.

I’ve gained and lost the same 10 or 15 pounds at least 100 times. I’ve been on Weight Watchers, Atkins, Slim Fat (as Mom called Slim Fast), the soup diet, low fat, and low sugar programs. It’s hard work, but just think… 15 times 100 totals 1500 pounds.

By the way, Have you noticed there are no hairstyle books with pictures of women over 25? That could be why the styles never look quite the same on me these days. My granddaughter once said to me, “I want to be the athletic type, but I like girly things.” I can relate.

As for you men, I see you guys admiring yourselves in mirrors without even trying to hide it. You don’t wear make-up or have to decide whether to use a curling iron or a flat iron. (I saw an older lady who had tried to make her lips look bigger with lip liner. She had about 1/8th of an inch between her lips and her outline. I came home and threw my lip liner away.)

Speaking of men not wearing make-up, I realize that sometimes this is a disadvantage. When my brother Billy was a teenager he went through a battle with acne. Mom got him some of that supposedly flesh colored Clearasil. The directions said to dot a little on each pimple. Instead, he plastered it all over his face. That stuff hardens and when you smile your face cracks.  Anyway, he did this for a few days until one day he realized his face was orange and the pimples were still there. They were just orange pimples now.

I traveled to a family reunion followed by a class reunion with Billy a few years back. He wore the same white T shirt and khaki shorts every day. We were into the 2nd week and I finally said, “Bill, you have worn those clothes for 7 days in a row. It’s getting a little embarrassing.” He showed me his suitecase. It was full of white T shirts and khaki shorts. If you don’t care what others think, it makes sense to do that. Think of the time you would save if you didn’t have to decide what to wear every day.

I have never tried to influence my husband Kip’s clothing choices, except for one time on behalf of my kids. He would come home from work and change from his suit to shorts and a T shirt. That was fine, but he didn’t change his brown or black over the calf socks. They were mortified if any of their friends saw him, or heaven forbid we went out to eat.

We’re Mason and Heidi, two of the kids. We hated the dress socks and shorts look.

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A I: Murdo girl! Has everyone lost their minds?? Lav is running around town yelling,

“Hey look at me! I’ve got my gown and my crown, and I’ll soon be VP!”

She even sleeps in her crown and she’s got a Corgi named Coyote. The Town Crier is with her. Sherri has been drawing photographs of people with pimples, and Carol is singing, “Hit the road Barney, and don’t ya come back no more, no more, no more, no more.

Treason said the Murdo Coyote has a big write up about the convention. They interviewed Yram Sicnarf. Jerry is running around with the empty bank bag again. And guess what? My right eye started twitching. Am I related to you?

Murdo Girl: Okay A I, I just needed a little break.

Hey MG readers! I’m almost finished with my project and I will most likely post it this evening. In the meantime, here is another rerun. I hope I’m not the only one who gets a chuckle out of the Brick House campaign for Next Pres, stories.

I’ve been all over the place haven’t I? I’ve written a couple of Murdo/History/camera stories, Beastertown, Pearl, and of course tiny home updates. We’re only a few weeks away from occupying our new tiny mansion, so updates will be forthcoming. You will love it! Maybe I will be able to stay more focused once we are all settled in. Thank you for your enduring patience!

The following has been edited. Who says you can’t rewrite the past?

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It’s Saturday night at the Coyote County Convention. The keynote speaker is Lav Yekcel. Head for the platform Lav and make your anytime minutes count.

The Dems have their Donkeys, the Repubs have their Elephants, Barney Fife has the Lone Wolves. Murdo Girl is running for President on the Coyote Ticket. That’s right. We’re not Dems and were not Repubs, we are just one thing, The Coyotes.

Crowd: GET HER OFF THE STAGE!

Who are the Murdo Coyotes? By Lav

The Coyote party is much like the animal. We protect our own, and howl at anyone who threatens our town, especially if there’s a full moon. Coyotes  can go anywhere and not be bothered. On the other hand, the opposition party, Barney’s Lone Wolves, mainly live in the lowlands. I mean they not only live in low places, they’ve got friends in low places, where the whiskey flows and the beer chases their blues away.

Crowd: PLAGIARISM!

Back to the Coyotes. Blah, blah, blah…

Crowd: crickets…where did the crowd go? Oh, I see a few gathered in the lobby. They’re enjoying coffee and homeade cookies. I see MG’s mother brought her famous homeade Oreos.

Lav smiles, bows, and blows kisses as she is run off the stage.

Murdo Girl will now give her acceptance speech and tell us all who the Coyote VP candidate will be. (There is a smattering of applause. It appears most of the crowd is clapping with just one hand.)

Murdo Girl

Thank you for your support Murdo. A special thanks to Carol for her beautiful rendition of Oh, here’s for Murdo Girl.

I accept the nomination for President of The United States of America, with an emphasis on Murdo.

