The whole town of Murdo is on pins and needles. They have one question on their minds. Who stole Barney Fife’s gun, then brought it back and why? The only one who has been officially eliminated as a suspect is Otis Campbell. The Murdoites think at least 2 people know, or have a pretty good idea who the Gun Ghost is. The Queen tried her best to blurt it out at the press conference, but Barney stopped her. He then went into great detail to explain why Otis had been eliminated as a suspect. As with most things involving our beloved Queen, confusion reigns. Several Murdoites went to Murdo Wall Drug for ice water and lemons after the press conference broke up. There were a few noticeably absent.

Murdo Girl and Barney are in a private meeting over at the jail house.

Murdo Girl: So now what do we do Barney? This whole town is stirred up and if we don’t tell them pretty soon who the Gun Ghost is, they’ll lynch us both, and I’m not ready to have my platform pulled out from under me. As it stands now, people are questioning if either one of us should be President.

Barney: Sniffing. Don’t I know it Murdo Girl. I’ve been feeling the heat ever since my gun went missing. Who wants a Deputy Sheriff who loses his gun, then finds out it’s been hanging on a nail underneath a prisoner’s hat?

Murdo Girl: And who wants a President who is rumored to have used dirty tricks to make the Deputy look bad?

Barney: I see what you mean Murdo Girl, your short comings are way worse than mine.

Murdo Girl: Hold it Baaaaaarn. You’re shortcomings are way way worse than mine.

Murdo Girl and Barney: Truce..Truce

Barney: The only trouble is, when we tell everyone who the Gun Ghost is, and the story behind the story…

Murdo Girl:  We have to have a plan Barney. The Queen won’t keep her lip zipped much longer. I have an Idea. Let’s sit here and recreate what happened.

The recreation:

It all started the day of the parade. It was a sunny day, and all the birds were singing. That evening, after the town had quieted down some, a tired  Deputy Barney went back to the jail to lock it up. When he walked through the door, he heard a sound, yes, a sound of a wheeze, no not a wheeze, a snore. A SNORE?! What in tarnation? With his heart sinking down to his shoes, Barney turned around knowing what he would see. Otis sleeping in the jail cell. Barney had left it open because if he happened to arrest someone, it was easier to throw them in the cell and slam the door shut, rather than go find the key and go through all those extra steps.

Anyway, he knew it was no use trying to wake Otis up and get him out of there, so he locked the jailhouse door, but not the cell door. Then he poured himself a cup of day old coffee, hung up his holster, sat down at the desk and propped his feet up. Soon, there was the sound of two snorers snoring.

Fast forward one hour: There is still the sound of two snorers snoring. Suddenly, Otis wakes up. It takes him a minute to remember where he is. He’s never been to Murdo before. He doesn’t know this jailhouse. He walks over and peeks out the open door and sees Barney fast asleep. Now what? He thinks. He’s supposed to keep Barney up and busy all night. It was part of the deal he made with the Murdo Girl camp. They wanted Barney off his game. In turn, they would get Otis and Mrs. Campbell relocated to Murdo. They even got his community service transferred from Mayberry. Otis missed old Barney anyway, so it was easy to sell him on the new cell.

All this was going through Otis’s mind as he sat down in the chair on the other side of Barney’s desk. Then Otis could not believe either his eyes or his ears. Barney started singing in his sleep. Yes there were times, I’m sure you knew, when I bit off more than I could chew, but through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all and stood real tall and did it my way.

Otis walks around the desk and shakes Barney. He tries to tell him that he’s singing Murdo Girl’s campaign song, but Barney just keeps on singing in his sleep. Otis gets so nervous he decides he has to get someone to help, but first he better find some way to quench his awful thirst. Now Barney is there alone. He’s either walking in his sleep or just unsteady, but something in his subconscious tells him he should get the keys and lock up that cell Otis is in, and put his holster back on. (He doesn’t know Otis left.) Instead, he gets his gun out of his holster, hangs it on the wall where the hats go, and puts the keys on the ring where the keys do go. He puts his holster back up where the holster goes, and goes back to sleep. Otis comes back without help, because he quenched his thirst too much. He stumbles over and hangs his hat on the hook where the hats go, and where the gun is, goes back in his cell, shuts the door and goes to sleep.

Mystery solved. Everybody’s plan backfired. Barney couldn’t find his gun because he was asleep when he hung it on the hook. Otis didn’t do what the Murdo girl camp asked him to, but he didn’t remember that he didn’t. Murdo Girl thought he did, because Barney was tired and twitterpated. Not one person was a viable witness to what happened. When they asked the Queen how she knew who the Gun Ghost was she said, “she dreamed it.” When she told the story to Murdo Girl and Barney, they figured out the rest, and decided they were going to listen to the Queen a little better in the future.

Now try to tell all that to the general public while looking Presidential

The Murdo Girl Team

The Murdo Girl bodyguards. Now what’s she doing?

The Murdo Girl Stuff

Barney’s Team

***************************************************************************Next..Will Murdo Girl and Barney opt for a credible cover-up or will they tell the truth as they know it? Will the Murdoite’s believe the truth? Does anybody really know the truth?  Will confusion still reign, or will the Queen buy a smaller crown?  Will Yram keep her job at the Murdo Coyote? What are Thelma and Louise up to? Do you know what I think? I think we should have more fun things like the parade. Let’s have a town party! 

Epilogue to the Gun Ghost Story

There is a flaw in this story. If any of you readers figure it out, tell me, but don’t tell them. There is an answer to every question. I ‘m pretty sure anyway, unless there isn’t.

