Those 70ish Girls

Murdo Girl is doing everything in her power as Next Pres to find the Queen and TC (Town Crier). Lav got a good look at the person who posted the tinfoil note on The Brick House door, and Sherri has drawn a wanted poster. So far this guy does not resemble anyone known to anyone around Murdo. In fact, we’re not even sure it is a man. It could be a female. We don’t even know for sure that this guy is the actual perp. He might just be a lackey doing the dirty work. The truth is, the Reignistration is under water financially. In fact, Subway has even cut them off. No more free kiddie meals. The tinfoil note said they didn’t want money. Why haven’t they told us what their demands are? Just because the phones are disconnected doesn’t mean we’re out of touch.

Murdo Girl has once again called a cabinet meeting. It will be held in the downstairs gymnasium. Everyone’s just going to have to ignore the echo, because there isn’t room enough to seat everybody anywhere else.

Murdo Girl: Thank you all for being here this morning. I know we all share deep concern over the disappearance of The Queen and TC. Lav, you can put your hand down I know you are also concerned about the red convertible. I would like to ask everyone to please speak only when spoken to. It’s hard enough to hear down here without a bunch of people all talking at the same time. It really gets on my last nerve.

Has anyone seen Yram? Oh…I forgot I just told you not to talk. Raise your hand if you know where Yram is. Last time I saw her, she was headed to the golf course to talk to Coach Applebee. The Pres recognizes Lav.

Lav: I hope you recognize me NPMG..I got new highlights in my hair yesterday, but …

Murdo Girl: Please Lav, tell me what you know about Yram.

Lav: Yram got back to Sanderson’s NVP Castle just as I was leaving. She didn’t look so good. She said she knew it was gonna be bad even before she asked Coach Applebee about his dirty tarp.

Murdo Girl: Now Lav..how would she know that, if she hadn’t even talked to him yet?

Lav: Yram said she could see all of his teeth, and he wasn’t smiling. Kinda like you right now. I can see every one of your teeth, but you’re not smiling are ya MG?

Murdo Girl: No Lav, not even close…DM..How is the neighborhood watch going?

DM: Great MG!! We had a neighborhood crime watch party at the Roadside Park yesterday. We cooked hot dogs and played softball. We’re pretty sure no one left town. Who would want to miss out on all that fun?

A I: has dutifully raised her hand and been called on. MG I went over to the jail like you said. Barnella went with me cause she wanted to talk to Barney anyway. They’ve got birthdays coming up and they’re on the same day cause they’re twins ya know. Barney talked a bunch into my watch. I didn’t really listen to what he said since I was recording it anyway. I figured I could listen to it later.

MG: Well? What did he say?

A I: Sorry MG. I forgot to put my spy watch on. He did a bunch of talking into my Timex.

Murdo Girl: Jerry..Yo Jerry..How could you be talking on the phone? I thought it was still disconnected.

Jerry: I had enough bean money to get it turned back on, but there is a little bit of bad news.

As Jerry is talking, the lights in the gym flicker and go out. Since the gym is in the basement of the Brick House, no one can see a thing.

Murdo Girl: Let me take a wild guess. You couldn’t pay the electric bill. Geez..I can’t even see my hand in front of my face.

Before Murdo Girl has a chance to say another word, she hears a commotion going on. Then she hears a scream. Then she hears someone say  “Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Long live the Queen.” Is that? Could it be? It sure sounds like TC crying

Murdo Girl: TC is that you? Stop crying and talk to me TC. Is the Queen with you?

TC: In a sobbing voice..Murdo Girl, it was just awful. They blindfolded  me. Then they drove to some undisclosed location. We were there forever. They said they tried to call, but the line was busy or something. I think I’m blind Murdo Girl. I can’t see, Oh no, I can’t see anything.

Murdo Girl: You’re not blind TC. The electricity got shut off. None of us can see.

TC: I have a flashlight! I’ll try to turn it on.

Everyone gasps as the flashlight comes on. It’s one of those big guys. It’s as powerful as a spotlight.

TC: I’m still blind!! Oh No!! I still can’t see!

Murdo Girl: It could be because you still have your blindfold on. Take the blindfold off TC. Can you see now TC? It’s obvious that she can see now. Good. Where is the Queen TC? Did they drop her off too?

TC: I don’t know. I couldn’t see anything.

Murdo Girl: Let me think, let me think, let me think…TC..give the flashlight to DM. Everyone line up single file behind DM and we’ll go up the stairs and outside. It will be just like a fire drill. Stand next to each other until I can count to make sure everyone is accounted for. Lav, bring NoNo.

Meanwhile, back at Sanderson’s VP Castle, Yram is lying down with a cold cloth on her head. The crack up interview with the Coach was the worst. Where did she go wrong? Was it that she yelled his name when he was in the middle of his back swing? Or could it have been that she drove around in his golf cart while she waited for him to finish the hole? She had been really quiet. Maybe it was because she ate his sandwich. Whatever he was mad about, he sure can hold a grudge. She even offered to scrub his tarp, but he said she couldn’t because he was getting a restraining order to keep her away from him and his tarp.

As Yram was contemplating all of the above, someone knocked on the door. Yram, not wanting to get up said, “Come on in. The door is open!”

Who is at the VP Castle door? Everyone but Yram and the Queen have been counted at the Brick House. Will TC be able to shine a light on anything? Or will everyone else hog her flashlight? Will Pico, Treason, Sherri, Carol, and Barnella be upset because they didn’t get to talk at the meeting even though they raised their hands?

