Those 70ish Girls

It’s getting close to the 4th of July in Murdo, SD, and the town is buzzing about the upcoming celebration. The two local candidates for President have called an unprecedented cease of the shenanigans in honor of the holiday. It’s probably a good idea, because they both managed to cause much disdain amongst the voters this past week. Here is what was reported in the Holiday addition of The Murdo Coyote.

From the Murdo Girl camp

Lav Yekcel, Publicity Stunt Coordinator, for the Murdo Girl Coyote campaign has issued the following statement:

The Murdo Girl Campaign really screwed up with that last publicity stunt. Parents and children throughout the 3 county area are, for lack of a better word, mad as hops! It seems some comments, and a few photos were leaked to the press. Well, in full disclosure I hand carried them to the Murdo Coyote office myself. Anyway, some took offence to the photos of the two children, crying and sticking out their tongues. The caption was. “Grandchildren against Barney.”

Let me tell you, the outpouring of public disgust, put a real stink on the whole town. Therefore, I have decided to try to get back on your good side and plead for mercy, primarily because I need my job. (See the little girl in the photo above.) Parents, please educate your precious imps that we were not talking about that purple Barney. We meant no harm to that moneymaking icon who has become the obsession of those that think a purple, singing, stuffed animal is the only thing that matters in their sadly, small lives.

We all had Barney Birthday Parties and all but one of us have small lives..we’re small

No, that is not the Barney we were referring to. We were talking about Deputy Sheriff, and Lone Wolf candidate for President, Barney Fife. We can’t say a nasty thing about him until the day after tomorrow, when the 4th of July festivities are over, at which time, you’ll get an earful.

We have all had Barney Birthday parties, some more than others

From The Barney Fife Camp

Four score and seven years ago, without meaning harm to anyone, a bunch of pirates dumped tea off a boat sailing to Valley Forge. George Washington was on that boat. George had but one little bullet. His men were tired and hungry, so George took off his boots and waded into the Missouri River. The very same river that separates Pierre and Ft. Pierre, SD. While he was wading, then swimming to shore, his gun went missing. He had the lone bullet, but no gun. He was going to shoot a Wolf with his Lone bullet, but instead, he fashioned a fishing pole out of some tree branches and caught some fish. You can give a man a fish and he’ll eat right then, but if you have a chance, teach him how to catch fish so he can last awhile until he finds his gun and a Wolf.

This is the much maligned Deputy Sheriff, and Lone Wolf candidate for President. Ya just got to feel for George Washington, who went on to be our first President, even though he lost his gun. This is also to educate you voters out there just how the Lone Wolf party came to be. It started with that proud, brave, man without a gun. (At which time, Barney requested that we describe him in the article as sniffing and blowing his nose. He is also in full uniform, almost.)

The New Photographic Drawer for the Murdo Girl Campaign agreed to provide us with the photographic drawing of Deputy Barney Fife holding the “Lone Bullet.” She also provided the Photographic drawing of another Barney shown above. Good Job Sherri!!

See you all at the Fireworks on Monday…Happy Presidents Day

You Got a Job to do? You better give it to the Queen. She’s a real overachiever.

Murdo Girl Campaign Headquarters (Basement of the Jones County State Bank)

Murdo girl: Well, after an event such as we had yesterday, I think it’s important to reflect on what we all learned from participating in the first ever”Coyote and Lone Wolf Parade.” Who wants to go first?

Murdo Girl Grandchildren against Barney

Crickets Crickets Crickets

Murdo girl: Speaking of crickets, has anyone seen our crack up reporter Yram Sicnarf today? I believe the last time I saw her, she was riding around all over with Thelma Lou and Louise, I wonder what that was about?

Lav: I know! It’s one of my well thought out publicity stunts. I had the idea that Yram could get in good with Barney Fife’s girlfriend Thelma Lou, and maybe dig up some dirt. We’ve got to get some dirt on somebody Murdo Girl.

Murdo Girl: I agree Lav. You’re just one more failed publicity stunt from being out of a job. I don’t think Jerry appreciated much that you stuck your nose in his business. Did we even get one red cent out of anybody’s couch? Which I believe was your idea!!