When did Barney discover his gun was missing? The morning after the parade

When was it first discovered under Otis’s hat? several days later after the 4th

You don’t have to solve a mystery, only discover the flaw

***************************************************************************

You wouldn’t think there could possibly be so much excitement and intrigue surrounding the residents who live in this small Dakota town. To this close knit community, today is just like any other day. Doesn’t every town have two Presidential candidates in their midst? I bet Presho has an Aggressive Informant, a Photographic Drawer, and a pesky reporter who got run off by all the teachers at the High School, only to snag two other reporting jobs in as many weeks. Draper must have a Deputy Sheriff who lost his gun only to find it hanging under the hat belonging to a guy who puts himself in his cell every night to sleep off a few too many adult drinks? When Vivian residents are walking around town, surely they run into a girl who calls herself “Vivian Girl ” followed by three bodyguards named Bart, Smart, and Braveheart? I better stop now before my sentences get any longer. 

There has however, been another needed position filled. I bet none of the towns mentioned or even White River have what we have now.

A TOWN CRIER

The Town Crier has just announced there is to be a press conference in the grassy area next to the Courthouse. It will begin promptly at 2:00 p.m., which is just a few minutes from now so let’s hurry.

It appears the press is gathering on the lawn. I see Tommy, Janie, Yram, and the Photographic Drawer, as well as Teresa, the Liaison who communicates between the Murdo Girl Camp and the Murdo Coyote Newspaper. Wait! Here comes the Aggressive informant too. Quite a crowd for sure. Now I see Murdo girl, Bart, Smart, and Braveheart headed this way. Well for heaven’s sakes, here comes Jerry (holding his Jones County Bank bag), Thelma Lou and Louise, Otis, and good grief Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife. Well, slap my face and call me stupid. Is that the Queen at the microphone?

Queen: Chip chip cheerio to all the Murdo commoners. I’m here to  extend a bipartisan olive branch. I’ll cut to the chase. Barney found his gun, and now…We know who the Gun Ghost is.Who did you think it was? I was so surprised when I found out..who would have ever in their wildest God save the Queen moment, been able to guess it could…..

Barney: Interrupting the Queen..Thank you for your bipartisan branch Queen. It has taken a combined effort of people on both sides of the isle, to round up this criminal we call “Gun Ghost”. Ya know, (sniff, pulls his pants up), At first I thought it was Otis. After I saw that gun hanging under his hat hanging on the wall, I put two and two together and came up with Otis. As further information surfaced, Deputy Barney fife had to rethink that idea. Upon further investigation, we were able to rule out Otis as a suspect. At this time, I would like to call to the mic, Murdo Girl’s Aggressive Informant, A I

A I: Deputy Fife is correctomundo! Otis is just by nature, a suspicious looking guy, I mean just take a look. (All heads and eyes turn towards Otis). Sometimes it’s a persons shame and embarrassment of themselves that makes them look suspicious. That was the case with Otis. He was sneaking around not making eye contact because of shame and embarrassment. We couldn’t for the life of us figure out why Otis would be hanging around with the likes of Lav the rock hauler. Otis, would you tell this extremely large crowd, just why you were following Lav around?

Otis: ……..

A I: Otis speak up, why are ya whispering? Look me in the eye Otis.

Otis: Community service…the judge told me I had to do 20 hours of community service and hauling rocks is what prisoners do so I figured it was a community service. That morning at the jailhouse when miss A I came in, I woke up and knew I had to get on over to meet Lav so we could go haul rocks. I couldn’t be even one minute late. If I’d still been under the influence, I sure wouldn’t of been anymore after I saw that gun hanging under my hat. I’d hall more rocks today, but it’s too windy to haul rocks today.

The crowd is kind of talking around to each other when one guy says.

Guy in the crowd: I think it’s Stinky Davis: That’s all well and good Otis, but we all heard the Murdo Camp secretly talked you into coming to Murdo. I heard tell they brought you here for nefarious reasons. (Stinky likes to use big words sometimes.) Explain that Otis.

Murdo Girl: Walks up and gently nudges the Queen away from the microphone. My fellow Murdoites, It’s true that I brought Otis to town. It’s true that he did the Murdo Girl Campaign a favor, but that favor had nothing to do with stealing Barney’s gun. We brought Otis here to distract Barney. Otis kept Barney up all night. Barney had to give him sobriety tests and show him around the new jail. The next morning, Barney was tired and twitterpated. He must have been so distracted, the Gun Ghost took advantage of his state of mind and nabbed the gun during the night. Barney took off his holster and nodded off for a bit. Like me, I’m sure you are all wondering why the Gun Ghost brought the gun back and hung it under Otis’s hat.

Woman in the crowd: I think it’s Alma Davis, Stinky’s wife. Excuse me Murdo Girl, but if Barney and the Queen, and a few others know who did it, they surely must know why, and when. Can we have a name already?

Barney: Walks up and gently nudges Murdo Girl away from the microphone. From the expression on Deputy Fife’s face, it’s pretty clear the Baaaaaaarn is back to his old self. Geez..listen to what he says: I’m kinda parched from doing all this talkin. Let’s adjourn to the Murdo Wall Drug for some ice water.

nn

Which cup do you like best??

***********************************************************************

Will the writer’s mean streak continue? For the love of Pete, tell us who’s five fingers lifted the Baaaaaarn’s gun! Will Deputy Fife’s numbers climb higher in the Pole Vault Poles? Has Murdo Girl’s popularity reached it’s peak or will she some up with another in a series of brilliant ideas? Hang on to your seats Murdoites, It ain’t over till I say it’s over! As the campaign song , which will be sung tomorrow by Carol Callihan Fairbanks, says:

I DID IT MY WAAAAAY

The Town of Murdo, South Dakota is buzzing about the two local candidates for President. Rather than go with the establishment Democrat (Donkeys), and Republican (Elephants), they have both chosen to break away and makeup their own tickets. Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife is a candidate representing the American Lone Wolf party, and Murdo girl, is running on the American Coyote party ticket.

