Those 70ish Girls

Murdo Matters is a new organization in town. It’s very new so you probably haven’t heard about it yet. In fact, I just thought of it 30 seconds ago. I’m already writing about it and I have absolutely no idea what it is, so I guess we’ll all find out about it together. Whatever it turns out to be, I hope it’s good because I really like the sound of it. Murdo Matters.

MURDO MATTERS

Murdo Girl is in her second week of being Next Pres. Lav is VPNPE. Then there’s the Queen who has been hanging out with us in Murdo. I think she needed a break from her extremely needy family who thinks they should be treated like Royalty. I mean give me a break, $250 for a sweater for George? That could have gone a  long way toward paying the light bill at Kensington Palace. She told us she started out as a mechanic in WWII. She knows the value of an elbe. What? Ib.. Short for pound..got it!

Murdo does things differently than the rest of the world. That’s why Next Pres has decided to drop some of the long titles, unless it’s in your name like Queen Elizabeth. Treason is going to get with The Coyote and they will be publishing a list of the cabinetry . Eliteism will not be tolerated, however, the cabinet will have a “Top Shelf.”

We will show the world that Murdo Matters, and we will live in whatever decade we choose to. We might even mix it up a little. Our story has evolved. We keep the people and things of the past that bring up good nostalgic memories. We also incorporate things and people that are in today’s world. If I’ve confused you, I’m sure you’re not surprised.

Now that Murdo Girl is officially Next Pres, we need to decide where she should live and conduct her stuff. How about the old High School? It’s got everything we need but a kitchen, and a shower. It’s close to the auditorium and even has a gym. Until we get someone to put a shower in, she can  go to the truck stop. They have nice showers there, and you can even call ahead and reserve. It’s also just a short walk from the high school I mean The Brick House. We can put a hot plate in the chemistry room. Hopefully we can get the smell of formaldehyde out of there. I think there’s a little fridge in there too. We’ll just have to make sure all the frogs are out of it and put a box of baking soda inside.

I think it’s time to have our first Murdo Matters Meeting. It will be at The Brick House. (We can’t call it the White House because it’s brownish brick.) The date will be?? What do you think. The sooner the better right? At 9:00 a.m. sharp.

Murdo Girl is already there. She spent the night on a cot in the library. It’s right across the hall from the Chemistry lab, where the coffee pot is. Already back from a brisk shower at the truck stop, she’s ready to hit the ground running.

The meeting is being held in the gym because the Superintendents Office won’t hold all the people.

The transition staff is arriving

Jerry, Treason, Carol, The town Crier, A I, and Yram  are walking up the steps. Bart, Smart, and Braveheart, the bodyguards, are stationed outside. They’re just there in the unlikely event that a crowd gathers. That doesn’t sound like a very good reason, but we’ll figure out another way they can be useful later.

Where are the Queen and Lav? We kind of need the NVP, but we can clue her in later, since we always have to tell her everything twice anyway. The C  and the CC of the CCC aren’t here, but they will be discussed at the meeting. Since we no longer need a Chair and Co-Chair of the Coyote County Convention, they will be considered for other positions.

The assembly is happening in the downstair’s gym.

Murdo Girl: THANK YOU, THank you, Thank you. Woah..This gym has an echo, guess I won’t use the mic. Thank you for coming to The Brick House, the home of the people. Yes, The town of Murdo now has it’s very own Next Pres, and when the rest of the country sees how we run things, I’m sure all the other 49  states will fall into lock step with us.

In the interest of time, I will get right to today’s order of business.

1. We need a good lawyer. We’re going to advertise all the available positions in the Murdo Coyote so the townspeople can give us their input. In the meantime, my cousin Blake Haverberg, who has everyone in the family beat in the way of accomplishments, has agreed to help us out. He lives in Deadwood. I’d really like to have a local attorney.
2. We need a doctor, a PA, or a nurse on our Murdo Matters team.
3. A Press Secretary..I’m thinking Treason can fill that position
4. A spy..A I.. It goes without saying you have the credentials
5. A speech writer..No one comes to mind.
6. A publicist, Yram?
7. A PICOBHF..Person in charge of Brick House functions, like town dinners (C of the CC?)
8. A Queen..Queen E
9. Defense moniter..(The CC of the CCC?)
10. Someone to write up the minutes
11. Someone to sing the Murdo Matters song at the beginning of each meeting..Carol’s got it!
12. Someone to write the song that the whole town will sing..?

Other positions will be announced and discussed at our next State of the Town MM meeting.

Lets not overdo it on our first day. I am on fire Murdo! We’ve got it going on!! Give me an MM!!!