Where is the Queen and the red convertible?!

 

GOD BLESS AMERICA

It’s Monday morning at The Brick House. A couple of days have passed since the dance, and there’s still no sign of the Queen.  A I and DM have been following up on the few leads that have trickled in, but they’re really no closer to finding her. Murdo Girl has been in the Oblong Office since the wee hours of the morning. She is very distraught over the Queen’s disappearance and has called in A l, the team Spy, Yram, the Crack- up Reporter, and DM, the Defense Manager. MG will be outlining her plan to solve this mystery.

Murdo Girl: We’ve got some serious problems and we need to get on top of the situation. Since Jerry didn’t have the beans to pay the phone bill on time, it’s been disconnected. I’ve been trying to get ahold of the Town Crier to do a “Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Hear Ye,” but I can’t find her either. Maybe I can get Carol to sing real loud.

On top of that, Coach Applebee is mad because we got his floor tarp dirty at the dance. Wasn’t the purpose of the tarp to protect his precious floor?  What were we supposed to do put a tarp on the tarp?

Anyway, here are your assignments.

Yram, I want you to go over to the golf course and find the Coach. I hear he spends most of his time there now. Do one of your little crack-up interviews and find out how mad he is. Try to smooth it over… Now.. What’s that look for Yram?

 

Yram: (In a winey voice.) Geez Murdo Girl, do I have to interview him again? Remember last time when his face accidentally hit my microphone? He was pretty upset, and made it clear that I should go back to Texas where they shoot straight.

Murdo Girl: Are you sure you didn’t misunderstand? What exactly did he say?

Yram: He said, “Let me make this clear. You should go back to Texas where they shoot straight!”

Murdo Girl: Go talk to him anyway. Hopefully he’s hitting his golf balls straight.

Now, A I..Even though you have branched out to include spying, you are also still an Aggressive Informant. In fact, I’ve been giving some thought to promoting you to three initials. How does AIS sound to you? But first, here is what I need you to do. Go over to the jailhouse and do some snooping around. We don’t know what we’re dealing with here. Is it a conspiracy, or just a Lone Wolf? Even though the election is over, the Lone Wolf opposition could still be harboring some resentments.

A I: I’m on it MG. I’ll get Ole Deputy Barney Fife to speak into my watch. If he knows anything about the Queen and TC, I’ll get it out of him. I’ll even use my Dick Tracy decoder ring to get the combination to Otis’s cell and sneak in there and see if he’s heard any scuttlebutt.

Murdo Girl: Do what you can A I, but you won’t need your decoder ring, the key is hanging on a nail right outside the cell remember?

Now, DM…You are the Defense Monitor. You are in charge of our Neighborhood Security. Get Bart, Smart, Braveheart, and  NoNo the dog. Make sure no one leaves this town until the Queen and TC are found. Ask Pico if she can talk Subway into giving you some more kiddie meals for lunch. We’re talking around the clock surveillance here.

 

DM: Consider it done MG..or should we call you Next Pres Murdo Girl, since we had the Inaugracorination and everything?

MG:  That’s Too Much!! It’s Just Too Much!! Unless it’s a formal occasion, continue to address me as Murdo Girl or MG. This is going to be a casual Presidency.

Now Team Coyote…Let’s conclude this meeting with a quick huddle up..All hands in the center of the circle.

Go Team Go!!!

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Just as the team leaves the Oblong Office, in walks NVP Lav, and she has something shiney in her hand.

Lav: Guess what MG! I was over at the RV Park visiting with some of my friends. I’ve been kinda missing the place since I became Next VP and got bumped uptown. I like my VP headquarters above Sanderson’s Store, but I just kinda miss hanging out at the park, and you know, the Pioneer Auto Museum is real close and that’s where the red convertible is..and

MG: Interrupting..Lav..I said Lav! What are you carrying? It looks like a bunch of tinfoil.

Lav: Remember where the Queen had her RV Carriage parked? She had that real neat spot with the 50 amp electrical hook-up…Anyway, her carriage is gone, and I found all this tinfoil lying around. I also found out the red convertible is missing from the museum, but that’s not all….

MG: What’s not all Lav?

Lav: Awhile ago, when I was coming up The Brick House walk, I saw someone tape this piece of tinfoil to the door. When he turned around, I got a real good look at him. He said, ” If you know what’s good for you, you’ll forget you saw me.” Then he took off running.

MG: Taking the tinfoil from Lav..There’s something written on here..It says, “I have the Queen and the red convertible! I know this place ain’t worth beans, I want something else. Wait for my call.”  He had some colorful pens. Lav, you’ve been back for over an hour. Why didn’t you come and show me this right away?

Lav: Well, you know how I try to do what’s good for me like eat oatmeal and do Zumba. I tried to forget I saw him, but I just couldn’t.

MG: QUICK! We have to find Sherri. You can describe this guy and she can do a photographic drawing. I have to find Jerry too and make sure he paid the phone bill in case this guy calls! I’ll get Treason to put the wanted photographic drawing in the Coyote!

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Meanwhile out at the Murdo Golf Course, Yram has tracked down Coach Applebee. Just in time too. It looks like he’s on the 18th hole getting ready to T off…

Yram: Coach Applefloor, I mean Applebee!! WHEOWHIT!!