Now for the platforms. Truthfully, they are both still trying to find their message. Murdo girl has campaigned to increase the local tourist trade by relocating all the Wall Drug signs so they direct traffic to Murdo drug, whose name has been changed to Murdo Wall Drug. The establishment offers free ice water in the winter, and warmish water in the summer. They do provide free over-ripe lemons donated by Sanderson’s store year round. If they run out, they promised to offer the Wall Murdo Drug a good deal on the lemon juice that you squeeze out of the plastic lemon. The other idea Murdo Girl has pushed through with the aid of the Queen, is to change the name of the Murdo Water Towers, to Murdo Girl Tower. (Just one so far. They’re working on $ to paint the 2nd tower.) The objective is to take an arrow from The Donald’s quill, and see if she can duplicate the celebrity that The Donald has experienced with his Trump Tower. It’s all about name recognition right? All the issues Murdo Girl has found solutions for are currently in litigation, but isn’t everything these days?

On the Lone Wolf ticket, Barney Fife has been somewhat occupied fighting crime. He is working a big case currently that could put Murdo on a bigger political map. Apparently there is a gun thief in our midst. Unfortunately, they took Barney’s gun and hid it under Otis Campbell’s hat which was hanging beside the cell next to the keys. There is an ongoing investigation, which I guess means Deputy Fife can’t talk about it until the perp is in custody.

The other question that you might be asking yourself is..How are either of these candidates going to win over the whole Nation if neither one of them ever leaves Murdo? Well here’s your answer silly people…Don’t you know? There’s Murdo and then there’s Whatever. That’s it. That’s all this Nation needs to know. Now go make yourself a T-shirt that says that.

This is the State of Murdo as the story continues

The Murdo Coyote Newspaper offices

Janie to Tommy: Well, it looks like we hired that new reporter just in time? I sure hope she can get us some good copy on the Gun Ghost. That’s what everybody is calling the potential perp. Here she comes now.

Well look who just crawled out from under one of Lav’s rocks.

Yram Sicnarf: Morning bosses! I’m chomping at the bit to get out there and uncover some dirt from under all those rocks. I happen to have some first hand knowledge that missy prissy Murdo Girl was someway involved with the pilfering of pistol packing Barney Fife’s pistol. (Wow, say that 3 times real fast.) I happened to be present at a meeting at the Murdo Girl campaign Headquarters. That was before I got semi-canned. Anyway, I heard some very incriminating statements. Here boss, take a look. She passes her notepad to Janie. Murdo Girl interrupted Jerry as he was talking about selling a battery operated nose hair clipper to Otis and these were her exact words.

The following words are the exact words spoken by Murdo Girl

Murdo Girl: (Interrupting Jerry) Thanks for the report Jerry, but Otis did a good job for us yesterday, and we don’t want to take advantage. Thanks to Otis, Deputy Sheriff and Lone Wolf candidate for POTUS, is in for a liiitle bitty surprise. Geez Jerry, slow down on the potato chips.

Janie: Not exactly a blubbering confession Yram, but see what you can do with it. Oh, and kinda sweet talk that Photographic Drawer named Sherri. Teresa, the liaison, is letting her draw a few photographs for us. Also, some fool is still hauling  those boxes of rocks over there in a little red wagon. See what that’s about.

Murdo Girl : Talking to A I (Aggressive Informant). You saw Barney’s gun?? Get out a here. What would Barney Fife’s gun be doing hanging on a nail underneath Otis’s hat? Who do you think hid it there? Wait  just  a  minute. Otis is hanging out with Lav. She’s been off on some tangent hauling boxes of rocks. Says she’s going to write Murdo Girl on them and lay them all over town. I’m just letting her do it. It’s better than some of her ideas. Why do you suppose old Otis is following her around?

A I: Well, MG, when I saw him, he looked as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I gotta git.. Just wanted to do my aggressive informant duties and inform you. I tried to find out more, but poor Barney had been crying real bad, so I backed off. I’ll just keep my ear to the ground. That is if I can find any ground without a rock on it.

“Well I saw this thing coming out of the sky it had a one big horn and a one big eye. I was just a shakin with a misery..It looked like a purple people eater to me.”

***************************************************************************

Will someone please find out who the Gun Ghost is? I can’t stand this much longer?! Will the answer be in someone’s notebook marked classified? Will there be a pressing press conference? Will Otis remember anything? Will Lav ask the photographic drawer to paint MG on rocks and everything else she can find? Will A I and Yram duke it out over who informs and reports? Will the Queen quit fooling around and learn the official campaign song,” I did it My Way?” 

All this and more…eventually.

Barney Fife for President –  Lone Wolf Headquarters aka the County Jail

Barney has been pacing back and forth, back and forth in front of the cell Otis occupies. To Otis, it seems like Barney has been doing this for hours.

Otis: You sure make it hard for guy to get a good nights sleep. Why do you keep walking back and forth like that?

Barney: stops in front of the cell…I am in the worst predicament Otis. Here I am a candidate for President, and I can’t remember a worse time in my life.

Otis doesn’t say a word. He’s afraid to open up that can of worms

Barney: Almost crying, opens the cell, walks in and sits by Otis. I lost my gun Otis. Yup, I am no longer packing a pistol. One minute I had it, and the next it was gone. I’ve looked high and low and it’s nowhere to be found. I’m supposed to be pistol packing Deputy Barney Fife, now all I’m left with is a bullet in my pocket. What good is a bullet with no gun Otis? sniff, sniff, SNIFF

Otis: Are you crying Barney, please don’t cry. What if one of the Murdo folks that you’re bound to protect walks in here and sees you crying? What if that Photographic Drawer catches you crying and draws a picture? How would that look to the voters?