Jerry: No, but we got everything else. We got socks, toothpicks, lots of potato chips, and one of those battery operated nose hair clippers..we might be able to sell those nose hair clippers to old Otis Campbell. Have you seen the nose hair on that man… not to mention the hair coming out of his ears…

Murdo Girl: (Interrupting Jerry) Thanks for the report Jerry, but Otis did a good job for us yesterday, and we don’t want to take advantage. Thanks to Otis, Deputy Sheriff and Lone Wolf candidate for POTUS, is in for a liiitle bitty surprise. Geez Jerry, slow down on those potato chips, all that salt will make you thirsty, and we’re about to have a severe shortage of free water. Now Lav, What kind of dirt do you think Yram is gonna get out of Thelma Lou and Louise?

Lav: Well, Murdo Girl, It’s kind of a double gift. When Thelma Lou and Louise came in yesterday they mowed down all the Wall Drug signs from here to Rapid City. They’re going to double back, and stick them all back into the dirt, but turn them around in such a way, they’ll direct all the tourists to Murdo. Another money saver for the campaign. Barney doesn’t even know about it because he’s over at the Courthouse making trouble for the Queen who’s trying to get all her petitions petitioned. (Lav is referring to the petitions to change the name of the water towers to Murdo Girl Towers, and to move Wall Drug to Murdo.)

Murdo Girl: There ya go Lav, sticking your nose into Jerry’s business again. That’s not the kind of dirt you need to be digging up! I guess you’ve all figured out that trying to become President of the United States isn’t a job for sissies. I have a meeting with the Water Board in a few minutes so we’ve got to wrap this up. I want them to know I’m against Water Boarding. That’s another thing on my platform. Now get out there and do what your paid to do, even if you don’t get paid to do it. It’s privilege enough to be supporting the next President of the United States of America.

Lav: Only half of them next Pres. We only had time to file in 25 states. We’ll catch the other 25 next election. Say, next Pres, did you ever finish up your platform? I saw a cute pair of platform shoes over at the Gambles Store.

Murdo Girl: Funny you should say, say Lav. Our Grandpa Sanderson says say all the time doesn’t he? He’ll say, Say! How about that Parade??

Now let’s get out there in Murdo Girl World and make it happen! Lav, I want you to get over to the Methodist Church and ask the basement cooks if they’ll provide the goodies for the bake sale fundraiser at Fern’s.

Pete doesn’t really want me coming over there anymore, but he said he likes the idea of free water, so the rest of you are welcome. Jerry, you put some feelers out about an all community garage sale fundraiser. Maybe we can put some empty coffee cans around town too for donations. We gotta think outside the box. That’s how I thought of cans. I’ll go track down Yram and the Queen, and see if Otis has let himself out of the cell yet. GO TEAM COYOTE!

Barney Fife Campaign Headquarters (The Jones County Jailhouse)

Barney: (In a whinny voice) Now Thelma Lou and Louise where in tarnation have you been? I’ve been trying to hold down the fort here and keep an eye on that conniving Queen all by myself. (sniff) A gun doesn’t help much in this situation.

Thelma Lou: We’ve been over at Fern’s talking to some truckers. We’ve been talking you up big time sweet cakes. There’s a lotta truckers out there that would love to see you in the Big House.

Barney: (still whining), Now Thelma Lou, how many times do I have to tell you it’s the White House, not the Big House. (sniff, sniff, and more sniff).

Otis: Hey Barney, I can’t find the key in this jail. I’ve never been in this jail before. I kinda like it. It’s got a nice view of the zoo out this little window. I’ve always liked the zoo.

Barney: Now Otis, that’s not the zoo, that’s a big dog looking through the bars on that window. You must still be inebriated. With all I’ve got to do in this Lone Wolf campaign, now I’ve gotta stop and give you a sobriety test. (Strolls over and gets the key ring off the wall and hands it to Otis.) The key ring is in the same place as it was in Mayberry, you’re just still inebriated that’s all.

Louise with Thelma Lou shooting daggers at her: I have an idea Barney..(saunters over to Barney). We need to find a way to make you look like a hero in this hole in the Wall Murdo town. That’ll get you some votes quicker than scat! The Mudoite voters will be so proud of you Barney, and they’ll feel safe and beholden to you. They’ll forget all about the free ice water at the Wall Drug and the Murdo Girl Towers.