Good News!! The Inaugracorination dance was by all accounts a huge success. Most of the recycled-able gowns made it til” lights out,” with a few minor glitches.

Sherri, the Photographic Drawer, had the dress made from several sheets of recycled paper. She had drawn photographs on almost every sheet when bad luck reared it’s ugly head. DM carrying a watering can, followed Pico around all night, because her dress was made from leaves, and had to be watered every 20 minutes. Pico didn’t wait for her leaves to stop dripping before dancing. Sherri slipped and fell, and while thankfully she was uninjured, the drawings got wet and ran all over. Those that could be salvaged will be in The Murdo Coyote’s Special Edition tomorrow. Which reminds me, I need to send Jerry over to renew our subscription.

Lav spent most of the night in the lady’s room trying to figure out how to remove the coffee cups and coffee stains without removing her dress. Treason looked all over for her, so she could pick up the used coffee cups, but she ended up using her garbage bag shawl plus one bag from her dress, to pick up all the other trash. If you saw Barnella’s dress, you know it was never meant to be. The rolls of toilet paper all came unrolled, and got drug through the plant dress drippings. It’s a good thing she had the shower curtain to wrap around her.

A I got there late, but her blue cellophane gown held up better than any of the others. She loved it, because if she looked at it through her spy glass, it looked like it was in 3 D. Yram hated her map dress. She actually seemed sort of offended that we thought she would need that many maps to find her way around Murdo. If she would have taken just a minute to look, she would have seen that it provided unending info, like the elevations, average temperatures, Lunar eclipses, closest bathrooms, and average rainfall. You can even find the location of the nearest motel. That’s a whole map right there!

Carol wore the decorated Christmas tree, but we won’t be recycling it in the Brick House this Christmas. She really got into singing, “You ain’t nothin but a hound dog,” on the Karaoke machine and all the balls and a few of the evergreen branches hit the floor. Like Humpty Dumpty, the balls shattered.

As the evening wore on, the tarp covering the Jerald Applebee floor had, water, wet toilet paper, broken Christmas balls, evergreen branches, and ruined photographic drawings strewn from one end to the other. The empty coffee cups and Subway kiddie boxes got cleaned up earlier or you wouldn’t have been able to even walk in there.

About 9:30ish, Murdo girl, who had filled all her red and white shopping bags with Subway leftovers and bottled Murdo Girl Tower water, waddled up to the mic on the karaoke machine and said, “We’re going to shut this thing down before someone gets hurt!” Don’t you just feel immense pride in having that kind of “take charge” girl for our Next Pres? After the shut down announcement she lip synced “Good night Irene.”

 

We did have a few  curious faculty members and other Murdo townspeople peek in the door, but they probably felt like they were under-dressed, because none of them actually came through the door. Besides, Bart, Smart, and Braveheart, got bored and started shooting spit wads at each other with the leftover Subway straws. I think they scared some dancers off.

 

Well, that’s pretty much everything in a nutshell. A real nutty nutshell, if you know what I mean.

Wait! I haven’t seen the Queen! Well so much for getting to bed early. I sure hope she doesn’t ruin the Rose Garden Room drapes, because they can’t be replaced for a while, and they cost a fortune to dry clean.

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Missing: Queen E.

Will anyone knowing the whereabouts of Queen E. please contact the Brick House at 669-Murdo? If no one answers leave a brief message at the tone with your name and number and we’ll get right back at ya. That reminds me, I need to send Jerry over to pay the phone bill. If the phone is disconnected, just tape a note to the door.

We are very concerned about Her Highness. She was last seen at the Inaugracorination Dance wearing the red velvet drapes from the Rose Garden Room. She made an additional fashion statement by hanging the brocade draw ropes down the front. (Like Carol Burnett in Gone with the Wind.) Don’t let the large broach fool you. It’s fashioned out of tinfoil.

If you find the Queen and/or the Drapes, please return them, no questions asked. Don’t even think about a ransom because we have all our beans tied up in insoluble investments, and it would take a month of Sundays to get them out. Maybe even longer.

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And so it begins…The Team Coyote Administration’s Reign.

 

This is a rerun of a Brick House favorite. MG is being crowned Next Pres and Lav is Vice Next Pres. They prefer crowns hence the combination inauguration and coronation. The Brick House is the old high school and Murdo’s answer to the White House. What a bunch of misfits.

 

It’s all hands on deck for team Coyote at the Harold Thune Auditorium. Murdo Girl will be Inaugracorinated as Next Pres tonight. As of yet, it is still unclear as to how much of the good old US of A will be under her rule? Oh well, no use getting bogged down in the details.

As we join our motley team, they are completing the finishing touches to the preparation of the Auditorium. Tonight is the culmination of months and months of hard work towards this remarkably magical moment. Murdo Girl will be under oath when she says, I do from this day forward. She will then be crowned as a symbol of her commitment to decorum. Next, Lav will be crowned as Next VP, which is mind-boggling in and of itself. I still don’t get how that happened..Murdo Girl will give her inaugracorination address. Then finally, we will Dance!!

Murdo Girl’s Address

As I look around at the amazing crepe paper decorations and the festive butcher paper taped to the bleachers, I…well.. there are no words. Sherri..I recognize your handiwork. It must have taken you the better part of an hour to draw all those photographs.

I would also like to give a shout-out to Pico for her commitment to providing safe food for the pre-inaugracorination, dinner. We had a little problem with tainted steaks, so Pico and DM snagged us some free Subway from over at the truck stop. I think those kiddie meals were pretty filling and I’m sure the little box of colors will be put to good use when we make our Christmas Cards.