Barney : With a look of steel in his watery eyes, he stands tall, pulls his pants up..no scratch that.. his pants are as far up as they’ll go. You are right Otis Campbell, you’re very seldom right, but when you’re right, you’re right. I need to pull myself together and figure out where that gun went to. It couldn’t have got up and walked off of by itself. The question is, where do I start lookin?

Just then, someone opens the door..scratch that..tries to open the door, it’s too heavy. It’s kind of a little person. Barney opens the door and in walks a different looking girl. I say different because she hasn’t been seen in Murdo before. Course it’s kinda hard to tell because she’s got a hat and sun glasses on.

Barney: I’m Deputy Barney Fife and I’m running for President on the Lone Wolf ballot.What can I do for you miss?

A I: (Aggressive Informant) I just came to check out the Murdo Jailhouse. I’ve never been in this jail. I hear it’s got a view of the zoo out the window in the cell.

Right at that moment, a nervous Otis lets himself out of the cell and walks over to put the keys back. He takes his hat off the hook, and low and behold, you will never in your life guess what is hooked on that hook!!

A I: This is sooooo interesting. Your prisoner lets himself out of the cell, hangs the keys up, gets his hat, and underneath said hat, is a gun.Barney looks at Otis, Otis looks at Barney. A I watches in amusement. It is so quiet you could almost hear crickets. Finally, A I speaks. Looks like the copper doesn’t know how to locker.

***************************************************************

Meanwhile, Murdo girl followed closely by her 3 trusty bodyguards, Bart, Smart, and Braveheart are headed over to Ferns for the bake sale fundraiser. Teresa and Sherri are still at the Murdo Coyote talking to Janie about the rumors surrounding Barney’s missing gun.

Below are the Murdoites attending the Murdo Girl Fundraiser Bake Sale.

It’s still pretty early, the church basement cooks haven’t even arrived with the goodies

You remember Thelma Lou and Louise work at Fern’s now. The church basement cooks.

Well, that doesn’t look like much fun. Lets go check on the girls at the Murdo Coyote.

Janie Ingalls: Now what did you say? Run that by me again. You somehow found out that pistol packing Barney Fife lost his gun. Now tell me, how did you come by this information? You can’t just walk into my Newspaper office and start telling me unsubstantiated reports.

Teresa: She’s the Murdo Coyote Newspaper information Liaison. She looks at Sherri for back-up. 

Sherri: Don’t look at me, I’m just here to draw.

Teresa: Pondering.. Oh yeah, I remember now. You should know all about it Janie, you reported it in the paper. You know, the other day when Barney was rambling on about George Washington sailing to Valley Forge and having to get off the boat to shoot a wolf or catch a fish? He lost his gun, just like Barney did. All he could find was the bullet still in his pocket. Sherri here even drew a nice picture didn’t you Sherri? Sherri nods

Janie: Forgive me if I’m being a little slow to take the bait girls, but as full of himself as Barney is, I have never heard him refer to himself as George Washington.

Teresa and Sherri in unison: Uh Oh

Later that day, back at the Murdo Girl Campaign offices in the basement of the Jones County County State Bank, the entire team is gathering. Bart, Smart, and Braveheart, look positively ill. Braveheart really looks like he needs some serious shuteye. Murdo girl doesn’t look that good either. At that moment, A I, Sherri, Teresa and The Queen all walk in at the same time.

Before anyone has a chance to say anything, Jerry, the Bean and Bingo counter walks in beaming from ear to ear. He has a Jones County zippered bank bag in his clutches.

Jerry: Oboyoboyoboy, we are cookin now. I have the entire proceeds from the Bake Sale Fund raiser at Fern’s. He opens up the bag and dumps what looks to be quite a bit of cold hard cash. Wait for it!! the grand total of the take, I mean proceeds is $80.25.

Murdo Girl: I spent $20.00 myself and from the looks of Bart, Smart and Braveheart, they spent a buck or two. I’m assuming that the whole staff stopped by at some point during the day and picked up a few items. I noticed Fern’s chocolate cake went really fast. At that everybody nods. Lets go around the table and add up what we ourselves spent. Braveheart please stay seated.

The Grand Total? It was counted twice and verified. The amount contributed by other Murdoites? $5.00

To top the whole day off, Lav walkes in grinning from ear to ear. She is hauling a big box of rocks in a little red wagon. Otis is with her. OTIS???

What will tomorrow bring? What is Otis doing at the Murdo Girl for Next Pres on the Coyote ticket headquarters? Is there a scandal and a cover-up brewing or is everybody’s head just sort of screwed up? Why hasn’t A I said anything other than to report she spent $2.75 at the bake sale? How did Barney’s gun get on the hook underneath Otis Campbell’s hat? Where is Yram Sicnarf? If we settle all that and still have a little time, we’ll find out (other than she is dumber than a box of rocks), what Lav is doing with a box of rocks? One more thing. Will Murdo Girl roll out her signature campaign song? (I did it my way.)

Tuesday morning finds the little town of Murdo surprisingly serene. The pace is usually fast in the summertime, due to all of the tourists seeking accommodations as they make their way to the beautiful Black Hills. Add to that, the excitment of July 4th and a quiet Monday evening had not been an option.

The fireworks display out at the baseball field was spectacular as usual. The whole place was a sea of red white and blue. All the families brought picnics and their children went home full of fried chicken, potato salad , corn on the cob, and watermelon. A fun time was had by all.

The Murdo Girl for Next Pres Headquarters, 9:00 a.m.

The ever growing team is busy preparing for the meeting that will begin as soon as Murdo Girl arrives. Here’s an update of the positions that have been filled and the respective person’s duties.

THESE THREE SEASONED STAFF MEMEBERS HAVE BEEN WITH THE CAMPAIGN SINCE THE BEGINNING, which was last week sometime.