Barney: That’s the best idea I’ve heard yet Louise. (sniffs, pulls up his pants and pats his holster. Then with eyes real big, he pats his gun holster again…) with sheer horror and terror running up and down his spineless, frail, body, he realizes his gun is gone. His face is even more pinched than usual.

To Be Continued

 Will Thelma Lou and Louise become informants and work both sides of the street? Will Fern hire them or will Pete run them off? (Like he did Murdo Girl.) Will Jerry get some money to count or will be continue to eat potato chips and start retaining free water. Will he be able to handle the responsibility of bean counting, cans, AND bingo?

Will the team welcome a new player?

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 The Coyote and Lone Wolf Parade 

Court House

The Parade Grand Marshall, (sniff) Deputy Sheriff, (sniff) and Lone Wolf candidate (sniff), Barney Fife

BARNEY FIFE CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS

Barney Fife’s Campaign Slogan

This is Barney Fife. I’m running for President of these United States in the 2016 election. I’ll be the one, and might I add, the only one, on the Lone Wolf Party Ballot.(Pulls his pants up and sniffs.)

I was having coffee and donuts at Fern’s Cafe, and I got wind of the Parade old Murdo girl is planning. The idea is to knock old Barney out of the running. She’s on the tired old Coyote ticket. Well I’ll have you know that a parade can’t happen in Murdo without the law involved, and I represent the law. I’m what keeps this town safe from riff raff. Yup,(sniff), me and my trusty partner (pats his holster), (sniffs again).

Now here’s what’s gonna happen. You can say you heard it right here from Deputy Barney Fife. I was plannin to nip the whole idea in the bud, but (pulls his pants up and sniffs), two can play Murdo Girl’s old game. This Lone Wolf has out foxed the Coyote. Yesiree, you got it. I’m talking about that Hillary pantsuit wearing Murdo Girl.

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(Barney sniffs and continues) I’m gonna let the parade plannin keep marching on, with one little bitty change. Old Barney here is going to be the Grand Marshall . Yesiree, that’s right. I’ll also be the voice on the megaphone announcing everything in that parade from the engine to the caboose. Thelma Lou and her friend Louise are plannin to be on hand to help organize things. Thelma Lou is my girlfriend and she’s a good organizer. Yup (pulls up pants and sniffs), Thelma Lou and Louise will be hittin town tomorrow.

BARNEY’S TEAM

MURDO GIRL CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS 

MURDO GIRL’S CAMPAIGN SLOGAN

I’m Murdo Girl and I can’t believe Deputy Barney Fife has hijacked our Parade plans. He’s bringing in Thelma Lou and Louise too, but even if you count his gun, that still only makes a team of 4. On the Coyote team, we’ve got Murdo Girl, the Queen, Yram Sicnarf, Lav Yekcel, Jerry Elrod, and we’ve also got “an Otis in the hole.“That’s right. When Barney locks up the Jones County Jail tonight, there’s going to be a little surprise for him. More on that later.

  THE COYOTE TEAM

she’s jealous of my teeth

THE COYOTE PARADE ENTRANTS

Andrea Miller and Valerie Leckey …the Bicentennial

The Coyote Bystanders

Why are we lined up? Gus Gustafson, with Brother-in-law, and Nephew Mark with wife Marleen

THE LOAN WOLF PARADE ENTRANTS

Happy Birthday Your Majester! The BFG serves up a 10ft tall scrumdidilyumptious snozzcumber filled 90th birthday cake for the Queen at Windsor Castle ahead of the release of The BFG in cinemas this July.

The Lone Wolf Bystanders

May?

Will Barney Fife stop complaining and start campaigning? Will Otis make the Jones County Jail his permanent residence? Will Thelma Lou and Louise make the Jones County Jail their permanent residence? Will they even make it to Murdo, or will they get confused by all the Wall Drug signs?

How will Barney separate the riff raff from the riff raff? Will Murdo Girl keep her campaign promise to relocate Wall Drug to Murdo and offer” Free Ice Water?”  Will the nickels start rolling into Murdo Girl’s Coffers, so Jerry will have something to count? Will Lav, come up with some effective campaign stunts? Then there’s the Queen…Hmm, Long Live the Queen!

This is Murdo Girl. Today, I’m meeting with the Queen and Yram Sicnarf, the crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, Texas. We’re going to talk about ideas for my platform, and discuss some people to add to the team.