TC has cried all day, and is an emotional wreck. She is overwhelmed by the response Jerry got for donations to buy her a new cheesehead. Of course it was hard to be within 30 feet of her old one. Jerry also found out Super Value has a bean counter machine. You just throw your beans in and it spits out quarters. Of course it does take a percentage out of the proceeds, but a quarter is a quarter. Even one quarter is a quarter more than we had before.

Jerry and Lav both took one for the team last week by making a contribution of all their hard earned beans. They realized that when you have a lot of beans, relatives start showing up and all of a sudden everyone is your friend. Unfortunately, some of the beans were rotten. That’s what happens when you hoard your beans and they don’t get circulated.

A I is going to be a little late tonight. She got a moonlighting job spying. I have no idea who she’s spying on, but she really needs to get her money’s worth out of all those spy gadgets she bought. I think people are kind of catching on to her methods. I mean, if someone is wearing a Dick Tracy decoder ring, plastic gloves, carries tape that says, “caution, crime scene,” and tells everyone to speak into her watch, it’s kind of a giveaway. I just don’t think most people are going to tell her much… but that’s just me.

Treason is preparing to be the disc jockey for the dance tonight. She loves music. Were you able to borrow a record player Treason? Good deal. We’ll get started here in just a few. I think Carol is going to help you with the karaoke machine.

Yram ran over to pick up Barnella, so they’ll both be here soon. We invited all the faculty, but we forgot to say RSVP so we don’t know how many are coming. We will have free water available from one of the Murdo Girl Towers, and Lav said she would check on the lemons at Sanderson’s Store.

As your new Next Pres, I will fight the good fight and keep my commitments. My promise to you is, “Ask me no questions, and I will tell you no lies.” I’m pretty sure I can keep that one. You can take it to the bank.

Oh, I almost forgot to give you my address. It’s: The Brick House, 555 Coyote Way, Murdo, SD 57559. Please drop us a line. We would love to hear about your Mom and them.

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The Recycled Inaugracorination Gowns everyone has been waiting to see.

 

Next VP will be wearing a beautiful gown made from shopping bags, she went for her favorite red and white. NVP Lav is wearing a designer gown made from recycled paper cups. She will be serving coffee at intermission.

 

Since her name is rather Christmas like, Carol chose a gown that will later be recycled as the Brick House Christmas tree. We tried to find a turkey dress for Thanksgiving, but no luck.Sherri our PD (Photographic Drawer),chose a gown made from recycled paper for obvious reasons. I can’t wait to see her photographic drawings of the dance. Love the shoes Sherri.

 

Blue Cellophane was A I’s choice..I’m sure she will find a good spy use for it later; like to cover a lifeless body. TC (Town Crier chose tinfoil, because if it gets hot at the dance and her cheese gets a little rancid, she can just pull off a piece of foil and wrap it up.

 

Treason liked the idea of a garbage bag dress. You know how she likes to clean up after everybody. This doesn’t show the extra garbage bag worn as a wrap. She will follow Lav around and pick up empty coffee cups without having to trash her dress. Barnella will be dressed in toilet paper. She sniffs all the time, so some 2 ply squares might come in handy. She’ll also have a shower curtain cape. We wanted her to be covered up as much as possible, because there’s really no hope of any kind of beauty to shine through.

 

Yram will be dressed in a road map frock. It will help her find the way to all her crack up reporter interviews. Pico will look lovely in her gown of plant leaves. She even found some tomato earrings. If anyone craves a salad later, I’m sure she’ll oblige. The only downside to the gown is that it has to be watered every 20 minutes. There’s a sign-up sheet in the men’s room.

And of course…The Queen is still wearing the Rose Garden Room drapes.

I just want to remind the ladies it is a BYOC  (Bring Your Own Crown) Event.

 

Bart, Smart, and Braveheart will be bouncing all riff raff out the door

SEE YOU AT THE DANCE

In the last Brick House story, the team had eaten every bit of the food Pico had ordered for the Inaugurcorination. It was discovered that neither Lav nor Jerry had purloined the coffee bean bags from Sanderson’s Store; and Murdo Girl appeared to be almost recovered from the unfortunate injuries she sustained due to a couple of misplaced blows to the head by Lav and the Queen. All that being said, we have at least one unresolved cliffhanger. During the vetting process, AI and DM discovered the true identity of Murdo Girl’s speech therapist. What we don’t know is what her sinister intent was, so Yram is going to do one of her crack up reporter interviews.

Yram: Man oh man, do you ever look rough?  For the record, would you please state your full name, address and telephone number? I will also have to see your Driver’s license or photo drawn ID.

Person: My full name is Barnella Iris Fife. My new address is Murdo, SD. I do not currently have a phone, DL or photo drawn ID.

Yram: Hmm..I see. Wow..you are really hard to look at!! How have you been transported to and from the Brick House? If you have no phone, how have you been calling, texting, and playing games?

Person whom we now know is Barnella: I just live kitty corner from here. It’s where Superintendent Haugland lived. I believe Syd Iwan also lived there at one time. I love the neighborhood, and of course it has the added advantage of being so close to my work. I lost my cell phone, and I can’t live much longer without it. I’m planning to go after work today and get another one. That is, if I can catch a ride.