 Eirelav Yekcel, Publicity stunt Cooridantor, Jerry Elrod, Bean and bingo counter, and Sherri Miller, Photographic Drawer

THEN THERE’S THE TWO NEW STAFF MEMBERS AND ONE WHO IS ON HER WAY OUT

Teresa Palmer, Newspaper Liaison…Sheila Hurst,( It’s a secret), and on her way out, the lovely Yram Sicnarf, who is a crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, Texas

THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT PERSON YOU’LL SEE TODAY

THE ONE AND ONLY AND NEXT PRES.

MURDO GIRL

Murdo Girl saunters over to her place at the head of the pretty crowded table, and motions her three flunkies to find a seat wherever they can. Then… she speaks.

Murdo Girl: Thank you all for being here so promptly. I myself have been for a vigorous early morning swim at the North Dam. To allay any rumors or as my severely lacking opponent would say, nip them in the bud, I want to say, “no worries.”  You see, my trusty bodyguards are my son, my son-in-law, and some other guy that lost his sun glasses and can’t close his eyes. Their names are Bart, Smart, and Braveheart.

Now on to more important matters. Since we have 2 new members of our team, and one on the way out, why don’t we go around the table and make introductions. Please state your name, your position, and explain your duties. (at which point Braveheart gets up and proceeds to go around the table.) Braveheart sit down and try not to make eye contact with anyone. It’s very annoying. Who would like to start?

Crickets

Well Yram, I guess that means you. at least people won’t be hearing those blasted bugs everywhere you go.

Yram: Morning staff and bodyguards. I’m the crack up reporter from Gun Barrel, TX . I just don’t feel like I fit in here anymore with your platform being the way it is. I prefer spike heels, I drink Pepsi instead of ice water, and that neon paint you used to scrawl your name on the water tower is downright distracting. Therefore….I’m here to tell you..I’m defecting to Barney Fife’s Lone Wolf campaign. I have a whole lot of fun riding around with Thelma Lou and Louise, and Barney won’t make me go to the High School all the time and take guff off those snooty teachers… I might be convinced to change my mind. Are those bodyguards going to be allowed to hang out with the staff some? I think dry eyes over there is kind of cute.

Murdo Girl: Have a nice life Yram

Lav: Pick me! pick me! I’m next. I’m Lav, and I’m the Publicity Stunt Coordinator. Have I got a sweet deal for you? I went over and talked to Jeff at Sanderson’s store, and he said he would give us case after case of over-ripe lemons to put in our free ice water. That should attract all kinds of voters huh Murdo Girl? We can take the campaign Jeep and cart the lemons around back by the hose. We’ll even be close to the water tower and folks can look up at the beautiful glow- in- the-dark letters spelling “MURDO GIRL TOWER,” and suck lemons and drink free water to their hearts content,

Murdo Girl: Jerry, does that sound like a publicity stunt to you, or does it sound like the only thing she cares about is getting free stuff? She’s as bad as the Queen carrying around an empty purse. At least the purse gives the Queen something to do with her hands.

Jerry: Well, I’m the kind of guy that will count money til the til shuts on my fingers, but it ain’t my job to bring it in the door. I highly resent being asked to go through the trash at the fair grounds looking for cans to sell and loose change under the bleachers. I did find an unopened package of chips though, which I wouldn’t get any money for, so I enjoyed them myself. There was a little kid that tried to take them away from me, but you know how little kids are. At least he didn’t cry. I hate it when they cry.

1)He took my chips….2) You dropped your chips…3) Dropped them right into Jerry’s fingers that were clutched around the chips. I saw the whole thing. If he had something besides chips, I’d blackmail him.

Sheila: I’m Sheila, and I don’t want to be a secret anymore! This right here is a bunch of cow-tickey. Murdo Girl, do you really think you can be Next Pres with people gettin over-ripe lemons and stealing a little kids chips? Being an informant has been a lifelong dream of mine. Now, you better listen up or I’ll go right out on Main St. and thumb a ride with Thelma Lou and Louise, and that lame Sicnarf, who can’t even dribble a basketball.

At that moment, Murdo Girl sits up straight in her chair, takes her hat off and begins to look a little more Presidential.Teresa’s glasses start to sparkle. You can feel it in the room. A new day is dawning at Murdo Girl Coyote Headquarters. All because when an aggressive Draper girl talks, everybody listens.

Sherri: Can I just add to that brilliant oration? So far, all I have gotten to draw is a photograh of Barney Fife holding a bullet. It has been well known throughout the community that Barney lost his gun. Didn’t you about fall out when he told that whopper about George Washington? What in blazes are we doing photographic drawings of little kids and dogs for when we’ve got a real crime on our hands? Do you feel safe with the likes of Barney Fife protecting us?

No, Nada, nope, huhuh, YES, forget it

Murdo Girl: Teresa, get yourself right on over to the the Murdo Coyote and talk to Janie. We need to sneak a little bombshell in between all that discourse about the Finks.

The voters will sit up and take notice when they hear about  Barney being without a gun. Sherri, you go with her and draw a picture! Now, where do you suppose we can find another crack up reporter? be on the lookout.

Will Barney share a cell with his soulmate? Will Otis hang his jail keys up for good? Will other Murdo residents complain about the neon lettering on the Murdo Girl Tower? Will Jerry get his hands on some honest money or will he take his chips and go home? It’s the dawn of a new day in the lives of the voters in Murdo, SD. You can feel the excitement in the air. Now where do you suppose Barney is?

*All photographs and drawings are without the express consent of family members and others.

A brief 4th of July message

I hope you and your families are enjoying all of the festivities happening in our little town today. Our Nation’s Independence Day is a perfect time to learn the history and hear the stories deeply embedded in all who have called Murdo their home. We soak it all up, and that is how we capture the spirit. From the very old to the youngest, everyone’s story becomes part of us. What other’s tell us and what we experience, will live inside our own history to be carried with us always. The Sanderson’s and the Francis’s, all storytellers, believe stories passed down, are so much more important than things.