The Queen: The Donald talks incessantly about building a wall. I have an idea that will knock him into next year! (Murdo Girl wonders if the Queen is related to her Mother. She keeps talking.) Are you ready? As all of you know, I’ve been doing a significant amount of driving around. I keep seeing signs for Wall Drug…We can relocate Wall Drug to Murdo and  voila!! We have our Wall.

Murdo Girl: Good idea, but wouldn’t we have to change the name to Murdo Drug? Enlighten us here Queen. How would moving Wall Drug to Murdo keep criminals and other undesirables out of our town?

The Queen: Well, as far as changing the name…Heavens no! We’ll file a petition to keep the name Wall Drug. It will be in the courts for years anyway. I know all about Courts. Nothing will happen until your reign is over, so we won’t have to spend a dime. We’ll Keep Wall Drug while the case is pending approval by the Parliament. And..Are you ready? Having Wall Drug in Murdo will bring even more tourists to town. Some will be undesirable. Are you following me? Barney Fife will be so busy keeping the peace, he won’t have time to be a King.

Murdo Girl: Well look at you Queen..You’re not alldumb, but it’s President not King. Speaking of petitions, which we weren’t, how many signatures do you still need on our project to change the name on the water towers to Murdo Girl Towers? (In a previous discussion, it was determined to drop the word “water”.) Some of the Murdoites say our idea won’t hold water.

Court House

The Queen is waiting in line at the Jones County Court House to file the petition to change the name of Murdo’s water towers to “Murdo Girl Towers.” 

Murdo Girl: Yram! Wake up! How are you coming with putting a team together?

Yram: What!? Oh, first we should discuss the irritating little punk running against us. What party is he representing?

Murdo Girl: I don’t know, but he’s devious. He’s trying to create the illusion that I chase truck drivers over at Fern’s Cafe. He’s looking for scandals. Do either of you have a checkered past?

Yram Sicnarf…The Queen…The opponent

Will the Baaaaarn find skeletons in the closets? Will Yram convince the voters her pink dress was just a Halloween costume? Will Fern agree to a fundraiser? Will the Vet find worms, fleas, or tics while vetting Jerry Elrod and Eirelav Yeckel ?

she’s jealous of my teeth

Jerry Elrod………………………..Lav Yeckel

Jerry has a history of bundling then bungling campaign funds. That’s good right? He’s already asked the Murdoites to dig deep. (Way to the bottom of their couches.) We currently don’t have two nickels to rub together. Eirelav, Lav for short, is being vetted for the position of Publicity Stunt Coordinator. Some other guy has volunteered to be our Disinformation Officer, but we don’t know what that is and he wants money.

Oh Here’s to Murdo Coyotes. We’re bound to win.

Next: The Parade (Sure hope it doesn’t rain)

This is Murdo Girl and I’m looking for Yram Sicnarf. She’s in town trying to line up a team of people to help me with my campaign. Yes… I’m hoping to be the first woman Coyote POTUS. I’m convinced we can make short work of the Donkeys and Elephants out there. I believe you’ve got to kick off any new campaign right in your own hometown. That’s what Senator John Thune did, and look how well he’s doing. He’s got a sign you know. My cousin told me I could get a banner at Staples. Murdo doesn’t have a store called Staples, so I went to Lee Beckwith’s store. He’s got staples, but no banners.

Campaigns are tough on people. Look what happened to these women, and they only ran for the water board. They’re going to help me with my petition to change the name on the water towers to Murdo Girl Towers. Kind of like Trump tower, only I’ll have two of them.

The truth is, I’m a few years older than John, so I’ve got to move a little faster. Frankly, I’m a little worried about Yram. She’s out of shape big-time. And Queenie? Let’s not go there.

I’m just about to walk into Fern’s Cafe. I decided I was hungry for a good cheeseburger. I thought I’d also get the temperature of the potential voters. You know, put a few feelers out.

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FERN’S CAFE

I think I’ll sit over there by that skinny guy with the pinched face, seated at the counter. I think he’s a trucker.

Murdo Girl: Hi there. I noticed a big ol rig out there, and I reckon it must be your’n. (Ya gotta talk truck driver lingo when you’re trying to make friends with a trucker.)

Trucker guy has not yet made eye contact and continues to wolf down his coffee and a donut.

Murdo Girl: Well, Mr. rig driving trucker, have you ever heard of Murdo Girl?

