Those 70ish Girls

When we were getting ready to leave on our last long RV trip, my cousin Valerie’s husband, Ken thought we should keep track of the top ten things people talked to us about while we were out walking the dogs. He said it didn’t necessarily have to be questions they asked about the dogs, or even walking. I guess he was just curious about what we motor home wanderers do while we’re all wandering around the campgrounds.

I told Valerie that Kip and I would keep track and I would let Ken know the top ten after we got back, and then they left on a long trip overseas so I waited. I know he thought we forgot, but we remembered.

Ken and Val in Europe. We have just as much fun, but they might have better food.

1. Do your dogs like to travel?

These people are the kind who feel they have to say something; especially if they’ve already made eye contact. We always say, “They love it!” Another possible answer might be: “We took them to the dealership and let them sleep on the RV couches for a couple of days before we decided what to buy.” Then I could tell them Kip tricked us all and replaced the couches with electric, remote control recliners. Have you ever seen a dog try to work a remote? It’s kind of sad.

2. Is the big dog the mother to the two little dogs?

Remarkably, this questions is often asked by adults. We have a golden retriever and two little cocker spaniels. Cyndie is about five years younger than the cockers.

3. An office manager asked us this as we were checking in: So you have three dogs? Kip: Yes, but how did you know? Office manager: The big one is in the driver’s seat and the other two are in the passenger’s seat. We better hurry. It looks like they might take off.

4. This should have been number one: Ooooh, we have a retriever that looks just like yours. Can I pet her? I had to leave mine at home and I miss her so much! I would go back home right now if I could.

On this last trip we were pulled over on a scenic overlook way up high on the Blue Ridge Parkway when a car came flying in there, pulled up to where we were standing and came to a screeching halt. A lady was driving and her husband was in the passenger seat. The lady jumped out of the car and came running over to us. She knelt down beside Pattie and hugged her and petted her. It was a few minutes before she could talk because she was crying. She told us she had just lost her cocker spaniel, Muffin, and she had looked just like this one, (Patti). She had her for twelve years before she died. She talked a while longer before she told us seeing Pattie had made the whole trip she and her husband were on worth it. (I’m crying as I’m typing this. Dog lovers are a special kind of people.)

Cyndie Loves me….I like to travel can we go now?

You wouldn’t believe how many campers have dogs that look just like Cyndie, or Pattie, or Sammie. I don’t get why they don’t bring them along on the trip.

5. One morning a lady carrying a little bundle of something about as big as her hand, surprised our dogs when she came around the corner. Our dogs started doing their combo crying/barking thing. The lady very seriously said her dog wouldn’t try to hurt our dogs, she just wanted to play. I was embarrassed for our dogs. The woman sounded like she was really trying to convince us that her little teacup wouldn’t hurt our big baby dogs.

6. Can I pet your dog? Can I pet your dog? Mommy, can I pet the dog? What’s it’s name? Please can I stay here and pet this dog? Why can’t I have a dog, Mommy?

I don’t like our dumb old cat, Mommy. (We usually try to escape sometime in the middle of this discussion.)

7. A couple of people have asked, “On average, how many of those doggie poop bags do you go through a day, a week, or a month?”

8. This doesn’t happen while walking of course, but many of the friends and relatives we’re going to visit come close to insisting that we stay with them. I know they are trying to be good hosts and hostesses, but that is the beauty of traveling in a motor home. You get to go to your own home at night and operate the electric recliners for the dogs.

9. We try very hard to obey the rules of the RV Park. We usually try to be parked and set-up early enough to take the dogs for a walk before dark. One night we were late, and it was dark, and we were rushed. One of the dogs did her duty and we were trying to see where it was. A woman yelled out, “How are you going to clean up after your dog without a flashlight? You’re just going to leave that there aren’t you?”

There’s always that one out of a hundred that needs to get a life.

10. Most campers are relaxed and happy. Several have invited us to their picnics, and will let us know if they see something wrong. Kip has helped other campers make minor repairs, too.