Arlo (Sandy), Tet, and Melitha Sanderson

1. Great Grandpa Gus Gustafson saying the Pledge of Allegiance with the little ones on Thanksgiving. They were directed by Charlie (4), who knows every word.
2. Me with little Ryan Constance who was just born Saturday. (She’s Connie like to me.) My middle name is Constance too, after my Grandmother Francis.
3. Grandpa and Grandma Sanderson were the epitome of grandparenting. They truly enjoyed their roll in our lives.
4. Grandpa’s brother Arlo (Sandy) Sanderson, Great Aunt Tet Sanderson, who worked at Sanderson’store for many years, and another of Grandpa’s sisters, Melitha. When I was born, Great Aunt Melitha came from Iowa to help Mom.

Around Murdo

Mark, Suanne, Stephanie

Teachers, schoolmates, friends, and family

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Court House

Murdo, South Dakota… where we spend our time together

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The race for Next Pres heats up

 Tomorrow will be a day to create more fun and tell more stories. We’ll have fairs, debates, fundraisers, and more. We have added a Town Crier, and a Communications Liaison to an already huge bunch of unpaid, yet hardworking locals. (There are a few who are not so local, but they are relatives of Murdoites.) The poles (located wherever the pole vault and the high jump thingy are), continue to clear higher and higher goals for the Coyote Party Candidate, Murdo Girl, and The Lone Wolf Candidate, Barney Fife. This race to become “Next Pres,” continues tomorrow, (or tonight if I can’t stand it any longer.)

Do we have what it takes to finally eliminate  out of control politicians? They won’t even see us coming.

THE CANDIDATES

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Which photo do you think I should go with for my campaign? I have the worst time making important decisions.

This is Murdo Girl and Barney Fife, and we approved this message

If you didn’t read last weeks activities, please catch yourself up. Thank you!

It’s getting close to the 4th of July in Murdo, SD, and the town is buzzing about the upcoming celebration. The two local candidates for President have called an unprecedented cease of the shenanigans in honor of the holiday. It’s probably a good idea, because they both managed to cause much disdain amongst the voters this past week. Here is what was reported in the Holiday addition of The Murdo Coyote.

From the Murdo Girl camp

Lav Yekcel, Publicity Stunt Coordinator, for the Murdo Girl Coyote campaign has issued the following statement:

The Murdo Girl Campaign really screwed up with that last publicity stunt. Parents and children throughout the 3 county area are, for lack of a better word, mad as hops! It seems some comments, and a few photos were leaked to the press. Well, in full disclosure I hand carried them to the Murdo Coyote office myself. Anyway, some took offence to the photos of the two children, crying and sticking out their tongues. The caption was. “Grandchildren against Barney.”

Let me tell you, the outpouring of public disgust, put a real stink on the whole town. Therefore, I have decided to try to get back on your good side and plead for mercy, primarily because I need my job. (See the little girl in the photo above.) Parents, please educate your precious imps that we were not talking about that purple Barney. We meant no harm to that moneymaking icon who has become the obsession of those that think a purple, singing, stuffed animal is the only thing that matters in their sadly, small lives.

We all had Barney Birthday Parties and all but one of us have small lives..we’re small

No, that is not the Barney we were referring to. We were talking about Deputy Sheriff, and Lone Wolf candidate for President, Barney Fife. We can’t say a nasty thing about him until the day after tomorrow, when the 4th of July festivities are over, at which time, you’ll get an earful.

We have all had Barney Birthday parties, some more than others

From The Barney Fife Camp

Four score and seven years ago, without meaning harm to anyone, a bunch of pirates dumped tea off a boat sailing to Valley Forge. George Washington was on that boat. George had but one little bullet. His men were tired and hungry, so George took off his boots and waded into the Missouri River. The very same river that separates Pierre and Ft. Pierre, SD. While he was wading, then swimming to shore, his gun went missing. He had the lone bullet, but no gun. He was going to shoot a Wolf with his Lone bullet, but instead, he fashioned a fishing pole out of some tree branches and caught some fish. You can give a man a fish and he’ll eat right then, but if you have a chance, teach him how to catch fish so he can last awhile until he finds his gun and a Wolf.

This is the much maligned Deputy Sheriff, and Lone Wolf candidate for President. Ya just got to feel for George Washington, who went on to be our first President, even though he lost his gun. This is also to educate you voters out there just how the Lone Wolf party came to be. It started with that proud, brave, man without a gun. (At which time, Barney requested that we describe him in the article as sniffing and blowing his nose. He is also in full uniform, almost.)

The New Photographic Drawer for the Murdo Girl Campaign agreed to provide us with the photographic drawing of Deputy Barney Fife holding the “Lone Bullet.” She also provided the Photographic drawing of another Barney shown above. Good Job Sherri!!

See you all at the Fireworks on Monday…Happy Presidents Day

You Got a Job to do? You better give it to the Queen. She’s a real overachiever.

Murdo Girl Campaign Headquarters (Basement of the Jones County State Bank)

Murdo girl: Well, after an event such as we had yesterday, I think it’s important to reflect on what we all learned from participating in the first ever”Coyote and Lone Wolf Parade.” Who wants to go first?

Murdo Girl Grandchildren against Barney

Crickets Crickets Crickets

Murdo girl: Speaking of crickets, has anyone seen our crack up reporter Yram Sicnarf today? I believe the last time I saw her, she was riding around all over with Thelma Lou and Louise, I wonder what that was about?

Lav: I know! It’s one of my well thought out publicity stunts. I had the idea that Yram could get in good with Barney Fife’s girlfriend Thelma Lou, and maybe dig up some dirt. We’ve got to get some dirt on somebody Murdo Girl.