Yram: Hmm…I see.. If you’re going to try to catch a ride, you better put a scarf over your face… Who is your next of kin, Miss Barnella Iris Fife!?

Barnella starts to squirm in her chair. She is visibly shaken. She pulls a tissue out of her purse and starts to dab her eyes and blow her nose (sniff). Oh geez..another sniffer. I hope she doesn’t tug on her girdle like our current deputy tugs on his pants.

Barnella: I’m sorry.(sniff)..I’m Deputy Barney Fife’s sinister, spinster twin sister, only I’m not sinister anymore (sniff). My doctor told me to stay off caffeine, and it has really helped my sinisterness. It has changed my poor sad life.

YRAM: Okay sinster, I mean.. Okay sister..let’s cut to the chase. Are you a real speech therapist, and how did you happen to get this job at the Brick House? No disrespect, but it wasn’t because of your looks. Yeouzer!!

Barnella: Well, I don’t have any formal training, but I’ve seen My Fair Lady 5 times, and Sybil 4 times. I guess you could say, I have several hours up my sleeve. I applied for the job first and last. I was the only applicant who had any experience with Rhyming Rehab. Have you seen My Fair Lady? Great movie!

Yram: Yes..I’m familiar with , “The rain in Spain.” Well Barnella, Murdo Girl no longer needs a speech therapist. How well can you cook? With that mug, you really need to be behind the scenes and FYI..you might try a little more makeup. Shades of pink might help.

Barnella: Oh Miss Sicnarf, I’ve watched the Food Network ever since it came on. I like Paula Dean too and her cookware line is divine. If I could just be given a chance. You see, I have lived in the shadows of my bigshot brother all of my life. He even has a gun and a bullet. I voted for him for president, but only because he threatened to stop payment on the check he used to buy our parents a much-needed new Septic tank. I think he was just having a bit of buyer’s remorse.

Yram: I can feel your pain Barnella. That face doesn’t look too good on a boy, let alone a girl. The job is yours Barnella. Now, put that scarf over your face and I’ll see if Mr. Applefloor will take you to get your DL and a cell phone.

Do you believe Barney’s sinister spinster twin sister is no longer sinister? Yram hired her to cook. What’s up with that? Anyway, the Barnella dilemma is resolved. She’s going to be on board to help warm up the steaks provided by Murdo’s Restaurant by the River on the Nebraska side, but really close to Yankton, on the South Dakota side. We offered him full price if he would give us a 100% discount. Instead, he tripled the price and gave us a 50% discount on 100% of 25%. He said it real fast, but I think we made a pretty sweet deal. He said not to tell anyone, because he hardly ever makes that kind of deal. Even with his very best customers.

Murdo Girl: Okay TC we need you to grab a megaphone and tell this town the dance is tomorrow night. It’s been kind of busy around here, so we might just hold off on the coronation part where I officially become Next Pres. We can do that next week. Do you know if the Queen got all the crepe paper to decorate, and the tinfoil to spiff up my crown and make my dress?

Tinfoil? Crepe paper? I’m wearing the drapes from the Rose Garden Room. 

Probably should put that broach a little higher Queen. It’s tinfoil right? A few rubies in the crown would add some color. Cute little kid. Is he from here?

Stay Tuned Murdo…It will be fun times in the old town!!

 

Finally,  a little bit of good news. Remember when TC (Town Crier) did an official hear ye, hear ye and announced Lav was acting Next Pres because Murdo Girl had suffered injuries which prevented her from carrying on her NP duties? Remember that? Well, it turns out that’s not how it works. Murdo Girl gets to use her 14 days of sick leave before she has to abdicate the Oblong Office. It didn’t really make sense anyway, because MG’s injuries were at the hands (or fists) of Lav and Queen E. If someone really wanted to push it, Queen E could be sent back across the pond for her violent acts, but MG would have to press charges. The acting Attorney General, cousin Blake, said it would be hard to prove malice or forethought, since the Queen struggles with present thought.

So, now that some of the dust has settled, the Inaugurcorination is on for Saturday night. Let the preparations begin!!

The Brick House Break Room

Pico: Talking to Yram …We have caterers coming here this afternoon. We get to have a taste testing of different appetizers. Every cafe in town is vying for the great honor of supplying snacks for the after party. yippy, skippy, it’s finally going to happen and I’m in charge of the whole thing from the crowning to the snake dance!

Yram: We still have a dark cloud hanging over our heads that could develop into a storm that will wipe out everything in its path. It appears to be moving quickly in our direction. There is no way we can alter its course due to the current high pressure conditions.

Pico: Been watching the weather channel again Yram? I assume you’re talking about Coffee Gate. Don’t worry, DM and A I have it under control. First of all, there were only 18 minutes, I mean bags missing from Sanderson’s Store, not 20. If it’s under 20, the law says there are no coffee grounds for impeachment.

YRAM: Huh? You mean there were peaches missing too? What next…Hot Chocolate? Bananas? Where will it all end? When is it all going to stop Pico?

Pico: Don’t be such a Debbie Downer Yram. Why don’t you make yourself useful and empty the garbage? And Yram..you do not have to shred the coffee cups and leftover food. You’ve ruined 2 shredders already.

Meanwhile, in the Presidential Suite, Murdo Girl is talking with DM and A I while Carol is finally taking a break from her background singing.