Will the minutes please note that the scribe of this story was having Internet problems and was unable to perform her magic in the way of photos and other things. Sometimes a Murdo Girl’s gotta do what a Murdo Girl’s gotta do.

I don’t remember the first time I realized not everybody loves me. Some might not even like me. It made sense to me that if I liked everyone, then they would have no reason not to like me right? It sounds simple and easy, but of course it isn’t.

Oh, there were the occassional spats all little kids have with their playmates. Those arguments over who gets a certain toy or who gets to go first. Fights with siblings don’t really count. Those power plays are a natural part of living within a family. Everyone has to carve out their own niches and establish their own boundaries.

Some people can’t handle praise. If we get 100 affirmations and one negative opinion, why is it that some of us concentrate on the one negative?

None of this applies to Yram Sicnarf.

When a crack up reporter completes an interview, the next step is to write it up for submission to the media or other powers that be. Yesterday, we witnessed Yram’s interview with Dean Lindquist and friends. This is how our crack up reporter remembers it. Were we all at the same events?

THE PARTY AND OTHER THINGS By YRAM SICNARF

Due to my tenacity and well known journalistic skills, I, Yram Sicnarf was asked to cover the Lindquist Birthday bash and other things. The goal was to interview as many Murdoites as possible.

The event was star studded. The garage was packed full of fans. (They were all on high. It was hot.) The red carpet was a virtual parade of well wishers. Everyone wanted to know who did my hair and make-up. The questions just kept coming and coming.

Anyway, the first person I saw was Mr. Thune. He was accompanied to the party by his two sons Bob and Rich. Apparently they had read my in-depth interview with their Father Harold. I tried to tell them there were so many people I needed to visit with, I really didn’t have a lot of time for an  exclusive with them.

Bob was pretty nice, but Rich started to ask me questions about the Murdo History Quiz. He seemed surprised that I didn’t know the answers to any of it. Murdo Girl’s brother Billy and I gathered all the information and prepared the quiz, but I hadn’t paid that much attention to the answers. I did what I always do when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I referred him to my Aggressive investigator, A I. I mean what’s the use of having an entourage if you’re not going to use them? Technically, they’re Murdo Girl’s people, but she lets me use them whenever I want to.

A I: Well Mr. Thune, what specifically are you questioning about the questions written in the form of a question on the questionnaire quiz thing?

Rich: Who are you?

A I: I’m Murdo Girl’s Aggressive Informant. She has a lot of cronies on her team. I was an aggressive basketball player on a rival team when we were in High School. Even though I knocked her and some of the other Murdo Coyote players on their spanks, she hired me to dig up dirt on people. She must really like my work, because she is trying to find a spot for me in her cabinet. She’s Next Pres you know. You want a picture with me? You probably don’t know too many cronies of successful politicians do you?

Rich: I don’t know any cronies, but I do have a brother who is a United States Senator. I’ll pass on the photo-op.

A I: Well, okay, but if you change your mind, I’ll be hanging around the Photographic Drawer.

This is Yram again. I finally made my way to Mr. Lindquist and I asked him the following pertinent questions:

crickets

I don’t remember much about that, but I’m sure I asked him questions… didn’t I? Oh well, I do remember wondering why Sherri the photographic drawer was over in the corner apparently drawing a photograph of Carol wearing a blonde wig and singing “Happy birthday Mr. Lindquist.” I did love that sequined dress.

when Lav and I came to, I mean woke up the next morning, the car was moving, which was okay, because I realized it’s not good for a crack up reporter to stay in one place too long. You have to circulate. The Town Crier was driving and before we knew it we were back at the Motel. Perfect! We headed right over to the lobby for a delightfully free breakfast.

Later, during the parade, I pursued some “man on the street” interviews. I was on foot, because the red convertible was in the parade. Murdo Girl and Lav got to ride in it. Lav is going to wear that car out!

The first man on the street was a girl who asked me not to use her name. Any good reporter worth their salt will always honor a request like that. I’ll refer to her as Arenkay Idersnay. When we were in High school, her last name was Erdigfay. We just made small talk for a while. When I zeroed in on the burning questions, she told me she was there to watch the parade, so I promised her I’d catch up with her later.

By then, my feet were pounding and my head was starting  to swell. When I was walking back down the courthouse hill, I saw Coach Applebee driving up the hill. I tried to get his attention, but he appeared to be avoiding making eye contact with me. It’s nothing to me, but I was just going to tell him he was about to run right smack into a parade coming his way. Hey! Now that’s a bit of breaking news don’t you think? I decided I would write it up and have Sherri draw the photograph later.