Trucker: What’s a Murdo Girl?

Murdo Girl: You must not be from around these parts if’n you don’t know about Murdo Girl. She’s about to kick off a campaign. She’s running on the Coyote ticket for POTUS

Trucker gets up and leaves.

Murdo Girl: Hey Pete, do you know that trucker guy?

Pete: Do you mean that guy who just walked out without paying? Yeah I know him.

Murdo Girl: I didn’t mean to run him off… I guess this isn’t a real good time to ask you about having a campaign fund raiser for me here at Ferns?  We’re Just talking a few free donuts and cookies, and free coffee of course.

Pete leans on the counter with one elbow, chews on his toothpick a little, looks me straight in the eye, and says, “No.” Pete doesn’t talk much. At least the times I’ve been around him.

Murdo Girl: How much is a piece of chocolate cake Pete? A small one.  I can’t remember which of them, but Sherri Miller or Mom Banks aka Carol Callihan Fairbanks, told me she loves your chocolate cake. I’ve never had it, but it sure does look good. Is the coffee free? (Pete doesn’t comment. I decide I will come back around when Fern is here. Pete is Fern’s son.)

As I headed for my Willys Jeep, I noticed the big rig was gone, but the driver was still there. Eaten up with curiosity, I decided to go over to him and check it out. I asked him why he was still there, but his rig was gone?

Trucker Guy: I’m not a trucker guy Ms.Woman Coyote for President. I’m Barney Fife, and this here is my patrol car. I always get free donuts and coffee at Fern’s. I heard you were coming home to”kick off.” I was hoping that meant you had some fatal illness.

And another thing! If I ever see money change hands in a situation like that back there in Fern’s, you’ll be sitting out the election in the Jones County Jail! CAN YOU HEAR ME MURDO GIRL?

Murdo Girl: Funny, I hadn’t noticed the deputy uniform and the badge until just now!

Then I saw something that made my eye start to twitch.

Barney: “People around these parts are feeling the Baaaaarn!”

Murdo Girl: You don’t have a chance, Barney Fife, because you’re alldumb!

Meanwhile, back at the crow’s nest of the Harold Thune Auditorium, Yram Sicnarf is in a chair sound asleep.

Mr. Palmer is giving some kid a saxophone lesson. He looks over at Yram and shakes his head. The next lesson is on the drums…and possibly the cymbals. Poor thing, he thought. I might just agree to that parade. First I have to see what platform Murdo Girl stands on.

To be continued

H

Yram Sicnarf, the crack up reporter from Gun Barrel City, TX, is back in town. She sure is a tenacious one. (Tenacious means she’s hard to run out-of-town.) Rumor has it she’s here to put a team together for Murdo Girl. There is no word yet as to what sort of team. As you all know, she can’t play basketball or ski, and she still swims with Pink Sandy’s “rope-can” tied around her waist. The word on the street? She’s on her way over to see Mr. Palmer. The music man himself. Let’s see if we can listen in.

Mr. Palmer and a small group of superior soloists. Those 5th grade bangs just won’t go away. Elaine and I were freshmen

Yram Sicnarf: (puffing), morning (pant) Mr. Palmer, mind if I fall…I mean sit down? Those stairs are wicked. I don’t see how all of your crows can make it up to this nest.

Mr. Palmer: Well if it isn’t Yram Sicnarf. You’re late. I thought I heard you come in. It took you fifteen minutes to get up the stairs. You’ll have to make this interview quick, I’m giving someone a saxophone lesson soon.

Yram: Actually Mr. Palmer, I’m in town on a very important mission. I’m putting a team together..for…Murdo Girl!!…

Mr. Palmer: What kind of team? If I remember correctly, she went through her Murdo High School sports career like a bottle of castor oil. The last time she played a saxophone solo, she got distracted by an item of her clothing. I felt sorry for Syd Iwan. He was playing the piano perfectly. He was beside himself trying to figure out what was wrong with her. It was almost as bad as the time Terri Iwan was playing a solo. Her knees were knocking together. They made so much noise, Syd started playing the accompanying music in double time. Come to think about it, I believe she got a superior plus.

Did Murdo Girl really expect people to believe her garter belt story?

Yram: I see what you mean Mr. Palmer, but no worries. She wears “Hillary”  pantsuits now. (Note to Terri. Do not take any calls from Mr. Thune regarding speaking at a coronation.)