Murdo Girl: A I.. I need you to do some spying for me. I’m almost recovered from my rhyming affliction, but now I’ve developed a coffee addiction. The speech therapist makes me listen to Carol sing rhyming songs. If my words rhyme, she threatens to slap my face, which is what caused this in the first place. Please A I spy on the ST, and DM, please vet her more thoroughly.

 

DM: Sure thing Murdo Girl. I’m on my way to get The speech therapist and off to the Vet we go.

A I: Okay, I’ll come with you and spy on her. Glad to see your eyes are tracking right MG

Meanwhile Sherri the Photographic Drawer is now in the break room talking to Lav

Sherri: Lav, you’ve been acting really nervous lately, do you want to talk about it?

Lav: Sherri, if I tell you something, do you promise you won’t draw a photograph? I need you to keep this off the sketch pad.

Sherri: Lav, you’re my friend. I draw some pretty controversial photographs, but to draw and unflattering photo of a friend…that’s where I draw the line.

Lav: I’m not exactly sure what you just said. I’m going to trust you, but if I see you so  much as pick up a pencil, I will deny everything you draw. Do you get the picture?

Sherri: I think so.

Lav: I overheard TC talking to Jerry. TC was complaining because everyone says her cheese head stinks. They make fun of her and say TC doesn’t stand for Town Crier, it means Tainted Cheese. I feel kind of sorry for her. I was hiding behind a door and I had to hold my nose the whole time. Anyway, Jerry told her that he had so many beans now, she could go out and buy 2 new cheese heads if she wanted to.

 

Just then, who walks in the break room but Jerry.

Jerry: I couldn’t help but over- eavesdrop your conversation. I will have you know that Sanderson’s Store gave me 2 bean bags for helping them inventory their coffee beans. That’s why no one pressed charges against you Lav. They were missing 18 bean bags not 20. The other 2 were paid to me. I worked hard for those beans, but I did it for The Coyote Team.

Lav: Gee Jerry you make me feel bad. I didn’t steal the 18 bags they found in my shed. I grew them in my garden. I’ve been saving them for a rainy year. I guess I’ll contribute them to the team too.

Sherri: Wait!! Then who stole the beans from Sanderson’s Store?

Jerry: Who cares. Did you guys see all the food over there on the counter? It sure looks good. Let’s eat!

 

When there is food involved, word spreads fast. The whole team is soon gathered in the break room. Everyone is scarfing down the delicious food so beautifully displayed on the tables and counters of the Break Room. Good Grief..someone brought beautiful plastic flowers from the Rose Garden Room. They even managed to find a few sunflowers on the East Lawn of the Brick House. The mood is festive until Pico walks in and begins to cry.

 

If that’s not bad enough, A I and DM finally got back from the Vet with the speech therapist. They just walked into Murdo Girl’s Presidential Suite.

DM: Murdo Girl…meet Barnella…Barney Fife’s sinister spinster twin sister!

I mentioned in an earlier story that Mrs. E  loved strawberry cake. She also loved my chocolate chip cookies. There weren’t too many sweets she didn’t like. Many mornings I stopped on my way to her house and got a bag of those mini chocolate covered, yellow cake donuts. I liked them too.

My friend Pat told me about a recipe for mug cake that you cook in the microwave. It is a quick and easy way to make a single serving of virtually any kind of cake you want. I couldn’t wait to make one for Mrs. E. I was sure she would really get a kick out of it.

When I got to her house, I told her I was going to make her strawberry cake. Later, when she was ready for her snack, I made the cake in a cup. She looked slightly confused, but she ate the cake. A couple of hours later she said, ” Now…where is that strawberry cake you were going to make for me?” I tried to explain, but it fell on deaf ears. She was not interested in a little cup of cake. I can identify. If I can’t have a big piece of cake or pie, I would rather not have any.

I started my duties on November 3rd, and around the second week of December, I was feeling like we were doing okay. We had some difficult days, but we worked through them. Mrs. E’s daughter is one of the most caring and genuine people I have ever known, but sometimes her mother tried her patience. One day, I was doing something in the back of the house, and I could hear Mrs. E talking to her daughter about Christmas. She said, “I think we should give that girl something nice for Christmas, because she’s the only one we haven’t quarreled with.” I knew she was talking about me, because she always referred to me as “that girl.” She never called anyone by name except for immediate family. I don’t know if that was a part of her memory affected by the stroke, or just that she didn’t want to be bothered with remembering names. In 4 years, I never heard her say my name. I also knew that saying I was the only one she hadn’t quarreled with, was as good a compliment as I was ever going to get.

Mrs. E had a neighbor that would come and visit once in a while. She would bring a plant, or something she had made. She was also on the list of emergency contacts for the lifeline company. In one of her visits, the neighbor lady had mentioned how old she was. After she left, I told Mrs. E that I was surprised, because I thought she looked much younger. Mrs. E said, “Sometimes you just can’t tell. I’m 85 and I look a whole lot younger.” She thought for a minute before she added, “I look about 60.” She meant it too. Of course I said I totally agreed. My new younger sister.