I said minor repairs Motel 6

If I had a million dollars, I would still want to camp. I would just have a bigger motor home…one that’s big enough for three dogs, one cat, and two people to sit up off the floor.

 

 

 

 

I’m willing to admit it. All my ideas aren’t great. I have a lot of good, bad ideas. Was it worth exposing myself to sickness to make $382.00? Wait …before Heidi calls me wanting the remainder of her money, the $382.00 includes her $190.00, the $45.00 change we started with and Skyler’s $11.00 lemonade and tip money.

Remember these? I can’t believe Heidi was able to part with them. Pinching fat doesn’t sound like much fun..They didn’t sell. I have them if anyone is interested.

If I hadn’t felt so bad the last couple of days it would have been worth it just to get the junk out of the house to the garage and eventually it was donated or trashed rather than brought back inside. Kip and I have only lived in this house three years, so we didn’t have any big things to sell. I couldn’t believe Kip didn’t say anything when he brought his one pair of old shoes out and sat them next to the eighteen pairs of shoes I had out there to sell. (They don’t fit. They never did.)

Kip and I learned way back that it’s a waste of time to put an ad in the newspaper. If it says 8 -5 and you sell -out or fall -out at 3, you still have to stay until 5 because people will show up. If you don’t put and ad in, you just hide your stuff , take down your sign and quit! We knew we weren’t going to continue on Saturday no matter what, although several told us Saturday is a better day in Mabank.

Anyway, the day of the sale you put your sign out that says 8-5 whenever you’re ready to open up. The last sale we had, I told Kip we needed to go get some change. He said, “Well we better hurry because the sign says it starts at 8!” I told him nobody would know that until he put the sign out…get it?

Enough about my garage sale. Like Mom used to say, “Enough about me, how did you like my last movie?”

Kip is in his recliner watching football. He bought each of us a new recliner a few months ago. Apparently, he had to have the electric ones. You can move your feet up, your back down, support your head, and your lumbar. (I’m really thankful for the lumbar support. I’ve been asking for one.)

So he gets “our ” recliners all set up and realizes they won’t be up against a wall where there is a place to plug them in. He says he will run a cord under the floor…the concrete covered by wood floor, but in the “meantime” he will cover the cords with a rubber strip. Our floor is very dark wood, but he came home with a tan strip. I talked in a louder voice than normal and said, “You mean you couldn’t get a dark brown one for me and everyone else to trip over?!” He left and came back with a better color.

I don’t sit in mine that often because I’m up and down too much and it takes too long for the remote to get me up and down. As it is, one of us has to stay out of the chair anyway because if someone comes to the door, or calls on the phone, the one sitting in the chair with their feet, head, neck and lumbar propped up, can’t get all of that down to a “get-off-the-chair” position fast enough. Do I sound mad? We have the same thing in the motor home. They do, however, have an emergency button in case the electricity goes off and you’re stuck up in the chair. You have to turn the chair upside down to reach it.

I’ve started collecting hats. My friend, Janet, had a really cute idea. You decorate them with bling. Costume jewelry with sparkly stones look really cute pinned on them. You can’t see the choo choo train on my purple hat very well. I know I’m going to have a problem with this collection. I already forgot my rain hat at church this morning.

I’ll still be collecting crowns, too, but I don’t have very many now.

Jeez…do you think she’ll forget all about us? I thought she collected Beasterhops.

Thanks for letting me get a few things off my chest. I feel much better now. My life is pretty perfect… except some of my kids don’t call me enough.

This is about a garage sale Kip and I had in 2017. This is the last day of the FUMC garage sale…

The idea came to me one day that I might really make some hay, if I had a…garage sale.

Determined to rid my house of junk no matter how much money I’d sunk…into all that stuff…I’d have a garage sale.

We hauled things out from every place then staged it… to be in your face…at our garage sale.

Soon the people started to arrive and before you knew it there were four or five…at the amazing garage sale.

A woman with glaring, steely eyes came over to me… and to my surprise…pulled out a baggie with a quarter in it…at my garage sale.