I can’t go past a water tower anymore without feeling a deep sense of pride. Every time I see a Wall Drug sign pointing towards Murdo, I get all choked up. The Coyote team has worked miracles, with a lot of brawn and very little brains. You all know who I’m talking about. Bless your hearts.

I would like to make sure everyone knows about the hamburger and hot dog cookout to be held on the lot across the street. It will be starting immediately after the conclusion of tonight’s festivities.  All we ask is that you cross Jerry’s palms with a few bucks. It costs more money than we anticipated to keep the 97 Wall Drug signs pointing to Murdo.

Do we really want Murdo to be our Nation’s Capital? I think not. Let the D.C. Dolts stay where they are. The best S and R’s are from SD anyway. Let them do their thing. We will live by our Mission statement. Someone in Mission, SD wrote, ” If you want to be Rome, do as the Roman’s do.” I believe that simple statement will go down in history. We will, of course, substitute Murdo for Rome, and add anonymous, who we all know writes good stuff.

I have been asked to stay out of the low cost healthcare stuff. Murdo will do it’s part to keep everyone healthy by outlawing Bing Candy bars. You will no longer be able to get a Bing and a Coke at Mack’s Cafe. (At this news the convention delegates Boo.)

Hold on now people, you can still go to Draper or Vivian and buy Bings. You just can’t get them in Murdo anymore. We’re trying to set a good example, that’s why the Methodist Church basement Cooks are starting a Supersize class on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

The men are going to try to stay fit by walking the square on Mondays and Wednesdays. You must arrive at the Frosty Freeze by 9:00 a.m. if you want to participate. The Frosty is offering 2 for one milkshakes at 10:00 which should hurry everything along.

Unlike my opponent Barney Fife, I won’t be distracted by throwing people like poor Otis Campbell in jail. I won’t be carrying a gun with one bullet. I’ll have at least two, and I’m thinking about three. I have already passed the gun safety course.

Our Senator has also asked me to stay out of trying to pass bills that would beef up our military, which I’m reluctant to do. Our military needs some beefing up. They’re pretty little.

I really appreciate how the Senator is trying to lighten my load. I still have to deal with the town infrastructure. As soon as somebody tells me how to infrastructure, I’ll get right on it.

At this time, I would like to announce my running mate on the Coyote ticket. My VP nominee is Lav. I picked her mainly because I already have a lot of pictures of us together. We are also planning a girl’s vaca in October, and she has a $62.00 crown. She has to figure out a way to get her money’s worth out of it.

Lav also knows how to drive the Jeep. We’ll have to get Sherri to paint her name on it. I will soon be announcing a new Publicity Stunt Manager to take the place of the vacant Lav.

This was the conclusion of the Coyote County Convention. Go Coyote Team. We’re all behind you. Hey, Where is everybody? Anybody still in the Harold Thune Auditorium?? Who turned the lights out? The Party’s over??

Crickets, Crickets, Crickets

They must have all gone to the cookout.

(Murdo girl got tied up today and wrote this very quickly. Now I’m going to Draper to get a coke and a Bing.)

Today is Friday, but we’ll have to pretend it’s Thursday for a couple of days so we can get everything in. We only campaign on the week-ends.

Tonight is the kickoff of the Convention, which is being held at the Harold Thune Auditorium. It has become necessary for team Coyote to name a chairperson for the CCC  (Coyote County Convention). We need someone with a certain skill set. They have to be smarter than Bart, more organized than Smart, and braver than Braveheart.

Murdo Girl: I would like to introduce everyone to Mari Jackson the chairwoman of the Coyote County Convention. Mari’s husband Eddie has volunteered, with the emphasis on volunteer, to  be sort of a Jackson of all trades. He’s also going to be the convention co-chair. 

Remember, we didn’t get our papers filed in time to run in all the states, so we’re only running in Jones County. That’s why we can’t have a Coyote National Convention. We are however appealing to the masses with a new campaign slogan. “Don’t write Murdo Girl off, Write Murdo Girl in.”

My bodyguards, Bart, Smart and Braveheart are taking the message to the whole United States.They are riding with Thelma Lou and Louise. The ladies will be campaigning for Barney of course, but we’re willing to compromise ourselves, because Thelma Lou and Louise are providing the car…and the gas…hopefully they’re insured.

Now, how are we coming on the preparation for the opening of the convention tonight? Chairman of the CCC, do you have an update for me?

C of CCC: What? You just yanked me off the street Murdo Girl. Ever since you made me carry your sign all over Murdo, I have been crossing the street to avoid you. I didn’t see you coming today…don’t know how I missed the glare off the tinfoil.

CC of CCC: Well, C of CCC, the way I look at it the next Pres has to be “Anybody but Barney.” So let’s bite Barney’s bullet and take this seemingly hopeless task on.

A I: This whole thing is making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. You should have had me do a background check. It’s not too late Murdo Girl. Can I at least check their emails and Facebook account?

Lav:  Why do I have to give the speech tomorrow night? I’m just the person in charge of Publicity stunts. I’m pretty tired too. Otis and I had to pick up all those rocks that the Photographic Drawer painted Murdo Girl on. She didn’t even help with one Radio Flyer wagon full.