One morning the phone rang. The person on the line asked to speak to Mrs. E. . I screened her calls, but the caller said they were with the lifeline company. They called every now and then and asked her to push the button on her pendant, just to make sure everything worked. This day, I could tell right away the call was not about a test. I could only hear Mrs. E’s side of the conversation, and I had never heard her sound so contrite. She was apologizing and saying she would never do it again. When she handed the phone back to me, she didn’t look me in the eye. I asked her what that was all about. She said she had gotten into trouble. She had awakened at 2:00 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. She wanted someone to come and help her get dressed and out of bed. Her daughter lived right across the street and normally Mrs. E would call her in this kind of situation. Instead, she pushed the lifeline button and when they called her, she gave them instructions not to call her daughter’s house. She told them to call her neighbor. Apparently, the neighbor wasn’t too happy to get the phone call. She knew Mrs. E was just trying to avoid getting a reprimand from her daughter. The company called Mrs. E’s daughter, who was not happy about her Mother’s sneaky plan. The lifeline company wanted to make sure Mrs, E was clear on what constituted an emergency.

Mrs E was capable of getting out of bed and into her wheelchair, by use of the pole, but we cautioned her not to. I think she realized it was better to be extra cautious and not tempt fate. That was a good thing.

I don’t know if you have ever been to an older person’s home and seen photographs taped up on the walls. Mrs. E had her wall of fame. She loved to get greeting cards, especially if they had pictures of animals on them. They were taped to the wall, along with the family photos. My Great Aunt Grace did the same thing. My Mother had my son’s Senior picture taped up on her wall, and had ribbon and other decorative things hanging around it. I always thought it looked like a shrine of sorts. I never said anything to Mom,  but I did kid Mason about it. He was her first grandchild, so I guess that’s why he was so honored.

I tried to copy a link to a short recording. It’s of my mom and I singing “In the Garden.”  We sang it together the last time I was with her. She loved that song. She even called me at work one day and sang it on my voice mail. I played it for my co-workers who thought it was the neatest thing for my Mom to do.

On the occasion of our duet, My brother Billy had taken Gus for a guy’s week-end in Los Vegas. He deserved a little time for fun. Gus was so very wonderful to our Mother.

Mom and I watched 5 hours of Public television that night. The music ranged from Big Band Sounds to Elvis Presley. If we even knew a few words to a song, we sang along.

That day was made even more special because cousin Valerie and her daughter Caitlin drove 7 hours, one way, to see us that day. We went to Marie Callenders for lunch and had a great time before they had to make the return trip home.

I hope you can open the recording. It looks like it copied twice, or not at all. I also want to wish everyone a safe and fun holiday week-end.

 

 Murdo Girl has been suffering from the repercussions  of her injuries which occurred due to a poor choice of words on her part. Her loyal team heard her say, “Please slap some sense into me.” The next in line for Next Pres and the Queen, took her literally and  socked it to her. That being said, we are all acutely aware of the lingering after effects of the unfortunate blow.

 

Let’s take a look at the current status of  Next Pres Murdo Girl. She and her team are all at The Brick House working through these challenging times.

 Let’s check out the break room.

Sherri the Photographic Drawer: I am on the verge of carpel tunnel vision. This place is wearing me out. I’m all for promoting Murdo Girl, but I’m not going to draw another photograph until I know MG has recovered from that one two punch. Has she stopped talking in rhymes?

Treason: Nope! I went to see her in the Next Presidential Suite right before my Brick House Briefing. I asked her if she wanted me to quote her on anything. Do you want to know what she said?

Sherri: No

Treason: She said… “I’m getting better every day. Your Next Pres is here to stay.”

Sherri: That’s it? That’s all she said? I missed the Brick House Briefing. How did it go?

Treason: We had it in the Rose Garden Room. I get a headache every time I go in there. It’s bad enough the whole room is full of plastic roses. I personally think they went too far with the fake grass and trees. They named the trees after Mrs. Bartlet. I guess they must be Bartlet Pear Trees. They even have a little putting green in there. I heard Coach Applebee wanted it to be named after him, but we just can’t get into a war of the named after stuff, you know. It would make the most sense to name it Palmer Putting Green. After Marv Palmer, not  Arnold. Anyway, It’s a little hard to keep people focused when they want you to be quiet while they putt.

It got a little dicey when a reporter from the  Murdo Coyote asked about Lav taking over the Next Pres duties.

Sherri: Ooo..I can’t even photographic picture that. Where is Lav anyway?

Hm..It appears to me those two haven’t heard about Lav’s shed full of bags of coffee beans. Where could they have come from? We’ve all been trying hard to watch where our beans are going. We were all under the impression that we were going to have to balance our bean budget. This old Brick House burns a lot of beans, then of course a bean just doesn’t go as far as it used to. Anyway, let’s hunt down A I and DM. They might have some answers. 

DM: A I, I don’t know how long we can continue to cover up Coffeegate. I’ve questioned Lav, but she keeps saying she has no idea how the beans got into her shed. Do you think somebody planted them there?

A I: Gee DM..I don’t know..Can coffee beans grow in a shed? Who would think to water them? Shh…here comes Jerry. Wow. He looks like he’s bean up all night. Hi Jerry. You look like you’ve bean up all night. Do you want some coffee?

Jerry: Don’t mention coffee. I’ve been over at Sanderson’s Store helping them inventory coffee beans. Their beans don’t add up. They’re missing 20 large bean bags. Where’s Lav? Have you guys seen her?

DM: Why are you looking for Lav? You know Lav, she hardly ever knows anything.

Jerry: I was just listening to the people over at the store. Having Lav as acting Next Pres is a real nail biter. I sure hope she lies low for a while.

There is no one more concerned about the state of things than Murdo Girl. That’s why she is now working with a speech therapist. She’s doing “rhyming rehab”. Let’s see how that’s going. Looks like the crossed eye is still a prominent feature on MG’s face. 