May I continue? Are you aware of the grass-roots movement to get Murdo Girl to run for President?

(The sound of crickets. They seem to follow this crack up reporter everywhere.)

Mr. Palmer: Just how much grass does she have in her roots?

Yram: Um, let’s see… So far, just two cousins from out-of-town, but we feel you Mr. Palmer, can be a very integral part of her campaign. I was thinking “Marching Band.” That would be right up your alley.

Mr. Palmer: Not MY alley. I doubt many of the Murdoites would want her marching up their allies either. No thanks crack up, I’m busy that day.

Yram: You’re missing the “big” picture Mr. Palmer. We’re going to beat The Donald at his own game. We are petitioning to have the Murdo Water Tower renamed. It will be Murdo Girl water Tower. We’ll march your band past Murdo Girl water Tower.By the way can you play the saxophone in the parade? A Trump(et) just won’t send the right message.

Wait!! This is even better!! There are 2 towers now…MURDO GIRL water TOWERS. Eat your heart out Donald with your Trump Tower without an s.

Yram: You haven’t heard the thing that’s going to be the headline in the next edition of: 

Whuoh…The platform. Murdo Girl will have to come up with a platform for her race to the top. Will she have to stand on the very same miserable piece of wood she almost fell from during her now famous “Address to the Alumni” speech? Will she have to decide if she wants to be a Donkey or an Elephant? A Coyote..That’s it, she’ll be a Coyote!

Will Mr. Palmer agree to the marching band? Will he help Murdo Girl raise some campaign funds? Will he get off that stupid platform before he falls off?

Most of you know by now that my husband Kip had some pretty serious back surgery eleven days ago. It has been a tough thing to go through. Four hours of surgery followed by all the aftercare including strenuous physical therapy. It’s enough to make any grown man cry. Any of you who have undergone a similar medical emergency can surely sympathize.

I’m so worn out. Those four hours in a freezing cold waiting room were the worst. The little volunteer got downright irritable when I asked for a 3rd blanket. She only had to walk a little ways to get me coffee. Isn’t that what she’s there for?

The days and hours since have been so excruciating, I can barely remember any of it. I really hope I will be able to get out of the house some tomorrow. Everybody keeps telling me I must take care of myself. I’m sure I look really haggard. Having to take care of someone that can barely do anything for themselves is a selfless job, and sometimes, you don’t get the sympathy you deserve.

I don’t mean to be a complainer, I just need a few hundred people to understand what this has been like for me. Kip has been home from the hospital, four and a half hours, and he’s only taken one much needed nap. I could have used two.

To top it off, my brother Billy had surgery too! He doesn’t live anywhere near me, but I still had to deal with it. He said a couple of days after surgery, he caught sight of himself in the mirror and thought, “This is me in ten years. At least right now, I’m going to get better.” I wanted to tell him that he wasn’t the only one seeing the future, his wife Liz was looking at him and seeing her future too. You never know how strong you are until you’ve had to go through what Liz and I have.

I put this little piece of equipment together all by myself. So what if the handle is on upside down. It’s not like he’s going to use it forever.

It reminds me of the story about the two elderly men sitting on a park bench when one turns to the other and says, “Otto, I’m 90 years old, and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”

Otto says, “I feel just like a newborn baby!”

“Really!? Like a newborn baby!?”

“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

I don’t know which would be worse

wearing a silly hat or carrying an empty purse.

I don’t know what I fear the most

speaking in public or seeing a ghost.

Now who’s laughing? Ha Ha and Ha

I would like to be like Muhammad Ali

 Just float like a butterfly and sing like an alto bee.

It’s been a long week and my brain is dead

I can’t find a story in this empty head.

I need to clean my house today

wash the clothes and put them away.

(She didn’t age as well as we did Don? I know Ed, it makes me sad)

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If there is no story for me to tell

then I guess I just as well..

Wash the dishes and make the bed

and make sure all the animals are fed

vacuum dust and scrub the floor

Oh my gosh is there more?

The bathrooms need some cleaning

I’m still sitting here just day dreaming

What would Murdo Girl do I ask?

Is she up to this mindless task?

If I sit awhile longer and meditate

maybe my slothiness will dissipate

Some of you might be wondering how I became Murdo Girl… I know..me too. Sorry, can’t help you. The answer might be that nobody else has claimed the name, and no one loves Murdo more than Murdo Girl!