Lav, Wagon, and Sherri, Photographic Drawer

Carol: Who knows the words to “Oh Who’s for Murdo Girl?”

Yram Sicnarf: A speech IS a publicity stunt Lav. Murdo Girl do you have any kids you can haul up on the platform to cry and emote over you?

Murdo girl senses that she has lost control of the meeting and the convention will be underway in less than 2 hours. Her right eye starts to twitch. All of a sudden the door at the top of the basement steps swings open. There is a small figure emerging from the bright light. Murdo Girl has a sharp intake of breath. Her crown is starting to feel too tight on her head. The photographic Drawer has some bad smelling paint. The fumes are permeating the room. Who is the child that just walked in and what does she want?

Lav: Sounds great Tammy. I’ll give you some of my anytime minutes.

Murdo Girl feels there is something in her past that she should remember about Tammy, but she doesn’t have time to get hypnotized or anything so she decides not to worry about it.

Oh Here’s for Murdo Girl

Oh here’s for Murdo Girl, she’s bound to win.

On the ballot for next Pres, her name you must write in.

She will move us forward, like no one else before

Yes Murdo’s our new capital, from now til evermore.

Murdo Girl will keep her promises, starting now until forever.

There’s Murdo South Dakota, and then there is.. Whatever

Go Coyotes!!

Tomorrow…The speeches to make the whole room cry, by Tammy and Lav

Murdo Girl’s choice for VP will be announced, but there might not be enough time for that person to speak. It’s hard to get it all in you know.

Thank you for your support. (Any monetary donations will be appreciated, but please no potato chips or Little Debbie Snacks.)

Murdo Girl: No more fun and games team Coyote! It’s time to prepare for the convention. It’s time to pick a running mate. It’s time to torpedo Barney Fife once and for all. It’s time to..What? Teresa the Newspaper Liaison to beat all liaisons what’s wrong with you?

Teresa: I was just getting a little twitterpated Murdo Girl with all the” it’s time” stuff. We need a campaign slogan. I think we had one once, but I haven’t read the paper in awhile and I forgot it.

Murdo Girl: You mean to tell me that my Newspaper Liaison doesn’t read the paper? Oh, never mind. I was having so much fun at the All School Reunion last week that I totally forgot I was running for President.

Murdo Girl looks around the room obviously surprised at the attendance of her mandatory meeting being held in the Jones County State Bank basement Coyote headquarters.

Murdo Girl: Listen up everyone. All two people give her their undivided attention. Who is that you’ve got with you Teresa? I need to come up with what to call you. Teresa the Liaison to the Murdo Coyote is too long and hard to spell…how about… Treason?

Treason: I don’t know who she is Murdo Girl…I thought you knew her. Murdo girl and Treason stare at the woman sitting in on the campaign strategy meeting.

The Stranger: Good gosh you two…I’m A I! I just have a new hat that’s all. Let me get back out there Murdo Girl. I know there just has got to be some Barney Baloney out there somewhere. You know, something we can use to wipe his pinched, thin face off the face of the ballot.

Murdo girl: Okay, it’s all about faces.

A I: Okay

About that time here comes everybody else:

Top from left: Jerry the Bean Counter, Yram Sicnarf the crack up reporter, Laura the Town Crier, Sherri the Photographic Drawer, Bart the body-guard

Bottom from left: Smart the body-guard, Braveheart the bodyguard, Carol the campaign song singer, Lav the publicity stunt coordinator, and The Queen.. turn around Queenie. It’s not like we don’t know who you are.

Murdo Girl: Bean Counter…Do I have to pay all of these highly paid staffers?

Jerry: Yes

Murdo Girl: In that case, I hope I pay you by the word.

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After almost no discussion, here are the minutes to the meeting. Just the convention agenda part. It has to be into Tammy Van Dam by tomorrow. Nothing happens at the Harold Thune Auditorium with the Jerald Applebee floor, without Tammy knowing about it.

Thursday: Speech “Who are the Coyotes?” by Lav, (Publicity stunt coordinator). Following Lav’s speech, there will be a  commentary by Treason, who will later advise the Murdo Coyote.

she’s jealous of my teeth

Friday: That’s when we bring out the big guns. A I will report on Barney Fife’s bullet. Lav took a picture of it at the reunion. She must have had an unusual BOB (burst of brain) during a lull in the activities.

Saturday: The speaker will be the one all the before who want a good after, have been waiting for… Murdo Girl, who will  be super inspiring while she outlines her platform and names her running mate.

Sherri, the Photographic Drawer will be giving us drawings of it all.

At the culmination of each evening of hardcore politics, Carol will sing the new Coyote campaign song…”Oh Here’s for Murdo Girl!” It will be sung to the tune of, “I did it my way.”

Following the aforementioned activities, there will be the same thing for Barney Fife. Because of logistics, it’s necessary  to have a joint convention

.