I said, “The sticker says that costs a dollar and what you’ve got there is somewhat smaller.”

She said, “Who do you think you are? Some kinda Garage Sale Czar?”

She was mean…but I was meaner.

Kip took me aside and said, “I’ve had my fill, I’m taking this stuff over to Goodwill.”

I panicked.

I said, “We’re staying right here til this junk’s sold, I have my reputation to uphold…at the Goodwill Store.

After that we settled down some, then more people started to come.

The day got better and the quarters piled up. I thought, “You’re making hay now, buttercup…at this very lucrative garage sale.”

Something I have recently found, is the garage sale business goes up and down..like the stock market.

Well, all of a sudden the garage market fell and I still had lots of stuff to sell.

I no longer cared about making hay, I would have given that junk away to the very next person…if there had been one.

Kip said, “We’d better start cleaning junk off the floor. Do you want it where it was before…The garage sale?

“No!! I yelled, it can’t be over! I was supposed to be in real high clover after my…garage sale.

I never really did like that garage, but I sure didn’t think it would go and sabotage my… getting rid of junk, lucrative, up and down market, quarter fighting over…garage sale!

(But forget Goodwill. You get much better deals at garage sales.)

I think everyone who knows me would agree I have been pretty busy this past year. It seems I have a self-imposed deadline almost every day. Sometimes, I have two or three. For instance…tomorrow, I’m having a garage sale. Everyone said, “You’re crazy! Do you know how much work a garage sale is?”

I think I’ve figured out why people say they get so tired getting ready for their sale. It’s not hauling all the treasures out there that wear you out. It’s getting something all cleaned up and displayed and then saying…I think I want to keep that. I took some things back and forth all day long. I’m sure I’ll wake up in the night and decide I won’t be able to live without something that’s sitting out in the garage waiting to be sold.

Kip’s sister painted this abstract cow at least forty years ago. We have all had it hanging in our houses at least once. I couldn’t believe it when Nikki brought it over today. I thought it was long gone. I’ll make you a good deal!

Bringing things back inside isn’t going to work out well…because I have already spent the proceeds. Now I’m stressing that I was too quick to make that impulsive purchase. I must have sounded a little worried today because Heidi sent Nikki and the girls over to help us get ready. They did too!

Then Kip took us to Cochran’s for chicken tenders and to Dairy Queen for dessert. We had to beg Kip to get himself a hot fudge sundae. Nothing comforts me like chicken fingers and ice cream.

This is what I purchased with my garage sale wannabe proceeds. I was excited to find my Mickey Mouse hat while I was sorting through things. It’s one item I decided to keep.

Well, I have to do a few more things before I call it a night. We’re getting up early to put out the signs and move everything (that’s left) from the garage to the driveway.

If you live around here and come to the sale, be prepared to be pressured into buying something. We take monetary donations too. At least I didn’t have to pay for the permit. You get one free permit before you have to start paying. I got my free one in May, but I told the guy I didn’t have the sale because it was too hot. I told him I knew he knew I could be lying. He said I looked like an honest person. I told him I usually tell the truth. He told the lady if I was going to tell the truth about lying, I was probably telling the truth.

I know…I look really exhausted don’t I?

I saved money on the newspaper ad too. I forgot to put one in. Kip asked me what time the sale was supposed to start. I said eight o’clock. If you see me on the corner behind Brookshire’s waiving a garage sale sign and pointing down the street at my house, you will know why, okay? Tell your mom and them to come. My granddaughter, Skyler, is serving/selling lemonade.

 

I tell you what…the road trip gang made good time traveling from Wall Drug to the Badlands, but it seems they didn’t factor in the additional five miles they had to go down the road until they got to the Real Bad Lands. As it were, it was getting on towards twilight  by the time they got there. Have you ever been in the Real Bad Lands after dark?

“Who is this guy A I? He looks kind of crazy, and he’s riding a horse head.”

“Did someone make eye contact? Remember, you’re not supposed to make eye contact…Do you want to move?”