My Uncle Charles Francis wrote and self-published a book about being raised above the train depot in Murdo. He left in his early 20’s to serve his country. After the war, he lived with his family in California, then New York. He chose to be buried in Murdo. Chuck’s wife, Barbara will be buried beside him someday in the far off future. My Dad, William Francis, Chuck and Dad’s parents, Constance Francis Bowers and John Francis, and Connie’s second husband William Bowers are buried there.

Mom’s family including, Grandma and Grandpa Sanderson, Aunt Emily and Uncle Wayne Sanderson, Uncle Jeff Sanderson, and Vicki Lane Francis, the baby daughter of Loretta Francis Gustafson and William Francis, are all buried in the Murdo Cemetary. I believe Uncle Jerry Miller is buried in Murdo too, but I’m not 100% sure. I know I have left out someone very important, but I just want to establish my Murdo roots. Just about our whole Sanderson family was on hand to spread Mom’s ashes over Horse Creek, South of Murdo.

Our Horse Creek Experience…1) Billy, Gus and me, 2) Greg Miller and Jeff H. Sanderson, tearing down fences, 3) We had a good turnout 🙂 Greg arranged the whole thing, including the 4-wheel drive trucks to get us there. Jerry Miller gave a great talk about the history of Horse Creek.

Murdo Girl hasn’t lived in Murdo for the past 46 years. The fact that she’s only 30 years old makes it seem impossible. Let’s not dwell too long on unimportant trivia.

I haven’t spent my whole life living in the past. I’ve had jobs, kids, and grandkids, while living in other places. I have friends who aren’t from Murdo. I’m married to a guy from Laramie, Wyoming, but he has no interest in becoming Laramie Guy.

I’m just having fun. I am Murdo Girl… Where did she come from?

I have written over 70 Murdo Girl stories, and it never fails that someone will read a story and send me a picture or two. It’s a real dilemma to get pictures that validate my stories after you have already read them. I lost my high school annuals in the war, so I hope you will enjoy or endure my nostalgia. I’m seeing some of these high school pictures for the first time since 1970.

I just hit the Jack(son) pot. Ed Jackson, a fellow 1970 graduate and star athlete, not to mention the homecoming King of the class of 1970, sent me stories and photos that will keep me going, almost forever, or until you all quit reading Murdo Girl.

The only “other” thing I want to do with this story is show you some more pictures.

This is Coach Applebee. I wish I’d had this photo of him for the interviews, because this is how I picture him. It was years before I knew he could stand up straight. Gotta love the “Coach Stance.” Maybe he’s trying not to put too much weight on the floor they named after him.

You Go Murdo Girl. I was surprised to see this picture of me, #1 no less, standing right there beside Coach Haugland. If you read my story about my athletic career at Murdo High School, you will understand the humor. Looks like Mr. Haugland is thinking, “What is she doing?” In practice, he asked me why I was dribbling the ball over in the corner? He wanted to know if I planned to peel it and eat it. It’s okay, I recovered from the humiliation. Without this photo, I would not have remembered or believed that two of my best friends Marlene Rada and Karen Ferdig, played basketball that year. I probably didn’t want to remember. They might have been good players.

The funny thing, is when my kids were in sports, I forbade them to pick #1 for their jersey.

Eddie Jackson, Mary Francis, Vicki Esmay and Dick Bradley. I didn’t fail to notice that Eddie and Dick are both swooning over Vicki. I AM MURDO GIRL!! Sorry I know that’s rude. At least my bangs finally grew out.

Here we go. You can’t see me, but I’m standing in front of these guys who are obviously swooning over Murdo Girl. (It might have been something to do with a class play.) I think that’s  my cousin Mark in back there..looks like he’s choking. The guys in front are Dick Bradley, Ron Kinsley, Eddie Jackson, and Don Edwards. I can’t see the other guys in the back too clearly, but I think the one on the left is Dennis Chambliss. If I didn’t spell a name correctly, just remember I’m slisdexic. Everyone is sometimes.

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 I hope you have enjoyed myself. (Myself had to be quick today.) Take care everyone!