The Murdo Coyote would like to make a correction to the copy concerning the parade accident. It should be crash up, meaning the fender bender, and crack up, referring to the reporter. You know how it is with those interlopers who try to sensationalize everything. There was plenty of room for Dean’s truck to get by the Driver’s Ed car, but Miss Sicnarf yelled “LOOK OUT!!” both drivers were distracted and didn’t know whether to stop or go, and they both gunned it. The only thing injured was the two men’s pride.

 I’m missing Murdo. I’ve been trying to think of someone else Yram could interview there. She’s been complaining because she thinks you all see her in a bad light because she kind of botched the interviews with Mr. Thune, Coach Applebee (twice), Mrs. Peters, and Mr. Palmer. Geez, that’s a lot of interviews to mess up. I think she should have one more chance to redeem herself, but as far as the bad light goes..take your gifts where you can get ’em Yram. Bad lights can be a good thing.

***********************************************************************

None of us knew it at the time, but Yram was actually at the all school reunion. She was in one of her disguises, but we should have known it was her when she talked, because of her nasal voice. Crack up reporters should not have a nasal voice. I’ve got to hand it to her though, she’s got hudspa.

Who will she corner first? Looks like it’s  Dean Lindquist.

Yram: Hi Mr. Lindquist, my name is Yram Sicnarf and I’m a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, Texas. Mind if I ask you a few questions?

Dean: Do you mind? I was just getting ready to blow out the candles on my birthday cake.

Yram: Oh, sorry. Sure go ahead and blow them out. I think I’ll stand back a little. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many burning candles. Do you think I could have a glass of water or maybe some of that punch over there? I’m getting a little warm.

Dean: Were you invited to my party? I don’t remember the name Sicnarf. Who was your Dad? Did you ever work at Dean’s Philip 66 station? ( You would think I was talking to Lynn Brost Miles..If she doesn’t recognize you, she wants to know who your Dad is.)

Yram: Uh, well I  kind of worked there. I mean I hung out there a lot. Does that count? I must have been accidentally overlooked when the invites were mailed out. You sure had some cuties working there. Whooee! Where is that cold punch? It is really warm in here.

Dean ignores Yram while he blows out his candles and everyone sings Happy Birthday. Someone must have given her some punch, because Yram seems happy as a crack up reporter,  from Texas can look.

Yram: Excuse me Mr. Dean, you asked about my Dad. Well, Mom never told him about me. About my being a crack up reporter, I mean. It’s really a sad story if you’d like to hear it. It all happened….

Dean: (Interrupting Yram’s story.) I really hate to be rude, but there are a lot of people here to wish me a happy birthday. A bunch of my guys who worked at the station are here and I’d like to spend some time with them.

Yram: Shuuurre you do. I’ll just come with you. I’ll be reeeaal quiet. You won’t even know I’m there (hicup). Who are those four cute guys over there?

Dean: Their names are Don Edwards and Eddie Jackson. There are only two of them Miss. Now, I’m going to go talk to them. You can come with me if you don’t say a word.

Yram shakes her head indicating she won’t talk.

Dean walks up to the guys and they all shake hands and start reminiscing about working at the station. Don and Eddie are really fond of Dean and are sharing lots of good memories. Well, it’s just so emotional, Yram starts to sniffle…but she doesn’t say a word.

Eddie: Who is that Dean? She looks a little familiar. I remember something about seeing her in a dim light. Or maybe I just remember her dimness.

Don: HaHa…That’s funny Eddie She looks vaguely familiar to me too. Her dimness, kind of like a dim her highness..Hahaha. Where’s your crown Your Dimness?

UhOh, I bet he lives to regret that remark!

Yram doesn’t speak because she’s a rule follower, but what’s this? She’s holding up a sign. It says, “I got gas at the station once. U2 R Cute..

Dean:  Her name is Yram Sicnarf. She says she’s a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, Texas. I told her not to talk. She was really getting on my nerves and her voice is so nasally.  Just don’t ask her about her Dad. It sounds like a long story.

Yram tugs on Dean’s sleeve and whispers something to him. 

Dean: She wants me to ask you boys if you’ll be at the dance later?

Eddie and Don decide to say yes, because they know she’s easy to ditch. They remember her now. She was someone they ditched once.

And it better never happen again..Oh, sorry, I just got caught up in the story

Yram moves on to find another fascinating person to interview. She needs to get away from Dean so she is allowed to talk. Maybe there will be someone seated close to the punch bowl.

Yram: Hi there..Have we met? My name is Yram Sicnarf and I’m a crack up, cracker jack reporter from Rifle Butt, TX..or is it Sling Shot? Let’s just say I live in a dangerous place.