“I don’t know if I can. I’ve been sitting like this since yesterday.”

“Is that better girls?”

“Do they have food here?

“No, just stalactites and stalagmites.”

“We’re going to dig a cave and hit the snow early. Squeeze wants to go hunting in the morning.”

“I like cherry pie and dogs and signs. I’m wearing camo so you can’t see me. I’m trying to catch a dog.”

“We heard there’s a good Mexican restaurant at the top of these stairs.”

There’s a what doing what?

“Oh Yes!!! This is more like it. Hi Queen E. Remember me Lav? I’ve been in Europe. Where have you been?”

Well…I see Hedda and Hopper beat Eucy and Lethal to the Margaritas.

“You want all three of us to sleep in that tent?  HaHaHa…Yeah right. One T-rex and it would be all over for us.”

Oh yes, I’m quite comfy. See ya in the morning!! No snakes up here.

Hey!! Where’d the Cowboy go? Did he get kidnapped?

“HaHaHa…Let me think a minute…NO!”

“I don’t feel very good. It must have been that green cherry pie I had at the Wall Drug. We need to find a place to bed down for the night, mysterious Wrangler’s horse. Do you have a name?” 

Be careful all those who made fun of my Halloween costume video. I wield a lot of power in the Real Bad Lands…It could be a looong night.

 

 

 

My apologies to those readers who won’t have a clue as to what this means.

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Have you been there? To the Real Bad Lands, I mean.  Just let me say this…There’s nothing else like them. Well except maybe the Grand Canyon…only the Grand Canyon is bigger and deeper, but I’ll tell you one thing…the Grand Canyon is not badder.

Do you remember the Cowboy in the road trip gang?

Yeah…him…Well, he said he wanted the road trip gang to take a trip to the Badlands, so that’s what we’re gonna do. Yup…we’re gonna meet at Wall Drug at high noon and have a hot beef sandwich and some cherry pie while we discuss how this will all play out.

Now who is coming on this trip?

We’re Lethal and Eucy…We’re going to the Real Bad Lands, because we’re real bad!

But we’re not as bad as our evil twins…Hedda and Hopper. All they do is gossip.

(It happens every time they drink green Margaritas.)

I‘m Lav and I’m going even though I just got back from Europe and I think I’m really too good to go to the Real Bad Lands. Who is that person with the leaves growing out of her head? She looks funny.

My name is Pattycake and I used to make cakes, but now I make pies. I only  make cherry pies, but they come in every color. Who is that tall person with two heads?

My name is PG (Presho Girl) and that’s the head girl above my head. Her name is MG (Murdo Girl). Are there dangerous snakes in the Real Bad Lands? The Girls don’t like dangerous snakes.

Did I hear Danger? I live for danger. Danger is my middle name. Yup…Kodak Danger Kadoka…Just call me KK, okay? Hey! look at this house I live in. It’s crooked and a crooked house is full of danger…and snakes!!

I’m TC and this is my main squeeze, Squeeze. Well, actually, he’s my only squeeze. That’s his name…Squeeze. We’re going to the Real Bad Lands with y’all. Aren’t we Squeeze?

We’re just sitting here with these chipmunks minding our own business.

Don’t make eye contact, girls.

What are we doing in this blog? Isn’t she the one who made us take all those pictures of water towers?

Yes! That’s her…

No…No…No……

Queen E.? Affirmative…Fill’er up Dean… and boys…wash the windshield, please.

Will the road trip gang make it to the Real Bad Lands? They should cause it’s only eleven miles from Wall Drug. Will they meet danger? Probably, unless her house falls on her. Will they see the mysterious Lone Wrangler or did he git while the gittin’ was good?

I have a costume idea for you. It’s one of those ideas that is somewhat difficult to explain so I decided to video a demonstration of how you put it all together. I’m waiting for it to upload.

Okay…It uploaded..you can be instructed now.