We’re heading for Galveston tomorrow where we’re hoping to spend some fun time at Jamaica Beach RV. You might recall, that’s were I celebrated my “Welcome to Medicare,” birthday. The forecast is for rain, but I remain optimistic. I did a volunteer stint at the library this morning and cleaned and packed the RV this afternoon. Therefore, I did not write.

I’ve been having some silly fun with the Ha Ha Sisterhood the last couple of days, so I thought it might be a good night for a Murdo rerun. This is one of my favorite spoofs where Murdo Girl interviews Coach Applefloor… sorry, I mean Applebee. He was our coach all four years the MHS class of 70 reigned. I hope you enjoy the re-read.

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This is Murdo Girl, and I’m in Murdo. You have probably all heard there has been a crack up reporter in town throwing my good name around like an overly inflated basketball. She describes me as being stunningly talented. Although she is paraphrasing, she pretty much hits the mark.

Word has gotten to Murdo Girl, that Yram Sicnarf has (to use a popular political term), “misspoken”. Please try not to judge her too harshly. It’s pretty obvious that Miss Sicnarf worships the ground Murdo Girl walks on.

Speaking of walking on the ground, I feel I must settle the score with Coach Applebee. Yram messed up her interview with him, and I am here to clear the air ball. I have enlisted the assistance of Miss Sicnarf’s photographic drawing person. So shall we make this unselfish gesture at halftime?

Wait! The buzzer is about to signal the end of the first half of one of the most critical basketball games in the history of Harold Thune Auditorium. Mr. Thune has a son with a sign, and he also has this very auditorium named after him. Let’s see if we can catch up with Coach Applebee.

Murdo Girl: Coach Applebee!!

Murdo Girl (whistleing) WIOWHIT! Then with an outreached microphone, she rushes toward Coach Applebee…

Coach Applebee turns slowly to face Murdo Girl, and in the process, rams his head into the outreached microphone. He glares, and his face is a rather deep red. (Murdo Girl wonders if the photographic drawing person has that particular shade of red in her pallet.)

Murdo Girl: Hello Coach.. sorry about the goose egg..I have come to give you the points you need to win this game.

Coach Applebee: (His head has an indentation the size of a microphone.) Have you looked at the scoreboard Murdo Girl? The opposing team stinks. We’re ahead by 20 and the other team has a very shallow bench. Come to think of it, you must relate to the term, “shallow.”

Murdo Girl: Oh, but Coach, I am as deep as the wood on this floor. The admittedly gleaming surface, is trampled on nightly. People walk all over it whenever they find the need to stroll around in the Harold Thune Auditorium. Tell me coach, do you have to pay for the upkeep of this massive surface that bares/bears your name?

Coach Applebee: Nice try MG. I’m one step on my floor ahead of you. Do you remember the class of 1970? They taught me a valuable lesson. I told them they had to cut their bangs so the unsightly hair didn’t fall below their eyebrows. I don’t require that anymore. I let them mop the floor with it.

Murdo Girl: (Imagine a bubble over her head as she recalls an interview she had with a #basketball..#star..#1970 classmate.) # means hashtag

“Let me explain our haircuts. Coach Applebee told us when we pulled our hair down over our forehead, it better be shorter than our eyebrows. Being a rebel class, we all got together and reported to the locker room with hair that was definitely too long. Once in the locker room we pulled down each other’s hair and cut only the bangs with the athletic tape scissors. I am surprised anyone outside of basketball knew what was going on. And yes, it did look like we used a knife. You will be happy to know we were able to practice because our bangs passed the test. We did not care that we looked like dorks.”

Murdo Girl:(She whispers into the mic, which makes a screeching noise.) Look Coach, I have always thought you deserved to have the court you ruled over for so many years named after you. I know all about courts. I’m tight with the Queen you know.

I am the namesake of an entire town. I do what I can to take care of it, but let’s face it, 488 people can do a lot of damage. I’m in your court Coach. Now that we’ve tied that up, I need to visit Mr. Palmer up in the Crow’s nest. Man, all those burned out light bulbs have got to be the cause of more than a few sour notes. Light bulbs are expensive. Thanks for your time coach, You’re the best! Now go out there and shove that team right off their shallow bench.

FYI…I played for the girls basketball team named after our Coach and Superintendent, Maury Haugland. We were Haugland’s Heroes. More about that later!

WHERE IS MY GOOD MAN APPLEFLOOR..I’M HERE FOR DRIVER’S ED