Lady by the punch: I’ve been a risk taker all of my life. I’ve been known to slide down cellar doors. I got 20 slivers once. I put them in my scrap book.  FYI..that punch is packing a punch. Maybe you should have a cold beer instead.

Yram: Oh, no thank you, I don’t drink. Do they have food here? You know what I’m hungry for? Wedding cake… I usually have wedding cake when I have punch. Now why are we here?

Later that evening Dean is talking to his daughters, Karen, Kim and Tammy. After enjoying a wonderful evening of food and friendship, the guests have all departed.

Dean: Did you see that girl who was here earlier. Yram Sicnarf was her name. She was kind of strange. I didn’t see her leave.

Karen: She didn’t leave.

Dean: What?

Kim: She and some girl named Lav are out front. You know that convertible that Dave Geisler let us borrow for Murdo Girl to ride in the parade tomorrow? They are both sitting in it. They won’t leave. They both have crowns on.

Tammy is cleaning up as she listens to Dean and her sisters talking. Wow! That punch sure got drained. I filled it up three times. She sniffs the air…What is burning she wonders.

***************************************************************

Yram: Hey Lav..Don’t ya just love Murdo? Where else can you go and be treated like such royalty? I wish I had another piece of that wedding cake…and a little more punch.

Lav: Can I stay in this car all night Yram? I love this car. I like you to Yram. Even if you live in crack up, Texas.

Both Yram and Lav sit back and enjoy the beautiful night…and watch the M burn.

The Coyote County Convention and The Lone Wolf Convention are at long last behind us. The votes have all been counted and recorded. Yet with all that, the winner and candidate for Next Pres is still unknown. Murdo has 300 eligible delegate/ voters, who each have 2 votes. Murdo Girl has secured 300. If everyone voted instead of “sitting this one out,” and if the absenteeism votes all got to the Registrar’s office in time, the best that Barney can hope for, is a tie. (Barney’s convention got messy which is why his votes got in just under the wire.) No one has thought about what happens in the case of a tie, but it’s been made clear there can be only one candidate to emerge from this perfect storm. Only one will go on the ballot with The Donald and Hillary. So who is it going to be?

The Town Crier cried out an announcement this morning. The cry was to advise the good citizens of Murdo of a press conference to be held on the Courthouse steps at 2:00 p.m. (Give or take a little due to the foreclosure auction which starts at 1:00 o’clock.)

It’s now 2:00 p.m. and all those chomping at the bit to witness this historical event, appear to be here. It looks like quite a crowd.  Murdo Girl and her VP pick, Lav, are seated to the right of the podium. Maybe it’s just me but, should they be wearing their crowns? Barney will be announcing his VP pick, if he needs one; which he won’t if he doesn’t get 300 votes. He is sitting to the left of the podium next to an empty chair.

Here comes Our Miss Brookes, the Registrar, headed to the podium.

Our Miss Brookes: The Office of the Registrar, for the County of Jones, in the town of Murdo is prepared to announce the candidate who has the sufficient number of delegate/ votes to be our nominee for Next Pres. Hhhm (clears throat.) As has been widely reported, Murdo girl has received 300 votes. Now, may I please have the envelope with the results of The Lone Wolf delegate/vote. I said, May I please have the envelope with the results of the Lone Wolf delegate/vote!!!

Barney: jumps up:…Oh for crying out loud! who has the envelope?

At which point the Town Crier starts boohooing. 

Town Crier: Did someone say for crying out loud? Okay, I will…Why am I crying?

Suddenly!! The crowd parts, you can hear murmurs and mumbling among the mass of people in the Courthouse courtyard.

A familiar voice says: I do.

Everyone watches and claps as… who before their wondering eyes should appear?  Sheriff Duke, we think.

Sheriff Duke: Hold your horses Pilgrim lady Brookes. By the way are you related to Our Miss Brookes? I worked with her on a movie once. Never mind, we’ll talk later. The folks are getting mighty restless. He then hands the envelope with the results of the Lone Wolf delegate/voters tally to Registrar Brookes.

Our Miss Brookes: Ahem… Well, Hi Duke. How’s life been treatin ya? Does anyone have a letter opener? (Just kidding.) She Puts on her readers and ever so slowly opens the envelope, in which all of our futures may rest.

The final tally for Deputy Barney Fife, the candidate for the Lone Wolf party is…………….299. Yes Deputy Barney Fife received 299 votes. I hereby declare Murdo Girl with the Coyote party the winner! She will be smashing glass ceilings as the first ever Coyote candidate running for Next Pres. (Plus she’s a girl.)