Murdo Girl: I agree Lav. You’re just one more failed publicity stunt from being out of a job. I don’t think Jerry appreciated much that you stuck your nose in his business. Did we even get one red cent out of anybody’s couch? Which I believe was your idea!!

Jerry: No, but we got everything else. We got socks, toothpicks, lots of potato chips, and one of those battery operated nose hair clippers..we might be able to sell those nose hair clippers to old Otis Campbell. Have you seen the nose hair on that man… not to mention the hair coming out of his ears…

Murdo Girl: (Interrupting Jerry) Thanks for the report Jerry, but Otis did a good job for us yesterday, and we don’t want to take advantage. Thanks to Otis, Deputy Sheriff and Lone Wolf candidate for POTUS, is in for a liiitle bitty surprise. Geez Jerry, slow down on those potato chips, all that salt will make you thirsty, and we’re about to have a severe shortage of free water. Now Lav, What kind of dirt do you think Yram is gonna get out of Thelma Lou and Louise?

Lav: Well, Murdo Girl, It’s kind of a double gift. When Thelma Lou and Louise came in yesterday they mowed down all the Wall Drug signs from here to Rapid City. They’re going to double back, and stick them all back into the dirt, but turn them around in such a way, they’ll direct all the tourists to Murdo. Another money saver for the campaign. Barney doesn’t even know about it because he’s over at the Courthouse making trouble for the Queen who’s trying to get all her petitions petitioned. (Lav is referring to the petitions to change the name of the water towers to Murdo Girl Towers, and to move Wall Drug to Murdo.)

Murdo Girl: There ya go Lav, sticking your nose into Jerry’s business again. That’s not the kind of dirt you need to be digging up! I guess you’ve all figured out that trying to become President of the United States isn’t a job for sissies. I have a meeting with the Water Board in a few minutes so we’ve got to wrap this up. I want them to know I’m against Water Boarding. That’s another thing on my platform. Now get out there and do what your paid to do, even if you don’t get paid to do it. It’s privilege enough to be supporting the next President of the United States of America.

Lav: Only half of them next Pres. We only had time to file in 25 states. We’ll catch the other 25 next election. Say, next Pres, did you ever finish up your platform? I saw a cute pair of platform shoes over at the Gambles Store.

Murdo Girl: Funny you should say, say Lav. Our Grandpa Sanderson says say all the time doesn’t he? He’ll say, Say! How about that Parade??

Now let’s get out there in Murdo Girl World and make it happen! Lav, I want you to get over to the Methodist Church and ask the basement cooks if they’ll provide the goodies for the bake sale fundraiser at Fern’s.

Pete doesn’t really want me coming over there anymore, but he said he likes the idea of free water, so the rest of you are welcome. Jerry, you put some feelers out about an all community garage sale fundraiser. Maybe we can put some empty coffee cans around town too for donations. We gotta think outside the box. That’s how I thought of cans. I’ll go track down Yram and the Queen, and see if Otis has let himself out of the cell yet. GO TEAM COYOTE!

Barney Fife Campaign Headquarters (The Jones County Jailhouse)

Barney: (In a whinny voice) Now Thelma Lou and Louise where in tarnation have you been? I’ve been trying to hold down the fort here and keep an eye on that conniving Queen all by myself. (sniff) A gun doesn’t help much in this situation.

Thelma Lou: We’ve been over at Fern’s talking to some truckers. We’ve been talking you up big time sweet cakes. There’s a lotta truckers out there that would love to see you in the Big House.

Barney: (still whining), Now Thelma Lou, how many times do I have to tell you it’s the White House, not the Big House. (sniff, sniff, and more sniff).

Otis: Hey Barney, I can’t find the key in this jail. I’ve never been in this jail before. I kinda like it. It’s got a nice view of the zoo out this little window. I’ve always liked the zoo.

Barney: Now Otis, that’s not the zoo, that’s a big dog looking through the bars on that window. You must still be inebriated. With all I’ve got to do in this Lone Wolf campaign, now I’ve gotta stop and give you a sobriety test. (Strolls over and gets the key ring off the wall and hands it to Otis.) The key ring is in the same place as it was in Mayberry, you’re just still inebriated that’s all.

Louise with Thelma Lou shooting daggers at her: I have an idea Barney..(saunters over to Barney). We need to find a way to make you look like a hero in this hole in the Wall Murdo town. That’ll get you some votes quicker than scat! The Mudoite voters will be so proud of you Barney, and they’ll feel safe and beholden to you. They’ll forget all about the free ice water at the Wall Drug and the Murdo Girl Towers.

Barney: That’s the best idea I’ve heard yet Louise. (sniffs, pulls up his pants and pats his holster. Then with eyes real big, he pats his gun holster again…) with sheer horror and terror running up and down his spineless, frail, body, he realizes his gun is gone. His face is even more pinched than usual.

To Be Continued

 Will Thelma Lou and Louise become informants and work both sides of the street? Will Fern hire them or will Pete run them off? (Like he did Murdo Girl.) Will Jerry get some money to count or will be continue to eat potato chips and start retaining free water. Will he be able to handle the responsibility of bean counting, cans, AND bingo?

Will the team welcome a new player?

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 The Coyote and Lone Wolf Parade 

Court House

The Parade Grand Marshall, (sniff) Deputy Sheriff, (sniff) and Lone Wolf candidate (sniff), Barney Fife

BARNEY FIFE CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS

Barney Fife’s Campaign Slogan

This is Barney Fife. I’m running for President of these United States in the 2016 election. I’ll be the one, and might I add, the only one, on the Lone Wolf Party Ballot.(Pulls his pants up and sniffs.)

I was having coffee and donuts at Fern’s Cafe, and I got wind of the Parade old Murdo girl is planning. The idea is to knock old Barney out of the running. She’s on the tired old Coyote ticket. Well I’ll have you know that a parade can’t happen in Murdo without the law involved, and I represent the law. I’m what keeps this town safe from riff raff. Yup,(sniff), me and my trusty partner (pats his holster), (sniffs again).