1. When we were in Murdo a few weeks ago, I got a new sign. Tammy Lindquist Van Dam made it and gave it to me when I visited the elementary school. I was very surprised when Tammy told me they are going to build a new grade school. That school is practically new! I remember my class moving into it after Christmas when I was in the 8th grade. Well…I guess that was about fifty years ago. They don’t build them like they used to.
2. I got a couple of new hats that you will see in the video, but I also got a new crown that you saw in last nights blog.
3. I got some very pretty book markers that Dianna made for me. She even made some for me to give away at book signings or when I give a book to someone. These are mine.
4. There is one thing else you haven’t seen…This pillow I got from Laura and Doyle Avant. Isn’t it cute?

Good luck with your Halloween costume. You might want to see who among your friends are planning to wear the costume in the video. It would be kind of awkward if two or three of you wore the same thing.

If you have any questions, just ask.

 

I have no doubt someday I will be famous, though I might not be rich because my fame might be posthumous. I sometimes imagine how I will be discovered. Will one of my descendants be looking through piles of old treasures in the attic, blow the dust off   “Connie’s Story” and begin to read it? Will she be mesmerized and unable to put it down? A couple of days later people may notice they haven’t seen her around. Her best friend might come to my descendant’s house and yell, “Yoo Hoo!! Are you home?”

My descendant will shake the cobwebs off her head. “Boy those spiders work fast,” she might think. Book in hand, she will stumble to the ladder and make her way down from the attic. She’ll walk into the kitchen and scream because she didn’t hear her friend yell, “Yoo Hoo!” It may take a minute for both to identify the problem and settle down.

My descendant will speak first.

“I was going through some boxes in the attic and I found this book. It was written by one of my ancestors way back in 2017. It’s actually pretty interesting.”

“Let me see it,” says the friend. “I used to be a book agent back in the day. That was before they started putting those little chips in our heads at birth.”

“Amazing isn’t it that our ancestors actually had to know how to read? The only reason I could read this book is because I got one of those chip adapters that allows you to look at a book and the story is automatically transferred to your brain. You have to be careful though. Once in a while it tries to convert several books at a time and it all comes out as one science fiction mess!”

“Well,” says the friend, “I’ve gotta go! When you get a chance, chip-shot this story to me. I’ll see what I can dig up on this ancestor of yours.”

Two days later…

The friend is outside my descendant’s house banging on the door. “Yoo Hoo, ding dong, Yoo hoo!!”

My descendant runs to the door. “This better be important, my friend. I was just about to go to the gym and lose ten pounds.”

“What?” The friend exclaims! “Are they running that ‘take one off lose one free in less than an hour’ special again?”

“Yes…and in my case, they’ll give my tinfoil crown a brilliant sheen and resize it if I lose fat from my head.”

“Your head will forget all about that when I tell you the news! Your ancestor was the original creator of the Beasterhop!”

“Really…my very own ancestor? They have been trying for years to solve that mystery. Everybody has been trying to figure out what brainiac made up that story about a rabbit who rides on a bicycle?

“Where did your ancestor grow up?”

“She was raised in Murdo, South Dakota. Her childhood home is buried beneath a tree at a motel right off old Highway 16.”

To which the friend says, “Is this one of those science fiction messes you were talking about?”

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The poor dear…It’s only a pipe dream, whatever that is. The family promised never to speak of her again. It’s just like I always say, “A rolling book gathers no dust.”

 

Have you ever felt the fright, of something that is black and white?

Do other colors frighten you…like brown or green or navy blue?

A witch in black thinks she’s real scary. If dressed in white she’d be a fairy.

A goblin isn’t even real. And a vampire’s not a real big deal.

What other things are black and white that will or won’t scare you tonight?

A newspaper is black and white, but red all over every night.

Salt and pepper? Don’t make me laugh. That won’t scare a big giraffe.

Okay..guess I’m reaching now. It’s bedtime for me anyhow.

If you want a big surprise. One that’s bigger than your eyes.

Don’t blame me if in the night …you get scared by black and white.

Black and white scares everyone. Look at yourself you might be one.

If you’re black and white and so is he…. it’s all about the size, you’ll see.