  

Therapist: Now Miss Murdo Girl, repeat after me…The rain in Spain falls Mainly on the Plain.

What? How is that supposed to help MG to stop rhyming. That therapist looks familiar…hmm

Where is acting Next Pres Lav going with a tumbleweed strapped to her car? And where did she get that car?

 

Look at the Queen!! She’s wearing the JCHS colors. “Oh here’s for Murdo Corgis.”

Here in lies the problem. Murdo Girl cannot carry on her responsibilities as Next Pres if she can’t talk right or see straight, or is that see right and talk straight? Either way, it speaks of disaster. If MG isn’t able, the next in line is Lav, who struggles on a good day. She is now under a cloud of suspicion because the coffee bean bags missing from Sanderson’s Store are in her shed. At the moment, the only people who know the location of the bean bags are DM and A I. Except…if Lav is the victim of a set-up, who is behind it all?

I have an idea…let’s put sunglasses on MG, tell everyone she has laryngitis and put a rush on the Inauguration. We’ll figure it all out after the dance.

1. I’m honored with the “Kvamme Keurig Coffee Pot.”  2. I’m in favor of “Bartlet Pear Trees,” 3. Skip me I’m from Laramie, 4. I like “Dutch Microwave Oven.”

 

 

 

 

I thought you might want an update on the goings on at the Brick House. I’m sorry to have to report that Murdo Girl is still less than conscious. One of her eyes can focus, but remember the eye that she’s had problems with in the past? The one that twitches when she gets really nervous. It’s still crossed, and it twitches. Complete bedrest has been prescribed.

We’ve also found out more about the events that led up to and came after the cold cock punch that took her out. Can you even believe the Queen and Lav were responsible? The thing that I sort of wonder about is, why did A I run over to Murdo Girl and say she was going to find out who hit her? I mean she was standing right there! She couldn’t have missed it…Could She??

You may have heard that DM and A I went over to investigate Lav’s shed while she was at her Zumba class. They found something all right…What they found, raised more questions. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. What do you think about this?

 

We shouldn’t jump to any premature conclusions, but why would Lav have a shed full of coffee beans? I guess that’s why she was so aggressive with the pitchfork. It makes one wonder if the Queen knows more than she’s saying too.

 

In case you’re wondering, I’m stalling…Where do I go first? Okay, you always learn the most in the break room right?

DM: Why are you acting so nervous A I? Didn’t we decide we were going to sit on our discovery until Murdo Girl gets back to normal?

A I: That was yesterday, this is today.

DM: Don’t you think I know that today is today for Pete’s sakes?

A I: I mean..I thought Murdo Girl would be back to herself today, but she clearly is not. Clearly she isn’t one bit clear. I am her spy. I think she is in danger. I must do something. I

DM: Do you know how many times you’ve said I? You need to get a grip A I, and start acting like a spy. I’m her Defense Monitor. I should have defended her, but I just couldn’t bring myself to deliver a knock out punch to Lav and the Queen. It just isn’t me.

A I: Shush..here comes Lav. Let me handle this. I spy.

DM: No let me handle this. I defend…and monitor

Lav comes into the break room and falls into a chair. She’s not looking very good. Her crown is askew again too.

DM: Hey lav. Where have you bean? I mean been?

Lav: Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my mocha. Where is my mocha? I need my mocha.

A I and DM exchange knowing looks. Lav is really distressed. She looks like she’s ready to cry. Here comes TC and Jerry.

Lav: TC I sure hope you’re not here to yell hear yea, hear yea. I don’t want to hear you, hear, you. I have to talk to Murdo Girl. She just has to be okay. I only socked her cause she told us too. I don’t want to be Next Pres no way, no way!

DM: Really Lav? You do realize the Next Pres makes big beans don’t you? Hey Jerry..how many beans does the Next Pres make?

Jerry: Well, in cold hard beans, several bushels. Taxes are usually baked in. Then it also depends on the denominations. For instance, lima beans are big, but they aren’t worth nearly as much as coffee beans.

Lav: Stands up. I’m not in this for the beans. I just wanted to do something beaningful with my life.

 

Let’s go take a peak into the Next Presidential suite where Murdo girl is resting. I haven’t seen it since it’s been remodeled. They took the Algebra II sign off the door. I hear voices. I wonder who is with her?  Hm..very interesting, looks like Carol is there. She’s seated in the background and she’s softly singing some kind of background music. Yram is there and so is Pico. 

Pico: How are you feeling Murdo Girl? You sure have a big crossed eye. Maybe you should put a package of frozen beans on it. I’ve heard that helps reduce the swelling.

Murdo Girl: I don’t think the beans will help, I thought I just heard NoNo Yelp.

I can’t even lift my head. Let alone get out of bed!

Pico and Yram exchange looks

Yram: NoNo is fine MG. That was just Carol singing in the background. Can we get you anything? Maybe a little bean soup?

Murdo Girl: We really shouldn’t cook the beans. Although I’m not sure what that means. Even cooked a little bit, beankeeping always throws a fit.

Pico: It‘s okay MG, you just rest. We’ll be back later when you’re feeling better. Treason is going to have a presser later. We just have to figure out what to tell the Murdoites. We don’t want rioting in the streets or some kind of lynch mob coming after Lav and the Queen now do we?

 

STRESSED BACKWARDS..HA HA…THEY’LL GET THEIR JUST DESSERTS