Now here’s what’s gonna happen. You can say you heard it right here from Deputy Barney Fife. I was plannin to nip the whole idea in the bud, but (pulls his pants up and sniffs), two can play Murdo Girl’s old game. This Lone Wolf has out foxed the Coyote. Yesiree, you got it. I’m talking about that Hillary pantsuit wearing Murdo Girl.

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(Barney sniffs and continues) I’m gonna let the parade plannin keep marching on, with one little bitty change. Old Barney here is going to be the Grand Marshall . Yesiree, that’s right. I’ll also be the voice on the megaphone announcing everything in that parade from the engine to the caboose. Thelma Lou and her friend Louise are plannin to be on hand to help organize things. Thelma Lou is my girlfriend and she’s a good organizer. Yup (pulls up pants and sniffs), Thelma Lou and Louise will be hittin town tomorrow.

BARNEY’S TEAM

MURDO GIRL CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS 

MURDO GIRL’S CAMPAIGN SLOGAN

I’m Murdo Girl and I can’t believe Deputy Barney Fife has hijacked our Parade plans. He’s bringing in Thelma Lou and Louise too, but even if you count his gun, that still only makes a team of 4. On the Coyote team, we’ve got Murdo Girl, the Queen, Yram Sicnarf, Lav Yekcel, Jerry Elrod, and we’ve also got “an Otis in the hole.“That’s right. When Barney locks up the Jones County Jail tonight, there’s going to be a little surprise for him. More on that later.

  THE COYOTE TEAM

she’s jealous of my teeth

THE COYOTE PARADE ENTRANTS

Andrea Miller and Valerie Leckey …the Bicentennial

The Coyote Bystanders

Why are we lined up? Gus Gustafson, with Brother-in-law, and Nephew Mark with wife Marleen

THE LOAN WOLF PARADE ENTRANTS

Happy Birthday Your Majester! The BFG serves up a 10ft tall scrumdidilyumptious snozzcumber filled 90th birthday cake for the Queen at Windsor Castle ahead of the release of The BFG in cinemas this July.

The Lone Wolf Bystanders

May?

Will Barney Fife stop complaining and start campaigning? Will Otis make the Jones County Jail his permanent residence? Will Thelma Lou and Louise make the Jones County Jail their permanent residence? Will they even make it to Murdo, or will they get confused by all the Wall Drug signs?

How will Barney separate the riff raff from the riff raff? Will Murdo Girl keep her campaign promise to relocate Wall Drug to Murdo and offer” Free Ice Water?”  Will the nickels start rolling into Murdo Girl’s Coffers, so Jerry will have something to count? Will Lav, come up with some effective campaign stunts? Then there’s the Queen…Hmm, Long Live the Queen!

This is Murdo Girl. Today, I’m meeting with the Queen and Yram Sicnarf, the crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, Texas. We’re going to talk about ideas for my platform, and discuss some people to add to the team.

The Queen: The Donald talks incessantly about building a wall. I have an idea that will knock him into next year! (Murdo Girl wonders if the Queen is related to her Mother. She keeps talking.) Are you ready? As all of you know, I’ve been doing a significant amount of driving around. I keep seeing signs for Wall Drug…We can relocate Wall Drug to Murdo and  voila!! We have our Wall.

Murdo Girl: Good idea, but wouldn’t we have to change the name to Murdo Drug? Enlighten us here Queen. How would moving Wall Drug to Murdo keep criminals and other undesirables out of our town?

The Queen: Well, as far as changing the name…Heavens no! We’ll file a petition to keep the name Wall Drug. It will be in the courts for years anyway. I know all about Courts. Nothing will happen until your reign is over, so we won’t have to spend a dime. We’ll Keep Wall Drug while the case is pending approval by the Parliament. And..Are you ready? Having Wall Drug in Murdo will bring even more tourists to town. Some will be undesirable. Are you following me? Barney Fife will be so busy keeping the peace, he won’t have time to be a King.

Murdo Girl: Well look at you Queen..You’re not alldumb, but it’s President not King. Speaking of petitions, which we weren’t, how many signatures do you still need on our project to change the name on the water towers to Murdo Girl Towers? (In a previous discussion, it was determined to drop the word “water”.) Some of the Murdoites say our idea won’t hold water.

Court House

The Queen is waiting in line at the Jones County Court House to file the petition to change the name of Murdo’s water towers to “Murdo Girl Towers.” 

Murdo Girl: Yram! Wake up! How are you coming with putting a team together?

Yram: What!? Oh, first we should discuss the irritating little punk running against us. What party is he representing?

Murdo Girl: I don’t know, but he’s devious. He’s trying to create the illusion that I chase truck drivers over at Fern’s Cafe. He’s looking for scandals. Do either of you have a checkered past?

Yram Sicnarf…The Queen…The opponent

Will the Baaaaarn find skeletons in the closets? Will Yram convince the voters her pink dress was just a Halloween costume? Will Fern agree to a fundraiser? Will the Vet find worms, fleas, or tics while vetting Jerry Elrod and Eirelav Yeckel ?

she’s jealous of my teeth

Jerry Elrod………………………..Lav Yeckel

Jerry has a history of bundling then bungling campaign funds. That’s good right? He’s already asked the Murdoites to dig deep. (Way to the bottom of their couches.) We currently don’t have two nickels to rub together. Eirelav, Lav for short, is being vetted for the position of Publicity Stunt Coordinator. Some other guy has volunteered to be our Disinformation Officer, but we don’t know what that is and he wants money.

Oh Here’s to Murdo Coyotes. We’re bound to win.

Next: The Parade (Sure hope it doesn’t rain)