Sheriff Duke: Wait just a minute little Pilgrim lady…You’re forgetting one thing.

(Just kidding??) We shall see what we shall see.

This is me..don’t even think about hurting me. I have friends in high places.

The year is 1961. Its the summer before the little Murdo Girl starts the fourth grade. Her brother Billy is working in California for the summer, but he will be back in the fall to begin his Senior year of high school.

The little Murdo Girl is straddled on a barrel that hangs between two trees on the lot between her Grandparent’s house and her Aunt and Uncle’s home where her cousin Mark lives. It’s early morning and while she’s waiting for the neighborhood kids to get there, she’s thinking about all the things they will do today. School just got out yesterday and this is the first day of summer vacation. Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a car pulling into her Grandpa’s driveway. The car doesn’t look like any car she’s seen before. It reminds her of her Uncle’s Jeep, but it’s a sparkly gray color and the tires are a lot different.

While she’s watching, a woman and a little girl get out of the Jeep- like car. The woman is walking toward the house. The little girl is walking toward Murdo Girl. It appears that the girls are about the same age.

MG is the first to speak: Hi…Did you and your Mom come to visit Grandpa and Grandma Sanderson?

The other little girl: Yes, my Mom just wanted to drop off a few things, but then we’re going swimming. What’s your name?

MG: My name is Mary, but people call me MG. What’s yours?

Other girl: My name is Yram. I don’t live here. I live in Texas. Mom used to live here and she thought it would be good for me if we came for a visit. Are you all by yourself here?

MG: Yeah, but I’m just waiting for all the kids to get here so we can play. I hope we play tag first.

Yram: Don’t you mean hashtag? You must tweet.

MG looking somewhat bewildered: No..We play tag. You know, one person is it. They hide their eyes and count backwards while everyone else runs and hides. When the time is up, the “it” kid looks for everyone else. When”it” finds another kid, and gets close enough to hit them, that kid is “it” and it starts over. It’s really fun!

I don’t hit I pat

I don’t hit I pat

They Hit

I pat…..I pat…..I sorta pat……She hits

MG: I’m going to walk across the street to Suzanne and Cynthia’s house. They probably slept late or they have to do some chores first.

Mark, Suanne, Stephanie

We hit…We pat the pony…We used to hit, but we don’t anymore

Yram: Why don’t you just text them? I don’t want to stay here alone, and I don’t want to go inside. Mom said they just have a black and white TV and no Internet.

MG: You talk kind of funny. Is that because you live in Texas? Grandpa Sanderson has lots of nets, so I’m sure he has an internet.  I don’t go near a textbook in the summer, and I only read books when it’s raining, or when it’s dark and I have to go inside. Rats, I forgot to bring my dress-up clothes.

Yram: RATS? DID YOU SEE A RAT? Why are you going to dress up?

MG: What? What’s wrong with you? You’re talking like you’re crazy. Are you plumb loco? I’ll see you later. MG starts to walk across the street.

Yram: Wait MG. I don’t want to stay here by myself, but if I’m going to stay outside, I have to put on sunscreen so I don’t get skin cancer. Do you know what time it is? I left my cell in the car and it’s locked. You shouldn’t call people crazy, that could hurt my ego and I’ll have to have therapy when I grow up.

MG: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m trying really hard to understand your Texas language, but you are really a nervous Gertie Yram. If I waited for you to do all that, I would never get to play today. Guess you don’t want to hear about the rubber guns. They only hurt if someone accidentally hits you in the face. Besides that, I thought you said you were going to the swimming dam. We’re all going tomorrow with Pink Sandy. Maybe you can come and bring your internet and catch some minnows. As far as a cell goes, you’d have to do something pretty bad to get thrown in a cell here, and if you did, you wouldn’t have to worry too much about what time it is. And another thing, I think you are trying to bluff me, because there is no such thing as a locked car door, and you can’t catch cancer from the sun so you don’t have to put a screen over yourself.

Yram: I think I will go inside and lay down, because I really hope I’m sleeping. Yes, that’s it! I’m asleep and there is no such place as Murdo, where kids run and hit each other and think it’s fun. They have Rats and stay outside without wearing sunscreen. They sit on a barrel hanging from the trees without any supervision. I was cursed at just because I said I was going to the pool. Yes… I’ll lay down and wait to wake up from this nightmare. Bye MG. If I ever see you again, don’t talk to me.

MG: Frankly Yram. I don’t give a hoot!

You should see the other guy

We don’t give a hoot either! Let’s get back to the possibly rigged election. Jerry has chickens to sell and I have eggs to pluck.